Monday, May 31, 2010

A Time for Rest

After a week of conquering big heaps and hurtles, I think Cale is tired. He hasn't been doing much today and hasn't been as responsive. He did wave again today, but for the most part he's just really calm. It's not a bad thing because he needs rest, but like I said Saturday, I'm addicted to all the new things he's doing! I can't get enough! More days like that will come.

My computer died on me Friday evening, which has made life a little interesting. Funny, how my little world right now runs with the help of the computer. I have Cale's laptop now, but I think it took a hit from the accident too, so it's a little slow going. I got on last night to update the blog and it wouldn't load anything. Right now we're good to go though :)

I have lots of papers that I need to get filled out, I've been apartment hunting, and with my computer dead, I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed again. It's not a big deal, it just feels like there's lots I have to figure out and get done again. It always seems to be that way when I'm running on not enough sleep.

I've been day dreaming a lot lately about what life could be like after all of this. I'm of course thinking about Cale being healed and us having a family. I went to a museum for kids on Saturday with Ty, Nikki, and the boys. They had a section that had different ways to be active, and part of it was a mini ice hockey rink. Cale loves hockey and always talked about when we have kids, how much fun he was going to have teaching them to skate. I let my mind wander to the excitement of still getting to do that one day. The kisses he gives now springs up so much hope that maybe, just maybe, we'll still get to do that.

It's been a weird day here at the hospital. Usually Monday mornings the parking lot is full and it's loud with people everywhere. Getting report was moved to tomorrow also. I was sitting here looking at some of the pictures from Cale in Afghanistan last year. I missed him so much but how great it was to know that my husband was serving God by serving his country. Thank you again to everyone who is serving now, all that served in the past, and to all the families for the huge sacrifice you face over and over!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

I'm Addicted!

Another good Saturday! Ty and Nikki came to visit and Ty played ball with him. All this new stuff is addicting! Especially the kisses! :)

Thank you everyone for ALL the encouragement and prayers!

Friday, May 28, 2010

A Sweet Kiss...or a Couple!!!

"Amazing". That word has come out of my mouth more times then I can count this last week. I'm not going to drag this out...Cale kissed me today! I asked if I could hold his hand and he quickly reached out his and grabbed mine. Hmm...ok, so "Can I have a hug?", he gave me one. "How about a kiss? Can I have a sweet kiss?" I was totally not expecting that when I put my lips to his that I would feel him kiss back, but I did! Ah! Are you joking me? I guess after the ball game yesterday, I shouldn't be too surprised. After the first kiss, of course I have to have another and make sure that was real and not just me dreaming! I was crying and saying over and over "you kissed me!" then I gave him a big hug and he held me back. Oh goodness...the therapist saw me crying and came in to see if everything was okay. She then witnessed a round of a kisses and hugs. She even snapped a couple pictures so I can remember this day.



My mind is mush I think. It's probably going to stay that way all day. I feel like that kiss was the best kiss that we've ever shared.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Let's Play Ball!

There have been many moments that I would see Cale in his uniform, and become so overwhelmed with how proud of him I was. Today, there was no uniform, but I could not contain the emotion that once again I felt because of how proud I am of my husband. He's fighting so hard.

This morning when PT and OT came in, Carolyn asked Cale to shake her hand. We've tried this over and over and nothing, until today, when Cale raised his hand and gave her a good shake! Oh my goodness! Susan and Carolyn looked at each other with a surprised interested look and then Susan gave it a whirl, and again he gave her good shake too! :) This is amazing!

Then after, I helped him into his chair ;) and they took Cale in the hallway to play ball. Susan threw the ball to him and he caught it! What?! Yeah! He didn't want to let go once he caught it though, so every time they would have to fight a little to get it out of his hands. Later this afternoon we went for round two with the ball game. This time Carolyn bounced it to him, he caught it, and then bounced it back! It was the best thing to see. It really felt like Cale was normal and having fun. I am so proud of him. Just through the day he's already progressed. He's also been shaking lots of hands today!

Here's a video of round 2!

video

At one point during the day I was leaving the room and asked Cale to wave good bye to me. It took him a minute, but he did it. A full wave. Amazing.

What do I say to all of this? Thank you Lord for being with the man I love.

I walk Basil every morning, at lunch, and then again in the evening. I have a special path behind the hotel that I walk and pray. I feel like every time I've prayed in the last few months, I've prayed for Cale's healing, God's will to happen, me to trust Him...everything has been about what's happened since the accident. This afternoon when I walked Basil, I prayed and said nothing about all that's going on, I just prayed that I would become more intimate with Him, taken to a new place that's just me and the Lord. I sang to Him and praised Him, I asked Him to walk with me. It was beautiful. Another reason I'm so proud of Cale, he served his country along with so many other soldiers so that I have the freedom to walk and talk to the God I love and serve. Thank you to everyone who is in, or has been in the military!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Oh Happy Days!

