Thursday, June 30, 2011

The sound of the cane.

Dark and early at 4am, Cale woke me up because he needed to go to the bathroom. His eyes have been glued shut from the drainage drying, so it’s back to me helping. I don’t have a problem with it, because I am right there to help him (and HATED the days I couldn’t be) and I get to go right back to bed. This morning as I was leading him to the bathroom, Isaiah 42:16 “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them” popped in my head. I was smiling as I went over the verse in my head thinking about how so often my eyes are filled with dried drainage (distractions) and I’m blinded by the purpose of having to walk through this time in our life. God so faithfully leads us and makes the rough places smooth for us. It was an encouraging and special picture that was put on my heart at a time that I normally would be snoozing.

With thankfulness filling me up, I was able to get Cale settled in the bathroom and then I went to fix the covers on the bed (they always get crazy twisted and fall off the bed!). When I walked back in, I didn’t say anything, I just quietly sat on the floor next to where Cale was. He reached down and put his hand on my head and then after a second, I said something and completely startled Cale! He said, “Oh! You’re not the dog!” Hahaha! Uh…not sure what to say? Oh man! I laughed so hard! Then not only was I filled up with refreshment of scripture, but also of laughter with my husband. It was a sweet surprise to have such two beautiful moments!

I had my first load of laundry in by 6am…so, I didn’t sleep for too long after that time. One of my favorite times of the day (out of many) has become the sound of hearing Cale’s cane come down the hall. We have wood floors so I can hear every step. I rested my head back on the couch this morning just listening with a big grin across my face. It’s such a comforting sound! It reminds me of how far we’ve come through this journey and how the impossible with man has become possible with God. It reminds me that we’re home again and that I still have my husband with me. Before Cale reached the couch, I also had the thought about how one day; the sound silence is going to be what’s comforting. One day, I know he’s not going to need the cane-I know it. It’s getting so close that I wait in anticipation like a child waits for Christmas morning. One day it will just be his steps that bring him to me and NO device! Praise God! I wanted to update on his walking because I’m not sure that I’ve posted recently, Cale has been using ONLY his cane! He hasn’t touched the wheelchair since April 1 and he hasn’t touched his walker since the first week of May!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah! In fact, he refuses to use either of them! In some cases it limits us(this is why I never pushed getting to the zoo) because he can’t walk as far or as long, but it’s so exciting to watch his determination take off in this area! Love it!

Cale had Speech again today and did great! I was able to talk with his speech therapist some more about the last session and she said he actually did very well with the ipad! She has gone to an ipad conference and talked about how loaded it is with good stuff for Cale, and today they messed with it some more. I watched for part of it, and man! It’s looking so great! Very exciting to see this too! It’s not anything that he’ll be able to do right away on his own…wait, what am I saying?! He might just surprise me! :) It was a great session and after me getting to sit with the speech therapist and the Rehab Specialist today, I feel so encouraged and ready to take off running with some of our ideas!

Please keep praying for…

…Cale wanting to go home. I wish I could say that I’m not letting it bother me, but it does. It hurts and makes me so sad that he keeps asking. At one point today, after already going over it several times with him, I said, “I have bad news for ya…this is as good as it gets.” It probably wasn’t the best thing to say after my many failed attempts at being encouraging and positive, but, what can I say? Right now I can actually say I’m thankful that 30 minutes later he had totally forgotten the conversation and what was said!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

a rocket and an "uh oh!"

My Wednesday morning started out so wonderful! I love so much getting to sit outside in the fresh air, dig into scripture…and watch Basil run around the yard! Also, Wednesdays are date day with Mama. It’s the week of VBS, which, I was really hoping Cale and I were going to get to help out a little, but so far we haven’t been free in the evenings with pictures and therapy! I’m thinking tomorrow we can hop over (Cale might prefer to walk…) and see if there is anywhere we can get in on all the action! :) Mama is leading crafts this year and that kind of made our date time, uh…interesting. We cut away preparing for one of the crafts! I still loved it, especially since we’ve hardly seen each other since I’ve been home!

My day stayed really busy after our date, but mine wasn’t the only busy day! Cale had two therapys today. First was OT. As soon as she walked in the door and reached Cale, his arm went up and back to wave hello…and his glass of chocolate milk went everywhere. So, the session started with Kathleen on her hands and knees cleaning milk up, while chiming in when needed! It started out with a lot of talking, and Cale still isn’t able to tolerate very much of this. One of the questions she asked Cale was what he wanted to get better at and what his goals were. Cale said, “Anything athletic.” He wants to be active again so bad! When he hit his “done” point with all of the talking, I was able to sit on the deck and talk about goals, plans, ideas, and a lot more stuff thrown in with his therapist. I love getting to do that and figure out what their thoughts are along with letting them know mine.

Mostly, I LOVE getting to hear them talk about how good Cale is doing! How can I not?!

Before she left, she walked with Cale around the neighborhood and had Cale take some pictures. He’s really been in to photography lately, so we’re going to see if that goes anywhere. This made me laugh pretty hard because my niece just had on her Facebook status, “people take a picture of a tree & automatically think they're deep photographers.” Haha! Well, I don’t think Cale thinks of himself as a deep photographer, but maybe this can become something that helps him! :) Love you Caitlin!


After OT, we had enough time for a couple games, lunch, and then his social worker came. Since he doesn’t tolerate all the talking and at this point he still doesn’t have the full awareness and understanding of everything, she’s going about things differently…and I love it! She’s awesome! She brought stuff for Cale to build a rocket! They worked for 2 hours-2 HOURS on it!!! This is insane for Cale. No joke. I haven’t seen him this engaged with a task since before the accident! Even on things that normally he would usually love. This was also after he had already done 1.5 hours for OT AND was saying he was so tired up until she came. I was nervous about how things were going to go, and then amazed at how they did!




Blog post interruption…

In 0.5 seconds, my computer was taken over by a creepy virus that attacked in a vicious way. “Oh no! Uh oh! And, Ooops!” Are some of the phrases that came out in quiet squeals since Cale was sleeping. “This is no good…!” was another phrase that came out.

Normally, my man would be the very one that I would call upon to help me out of this not-so-great situation. Even while he was deployed, over yahoo chat he was able to save my computer and be the amazing husband that he still is. This time, I immediately started texting our friends; TJ and Joe to be specific. They’ve been so great in bailing me out of quite a few fiascos since the accident…

Things weren’t looking so good for a bit, and honestly, I was thinking my poor computer was maybe dead. We had bought this computer in 2008 on cyber Monday. Cale helped me build it online and made sure to find me a pink computer. Well, since then it’s been through a couple crashes and on the way back from NYC this last time, I did something to the inside. For a couple days when I would turn it on it sounded like an explosion was going to take place. Yes, this machine has been through a lot, but it’s still going. When the time comes to buy a new one, I’ll have no idea where to start. Cale was the one that picked out the laptops and made sure not to get stuff we didn’t need, but also make sure we got the good stuff.

Any who…

When Cale woke up from his nap, I said, “Guess what I did?” Want to know what he said? “You broke your computer?” Haha! Oh man! This guy cracks me up! “Yes, I did! I got a virus.” He then said, “Oh no! What kind?” When I told him I didn’t know, but it was bad, he said, “Let me see, I can fix it!” I would love if it would have been one of those moments when he goes on automatic, but it wasn’t so. In fact he was very intrigued with the boxes all over my screen and reading the “Warning!” sign. ;)

This is the picture Cale snapped of me while waiting for help to come!


When Joe came, he worked for a bit and wasn’t getting anywhere. The computer was really locked up and wouldn’t let us into anything. Joe seemed pretty confident, so I wasn’t worried…well, maybe a little. After a bit, Joe’s face looked surprised and then confused. Hmm…there’s hope! Well, yes indeed! He was able to get it all set back up!! Yay! He’s the man that saved the day! :)


Tonight, I’m so thankful for all the super crazy amazing people that have been a HUGE help to me. From everyone helping get the house ready, TJ constantly fixing my blog mishaps, Sonny hanging with Cale for a weekend, Joe fixing the computer, to the men putting up railings down the stairs outside and fixing the deck-we are so blessed. These are just a few things that are sticking out, but there is SO much more! Thank you!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

We’re still alive…I promise.

Sorry I haven’t been posting as much lately! It kind of seems like things have been a whirlwind…but a good one! In case I haven’t said it yet-we’re home!! :) Yay!

