Sunday, February 21, 2010

Update - Kathleen

Life right now, is such a roller coaster. I feel like my emotions are always up and down and I never really know what I’m feeling. Even when I’m surrounded by people and we’re laughing about something I sit there thinking about Caleb and how he’s not getting to laugh. I eat food and think about the last meal we ate together. Thursday and Friday night I had taken a pain pill for all my awkward soreness and that helped knock me out too! Last night I decided to try to sleep on my own and instead of sleeping I laid awake all night thinking about the day of the wreck and all that we talked about and did, about how happy we were. It plays over and over in my mind. I also kept thinking about him opening his eyes and what it’s going to be like when he wakes up. Happiness, is something I haven’t felt since the 10th, and being with him. Thankfully, I serve a God who is above all the emotions that run through me and He fills me with His joy. I feel so tired and worn out and ready for all of this to be over but I serve a God that fills me with His power and strength.
I am confident that Cale will pull through this. He also loves and serves a God that is bigger than anything that can damage his earthly body and God can fill him with the strength to fight until the end. The struggle I’m having, is every day, sitting next to his bed and seeing him lying there, not able to laugh and play with me. He’s not able to talk to me and tell me what he’s thinking and I’m not able to comfort him the way I want. Sometimes I think if I could just crawl up in his bed, cuddle up to him, lay my head on his chest, wrap my arm around his waist, and intertwine my legs with his that he will wake up and everything will be great. For some reason the nurses around here seem to think that’s not a good idea…
I know God is holding Cale in the palm of his hand. The support I feel and all of the amazing things God is doing are so encouraging. Thank you everyone for praying. I know Cale is going to feel so special when he finally wakes up and sees how much he’s loved! :)
Song of Solomon 8:6- Love is as strong as death.

19 comments:

  1. hang in there sweety.everything your feeling is normal and fine.i know how you feel.i would be the same way wth your brother.you'll get to be in cales arms soon.im sorry you have to go through this.it sucks.love ya deb

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  2. wow sweetheart, you really have a wonderful outlook on all of this. many would be angry at God and going through all kinds of negative emotions like why me why me. im so proud of you, you have a sweet spirit about you through all of this turmoil. you keep looking to the very God that totally has cale in his palm and you are an inspiration to all who read your posts. keep looking up as God has promised to keep you and cale. all prayers will continue, thanks to all of you who keep us posted. we love you all and cale until you wake and we can say it face to face, Gods blessings on you.

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  3. Kathleen- As I read your post the tears flow and my heart breaks for you once again. Yet you made me laugh. You are an amazing person. I admire so many things about you especially your love and devotion to Cale. I wish I had words to heal your heart and make everything better. I have tried writing you but I never know what to say. I pray for you and Cale constantly. I love you and pray that God will strengthen you and heal Cale completely.

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  4. Kathleen, once again I am crying. And, as always, I continue to pray. Love, Bonnie Bennett

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  5. "Strength arise as we wait upon the Lord..Our God! He lives forever. Our God, The strong Deliverer!" ~Chris Tomlin (Try singing it, it sounds much better)

    We pray for strength and deliverance from this difficult season.

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  6. Love you so much! Praying for you!

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  7. Sis, you hang in there. I know only a part of what you feel, and it must be horrible what you are having to deal with. just know that he will come through this, and will make you feel happy again. all our prayers are with you and him right now. Me and crystal are here if you need a break, or someone to talk to. We love you
    Juan

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  8. Was thinking about you today and remembered when we used to sing "Held" in Africa when times got tough. Really wish I could be there to hug you and sing it to you. You are so strong and I have always admired that about you. You've stood strong through times when most other people (including me) would have fallen apart. Love you so much!!! -Melissa

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  9. My heart goes out to you. i cant believe what you are going threw.. You are a amazing women of the lord, and he is giving you so much grace my wonderful sister... Darryl looked at some of the blogs and pictures and he started to tear up... I cant even believe what you are feeling.. I pray that he wakes up, and you just start everything all over again.. I have never seen so much joy and happiness since i met you both, and saw you love for one another.. Youe a true and loving person, and i pray to Jesus you will smile, and laugh with your husband again my sister.. again my heart, and all of my love is with you... I pray scriptures over cale all the time, and i believe that God's word does not come back voide.. God is holding you in his arms, and just be with him...

    All of my Love
    Katie Tobin..