Man oh man! From the very first moment I walked in the room this morning, I knew today was going to be a good day. I walked through the door, and immediately I asked Shawna what was different about Cale. A few minutes later PT and OT came in. It was exciting because today I had my "training" so that I can help move Cale from the bed to the chair and then the chair to the bed. The first time I was so nervous! I was thinking it's not going to be good if I drop my husband...well, Cale stood right up with out me hardly doing anything. Getting him to turn and then sit doesn't go as smoothly but still, he just stood! Then after practicing a few times, the therapist decided to see how he would do walking with out the leg brace. He did so good! He actually seemed more alert too! Also, during all of that, every time he had a little drool on his chin, he would wipe it. He does this spontaneously but for the most part it's us wiping his mouth.

Then it was time for speech. Ah! I'm getting so excited! My fingers aren't typing as fast as I want them to. OKAY...so...Cale is amazing! God is amazing! The speech therapist brought in a box with a bunch of different objects. She first pulled out a screw driver, held it in her hand and asked Cale to grab it. He not only grabbed it, but he did it with his right hand! He felt it for a minute or so and then she asked him to put it back in her hand...and he did. He did this a few different times. He was even trying to track her, turning his head and everything. Then at one point he started to drool so she handed him a towel. Usually he grabs the towel and holds it in the air like everything else and then wipes his mouth with his hand or not at all. He used the towel today. Several times!

So, yesterday I said he better do something sweet today, and he did :) When I was saying goodbye he gave me a hug and then when I took my head off his chest and was close to his face talking to him, he reached up and put his arms around my neck, sweetly as I talked. Awe :) It was so great.

It was such a good day. I feel like something is for sure happening and so does everyone else.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.-Anonymous


Funny story...I've been calling Cale a pirate lately because he always takes things (especially jewelry) and then doesn't want to give it up. Today when the speech therapist was giving him different objects, after a couple things, she handed him a watch. Instead of feeling it and then giving it back, he put it on his lap and then hid it with his left arm and then grabbed it with that hand and wouldn't give it up! Haha! He went for the watch :)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

That Stinker.

Cale had a few squishy balls that seemed perfect for keeping his hands busy, one was from the Brennans in NY that Cale ended up deflating, one from Ft Bragg that he drained all the liquid out of, and then the soccer ball that I had given him when he was still at Pitt, that he pulled a part into a bazillion pieces-he's the destroyer. So, me, being the sweet wife...I went today and bought a few more balls and such to keep those bored hands busy. I got back from lunch and was so excited to give them to him! I came in and sat on his bed, big smile on my face, "Here Boy! I got you a couple things!", he grabbed them out of my hand and pushed me off the bed! He didn't stop pushing until I got up and then for the rest of the day, he held three of the balls in his left hand and didn't let me get close. Not even a kiss good night. That stinker. He better do something sweet tomorrow! :) I was going to go back and see him tonight, but suddenly it got really late, and I know I'm still going to wake up early and first thing want to go see him. I'm going to finish writing and then get some beauty sleep because one day my prince IS going to wake up and actually really SEE me!

Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:5-8

Monday, May 24, 2010

Not So Manic Monday

For a Monday, things were actually pretty calm! After last week and all the craziness I feel like I'm waltzing instead of sprinting :)

Report update:
They increased his feeding amount to 480ml 6 times a day, not sure what his weight was. Still no swallowing but he is opening his mouth for speech to do oral care and tolerating it well. He was opening his right eye again today, I think even a lot more then yesterday. It says on report "Observed patient's eye gaze at wife" I'm the wife! :) hehe! Him gazing at me sounds so sweet! When he sat up the other day it was for 20 minutes! I didn't realize it was for so long! Woohoo Cale! As of right now (this can change),we will be heading for WA in 3 weeks. This is exciting because I'll be so close to family but also sad because I'll be leaving family here, and all the people I've met that feel like family!

I received a message from a friend today that I want to share...it's really encouraging! I took out part of it, but I wanted you to read her words.
Hi Kathleen!...Long story short, she was telling some of the nurses that took care of Cale at PCMH how much progress he has made. They could not believe that he was able to do the things that he is doing. They kept saying "not Cale Darling...are you sure????" She said they kept telling her that based on his brain injury, he shouldn't be able to do the things that he is doing. Kathleen, don't give up. Cale is a miracle already. God has both of you in his hands. Cale's progress so far is proof of that!!!!!! Just hearing her say that gave me hope. I hope that it warms your heart as much as it did mine :)Love ya!

Cale is such a miracle! It's great to be reminded of that because sometimes I can forget how big every little thing is!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Cale is Hulk!