I’ve been caught in several moments the last few days of complete and total awe of the Lord and how far He has brought us. Unbelievable. I honestly can’t put thoughts together or figure out what words to say when I come to God and pray…what do you say? Thank you? It just doesn’t even cover the multitude of deliverance and miracles that He has time and time again covered us with. This morning as I was sitting on the deck reading my Bible, I paused for a moment and listened to the birds chirping, felt the slight breeze in my hair, and the warmth of the sun on my cheeks; it was breathtaking. Last summer, I had so many of these moments, so many times of sitting outside with my husband in a hospital room. I specifically remember thoughts that I had during those days; wondering will we ever have a home together again? What will that look like? During the short time that we had been looking into a nursing home, I was constantly searching and thinking there had to be something else out there for him, but nothing was found. My heart was going through a lot-my emotions even more, but I also had to come to a place where I was able to trust the Lord even if that’s what His plan was. It wasn’t easy-at all-but if the Lord was going to lead us that way for a time, or for life, I was determined to stay by Cale’s side…every day.

I had no clue what the Lord was planning or what things were going to look like a year down the road, but I can’t say that I’m too disappointed! I’m amazed. Stunned. Blessed.

Really? Are we really home-at our home? Was I really sitting outside reading my bible in our back yard? Was my husband really sleeping in our bed?

There have also been so many times when I felt so weak. There is no way that this girl here can carry and get through the burden and emotion that is involved since the accident. Even with being home, there are so many things that I have no clue how to do or arms with muscles large enough to do them. With having to ask for help all the time, it’s not something I want to add to the list…so what do I do? There are times when I have to make a decision about something, or decide if something is worth fighting for…I have no idea! In those times when I feel so weak and unsure; so fragile and broken, Jesus speaks right to my heart that I don’t have to be strong enough because He is.

With all of these thoughts going on, you can only imagine the excitement inside me when I heard this song on the radio “Strong Enough” by Matthew West. I was belting this song so loud that I’m sure I was making whatever little creatures that were hanging out around me-run. I’m so thankful that I don’t have to be strong enough; Cale doesn’t have to be strong enough, and neither do our friends or family-God is!

“There is no one like the God of Israel. He rides across the heavens to help you, across the skies in majestic splendor. The eternal God is your refuge, and his everlasting arms are under you. He drives out the enemy before you; he cries out, ‘Destroy them!’ Deuteronomy 33:26

How can you not read that verse and not be insanely comforted?! Ahh! I just love it! The Bible says that God rides across the heavens to help...say what?! Oh man. A dose of that here and there, and I’m all set to go! Whew!

Cale had speech yesterday and PT today. So far he’s been doing really well, but I can’t say he totally loves it! His sessions have been about 1.5 hours and he’s been able to make it through. It’s kind of funny how now that seems like such a long time and it’s hard to think about how he was able to do all day back to back! Yikes! Uh…again, how were we strong enough to get through that?! They’ve been working on the ipad and still trying to see if it’s going to be something that helps him or hinders. I’m very torn after the little bit that I was able to see. We’ll keep working at finding just the right thing to help him for where he’s at! Joe came to do PT with him, which I know made Cale so happy!

His side effects from radiation are still full blast getting him. :( Poor guy! His eyes, nose, energy, and (not that he notices) his hair is falling out! We cut it yesterday and I’ve been looking at this spot that is really thin. When I rubbed it a little this evening to see what was going on, sure enough, it’s falling out. We might just need to give him a good summer shave! :) For guys it’s easy to solve the problem! Please keep praying that these areas would heal! He’s feeling pretty darn miserable, but still having such a great attitude!

I was trying on my swimsuit tonight, and I’m sure like many other women-I saw every flaw. Yuck. Cale immediately said, “whistle, whistle” because he can’t actually make the sound anymore. But it wasn’t enough for my little head. I started pointing them out to Cale and for every flaw I pointed out, he would respond, “I don’t see them.”

Wow. Let’s get deeper…

So, I love, love, love my husband and all his sweetness. You know what? His eyes are all gunky and he really couldn’t see, but just the way he said it, along with his adorable “whistle, whistle” I was blushing and satisfied. But, wanna know something else? Just as Cale was looking at his wife whom he thinks is beautiful and flawless, the Lord looks on His children and says the same thing when we come to Him feeling less than adequate to be used by Him.

“Father, don’t you see that I’ve done this, and this? Don’t you see my scars and bruises?” and He so sweetly and honestly looks at us and says, “My child, I don’t see them.” He took it all away and even though it feels like it’s not enough for our little heads, we can look to the cross and be reminded…and then fully embrace being satisfied with His open arms of love and forgiveness.

I’ve been so blessed by how thoughtful all of you are! I received a package from another reader that has been a HUGE encouragement and when I opened her gift, it was just what I needed to see. Little things through the weeks for us are so special; so treasured. Thank you!!

We had some fun last night with a very talented friend of ours.Click Here! to see all of her awesome work!
And on Facebook her page is Photos by Laura-so you should "like" it! :)

She’s amazing; we love her, and had a great time with her! Here is a peek at what we did…! More to come sooooon!


Sunday, June 26, 2011

bbq & sleep


Yesterday was another busy day! It started at 7am with me planting flowers and then right into a session with the social worker for Cale’s therapy. A lot was discussed and I’m so excited for what’s to come! After that, I ran a few errands with Mama and then home to set up for a BBQ. We had family and friends over last for hamburgers and chicken and then s’mores! It was a good time, but by the end of the night we were both tuckered out.

It’s so good to be back home!! I love that we’re here and can have many more bbq’s and night s filled with chocolate, marshmallow, and graham cracker goodness! :)



Towards the end of last night, I could feel my head start to hurt. I kind of ignored it and was determined to have a fun night. Well, by the time we went to bed, my head was killing me! I couldn’t do the blog last night and then all through the night I was awake off and on with my head. Cale was also awake a lot from the irritation with his eyes and nose. My alarm went off this morning for church, and my attempt to make it happen was unsuccessful. I was in pain…and every time I would lift my head up, I thought I was going to throw up. So, Cale and I stayed in bed ALL day! We finally got up and out of bed about 5:45pm because his mom and Dennis were coming over. By that time I was feeling a little better, but still haven’t been able to eat much.

First, it was extremely wonderful to spend the whole day cuddling with Cale. It stunk that we both didn’t feel great, but still SO good. Also, he was super sweet the whole day!! He didn’t complain about being bored or needing anything. At one point, I had let Basil (he’s back as of last night!!!) outside and then I laid back down. Not too much longer after that, he wanted back in. I mentioned that I needed to do that and Cale wouldn’t let me! He said that I felt worse than him, so he would let Basil in! He took care of me today, which I really needed.

Last night when we were cuddling before falling asleep, Cale said, “I love you anywhere Kathleen, but right here; I love you lots.”

Cale just said I should tell all of you that his middle name is Michael. :)

Friday, June 24, 2011

his memory…

…is coming BACK!

Little by little and day by day my husband’s memory is finding its way!!!!!!!

Wednesday:

We were on our way to radiation and Cale was saying that he wanted to go home. I asked him to describe home to me; explain what our house is like. I’ve done this before and he hasn’t been able to, but I keep trying. This time, Cale said, “When I walk in the front door, the living room is on the left; the kitchen is straight, and our bedroom is all the way down the hallway.” Ahhhhhh! YES! He actually used all of those words!!! Are you kidding me?! The fact that he was able to put those many words together was HUGE, but for those of you that have been in our home…did you read that?! He described it!!!! After that, I asked him to describe the backyard. He said, “When I walk out of the door I go on the porch. There is a table and a tree and a fence. It’s an open fence.” WOW!!! Can you believe it?

After he described that to me, I then told him that he blew my socks off! Cale thought that sounded funny, but said, “No way Jose!” I showed him my foot, which in fact had no socks, and then Cale said, “Whoa!” Haha!

After radiation, we were standing outside waiting for the car and Cale had one of the little 8oz Sprites from his appointment. He didn’t quite finish it by the time they pulled up with our car, so I took it from him so he could get in the car. I threw it away knowing that he wouldn’t remember anyways. Well...after getting in the car and messing with the GPS, Cale asked where it was! Crazy business! I also had to confess that yes indeed, I had thrown his precious drink away…oops!

