I've spent most of today, just laying next to Cale. It's been a vacation! When I first laid down, I remembered I needed to make a call about my car, after that, I realized I need to check on something else...the thoughts never stop! Before I could get myself back to Cale's bed, I had so many things I was trying to process and figure out. It wasn't a stressful time, just the constant flow of my mind. Amy and I have been saying, Adam and Cale damaged their brains, and we lost ours!
In the midst of trying to "do", I could hear God's whisper to my heart, that I needed to just-be still. I have had lots of time through these last few months, that I've been able to spend sitting at Jesus' feet and diving into God's word. I have had lots of time spent alone with the Lord, and many quiet moments. This "need to be still", was very specific to the fight that goes on inside me. I miss Cale. Thoughts from the last few days we had together have consumed me lately, even tonight, I was picturing our stop in PA the first night on our trip. We were so carefree, and child-like. After we had gone inside and made the arrangements for our room, Cale and I raced to the car (he only won because of his long legs!) to get our things for the night. I want him back like he was, without the thought of all the things that may be different, or disabilities he might have. At the same time, I'm totally and completely in love with this man, the man that I'm seeing at the hospital everyday, and all those changes aren't such a big deal, because Cale is alive and he's healing! Progressing EVERYDAY! I'm not sure I'm getting my thoughts out clearly...sorry. I ended up allowing myself to lay next to Cale, his arms around me, and surrendered the fight to the One who is in control.
"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
Later this evening, I listened to the words of this song that Hannah Hayner had sent me. So perfect.
"Still" by Hillsong
Hide me now
Under your wings
within your mighty hand
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust
Like I said in my post last night, I'm very encouraged about our future, but at the same time, I feel exhausted with the present. I'm so thankful that I don't have to figure everything out, that I can spend a day laying with my husband, because this battle (physical and spiritual), we're facing, the Lord is fighting and has already won!
I've been asked a lot lately for my email-I will post it, with one condition...the letters in the mail don't stop! ;)
Also, the prayer chain is down and on it's way to CA, but will be back up in Cale's new room. If you haven't sent an email to be a part of the chain to let Cale know you're praying for him, email firstname.lastname@example.org All you have to do is send your name and location!