Cale started to open his right eye today! He hasn't had it open for soooooo long! At first it was just slightly but then through the day he finally opened it all the way. It's still not staying open for long periods of time, if something moves at all in his line of sight he closes it real quick. I also believe he's starting to track...not for sure yet :)

I tried to clip his nails today, they are forever long...I know that if he woke up tomorrow and saw them he would wonder what in the world I've been doing this whole time letting his nails grow out! Actually, he probably wouldn't be thinking that...haha! Anyways, I tried, and failed miserably. Shawna came back to day so I recruited her to help in the battle. He may not have full brain function right now, but yikes! He is not missing any muscle use! He was tossing us both around! I'm not even joking! I got pretty beat up. We ended with saying, "maybe tomorrow...".

I know a lot of people have already, but I know there are some new people reading this blog (and hopefully not new ones too!) so I wanted to mention the prayer chain again. I set up an email just for the prayer chain around Caleb's room. If you want to be a part of it, can you send an email to prayingforcale@yahoo.com with your name and location? I know so many people have told me there praying, my brain just happens to be on overload at the moment, so lots of links don't get added. If you already emailed and are apart of that, thank you! It's going to mean so much to Cale one day and it already means so much to me!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

A Wave Hello :)

It was a good day and lots happened, but suddenly my brain is dead… think, think, think! I got a video of Cale today showing him wave! I had my cell phone out and wanted to get a video to send to his mom and while I was videoing Cale, I asked him to wave to his mom and say good morning. It was so great! Here's the video, you can hear how surprised I am. I had to watch the video a couple times! The magazine that you can see in the video is a free thing I picked up at the Verizon store. I gave it to Cale to see what he would do with it since I didn't care if it got ripped. He flipped through it a few times!

video

Ty and Nikki came to visit. Cale tried to take Ty’s wedding ring off too! :) He’s so funny! We got to visit for a while and Cale showed some of the things he can do. After visiting with Cale, we went to Raleigh for a festival. The boys rode some rides and we all fed/petted some animals. Right before we were about to leave it started to rain. At first I felt a drop and then a couple more drops…and then it began to pour. I had parked pretty far away, so by the time I got to my car, I was completely soaked! So fun!


It’s getting to the point again that I don’t want to be away from the hospital at all. I almost didn’t go today but I’m glad I did. Cale just keeps doing so much and when I’m there and can encourage him I see him do even more. It’s exciting. I just watched a couple older videos just from a few weeks ago, but already he’s come so much farther!

Thank you for praying!!!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Oh the Possibilities!

Well...we might be on the edge of some maybe exciting things! This morning when I went to see Cale, the first thing I noticed was how great his eye looked today. He's had a yucky infection, almost from the beginning I think. He always has gunk around it and his left eye is always red. A specialist came in to check it out yesterday because even with all of the different antibiotics, nothing has worked. Whatever drops he switched to cleared it up so fast!

Cale seemed a lot calmer this morning. When PT and OT came in, they sat him on the side of the bed again to see if he would do as good as the other day. He did great and this time had way better posture! Then the Speech Therapist came in and she noticed Cale was a lot calmer. Now, everyday when she goes to do mouth care, he'll open his mouth for her but he'll also turn his head and push her away. Today, he opened and let her! He kept his head towards her and his hands down. After she did the bottom, we both looked at each other thinking "did that just happen?". She rinsed the tooth brush and then had to do it again on the top teeth, and again, he let her! Hmm...so then she did the ice chips, which usually if he allows her to get any in, he spits them right back out. Today he opened and she put them in...then they stayed in! He didn't swallow or chew (two goals with the trials) but he at least kept the ice in! At this point I was wondering if his meds were changed or something because he was acting so different. The nurse looked it up for me and nope! No med changes. Also, she said the night nurse said there were two different times last night that she felt like he was responding.

I didn't get to hear both stories but the nurse said that when she put his leg braces on him, she said "If I hear any velcro I'm going to put the restraints on you." then she walked by the door and waited and she heard the velcro so she went back to Cale and said "I said if I hear the velcro I have to put the restraints on you. I'll give you one more chance and if I hear it, I'm putting the restraints on." she said after she said that, Cale put his hands behind his head and got comfortable. Interesting...

There's a line in a song I was listening to today that really encouraged me with the Lord... "I get to love You through whatever comes what a privilege" -wow!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

A Special Touch

Well, this week has definitely been a challenge! Yikes! Those times will come, but I have to keep pushing on!

There were two moments today with Cale that were so great! First, Cale always plays with my rings on my fingers. I call him a pirate because he slips them off, puts them on his fingers, and then doesn't let me have them back with out a battle. He stays so calm too, it's like he knows he has them and he's stronger then me. Today when he was taking them off and I was putting up my usual fight, he grabbed my hand with his right (the one he doesn't use much) and then with his left hand he took them off my fingers...he used both hands together! He also won the battle :) mostly because I stopped fighting as I watched in amazement!