While we were in Longview having dinner and getting to visit, there were a few things that surprised me that he remembered. Some things he’ll say that he remembers, but once asked he’s not able to say and then will say he doesn’t remember. With asking in a few different ways, I can usually figure out if he really does. I was pretty impressed with things that he was able to remember! VERY exciting!! One of the things that was interesting was Pastor Kirk had asked Cale if he remembered the accident. Cale said that he did and when I asked him to explain, he said that he was in an Army accident and said something about a jeep. I sat there for a minute unsure of what to say. He seemed very sure, so I didn’t want to make him feel dumb, but at the same time, I have to make sure he knows it didn’t happen while he was deployed. Later I talked to him on the way home about being a soldier and he said, “It makes me happy. I like it.”

Thursday:

We celebrated Cale being done with radiation. I just can’t stop thinking about how it’s over. It wasn’t easy, and the time didn’t go quickly, but now we can move on and do a silly dance while doing it!

On the way home, I asked Cale who we had been with the night before. He wasn’t able to say names but he did say, “Church guy.” :)

I feel like there was more, but I’m drawing a blank.

Friday:

Yikes! Today was busy! It started off amazing right off the bat, because I woke up in our bed! Yeah! Then, the day started with unpacking, cleaning, and PT started today. Mostly we discussed schedule stuff and plans for treatment. In the workout room, we have two of those big ball things that have now become our seats when we play Crazy 8’s here. I think he still needs someone behind him for now, but this is going to help a TON with balance, control, stability, core strength, and more! I can’t say Cale was a big fan, but he did get to play cards while doing it! :)

After taking a look at equipment and figuring out the schedule, we took a walk to Starbucks. Usually while walking outside, its Cale’s cane in his left hand and then my hand in his right. He still needs a little more support while walking on uneven surfaces and when his legs are tired. Today, he walked ½ a block outside without my hand! And he made it all the way to Starbucks with my hand. We had our drinks inside and then walked back home. He only really scared his PT once while out…and he was totally confident! Haha!

I ran an errand this afternoon getting things ready for a BBQ tomorrow, and Cale stayed home with Mama. One of the things I picked up was flowers! I LOVE flowers, but with us leaving for Seattle, I didn’t plant any…but now we’re home! It was a happy buy! Then, as soon as I was home and unloaded stuff out of the car onto the living room floor, Mama, Cale and I left for dinner with Mama’s life together group. I love getting to visit and have dinner with people. So much fun!

Funny story…

So, last weekend while Cale was with his mom and Dennis, they asked Cale how he liked kayaking and if he enjoyed it. Cale said, “No I didn’t like it.” When they asked why he said, “Boats should have motors.” Haha! Oh my goodness!!! I laughed SO hard!! He actually did enjoy it, but his arms did get really tired, and I’m sure he would have much rather have been on a speedboat going fast!

Prayer…

Cale had gotten a little upset on the drive home tonight because his nose had started bleeding. Once we were home and had gotten out of the car, I asked if he was ok and he said, “No, I’m mad.” When I asked why he said because he was here. Then, he asked to go home; to his home and not mine.” Man. I was dreading those words. I do know though that he was tired and frustrated, so I’m praying it will pass and that he will go back to this being his home-it’s our home!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

WoooooHooooo!

I'm all out of energy, so this is going to be about the few basics and I'll have to catch up later...there is A LOT to share!

First, our Pastor from NY and his family are in Washington! On a whim, we decided to drive 2.5 hours to have dinner and visit with them last night! It was such a blessing! They are a special family, and Pastor Kirk has been a huge part of the man and woman that we are. Cale respected Pastor Kirk before the accident with the highest respect and I'm pretty sure he still does. It was great to get to catch up with them while they spoiled us with pizza and ice cream!!! :) We stayed out really late, but it was so worth it!

Love them.


Cale has completed radiation!!!!! I am SO proud of him and how he finished with such a great attitude! He had some rough moments, but for the most part, he had a good attitude the whole time we were there AND he worked so hard with therapy on top of feeling awful! His eyes within the last week have been hurting and goopy, his nose still irritated, and the breakdown of his palette are all side effects I'm praying will heal quickly!

He's done and they gave him an award for best patient! :)



Since he's done with radiation...that means...WE'RE HOME!!!!!!!!!! Yay! On the way home, we made the decision that we would like to make it to at least 2 months of being home before taking off for another month! Yikes! It feels so gooooood to be home, and so far it's "home" for Cale...this is HUGE!

We have stuff everywhere, a very large stack of mail to sort, and we also had a package waiting for us. Do you remember when I had written just a few weeks ago a conversation between Cale and I that went like this: K: "I love you like women love chocolate" C: "I love you like people love penguins"

Well, a lady that has become very special to us that has been reading the blog sent us a little penguin and some chocolate!! This was REALLY sweet! I set it up right away...where the penguin will stay, but I can't promise anything about the chocolate... ;)


Two last things...first, it has been so comforting this week that any time during the day, I know that someone is praying for Cale. Thank you. Thank you for giving of your time and of your life to bless us with your prayers! Second, Cale's memory has gotten SO much better! I have a few stories that blew my socks off and I know they will yours too!

Tomorrow!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

A great weekend- learned some great stuff& great being back with a great husband!

This weekend was a crazy amazing blessing. Wow. On the way home, I kept thinking about how insane it was that I spent a weekend in NYC with all of these famous writers that were willing to listen to what I have to share and help come up with the best way to share it. I’m totally blown away.

It was definitely a full trip complete with hard work and Kathleen-adventures! :) The first morning, all the women loaded in a bus and were taken to the Writers Guild of America building. We ate breakfast and had time to visit. It was one of those awkward times where everyone is searching for conversation. After, we were introduced to all of the mentors that volunteered their time to work with us! The list of everything that they’ve written for was lengthy!

We were all broken off into groups and then given our specific mentors that will continue to work with us even though the workshop is over. My group was 5 ladies and our mentors are: Marsha Norman, Eric Bogosian, and John Markus. After everyone was sitting around the table and the talking started…my heart almost pounded its way out of my chest! I sat there thinking how everyone around me must here it!

On the first day we did 2 writing projects. The first one I had a really hard time with! They wanted us to “rage write” and write who we’re angry at or what we’re angry at. I sat there while all these ladies are writing and honestly, wondering what in the world I was doing there! I couldn’t think of anything or anyone that I was angry at! I finally wrote about how I was angry at the accident and all that feels stolen from us. The next writing we did was writing as if we were able to get into our husbands mind and what he would be saying to us. I wanted to share them with you. I wasn’t going to at first, but figured, why not? You here all my thoughts anyways! :)

It sucks that this happened. I hate it. So much was taken-so many memories. Everything changed so quickly-without anyway to prepare. There is no rewind button to go back to that moment. Never again will I get to experience life and the dreams we had, with the same person I married. I hate it. I hate that not only was his life ripped from him robbing him of being a man-but my life as I knew it was snatched away in a moment that is lost…
Memories that were shared, thoughts that had been expressed, dreams that we desired…
Stolen.


I see your face and it makes me smile. I see your smile and I feel your hugs. I taste your kiss and I know I love you. Looking into your eyes brings me so much comfort. I don’t always know if you’re my friend or my wife, but please never leave me; I know that I need you. I’m so confused; I don’t know who I am, but I know I love when I hold your hand. When I’m scared and unsure; I don’t know what to do, I’m thankful for you-your presence, your smile.

Those were two of the started projects. Short and just to get things out and going. Everyone in our group wrote so well! I felt very much unqualified to be there. One of the things that Marsha had said though caught my attention and stayed with me, working its way into a blossoming flower in my heart.

“If you don’t tell what you know, than people will never hear it.”

So simple, but as the day went on, I started to think about how there are so many women that are hurting. The one person they’re supposed to be able to count on-is failing, and that person, they’re husband has no control over it. The most common “injury” that these husbands have is PTSD. Thankfully, Cale doesn’t have that on top of his TBI-that would put us in a crazy enchilada!

There is so much anger and loss; so much confusion and helplessness. What do you hold onto? What keeps them going?

I want to be able to tell our story and be available for God to use us and bring hope to women that after whatever injury or trauma (physical or emotional) that they’re marriage has faced, there’s still hope for a fairytale ending…it’s just gonna be their own kind of fairytale. There’s another side-a side once you’ve gotten through some of the muck…a side of love and joy!

It can be a long road, but it’s possible.