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  10. Just remember sweet girl that even though you can't hold him like you want to, he knows your there. We'd all love for him to wake up...yesterday (!!!)...but God needs to heal him first and He will, I know He will. I can only imagine how hard it must be, but you're doing a fabulous job. Take care of yourself too, take little breaks every once in a while, go outside and see the beautiful world that you're going to share once again with that goofy boy of yours. Love to you both sweetie!
    ~Kathleen D.

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  11. Carli Williams2/22/10, 3:45 AM

    You and Caleb and your loved ones are in our prayes, Kathleen. We are believing along with you for his full recovery. I don't know you really at all and don't really know what to say, but I just want you to know we are praying and thinking of you.

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  12. Be strong, girl. Everybody up here at Fort Drum is thinking of Caleb (SGT Darling :)) and of course of you and your family!

    CPT Shaddick

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  13. Hello Kathleen
    I am PK's sister and our dad lived through a horrible car crash when we were growing up since he was hit by a drunk driver.
    He was severly injured and although it was a journey, he got well again. I also had to go through our youngest daughters newborn surgery to save her life and nurture her through 2 years of issues. God's grace and hand upon us at that time is something I will never forget.
    You mentioned that as you eat, you are aware Caleb cannot eat, and as you laugh Caleb cannot laugh, remember God and you are his strength right now and as you take care of yourself, you are doing it for him. Taking good care of yourself right now is not selfish, it is what you need to do to be a strength to Caleb.
    I will be praying that God's presence rests upon you both.
    Sincerely,
    Kim

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  14. for every time I read your updates Leena Bean My heart hurts I wish that I could just kiss your booboo & make everything go away like when you were little. I think of you & Cale everyday. I can't be there to hold your hand but I love you two very much. When Cale wakes up everything will fall back into place. Keep your head up don't let the little things hold you back. Praying for you two everyday." I don't think I've prayed this much in my hole life " hahahahaha!!!!! I hope that made you smile. Me & Raul are here for you always. Love Big Sis Carla

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  15. Dear Kathleen,
    I wish I could say something to make you feel better, or to wash away all of your pain and anxiety! I only worked with you for 4 months, but in that short time I found you to be kind, sincere, thoughtful, loving, devoted, generous, and wise beyond your years! You left an impression on me and I will never forget you. I look at the picture of you and Cale in your car and I see the happiness you both share. I see his big beautiful blue eyes, and I know he is such a blessed man to have found you!
    I see the pic of you kissing his hand, and my heart swells even more for you. Again, I find myself wishing I could take away all your pain.
    Keep beliving all will be well! Stay strong!
    Take care of yourself! You need to continue to eat, take your fluids, and sleep, even if it means you have to take something to help you to sleep.
    You are going through a very tramautic time, so please listen to your own needs to keep yourself strong and healthy, so when Cale opens up his beautiful blue eyes, he sees yours!
    I LOVE YOU MY FRIEND!
    Lorri Cyphers

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  16. As a wife also Kathleen, I so agree with you! You made me chuckle at the thought of the nurses and what they would do/say if you were all curled up next to him!! He will be proud of you when he has a chance to look back at all this and absorb the constant love you have lavished upon him!
    Love,
    Julie Brennan

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  17. Dearest Kathleen,
    I know at times it seems so very, very hard to keep going. Continue to rely on God for His strength to see you through. You are doing so great! Cale is going to be so proud when he wakes up. Really, it is okay to feel overwhelmed. It is okay to cry out to God and say, "I don't want to do this anymore". He understands. And, He will carry you a little further. If Krista was near internet, I think she would tell you its okay to go into a bathroom and just scream for a bit. Then you just keep doing what you know you need to do. I hope you are feeling all the love and prayers. The Lord is fighting for you all!! Tina H

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  18. Darrel Dawson2/22/10, 9:25 PM

    Hay this is Darrel Dawson.I love that boy so much. Iv ben thinking of him so much The last 3 month then to here this.He is all im thinking about.Hang in ther Girl.Im missing him to. Love Darrel Dawson

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  19. Sarah White2/23/10, 5:59 AM

    We are praying for you! Everytime I hear that song by Sidewalk Prophets I think of you. So...."Be strong in the Lord...."

    I am so thankful that you are okay. He needs you by his side. There have been studies done that have shown the postive effects of touch with premature babies, so I'm sure that they same goes for ICU patients. Maybe tell that to the nurses..lol.

    Oh and maybe threaten to feed him onions if he doesn't get better ASAP. ;-)

    Sarah

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