Later, while I was sitting on the bed, Cale reached up and touched my face. Not the same touch that he always does, this time it was with his finger tips and he was feeling every detail in my face. He did it for 10 minutes straight, just moving across my eyes, nose, cheeks, lips, ears, and hair. The next 10 minutes were off and on, playing with my hair and then touching my face again. I made sure to tell the nurse right away. It was so special! I really felt like he knew it was me. I was trying to get him to respond to commands while he was touching because at the time I felt like he was so much more awake. Nothing yet, but I'm excited to see if this next week will show anything.

What a sweet kiss from the Lord. He picked me up off the dirty floor, brushed me off, and gave me a kiss to mend my broken heart. He truly is with me, holding me, loving me more then words can describe. I'm so blessed!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Mountain Goats

Today is a new day. I've felt very blah today with all the happenings of yesterday running through my head. There's a lot to get figured out and get done, honestly I don't want to mess with any of it. I know I have to though.

On a good note Cale sat on the edge of the bed today for 8-10 minutes pretty much by himself. The therapists had to be there of course just in case but for the most part it was all him :) They also had him sit at the sink today to see what he would do. It seemed like he was having fun turning the water on and off. He didn't show that he was able to connect what he was doing or that when they washed his hands that he could understand what was going on. I just keep reminding myself that what is impossible with man, is possible with God.

I was reading in Job earlier, after a morning of "are you sure you know what's going on Lord?" thoughts. Chapter 39 is challenging, long, but good...

1 "Do you know when the mountain goats give birth? Do you watch when the doe bears her fawn? 2 Do you count the months till they bear? Do you know the time they give birth? 3 They crouch down and bring forth their young; their labor pains are ended. 4 Their young thrive and grow strong in the wilds; they leave and do not return. 5 "Who let the wild donkey go free?
Who untied his ropes? 6 I gave him the wasteland as his home, the salt flats as his habitat. 7 He laughs at the commotion in the town; he does not hear a driver's shout. 8 He ranges the hills for his pasture and searches for any green thing. 9 "Will the wild ox consent to serve you? Will he stay by your manger at night? 10 Can you hold him to the furrow with a harness? Will he till the valleys behind you? 11 Will you rely on him for his great strength? Will you leave your heavy work to him?12 Can you trust him to bring in your grain and gather it to your threshing floor? 13 "The wings of the ostrich flap joyfully, but they cannot compare with the pinions and feathers of the stork.14 She lays her eggs on the ground and lets them warm in the sand,15 unmindful that a foot may crush them, that some wild animal may trample them.16 She treats her young harshly, as if they were not hers; she cares not that her labor was in vain,17 for God did not endow her with wisdom or give her a share of good sense. 18 Yet when she spreads her feathers to run, she laughs at horse and rider.19 "Do you give the horse his strength or clothe his neck with a flowing mane? 20 Do you make him leap like a locust, striking terror with his proud snorting? 21 He paws fiercely, rejoicing in his strength, and charges into the fray. 22 He laughs at fear, afraid of nothing; he does not shy away from the sword. 23 The quiver rattles against his side, along with the flashing spear and lance. 24 In frenzied excitement he eats up the ground; he cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds. 25 At the blast of the trumpet he snorts, 'Aha!' He catches the scent of battle from afar, the shout of commanders and the battle cry. 26 "Does the hawk take flight by your wisdom and spread his wings toward the south? 27 Does the eagle soar at your command and build his nest on high? 28 He dwells on a cliff and stays there at night; a rocky crag is his stronghold.29 From there he seeks out his food; his eyes detect it from afar.30 His young ones feast on blood, and where the slain are, there is he." 40:1-2 Then the Lord said to Job,“Do you still want to argue with the Almighty? You are God’s critic, but do you have the answers?”

Who am I to question?

I'm off to Nikki's tonight to help with the boys. Cale's brother Ty is coming home tonight. I'm so excited for him to see Cale after all this time. He hasn't seen him sense the ICU. Yay for Ty to finally be with his family again!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Heavy Heart

My head is aching and my eyes are swollen. Today was a hard day. It started out this morning with finding out that one of the girls in the unit started talking. It was so exciting! As I heard the therapist telling her dad the story I felt like I was going to jump out of my body! Instead I ran (with my body!) to give him a hug and the tears started...after hearing the rest of the story I went to Cale's room and all of a sudden I'm standing there sobbing because right after the excitement was a flood of jealousy. I want that to be Cale! I fell to my knees and immediately started to repent and then with my hand on Cale's I started to pray so desperately that God would choose to bless us that way. I want it so bad.

For the most part Cale was the same today. He for some reason is still not making noise other then a few groans on Friday. When speech was in with him, for the first time he started to punch her! It was really great! There wasn't much power behind the punch but he was definitely very purposeful.

Shawna and I left for lunch and then headed to the court house for the hearing. I actually felt really confident and not too worried about it. We were running a tiny bit late, well, I think we would have been on time except when we got to the elevators, there was none available. All of them were heading up and then had to head back down, we were waiting on the 1st floor and needed to get to the 12th. It seemed like we were going to be waiting for way too long so we started with stairs. After getting to the 4th floor and realizing that neither of us are in very good shape right now (breathing really heavy with legs that wouldn't move...), we decided to wait for the elevators. The first part of the hearing was a breeze. I thought at that point all I needed to do was sign a few papers and we'd be out of there.