The next day, we worked on some more stuff and then they gave each of us a starting place and some advice to run with. I’ve already started and am super excited!!! Also, the mentors are available through email, but also in a few months, there is going to be a follow up work shop! Between now and then, we’re going to all be working on whatever we’re writing and then be able to go back and discuss it and critique it and see what’s next! So exciting!

That afternoon, all of us ladies were able to go see Broadway shows! Disney donated tickets! The group I was with went to Mary Poppins and I LOVED it! So much fun!


That night I was walking around the city with a couple of the other girls. We found out that Will Smith was there filming Men in Black 3…so we hunted! Some of the other women were able to find him and get some video of them shooting, but all of our hunting was unsuccessful. But, we still had so much fun!

Not only was this weekend full of opportunity and excitement, I met some pretty amazing women. I know that they’re not just going to be friends for that one weekend, but they’ll be friends for a long time! It’s so awesome to have people that understand in a way that a lot of people cant. I’m so blessed by them and getting to laugh, share, and have adventures! I really admire them!

While I was gone, Sonny took Cale back to Kennewick on Saturday after his counseling session. He stayed with his mom Saturday night and then went to church. After lunch, he drove back here with Sonny.

I received this picture at one point that said, “I turned him into a rock star. I hope that’s okay with you” Haha!


It was good for Cale to go back home and get some time out of Seattle just like me!

After a long flight home yesterday…where yes, I woke up to myself drooling on one of my flights. I was one of those people…the people that sleep with they’re mouth hanging open and drool. So gross.
I was back with Cale!!!!


It was SO good to get back to him. I was a crazy person while gone, and couldn’t get myself to stop talking about him! This blog is so great because every day it helps me to look and get to see even the little changes in Cale. Well, after being gone for the few days, I’m seeing lots of changes! He’s been able to bring things up and express himself more. Last night we went to Sonny’s parents’ house for steak and Cale cut some on his own! It was a lot of work, so he was only able to cut a couple pieces off, but so far he hasn’t been able to do that!! Also, every time that I’ve ever left him, even for just most of the day and I call to talk to him, he’s always sad! He says how he misses me and wants me back. Well, Friday night when I called, it was the first time that he was happy! He was like that all weekend too!

Last night before we went to bed, we had a funny little conversation…
C: “Kathleen”
K: “Yeah?”
C: “Geese can’t be humans.”
Not sure where that came from…but he’s right! :)

I asked him last night what his favorite part of the whole weekend was. He said, "seeing you." Awww! He's so stinkin' sweeeeeet! He may have only said that because that's all he could remember in that moment, but I'm totally claiming that he said it because of how sweet he is!

Thank you so, so, SO much to everyone that is praying and fasting for Cale this week!! Here was the final list!

Monday, June 20
8am- Marion& Kim
9am- Sandi& Kim
10am- Bonnie, Krystal, Hannah, Janis, and Kim
11am- Amanda& Kim
12pm- Macy and Mel& Kim
1pm-Nikki, Temarie, Grandma& Kim
2pm- Nikki& Kim
3pm- Nikki , Juan& Kim
4pm- Karen, Vickie, and Kim
5pm- Loriel& Kim
6pm- Kim&Joy, Michelle
7pm- Deb& Kim
8pm- Kathy& Kim
9pm- Sandra, Megan, and Kim

Tuesday, June 21
8am- Phyllis& Kim
9am- Sandi
10am- Matthew
11am- Matthew
12pm-Casey
1pm- Temarie, Grandma, Janis,
2pm-Tiffany&Carolyn
3pm- Juan
4pm- Karen&Vickie
5pm- Loriel
6pm- Joy
7pm- Deb
8pm- Susan&Kathy
9pm- Megan

Wednesday, June 22
8am- Alyssa& Kim
9am- Sandi
10am-Hannah
11am- Reenie& Sarah
12pm-Vickie
1pm- Temarie& Grandma
2pm- Karen
3pm- Juan
4pm- Deb
5pm- Mama
6pm- Mama
7pm- Mama
8pm- Susan&Kathy
9pm- Sandra &Megan

Thursday, June 23
8am- Jean& Kim
9am- Sandi & Jean
10am- Jean
11am- Jean
12pm- Stacy, Vickie, and Casey
1pm- Temarie, Grandma, Janis
2pm- Sarah
3pm- Juan
4pm-Karen
5pm-Loriel
6pm- Tiffany
7pm- Kay&Deb
8pm-Kathy
9pm- Megan

Friday, June 24
8am- Phyllis& Kim
9am- Sandi
10am-Maegan
11am- Wanda&Maegan
12pm-Maegan&Vickie
1pm- Temarie, Grandma, and Maegan
2pm-Karen&Maegan
3pm- Juan& Maegan
4pm- Janis&Maegan
5pm-Maegan
6pm-Maegan
7pm- Deb
8pm-Kathy
9pm- Megan

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Sleep.

I’m super duper tired…and just finished some “homework” that was given…so, even though I have lots to share, I’m instead going to go to bed.

But, for some enjoyment…here are some pictures from today! :)



Friday, June 17, 2011

In the land of yellow taxis!

3:30am is way too early. I give kudos to all of you that do it, and survive. I wouldn’t. When my alarm went off, I thought about throwing my phone across the room and going back to sleep. But then I remembered; I’m going to NYC!!!!

So, I got up and got ready. Sonny came to the hotel at 4am and after going over a few things I had forgotten to tell him last night, I was off. Woohoo! Theresa picked me up (she’s amazing!) and dropped me off with cookies! She didn’t send me off with just any cookie, she sent me off with peanut butter chocolate cookies!! Mmmm!

Right as I was going through security, I missed a call from a 1-800 number. Oh no. I listened to the voicemail that was letting me know my connecting flight was cancelled. Normally, even with saying that I was just going to trust in the Lord, my mind takes over and goes for a run. I go into the motion of needing to get everything figured out with the realization that MY plans have been changed.

This morning, I said out loud in the middle of the airport, “I trust You Jesus.” And that’s exactly what I did. I left it there and knew that He had set things in motion long before I was conceived. When I arrived at my gate, with a determined mind-set, I walked right up to the guy behind the counter and asked him for help. After getting my information, he looked up my flight and said nothing had been cancelled. Whew! Right after he said it though, I looked at him confused and questioned if he was sure. “Yes ma’am, I wouldn’t lie. I have no reason to lie to you. Nothing is cancelled.” It wasn't the friendliest response and I felt a little like my teacher had just gotten on me about something I had done wrong. I started to walk away and then he said, “wait.” Darn. Indeed, my flight had been cancelled. After some typing and searching, he let me know that possibly I could get on a standby at 4pm (when I was already supposed to be landing in NY). I’ll take it though! With that he added that he couldn’t promise that I would get out tonight.

Thoughts…sleep in airport, miss part of the conference, hmm…and then I said it again. “I trust You Jesus.”

The guy did a few more things and then said, “Take this, head over to gate 114. I rerouted you and they’re boarding now. You’ll get in about the same time.”
Praise God!!!!

While we were in the air and not too far from our destination, the pilot came over the speaker letting us know that traffic control wanted us to hold and not land…for 40 minutes. At that point, he was also letting us know that we may not be able to land where we had all been planning…

Again, I had to immediately check where my focus was at, “I trust You Jesus.”

We eventually were able to land, and out of all the planes that had been trying, only two landed! I’m so grateful my plane was one of them!

The WWP set up everything for the weekend; flights, meals, transportation-everything! Such a blessing! Well, since I was late, I had to figure out the shuttle stuff. I ended up landing at the airport a couple minutes after 5pm and didn’t get to the hotel until 7:30pm! Yikes! The great thing (even though it started to feel like I was never going to make it! Haha!) was that I was able to see so much of the city while driving to the hotel! I passed a few spots that I have very special fun memories from when I was with Cale on the surprise trip here. Things were going ok…

Until I got to the hotel. I could feel tears threatening at the surface. I’m exhausted from the couple hours of sleep and then a full day of travel. I was trying to hold it all together, but the lady behind, yet another desk, was telling me that she had no information on the group I was with! She pointed to the empty table where they had been set up, but that’s all she could tell me…uh?

I was able to get checked in and up to my room, but by that time I had a whole water work show! I walked in my room and said, “I need Mama!” so I called her and cried about how I was tired and hungry and lost! Haha! Oh boy. Thankfully, she always listens! :)

After a bit, I was able to lie on the bed and take a breath. “I trust You Jesus.” I called Mama back and was in the middle of thanking her for letting me cry to her when I received another call coming in. All is well and figured out now! :)

Whew.

