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Monday, May 3, 2010

A Puddle of Tears

Cale now weighs 122.6 lbs! Not back to normal but better then 105lbs! He hasn't been swallowing hardly at all this last week. Deirdre the speech therapist tried getting him to drink a little water, it ended up not going so well. When I got there, his shirt was soaked. Poor guy.

His left eye is still infected. They've been putting antibiotic cream in his eye for a while now, but because he never shuts that eye, it hasn't gotten any better. This afternoon they put a moisture patch on him, so we'll see how that goes. He's not a fan of anything on his face!

Report says he's able to sit up for 20 minutes now. That sounds like so long! He's tolerating 10 minutes for standing and he's walked up to 30 ft. with help. I asked today about what it is that he needs to be doing before they are seeing the progress they want and what I was told is that he's making progress as far as range of motion and strength, even with some thought progress, but what they want is to see him progress functionally. Example being, like there's all these dots but none connect. It's where time plays a big part of the healing process. Sometimes, they can go to a nursing home for a few months and start waking up more and then can start rehab, but sometimes there body only lets them go so far. So...I wait.

Today was a little bit of a bad day. Tears, frustration, feeling overwhelmed, it all comes and goes. I realized when I was talking to Rachel that Monday's seem to be my harder days. She said that she thinks I look forward to the meetings but at the same time it's a lot and I get overwhelmed. I think that's a perfect description. I've just been missing Cale so much today and I hate having to make plans for him to be in a nursing home. Thankfully, me looking doesn't mean that it's for sure going to happen, and it happening doesn't mean that it's going to be a forever thing.

When Cale got extended in 07' a week before he was supposed to come home from Afghanistan, God gave me a song that encouraged me so much. It's by Casting Crowns called "I'll Praise You In This Storm". The whole song is great but here's just the chorus:

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm


  1. Just remember,
    God doesn't work on a deadline like Wake Med does. Even if you have to place him in a long term care facility, God can still work miracles! Keep your faith and your head held high. You are an awesome child of God and an inspiration to so many. You are loved by all who know you!
    Mandy Anderson

  2. Kathleen,
    I have thought of you in that song as well. We can CHOOSE Joy, CHOOSE praise - and you certainly have. I am still praying for Cale to improve for you to stay here longer!! But, Mandy is right that God can work miracles anywhere and in any time frame. I pray he will continue to work visible miracles in Cale's healing. This week is kind of hectic, but I will be in touch soon.
    Love, Christina

  3. I think of you two every time I hear that song!! We are continuing to pray and trust for you both. We love you!!

    Rick and Marilyn McLaughlin

  4. That song is a GREAT song! And I've thought of you both and cried for you both when ever I played that song. And another great song in "I'll walk" it's a country song. I'll have to look up the words for you sometime. But the chorus goes something like. She said I'll walk please come and take my hand. right now I'm hurt, I know you understand. I remember the rest right now. But I think of that song everytime I think of cale. I feel like he's wanting so bad to say "Kathleen I'll walk, Just come and take my hand. right now I'm hurt I know you understand. But God is good I know He has a plan! Just keep your faith. and one day you'll see. Me standing tall with you right next to me!" Keep the faith girl! I love you both! ~Tigger~

  5. As I sit here and read your words and the words of others, I started to cry. Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy. My sweet daughter, I know in my heart that Cale continues to fight, because he knows you are there waiting for him to come back to you. Three things will last forever - faith, hope, and love - and the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 I love you both very much and can't wait to see you both again.

  6. ok Leena Bean I'm going to share my dream
    The other night I dreamed Raul & I were at the fair & I wanted to go on the farias wheel but Raul wouldn't go with me. A young man came up to me, he said I'll go with you so we got on. When the farias wheel got to the top it stopped & I got scared, the young man grabbed my hand ,he said " hold on to me, I'll always be with you" for some reason this made me cry. I found it quite strange he was holding my hand when I asked him why he was holding my hand he said " hold on to me, I'll always be with you". For some reason I looked down & I saw Cale riding a scooter(for those who know Cale know he likes his skate boards)when I looked over to say something to the young man he was gone & the farias wheel started moving again. When I told Leena of my dream we both thought this is a sign that even though we don't see Him, He is still there. "Hold on to Him & He will be with you".
    Big Sis Carla

  7. i love that song and it has helped me in the last month or so.its a beautiful song and hits the heart.


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