I'm naive. There's nothing "breezy like" when I'm signing papers to take all rights from my husband, the man I married, and turning things into what more feels like I'm a business person instead of his wife. I could go on and on about the hearing and the dreadful couple hours it was but it would do no good. It was just absolutely awful. I was wondering why I put it off for so long and now I know. Yuck.

After I was back at the hotel and puffy eyed, I had to go through all the stuff that was in the Toyota that my brother had brought back to me. One of the bags had the book I was reading in the car the day of the accident. A friend had given me the book "What to Expect Before You're Expecting" that is now covered in dried blood. More tears...I also looked at the clothes that both of us were wearing that day. I had asked my brother not to throw them away until I could see them. Why not look tonight since I'm already a stream of tears? I know it might sound gross, but I needed to see them (Juan, they are now in the trash!) and then be done with it.

I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. Psalm 69:2

I'm choosing to trust Him, everyday. He is in control. My heart is sad today but tomorrow is a new day!

Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
Psalm 86:4

Monday, May 17, 2010

Birds...

Well, the report said 1 week. That's right on track and because the Army stuff isn't figured out it'll be longer then that. I had my hopes up that because of the few things Cale did new this week it was going to be enough to extend him in the program. I'm just so glad the Army doesn't have everything figured out because that means he's not in a nursing home yet. The report did say that Cale did some swallowing which is better then it saying none like before! Something not good was his weight went back down to 116. He wasn't very friendly today, every time I tried to get close or hold his hand, he didn't want to have anything to do with me so I sneak him kisses on the cheek a lot :)

I've been thinking a lot about if things do stay this way, what does that mean for me? A woman, especially a married woman, has certain needs. I need to hear my husband say I'm pretty and that he love me. I feel like I miss the attention from him a lot lately. I know that might sound selfish because he's going through so much right now, but it's there, in the deep part of my heart. Every time I see a lady pregnant, a baby, or a parent with their child, I get a horrible painful ache in my gut. It can be simple things too, like, seeing a cute outfit that normally I would be excited to wear for Cale, or a yummy recipe that I know he would love, so many times a day I'm reminded that I may never get to share any of it with him again. Well, this morning I was walking past the court yard and saw a bird finding it's food on the ground and the Lord put on my heart Matthew 6:25-27

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

God's not only going to provide food and clothes for me, but also the emotional needs I have too. Of course I'm going to be missing Cale and longing for his attention because that's how God created it! That's part of marriage. He takes care of everything the birds need and He's going to do the same for me, even the things in my heart that nobody else can see.

For the first part of the day birds were a happy thought for me, this was of course until I left the hospital for the night and a bird had decided to poop on my windshield, on the drivers side! Haha!

I have the hearing tomorrow for guardianship. I'm praying my emotions stay controlled...at least until I make it to the car!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Good Start to the Week!

What a great Sunday! It started off with me getting to go to church :) I actually didn't just visit but also was blessed with getting to share with Salem Baptist about what's been going on. It was so great because as I was looking into the congregation I was thinking about how so many more people will be praying for Cale! I had been praying that every word would be from the Holy Spirit because I tend to be a babbler and I think for the most part there was no babbling!

Also, it finally worked out for me to use Skype with Cale's mom. I'm pretty sure it was amazing for her to see Cale and it seemed like Cale was listening to her. The nurse that was in the room at the beginning even made a comment about how he calmed down so much when Kathy was talking. I was examining his face during it trying to see any change (I've been doing this extra lately!) in his expression or anything and I feel like there was a little. Encouraging! :)

My brother and his family were able to come this afternoon too. I always feel so excited when my brother gets to see Cale and all the changes since he's the only one that saw Cale being pulled out of the Toyota. I can't imagine how it is for him to remember Cale at that moment and then see how far God's brought him.

This week is going to be interesting...I'm praying for wisdom, grace, and favor.

With your own eyes you saw those great trials, those miraculous signs and great wonders. Deuteronomy 29:3

This has been a trial and there already has been miraculous signs and great wonders! I'm praying for so many more to come!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Hurry Up Cale!

Oh goodness! I've been a little busy bee this last week! It's funny how not too long ago all I was doing was sitting in the ICU room all day everyday and life seemed so slow, but at the same time a blur. Now, I feel like I'm running nonstop and it's all still a blur :)

I didn't have internet access last night to give an update, so I'll try to do my best to cover everything from yesterday...