This is going to be a massively long post…bear with me.

One of the differences between Christians and the rest of the world is that at some point in our lives, we came to a point that we recognized that we’re not enough. We came to the foot of the cross telling Jesus how rotten and ugly our flesh is and that we truly believe that He was the ultimate sacrifice; enough to wipe out any mess ups that we had done and were ever going to do. He’s enough. We told Him that we needed Him and didn’t want to go another day without having Him as Lord of our life. It’s not always quite said like that, but that’s what it’s about. Accepting a free gift of grace and being justified.

Because of this heart transformation, we are then able to confidently trust that He is guiding us and paving the way through each day. Then, when things come up like: flight being cancelled, job loss, receive unwanted test results, a loved one dies, a car accident happens, or just stuck in traffic and late for a meeting-we can make the choice to trust God and make the decision to walk in the Spirit instead of the flesh.

It may not always go the way we want it to, but no matter what the circumstance is, we are different because we can respond with patience, grace, love, peace, and joy.

It’s a learning thing- and I for one am not always top of the class with this subject! But, when I do walk in fully trusting Him daily-He’s always faithful to cover me in a waterfall of peace…

This is not something that anyone can experience-this is one of the gifts to His children and that, is a free gift offered to the world.

Even through the tears and calls to our Mama’s we can be trusting Him. It made all the difference in the world for the day I’ve had-and I’m sure you’ve had many days that played out the same way…

To reap the full blessing of His promised peace-requires constant communication with Him; He’s the lifeline.

That was my day. :)

Cale’s day was like this…

This was him waving good morning to me :)


For OT, they went to Gameworks


Here's Speech (I think the Starbucks was with Speech?)



This was after radiation


and then...they went for milkshakes and fries for an afternoon treat! Also, they went to Sonny's parents house for steaks!!! Cale is a very HAPPY man! :)


So far, things are looking good (even with my little melt down! ha!)!

Two neat things:

1) Last night after finishing the blog and turning out the light, I knew it was going to take a while to fall asleep. Cale moved a little, so I took the chance and said, maybe a little too loudly, "Hey! You awake?!" Cale replied with a groan, "yeah."
Well, since he was already awake ;) I woke him up a little more! We had such a sweet time together, whispering how much we love each other in the darkness of the room. It was a moment to store in my treasure box!

2) When I was at the Seattle airport this morning, I was headed towards the tram thing and had a memory of when I forgot to lock the brakes on his wheelchair when we were flying to NC. I started laughing and got that warm fuzzy feeling in my tummy from happy memories and wishing he was with me. What made it extra special, was that it was a memory from after the accident. Almost everywhere I go, something reminds me of a time with him before the accident, but today, it wasn't so...it was from now. Very cool!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

up, up and away!

It’s been another rough day for Cale. He’s just miserable. OT was this morning and we took another trip to Pike Place Market. After just a couple minutes of us being there, he was done and wanted to leave. I think it wasn’t totally mood as much as it is that his body is feeling the effects of radiation and he’s tired. So, after he was sweet enough to get a picture with me by Rachel the pig at the market, we headed back to the car. He not only let me get the picture by the pig, but also let me stop at one of the bakery’s on the strip that smelled Aaa-maz-ing! I was lured in like a mouse to a trap with cheese. I couldn’t help myself…I bought the best croissant I’ve ever in my life tasted. Pastry land…oh yes I did.



SO….

BIG, EXCITING, SUPER WONDERFUL news…

I’m going to NYC tomorrow! Ahhhh! Yes, you read right! Before we were discharged from the Seattle VA, I had the privilege of getting introduced to some of the staff of the Wounded Warrior Project. Cale and I were able to have a yummy pizza lunch with them as we talked about all that this organization has to offer-it’s crazy awesome! One of the big things they talked with me about is caregiver retreats. Huh? Just the thought of a spa getaway can do wonders for a gal in my shoes! After talking about it all, my excitement grew, and shortly after that lunch, we went home. As you know, the time that we were home, was so great, but also so hard. Daily I was thinking even more about this Spa retreat and how I could really use it, and how much I would love to meet more spouses who have become caregivers (I have so many thoughts about “caregivers”, but those will come for a later day).

Anyways, a few weeks after being home, the lady that is a part of setting up all the retreats gave me a call. Yay! The call went a little differently than I had imagined it would go. She let me know that she could sign me up for a Spa retreat, but wanted to also give me the opportunity to attend a writer’s workshop! She said it’s a onetime thing that the Wounded Warrior Project is teaming up with Writers Guild of America. I don’t know quite what the weekend is going to be like, but I did find out today that I will be given a mentor to help with the process of writing my book!!!!!!! Can you believe this opportunity?! Ahhhhh! When she first told me about it, she cautioned me that the Spa retreat was a very relaxing weekend that I knew I much needed, and that the writer’s workshop was going to be full and busy. The problem was that I had to choose one or the other-I didn’t choose the spa.

I told her that I could do a spa night with friends (yes you! Let’s start planning!) and that the writer’s retreat was something I couldn’t pass up!

Ahhhhh! I am so excited and CAN’T believe it!

There was a bit of a scare though, once we found out we were going to be in Seattle through June. In fact, I cried. I was so disappointed and honestly, I confronted God, wondering why He would open such a wonderful door, only to close it with disappointing news. I was crushed.

Rachel(thank goodness for her)reminded me that there are lots of people that we know, and there was a possibility that we could find someone to help with Cale. She told me not to give up so quickly on getting to go.

This idea didn’t seem too convincing because who in the world can I ask to take on a weekend of taking care of Cale and all that goes with that-like, radiation appointments?! Maybe when we're back in our hometown, it's one thing, but in Seattle? Our moms weren’t able to, and I was getting even more discouraged.

When I was praying one morning, again telling God I just didn’t get it, and trying to think of anyone that could help out, I thought of Sonny. The only reason I thought of him (aside from the Lord putting his name on my heart) was that he was willing to make a drive for someone else, and they ended up not needing him…well, would he be crazy enough to help with Cale?

Yes.

So, Sonny, our worship leader and neighbor is here in Seattle and about to hang out with Cale for a weekend. Lord, be with them!


It’s going to be great. I know it is! Cale is going to love some guy time and I’m going to be soaking up whatever I possibly can from the work shop!

Praise God for the hard days and the good! Blessings beyond blessings have been poured out on us-and I’m so incredibly thankful.

Prayer & Fasting list!

Monday, June 20
8am- Marion& Kim
9am- Sandi& Kim
10am- Bonnie, Krystal, Hannah, Janis, and Kim
11am- Amanda& Kim
12pm- Macy and Mel& Kim
1pm-Nikki, Temarie, Grandma& Kim
2pm- Nikki& Kim
3pm- Nikki , Juan& Kim
4pm- Karen, Vickie, and Kim
5pm- Loriel& Kim
6pm- Kim&Joy
7pm- Deb& Kim
8pm- Kathy& Kim
9pm- Sandra, Megan, and Kim

Tuesday, June 21
8am- Phyllis& Kim
9am- Sandi
10am- Matthew
11am- Matthew
12pm-Casey
1pm- Temarie, Grandma, Janis, Tiffany
2pm
3pm- Juan
4pm- Karen&Vickie
5pm- Loriel
6pm- Joy
7pm- Deb
8pm- Susan&Kathy
9pm- Megan

Wednesday, June 22
8am- Alyssa& Kim
9am- Sandi
10am-Hannah
11am- Reenie& Sarah
12pm-Vickie
1pm- Temarie& Grandma, and Tiffany
2pm- Karen
3pm- Juan
4pm- Deb
5pm- Mama
6pm- Mama
7pm- Mama
8pm- Susan&Kathy
9pm- Sandra &Megan

Thursday, June 23
8am- Jean& Kim
9am- Sandi & Jean
10am- Jean
11am- Jean
12pm- Stacy, Vickie, and Casey
1pm- Temarie, Grandma, Janis
2pm- Sarah
3pm- Juan
4pm-Karen
5pm-Loriel
6pm
7pm- Kay&Deb
8pm-Kathy
9pm- Megan

Friday, June 24
8am- Phyllis& Kim
9am- Sandi
10am-Maegan
11am- Wanda&Maegan
12pm-Maegan&Vickie
1pm- Temarie, Grandma, and Maegan
2pm-Karen&Maegan
3pm- Juan& Maegan
4pm- Janis&Maegan
5pm-Maegan
6pm-Maegan
7pm- Deb
8pm-Kathy
9pm- Megan

Prayer and Fasting

So far...

