Life right now, is such a roller coaster. I feel like my emotions are always up and down and I never really know what I’m feeling. Even when I’m surrounded by people and we’re laughing about something I sit there thinking about Caleb and how he’s not getting to laugh. I eat food and think about the last meal we ate together. Thursday and Friday night I had taken a pain pill for all my awkward soreness and that helped knock me out too! Last night I decided to try to sleep on my own and instead of sleeping I laid awake all night thinking about the day of the wreck and all that we talked about and did, about how happy we were. It plays over and over in my mind. I also kept thinking about him opening his eyes and what it’s going to be like when he wakes up. Happiness, is something I haven’t felt since the 10th, and being with him. Thankfully, I serve a God who is above all the emotions that run through me and He fills me with His joy. I feel so tired and worn out and ready for all of this to be over but I serve a God that fills me with His power and strength.
I am confident that Cale will pull through this. He also loves and serves a God that is bigger than anything that can damage his earthly body and God can fill him with the strength to fight until the end. The struggle I’m having, is every day, sitting next to his bed and seeing him lying there, not able to laugh and play with me. He’s not able to talk to me and tell me what he’s thinking and I’m not able to comfort him the way I want. Sometimes I think if I could just crawl up in his bed, cuddle up to him, lay my head on his chest, wrap my arm around his waist, and intertwine my legs with his that he will wake up and everything will be great. For some reason the nurses around here seem to think that’s not a good idea…
I know God is holding Cale in the palm of his hand. The support I feel and all of the amazing things God is doing are so encouraging. Thank you everyone for praying. I know Cale is going to feel so special when he finally wakes up and sees how much he’s loved! :)
Song of Solomon 8:6- Love is as strong as death.