First, Basil is cone free! This means, the constant sound of him scratching plastic all night is gone! Yahoo for more sleep! Also, a couple soldiers from Ft. Drum came to visit. One of them was deployed with Cale all last year. It was fun to hear deployment stories and giggle at how adorable my husband is. :) He's such a funny guy! It really encouraged me to see the guys root for Cale. For awhile now, I've been hearing Cale groan and do certain movements, but I think to a point it kind of becomes normal? Well, these two soldiers who haven't seen him since before the accident, were so excited about all of it. SGT Elosh kept telling Cale about everyone who has been asking about him and how they all know he's such a fighter. I'm hoping Cale could hear and understand so he could be so encouraged too!

I was reading an old message from Hannah the other day and I realized that for a while now, I haven't been reading scripture to Cale. I do every now and then when I read something that really encourages me, but I was reading it to him everyday. So, yesterday I took the time and read to him! Part of it was in the beginning of Luke when Elizabeth becomes pregnant in her old age. I told Cale he better get going and be healed so I'm not old when I become pregnant! ;)

I didn't get to see him for very long today. He was resting pretty good while I was there. I'm not complaining I'm just sharing a fact...I HATE those yucky yellow gowns!!

"I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint."
Jeremiah 31:25

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Waiting...

I have a little bit of a heavy heart tonight. I feel like that's happening a lot lately. Again, I just really miss Cale...

Today was good for him, not much to write about. Sometimes he does things that make him seem so awake and then, sometimes he still seems so far away.

I keep reminding myself that God is in control and everything is going to be in His timing and not mine, and really, I wouldn't want it any other way. Although I do tell God often how I think it should all work out ;)

Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord! Psalm 27:14

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Yucky Yellow

Today was finally productive! I feel like I got a lot done, and even though I still have quite a bit more to do, the list is now shorter :) It's always such a good feeling to get things crossed off.

One of the patients a couple rooms down from Cale, packed up today and is heading to rehab. As horrible as it is, I felt the envy bug bite me. I really am happy for them, I know they are so excited and it's a big day. I've been praying that he would be able to make it to rehab soon, I just really want it to be Cale, ya know? I know one day we could still get that moment, but of course things don't run on my time...

Sad news today, Cale threw up again so they ended up doing some x-rays. Later the nurse said that he has an infection in his lungs. This means they have to put him on antibiotics which also means that the yucky yellow gowns are back. I think I'd rather just stomp on all the gowns and throw them out. Ugg. When he's on precautions it's because his immune system is so weak they don't want him to get any other infections or pneumonia. I can't take him outside or cuddle with him until he's back off precautions. It's so sad. I know it's good because they want to prevent further harm to him, I'm just the selfish wife.

Sarah Bosse commented on my "Prayer" post. I encourage everyone to read the comment. It really pumped me up as I was getting ready for the day this morning. A reminder that yes, Cale's body is in bad shape, but it's not about flesh and blood, it's a spiritual battle. Well, I still have lots of fight left in me!

Ephesians 6:10

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Drum Roll Please...

I feel like I haven't stopped moving today! Yesterday and today have been so busy and I just can't seem to get caught up on everything. Exciting things are happening though! One of the reasons I'm slacking on paperwork stuff, is now that Cale will cuddle with me, that's all I want to do all day long! It's like a vacation, but so far from one all at the same time.

Today started off with a trip to the court house. We've started the process for guardianship...I've been not wanting to mess with this whole thing because all along I've been hoping Cale was going to wake up. Thankfully Shawna is here with me through this. When I was filling out papers and setting up the hearing this morning, all of a sudden the tears came. The poor lady behind the desk said "Please don't break down now, we're almost done!" I did manage to get myself under control, it's just another thing that feels so final...I know it doesn't have to be though!

I wish right now you could hear the drum roll as I give the exciting update! During PT and OT they pushed a table up to Cale (as he's sitting up! Good job Cale!) with paper and put a sharpie in his hand. He held it! Like normal! I had given him a pen last week and he grabbed it with his fist and in the air it went. I knew I was either going to loose an eye or he was, so...I took that away as fast as I could ;) He made a few marks on the page and OT moved his hand to write his name. Then after that they gave him some cones that they were trying to get him to do a few things with them and he wouldn't do anything. After a few minutes they just watched, and Cale started putting the bottom of the cones together. One of the ladies turned it around to show him how to put them together and so for a while after he kept doing that. He would even set one down and grab a different one to connect it. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this good, but if not just know, IT WAS SO COOL! After the session was over and we went back to the room, I was showing Cale pictures and usually he pushes them away or hold them in the air (along with anything else he grabs!) but this time he was looking. I'm not sure how much he saw, and he didn't point to any that I asked BUT he looked, which was a first. Today was a big day. I'm so stinkin' proud of him!

Here's a picture of my extremely adorable Basil :) He gets the cone off on Friday and neither of us can wait! Sleeping with him has been very interesting...


As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit. -Emmanuel Teney

Prayer

A couple people have felt an urgency for everyone to pray for Cale today. Will you pray too?