Monday, June 20
8am- Marion
9am- Sandi
10am- Bonnie, Krystal, Hannah, and Janis
11am- Amanda
12pm- Macy and Mel
1pm-Nikki&Temarie&Grandma
2pm- Nikki
3pm- Nikk &Juan
4pm- Karen& Vickie
5pm- Loriel
6pm
7pm- Deb
8pm- Kathy
9pm- Sandra& Megan

Tuesday, June 21
8am- Phyllis
9am- Sandi
10am- Matthew
11am- Matthew
12pm-
1pm- Temarie, Grandma, Janis, Tiffany
2pm
3pm- Juan
4pm- Karen&Vickie
5pm- Loriel
6pm
7pm- Deb
8pm- Susan&Kathy
9pm- Megan

Wednesday, June 22
8am- Alyssa
9am- Sandi
10am-Hannah
11am
12pm-Vickie
1pm- Temarie& Grandma, and Tiffany
2pm- Karen
3pm- Juan
4pm- Deb
5pm- Mama
6pm- Mama
7pm- Mama
8pm- Susan&Kathy
9pm- Sandra &Megan

Thursday, June 23
8am- Jean
9am- Sandi & Jean
10am- Jean
11am- Jean
12pm- Stacy&Vickie
1pm- Temarie, Grandma, Janis
2pm
3pm- Juan
4pm-Karen
5pm-Loriel
6pm
7pm- Kay&Deb
8pm-Kathy
9pm- Megan

Friday, June 24
8am- Phyllis
9am- Sandi
10am-Maegan
11am- Wanda&Maegan
12pm-Maegan&Vickie
1pm- Temarie, Grandma, and Maegan
2pm-Karen&Maegan
3pm- Juan& Maegan
4pm- Janis&Maegan
5pm-Maegan
6pm-Maegan
7pm- Deb
8pm-Kathy
9pm- Megan

THANK YOU for everyone that has been willing to commit to some time next week!!! Also, thank you for the messages that let me know you're praying even though not commiting to specific times!! Love all of you!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

A kayaking we will go!

This is what we did today...

{Cale was silly}



{then he climbed in a kayak?!}




{and then I joined him!}




{Off we went!}


The morning was real rough. In fact, I told Cale that he woke up on the wrong side of the bed, so he should go back to bed and try again-didn't work. I was unsure of how the outing was going to go, but I was determined to give it a try. Well, we had fun! I don’t think he enjoyed it as much as he might have on another day, but he did have fun.

The rest of the afternoon was going really great until it was time for radiation. He made it very clear that he didn’t want to go, be there, or ever see that place again. Thankfully, I was able to get him to the car…

It was doctor day so we had to stay longer. So far, there haven’t been any problems to report, but today I had a few things. Cale is really starting to feel the side effects (did I write about this yet?). It’s making me so sad! His nose is irritating him so much, which they expected to happen, but he doesn’t understand what’s going on or why it’s irritating him. So…he scratches. With him picking/scratching constantly, his nose bleeds. It hurts and then he picks more because of the dried blood…this is causing more bleeding and more irritation.

Also, the radiation is hitting is palette. Boo! This is causing sores in his mouth that hurt. It doesn’t seem to be bothering him when he eats, but he has been complaining that it hurts really badly.

He has had some weight loss…so we’re keeping an eye on that too!

So…of course with the issues that are coming, there are things we need to do for them. My heart was sinking with every word the resident was saying…the nose rinse. Cale had to do this when he had surgery on his nose at Palo Alto. I don’t know if you remember me writing about these terrible rinses or not; they are Cale’s enemy. Mine too. He hates them…really, really hates them. He would never let the nurses do them and they would always end up with screaming and hitting. I can’t blame him, I’m sure they’re plain awful. Now that he’s even more aware of things, I’m not sure if it will go better than before, or be even worse. I’m dreading the thought.

Also, we have to do two different mouth rinses on top of his special mouth wash. Again, he’s not going to be thrilled. All of the exciting news was followed with a fairly large blow up from him. On top of the misery of the situation, I just hate that he has to go through all of this! I really hate that with his brain injury and with all the confusion, and now radiation and being away from home-he has to do these things on top of it. Ugg.

I was trying to remember everything the Lord has been working on my heart the last few days. I could imagine my brain having all of these filing cabinets and in a rampage, I was digging, tossing, grabbing, ripping, and sorting.

Jesus I trust you.

When we got back to the hotel, Cale laid down for a nap. While he was sleeping, I did a few things I needed to get done for this weekend (more on that later). When he woke up, we ended up having a great evening!!! Thank you for all of you that were praying!

We had fun laughing and being silly. Cale helped me pick out some outfits and he had a blast watching baseball on TV! He NEVER watches baseball on TV, not even before the accident, but he sure did tonight! He followed it, cheered when there was something good, and made sad noises when it was bad. I think after watching the Mariners play, he likes it now? Haha!

Once we hit night time and he first got in bed, we went downhill again. He’s currently still awake and miserable. I’m really grateful that it’s not focused at me for the moment!

Two conversations we’ve had today:

We were standing outside of the hospital waiting for our car, and I could feel the weight of dreading what was to come. “I hate it. I’m so sorry about this. I hate that you have to go through all of this. I’m so sorry. “Were the words on the tip of my tongue, and out they came. Cale lifted my chin and so sweetly said, “It’s not your fault.” And then he wrapped me in a big hug.

Tonight when he was very first climbing into bed, this is what started his change of mood.

“I don’t like this, this, what is this?” K: Radiation C: “Why me? Why do I have to do this?” I talked with him about how maybe because God trusted him and allowed it in his life because God knew that he would be able to go through it, and react in a way that would reflect His love and grace. Cale without hesitation said, “I deny.”
Poor guy.

I’m so thankful that out of such a hard day, we had fun kayaking AND had such a wonderful joy-filled evening. Gift from Jesus!

Side note…

I’ve mentioned before that I had gone to Malawi with my friend Melissa for 6 months. Well, she just showed me this video which is of the place that we had gone to! Cale and I watched this right before I started typing and OH MY! Just what I needed!!! Tears…so many tears, but good ones! So many treasured memories! A lot of the little kiddos you see in this video are the same ones that I was able to love like crazy on 5 years ago! Yikes…5 years!



I told myself this was going to be a short post, but...uh... oops!

Here's the prayer and fasting list! If you've been meaning to choose a time, please do so by tomorrow night! I may not be able to update this weekend...!

Monday, June 20
8am- Marion
9am- Sandi
10am- Bonnie, Krystal, Hannah, and Janis
11am- Amanda
12pm- Macy and Mel
1pm-Nikki&Temarie&Grandma
2pm- Nikki
3pm- Nikk &Juan
4pm
5pm- Loriel
6pm
7pm- Deb
8pm- Kathy
9pm- Sandra& Megan

Tuesday, June 21
8am- Phyllis
9am- Sandi
10am- Matthew
11am- Matthew
12pm-
1pm- Temarie, Grandma, Janis, Tiffany
2pm
3pm- Juan
4pm
5pm- Loriel
6pm
7pm- Deb
8pm- Susan&Kathy
9pm- Megan

Wednesday, June 22
8am- Alyssa
9am- Sandi
10am-Hannah
11am
12pm
1pm- Temarie& Grandma, and Tiffany
2pm
3pm- Juan
4pm- Deb
5pm- Mama
6pm- Mama
7pm- Mama
8pm- Susan&Kathy
9pm- Sandra &Megan

Thursday, June 23
8am- Jean
9am- Sandi & Jean
10am- Jean
11am- Jean
12pm-
1pm- Temarie, Grandma, Janis
2pm
3pm- Juan
4pm
5pm-Loriel
6pm
7pm- Kay&Deb
8pm-Kathy
9pm- Megan

Friday, June 24
8am- Phyllis
9am- Sandi
10am-
11am- Wanda
12pm
1pm- Temarie&Grandma
2pm
3pm- Juan
4pm- Janis
5pm
6pm
7pm- Deb
8pm-Kathy
9pm- Megan

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Pastries and Square Pants.