Monday, May 10, 2010

A Little Reminder

Sometimes, I wish I had one of those things that I can talk and it'll type. Is that a special program or computer? I'm not sure but I feel like it would be nice right now. My fingers are feeling the effect of the fajitas I ate tonight and they're not wanting to move. So full = happy tummy :)

I didn't write much this weekend because there just didn't seem much to write or I just couldn't get myself to. Saturday we sat outside for a while, and I always love that, I think Cale does too. I left for Nikki's and stayed the weekend with her. On Saturday night, as I was falling asleep, I started to really miss Cale. When I woke up on Sunday I was still feeling horrible. I couldn't shake the feeling in me. I even went to the back yard for some time with the Lord. I was frustrated because I wanted to have fun with Nikki and not be yucky. Later that evening we went to a BBQ and I would say a half hour before we left I went inside the house and hanging on the wall was a little plaque that said "With God All Things are Possible". It's not a new verse, and I've read it a bazillion times since the accident and even before, but at that moment when I saw it, it was like a hug from God. This huge smile covered my face and walking back outside I felt like a new person! It was like God was saying "Kathleen, remember what I can do...". Then when I got to the hospital last night, Cale let me cuddle with him for about an hour. It was SO great. I was very tempted to stay all night!

Today was report day. Nothing new to say though. As far as Cale's progress nothing has changed. I do have a pile of paper work to fill out for different things but that's okay :) He did throw up today, and when I left I hadn't heard anything from the nurse about what they thought the reason was. I know she called the doctor though. At first I couldn't go in the room and I was going crazy! I felt so bad for him, all I wanted to do was hold him...well, after they got him all cleaned up, I did just that! I crawled in bed with him again and cuddled, the whole time telling him how brave he is and how much I love him.

I still have no idea what's going to be happening in the next few weeks. The report said 2 weeks but that's still up in the air. I'm honestly doing okay with it now. The Case Manager even said I look way better then last week. I think I just have to constantly remind myself that God is the one running the show :)

Basil is now snoring next to me and I'm desperately wanting to join him...

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

Good night!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day!

I haven't seen Cale yet today, but I'm having a really hard day, so I wanted to ask for prayer. I'm just really missing him. I want him to be all better so we can be us again. It started last night as I was falling asleep and I haven't been able to get rid of the yuckiness. I want him back so bad.

On a happy note...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!! I have two of the most wonderful moms in my life, and a lot more that God has given me! May you all feel crazy spoiled and blessed today! Love ya!

Friday, May 7, 2010

A Smiling Heart :)

Well, yesterday I was hoping I would come back from Bragg and have answers for what was next for Cale and I. There's just so much unknown, it would be nice to have some kind of idea. Nothing was settled and I kind of think I feel even more like there's more unknown then I knew! That's okay though :)

So far today Cale is doing good. He hasn't made any noise really this week. I'm not a fan of that...he did let me cuddle a little more last night. It was SO good! His eye is still red, even with the patch on the last few days. Hopefully that will clear up soon. When they walked with him today, his left leg is doing okay when they have the brace but for the most part it's still bothering him a lot.

I was reading in Jeremiah, and there's a well known verse that through middle school and up was my theme verse. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I've continued to claim this verse through all of this, but the other day when I was reading, I didn't just read that verse, I read before and after. I felt so much hope as I was reading, still no answers...like the verse that says "Cale will have a full recovery, and you will both live happily ever after." but as I read my heart seemed to smile :) I read it to Cale too so his heart could smile with mine.
This is what the Lord says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”
I think the biggest encouragement for me was verses 12 and 13 when He says, when I pray He will hear me and and that if I look for Him, I will find Him! Yeah!

Here comes the weekend! :)

Thursday, May 6, 2010

sleeeeeep.

Long day, lots of info, not too much accomplished...the bed and pillow are screaming for me to join it :)

Good night!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Crazy Boy!

Cale was so feisty today! His mom said it was from all the lovin' yesterday :)
At one point he had the nurse and the nursing assistant so tired because as they were getting him into bed and giving meds, he turned himself completely sideways, pushed the "call for help" button repeatedly, and he kept stealing the stethoscope from the poor nurse! He's a handful!

Tomorrow is a big day. I'm heading to Ft. Bragg to meet with a few different people. I think it's going to be a good thing, and so far the people that are dealing with Cale's case at Bragg seem so great. Pray for wisdom for me!