Last night a friend posted the video I had made using the song “Blessings” by Laura Story. It shows our adventures and hard work to get home. The end of it shows a clip of us finally being home that first night on April 1. Since I saw it posted, I of course watched it again and Cale joined me. When the video was almost over and Cale saw the house, he yelled out, “home!” YAY!!!! It was so, so, so good to hear him call that our home! I’m hoping that sticks…for good this time. I was so excited about him calling it home, that after the video was over, I pulled up a bunch of pictures of our house. We both looked through them twice! We are missing being in our home. It’s been fun here, but there’s no place like home! Soon…it’s so soon!

There was no therapy today, just radiation. Cale is starting to feel some of the side effects. His nose has been stuffy and really bothering him and then today he was saying the inside of his mouth was hurting a lot. Thankfully, he hasn’t experienced anything too bad, and hopefully never will down the road. If you think about it, please be praying against side effects! I think he may be starting to feel the fatigue too.

Right after the accident happened, I totally forgot a lot of our passwords. I couldn’t get into my old email, Cale’s email, Mypay, or listen to his voicemails on his phone. Random things went out of my mind and I wasn’t able to think of them again. Weird. Well, after all of this time, I finally was able to reset his password to his voicemail. It was such an easy thing to do, but all of these months, I thought it was going to be complicated, and I just haven’t remembered to do anything with it. He had 18 that were still on and hadn’t timed off, so we spent time this afternoon listening to all of them. Out of the 18, 11 were from Cale calling from my phone and leaving a voice message to himself. They usually start with, “Hi Cale, this is Cale…” There was another voicemail that was Cale leaving it for Joe, but on his phone! Haha! Oh goodness…I love him. Crazy boy.

Yesterday, Cale had the TV on and was watching Sponge Bob Square Pants while I was making lunch. He used to say this show annoyed him so much, because it seemed to be on everywhere. It was fascinating watching him be so focused on this show! He was clapping and cheering, making sound effects with it, and laughing like crazy! Part of me watched him, with a slight sad heart, because it shows very much where he’s at, and I know that what was coming out was like a little boy, BUT it’s so amazing that he’s able to follow the show, react to what’s happening, and to enjoy something! Things right now are so hard for him to enjoy, but he was laughing so hard! It was another rough day, but in that moment, all I kept thinking was how grateful I was for the sponge with the square pants.

After radiation, we stopped at the grocery store. I ran inside and gave Cale his phone to call me if he needed. I don’t do this if I’m going to be a while, but when it’s quick trips in and out, especially if he’s tired, I let him just rest. The two times before I did this, he called and talked to me while I shopped. It was actually kind of fun, because I wasn’t right by him (which he calls me when I’m right next to him all the time!), and we even flirted! :) Today though, he didn’t call so I took that time as just quiet time, but also it was fun because I always love grocery shopping (I know, I’m weird). Wanna know what gets me all the time?! The pastries! Man, when I walk through the bakery, the smells of the fresh bread, the sweet desserts all boxed up perfectly, the rolls that look like they would be perfect with dinner tonight, and the big round loaves of crusty on the outside-light and fluffy on the inside bread. Oh man. Yes, in the moments that I walk through that part of the store, I’m taken away to a land where I am indeed 500 pounds and stuffing my face-but extremely happy.

Normally, I can’t fight hard enough and I give into just one treat…or two…or I come up with the idea to have people over, so that I can splurge a little more…

Today, I walked away. But I did get a small thing of ice cream for us.
Guilty, but happy! ;)

My time with the Lord the last few mornings has been so encouraging and making me look at things a little differently. I’m so grateful for the ways that the Lord speaks through His word, and through others. Isn’t that so neat?! One of the daily readings in the devotion Jesus Calling by Sarah Young I just started, it was saying to view each day as an adventure. Immediately I was like a school kid that knew the answer to a really hard question. Yes! I do that! And then felt as though I should get a pat on the back…good job Kathleen, you are very good at this one. But then, am I looking at the day as an adventure when I’m in a car accident with my husband? Or what about the days when everything seems to be going the wrong way? Or what about when…? Later in the reading, it says, “Thank me for this day (good and bad!) of life, recognizing that it is a precious unrepeatable gift. Some days, we hit the pillow and are thanking God that we never have to see that day again, do we stop to think it’s a gift? He prepares us for whatever is going to come each day, if we will allow Him to. The reading finishes up with, “No matter how steep or treacherous the path before you, the safest place to be is by My side.” If we’re walking with Him, nothing is going to trample us. Every day is so designed for us, He knows…He’s not going to show us what’s ahead, but He has thoroughly equipped us- is a reading from another day. “His presence is the best road map available” and then from today I loved, “Circumstances around you are undulating, and there are treacherous-looking waves in the distance. Fix your eyes on Me, the One who never changes. By the time those waves reach you, they will have shrunk to proportions of My design.”

There is so much and it’s so meaty! I’m really loving it!

One of the other parts that I had read a couple days ago is what seemed to really stick out, like a flashing neon sign, “Instead of starring into the day that is ahead of you, attempting to program it according to your will, be attentive to Me and to all that I have prepared for you.” After that was when it went on to talk about the day being a gift.

When I read that, my thoughts were again drawn back to the accident…we had our plans in motion and had everything set up for what was on our agenda. When I think about the accident being something that was on God’s planner (not saying he caused it, just knew it was going to happen), it changes so many areas in my heart…and then today when I read how to us looking out, the waves seem so scary, but by the time they reach us, God has already made it something that we can bare. A size that he knows our hearts can hold up and if we choose to rely on Him, He promises to carry the load.

I hope I’m making sense.

Anyways…lots of stuff going on in my heart…SO thankful for each word!

I’ve been told people are trying to post their chunk of time on the blog, but it’s not posting…sorry! My email is darlingkathleen@ymail.com if you would rather email! Thank you so much for being willing to sacrifice some of your time!

Updated Prayer and Fasting list...

Monday, June 20
8am- Marion
9am- Sandi
10am-
11am- Amanda
12pm- Anonymous
1pm-Nikki
2pm- Nikki
3pm- Nikki
4pm
5pm- Loriel
6pm
7pm- Deb
8pm- Kathy
9pm- Sandra& Megan

Tuesday, June 21
8am- Phyllis
9am- Sandi
10am- Matthew
11am- Matthew
12pm-
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm- Loriel
6pm
7pm- Deb
8pm- Susan&Kathy
9pm- Megan

Wednesday, June 22
8am- Alyssa
9am- Sandi
10am-
11am
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm- Deb
5pm- Mama
6pm- Mama
7pm- Mama
8pm- Susan&Kathy
9pm- Sandra &Megan

Thursday, June 23
8am- Jean
9am- Sandi & Jean
10am- Jean
11am- Jean
12pm-
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm-Loriel
6pm
7pm- Kay&Deb
8pm-Kathy
9pm- Megan

Friday, June 24
8am- Phyllis
9am- Sandi
10am-
11am- Wanda
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm- Deb
8pm-Kathy
9pm- Megan

Monday, June 13, 2011

He might say…always steak…

Cale’s therapy session today was speech. It’s not his favorite. This seems to be the hardest because it’s really causing his brain to work. Alita was having him repeat some sentences that were really working on him enunciating. After a bit, he threw himself back on the bed. I was in the little nook just listening and working on a few things. I heard her ask him if he wanted to take a break and Cale answered with, “I’m mad.” She asked why and he then exploded saying he’s not stupid. I was unsure whether I should jump in and try to calm him or just see how things went. I decided to hang back (because when we’re home, I won’t always be there), and Alita did awesome of redirecting and finishing up with a good session. Later when I talked to him, he said that he speaks perfectly and doesn’t need help. He also said, there was nothing wrong with him. After talking with him, I realized it wasn’t going to go anywhere, so I ended the conversation gently. Small doses.

Here’s what is still needed for next week of prayer and fasting! Comment below with the chunk of time you would like to commit to!

Monday, June 20
8am- Marion
9am- Sandi
10am-Deb
11am
12pm- Anonymous
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm
8pm-Kathy
9pm- Sandra& Megan

Tuesday, June 21
8am- Phyllis
9am- Sandi
10am- Matthew
11am- Matthew
12pm-Deb
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm
8pm- Susan&Kathy
9pm- Megan

Wednesday, June 22
8am-
9am- Sandi
10am-Deb
11am
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm- Mama
6pm- Mama
7pm- Mama
8pm- Susan&Kathy
9pm- Sandra &Megan

Thursday, June 23
8am- Jean
9am- Sandi & Jean
10am- Jean
11am- Jean
12pm-Deb
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm
8pm-Kathy
9pm- Megan

Friday, June 24
8am- Phyllis
9am- Sandi
10am-Deb
11am
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm
8pm-Kathy
9pm- Megan

A bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate. - Proverbs 15:17

I couldn’t help but post this verse…I wonder if Cale would agree with it?! Heehee!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Oink! Oink!

The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.-Deuteronomy 33:27

Man! We are sure getting fed around here! It wasn’t completely on purpose; but we have been eating out a lot! Friday night we went to Olive Garden, yesterday we went to Red Robin, and today we ate out twice! This is not good for the lady who has not been working out!! Cale is of course-l.o.v.i.n.g it! ;)

Earlier this month, we were given a gift through PayPal. I’ve been trying to decide how to use it, and finally figured out what it was going to be perfect for! We finally made it to the top of the Space Needle today! Not only did we go all the way to the top, but we also had lunch there! The food was SO extremely tasty and satisfying! When the check came, Cale said, “Wowzers!” It was the most we have ever paid for food in our lives, but for this special treat for us, I’m saying it was totally worth it! The food was delicious and so was the view! On our way there, we were in the car and praising God together for how beautiful the blue sky was! He spoiled us and we gladly accepted! :)

Eating our fantastic lunch!


Observation Deck


Before going we had a counseling session this morning at 10. We did more art together. I love getting to see the difference between Cale’s finished work and mine. Today she had given us paper that was cut into the shape of a house and folded so it opened up down the middle. Then, she gave us a whole bunch of pictures cut from a magazine and told us that it can represent our home, or us, or whatever we wanted. The next (not sure how long, but felt like an hour), while we both looked through all the pictures and put in piles of what we wanted and didn’t want. I started cutting and gluing before Cale, so I thought I was going to be done way before him. Well, he ended up sitting there waiting for me to finish! I completely decorated, complete with organized area for different categories, and Cale (being the man he is!) picked (I think 5) out a few pictures, glued them and was done. Haha! This cracked me up…he is such a guy! ;)

It’s been fun seeing what art brings out and getting to do projects like this. I’m hoping it’s something we can still possibly continue when we go home. Cale did say today that therapy will be good at home…I’m holding him to that!

We were supposed to tackle the Zoo today, but our AW2 wasn’t able to take such a long chunk of time and go with us. We weren’t too disappointed since that opened up us going to the Space Needle. We still wanted to see her though, so we spent this evening with her…this led to the second time eating out for the day. Oh boy.

I had every intention of letting Cale eat and me getting a side of something or just an appetizer, but after looking over the menu a few times…well…that then led to me getting another meal! Oh man! It was good and fun though! We sat outside because it was so nice out, but the rain and chilliness followed not too long after. The restaurant we went to hands out blankets, so we bundled up! :) Our AW2 is awesome! She is constantly going above and beyond for us, and has helped me time after time. She’s going to be moving to England next month, so we’re going to miss her bunches! She has become not just a go to person to help us out, but a friend. Thank you Theresa!


I love flowers. I also really love plants and always say that one day I will have a garden. Just because I love them, doesn’t mean I have a green thumb. In fact, Mama and I are really good about knowing how to kill plants and flowers, and my sister is really good about knowing how to bring them back to life! This hasn’t stopped me from continuing to try though! I really wanted to plant some flowers, but I knew we were going to be coming here. Right before we left though, I was determined to at least try planting a couple, but then that meant Mama was going to be the one taking care of them, which also means, dead plants. Well, she sent me a couple pictures today, and look! there’s green!



This morning as I was getting breakfast ready for us, I asked Cale if he could help me out and make the bed. He has been trying to help me lately with doing it, which is really sweet. I knew it wasn’t going to look perfect, but that didn’t matter, last week when the RC came, we didn’t even have the bed made! He wrestled with the blankets and gave a few grunts, and at one point I looked at him and he was walking with no-NO cane around the bed with his arms up (as if showing his gun show!). I commented on how great it was he was walking without his cane, which he replied with, “I’m Mr. Dangerous!” :)

This is what we still need!
Prayer & Fasting


Monday, June 20
8am- Marion
9am- Sandi
10am
11am
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm
8pm
9pm
Tuesday, June 21
8am
9am- Sandi
10am
11am
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm
8pm
9pm
Wednesday, June 22
8am
9am- Sandi
10am
11am
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm- Mama
6pm- Mama
7pm- Mama
8pm
9pm
Thursday, June 23
8am- Jean
9am- Sandi & Jean
10am- Jean
11am- Jean
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm
8pm
9pm
Friday, June 24
8am
9am- Sandi
10am
11am
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm
8pm
9pm
Please leave comment for the chunk of time you would like to commit to!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

a little trip...with big blessings!

I’m not going to write much tonight because I’m toast, but I do want to ask that you think about joining me the week that we go home by spending time praying and fasting for Cale and going home. During my prayer time every morning, I’ve been praying that Cale would be on the tip of an explosion in his progress. I can see things that are just beginning to happen that have been extremely exciting! I know that God has a lot more planned for him! Our time home before was a challenge, as Cale never was able to understand that we were indeed home. It was a daily struggle for him. I’ve given a list of times and would love if you would be willing to leave a comment for a chunk of time that you would like to cover. Every day, I’ll update where we still need someone praying/fasting. You can choose to take an hour or several hours, it would just be so awesome to have him prayed up leading to home!

Monday, June 20
8am
9am
10am
11am
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm
8pm
9pm

Tuesday, June 21
8am
9am
10am
11am
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm
8pm
9pm

Wednesday, June 22
8am
9am
10am
11am
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm
8pm
9pm

Thursday, June 23
8am
9am
10am
11am
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm
8pm
9pm

Friday, June 24
8am
9am
10am
11am
12pm
1pm
2pm
3pm
4pm
5pm
6pm
7pm
8pm
9pm

We took a road trip to visit Ben and Katie today! It was so special getting to see them and so encouraging to see how far Ben has progressed. His memory and awareness to everything is outstanding! On the drive to their house, Cale and I prayed that we would be a blessing to them while we had time to visit, and instead, we left being so blessed!

It’s so easy to get caught up in what Cale is still lacking. He still sometimes forgets that we’re married, and he sometimes thinks he’s still a little boy. He doesn’t know he has a brain injury most of the time and he still can’t process conversation easily. He doesn’t tolerate lots of noise, and he isn’t at a point that he can initiate an independent activity. He can’t follow 3 step commands, and he still needs cues to finish a task…I could keep going with cognitive stuff that he lacks, BUT praise God that he can walk! It’s such a blessing that he has become so mobile and even though he still has limits with it right now, and even though he still has ways to go, it’s a HUGE deal!

I forget how many things we’re able to do because he’s so mobile. I forget sometimes the pain it was to lug his wheelchair everywhere! I forget what it was like to have him sitting in the wheelchair with me at a restaurant instead of in a booth snug next to me. I forget what it’s like not having to go to the bathroom with him…goodness! Again, I can keep going about the bazillion ways that Cale being so mobile is such a blessing!

Ben still has to work really hard to get his body to do what he wants. Unlike Cale, Ben still needs his wheelchair. It’s so easy to let myself look at Ben and think about how great it would be to have Cale so far along with all the cognitive stuff, but I know that when Ben saw Cale walking today, he must have been thinking about how great it would be to walk!

God is daily continuing His mighty work in the lives of these two men! The healing isn’t going to stop!

A couple really neat things from today…

We went out and about for a bit and look who was giving Ben a push?! Cale did really well pushing Ben through the store. He bumped a few things, and Ben quickly started tucking his toes in, but I have to say, this picture of them gives me an extra large smile!


Ben was saying that his back was really bothering him. Katie kept trying to get him comfortable through dinner, but nothing was helping. On the way back to their house, Katie told Cale that Ben’s back was really hurting him. Right after, Cale reached up and put his hand on the back of Ben’s chair and started praying for him…SO awesome to see!

About an hour after we left and were almost home (until I got a little lost…yes, even with the GPS!), I asked Cale who we were with today. He said, “One girl and one boy.” I asked him if he could tell me their names. It took him a minute and then he said, “Katie and Ben” I told him he was right and then he asked, “How did I know that?” He surprised himself! :)AND, it had been an hour and he remembered!!!!!!!!! Woohoo!!!!

As I’m typing this and getting ready to hopefully get a good night sleep, I’m feeling like blessings are overflowing. God is so good isn’t He?