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

No need for me to worry or get anxious, I just need to trust Him! :)

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

A Fairytale

I know my name isn't Arora, from Sleeping Beauty, Bell, from Beauty and the Beast, Ariel, from The Little Mermaid, or Snow White, from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, but today, I felt like I was in a fairytale! It started with this morning, Cale seemed a little different. I'm not sure what's going on, I'm guessing, (or maybe just really hoping!) that he's starting to wake up a little more. I feel like he knows at times who I am and that I'm there, for a few minutes, Cale would hold my hand and even let me lay my head on his chest, before all of a sudden pushing me away really fast. Today, I would tell him it's okay that I'm there, I'm his wife! :) It was like that on and off for over an hour. Then, it was 3pm, I had just finished a book, and decided I was going to lay next to him. Well, this if it happens at all, usually lasts 2 minutes tops! Why not try? So, I laid down next to him and after adjusting for a minute or so, I had my head on his chest, his arm around me, and we were holding hands! Awe! So sweet! It gets better...we stayed that way for 52 minutes! When he finally did push me away it was 3:52. Oh my goodness! It was amazing! It was SO great! I got to cuddle with my husband and he let me! It might not seem so huge because he's laying in a bed all day so that should be normal, but he really NEVER lets me close like that. He's so restless and hates being messed with so he's always pushing everyone away. He held me! It truly felt like a fairytale. I'm going to hold on to this moment for as long as I need to until I get the next one!

"If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee."
-Anne Bradstreet

Monday, May 3, 2010

A Puddle of Tears

Cale now weighs 122.6 lbs! Not back to normal but better then 105lbs! He hasn't been swallowing hardly at all this last week. Deirdre the speech therapist tried getting him to drink a little water, it ended up not going so well. When I got there, his shirt was soaked. Poor guy.

His left eye is still infected. They've been putting antibiotic cream in his eye for a while now, but because he never shuts that eye, it hasn't gotten any better. This afternoon they put a moisture patch on him, so we'll see how that goes. He's not a fan of anything on his face!

Report says he's able to sit up for 20 minutes now. That sounds like so long! He's tolerating 10 minutes for standing and he's walked up to 30 ft. with help. I asked today about what it is that he needs to be doing before they are seeing the progress they want and what I was told is that he's making progress as far as range of motion and strength, even with some thought progress, but what they want is to see him progress functionally. Example being, like there's all these dots but none connect. It's where time plays a big part of the healing process. Sometimes, they can go to a nursing home for a few months and start waking up more and then can start rehab, but sometimes there body only lets them go so far. So...I wait.

Today was a little bit of a bad day. Tears, frustration, feeling overwhelmed, it all comes and goes. I realized when I was talking to Rachel that Monday's seem to be my harder days. She said that she thinks I look forward to the meetings but at the same time it's a lot and I get overwhelmed. I think that's a perfect description. I've just been missing Cale so much today and I hate having to make plans for him to be in a nursing home. Thankfully, me looking doesn't mean that it's for sure going to happen, and it happening doesn't mean that it's going to be a forever thing.

When Cale got extended in 07' a week before he was supposed to come home from Afghanistan, God gave me a song that encouraged me so much. It's by Casting Crowns called "I'll Praise You In This Storm". The whole song is great but here's just the chorus:

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Sunday, May 2, 2010

But the joys to come will last forever!

What a great weekend! My eyes are a bit droopy tonight from all the fun, but that's okay. Basil also had an active weekend and now he's very cozy next to me snoring quite loud! Family and Friends are such blessings.

Cale let me sit with him for a while today. For the first time he started to use his right hand to feel stuff with. He was reaching up to my head and touching my hair and then rubbed my neck a little. Before he really started to move his left arm he would feel like this. It's pretty exciting because if he's starting to get some control over his right side it means...Houston his brain is healing!! That's just enough good news to send me jogging! :)

Tomorrow is meeting day. It's getting interesting, if everything is on track, the report should say 3 weeks left. I'm of course totally fine if it's not on track and we stay longer... :)

I was reading in 2 Corinthians and some verses really stuck out to me. 4:8-10 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are NOT crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we DON'T give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God NEVER abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. Also, 4:17-18 For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever. WOW! Suffering is going to happen in this life, but over and over God's word says HE WILL NOT LEAVE US! I think even if you don't believe in God, or you believe He's real but you don't think He relates to you or you're not too sure about the bible, I pray that these words speak to your heart tonight. You see what I'm going through, what Cale is going through, and this may be bold to say, but the reason I can breathe every day, the reason I can get out of bed, is because Christ has won the victory over death so that I can have eternal life with Him forever! This means that nothing my body or Cale's body goes through during this life can hold us down. One day we will live forever with God in a place with out suffering, for now I can look past the trial I face today and look forward to what is unseen. These days will be over! Cale and I have gotten knocked down and I know so many people all over are facing such hard times in their lives, but we can focus on Christ and get back up and keep going! Yeah! I just really felt like I needed to share about how Cale and I have both made the decision to fully surrender our lives to Christ and because of that, this is all going to be worth it.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Ball hog.

It was a very wonderful day out, warm, but SO nice! My brother came with his family and for the first time we were able to sit outside, all of us together, and see Cale. When Cale has a ball (he loves little balls!) in his hand, he does not share! They got to see him over and over move his hand away from me every time I tried to grab it. He definitely saw my hand reaching for it, and it was his left eye! Yeah! :) It's fun to watch, because, he doesn't just move his hand, he does it, kind of with attitude! It makes me smile every time because when he reacts that way, it shows a little personality :)