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Thursday, February 17, 2011

Instead of worrying, pray.

What a difference today was in the mind of Kathleen! After actually sleeping last night, and getting to shower this morning, I felt so much better! There are just some things this girl needs... ;)

I walked to the hospital this morning with a brand new attitude. While I tried to fall asleep last night, I began to pray and confront my heart where it was. This isn't always the easiest thing to do, but it's a needed task. I thought Cale's day was going to start off great like mine, but that wasn't the all!

We did get a very short PT session in, but shortly after I had taken a picture, Cale decided he was done. He stopped PT early, didn't do OT, ST, or RT. He was done for the day and there was no pushing him!

I had a couple more meetings today. Things are up in the air about when we're leaving, but from the sounds of it, it's going to be really soon. Tomorrow we're hopefully moving into the apartment room here. I've been asked to put our new address up, but knew it was going to be changing soon. As soon as we are settled I'll get it posted! :) Being in the apartment is going to help us work out any problems that may come up. It's not home all by ourselves, but I think it's going to be a great way to prepare for that...and give time for something to be available for us to move into! It's all happening faster than I had planned, and even though I was joking about escaping and wanting to leave here...I was only joking!

I wanted to clear something up in case I gave the wrong impression. Please don't think the staff here have been a problem. I know I was saying how hard things are and it's an adjustment, but it's not because of anything the staff is lacking! In fact, they've all been great! They even had a special meeting for Cale to talk about things he likes and what we can do to help his stay here be a little more enjoyable. I think the apartment is going to help!

This afternoon, Dr. Loomis had left for the day. She went home and picked up her dog and brought him back for Cale! We went to the Fisher House lawn and Cale played ball with Jake and Dr. Loomis spent time talking with us and getting to know us. It was so special! It meant so much to me that she took the time to do that for Cale. He had such a rough day, and that little bit of time brightened up so much! It was freezing cold (where did CA weather go?!), but Cale wanted to stay out and play.

Actually, Cale had time to love on dogs twice today! Another therapy dog came around during a really bad moment for Cale, and he instantly smiled so big! :) He let the dog jump on his bed and he pet her for so long! We're looking into more ideas of things that Cale can do with animals, possibly in the community here.

I feel like there's a ton to write about, but my brain is quickly shutting off. We did go on our first outing tonight to the VFW for free burgers! It was fun to hear some stories of vets that have seen so much! The guy sitting next to Cale was 98! Always good to get out!

I accidentally left Amelia (GPS) in the rental truck in Palo Alto, so I haven't wanted to leave the hospital! I hear this isn't such a great part of town, and I always get lost...I have to get a couple things done, so we'll see how I do!

Please pray that Cale will continue to become more aware. I wish that he could understand what happened, because I know if he did, he would fight more. He's always been a very determined guy and always has to have the best score. Right now, he doesn't get it. He doesn't understand reasoning and he just feels trapped. I know he's understanding a lot, but at the same time, he doesn't and this gets to be hard. I know his brain needs time to heal and as it does, things will come together. I also know that it's going to be hard once he does realize what's happened, if that time comes, but I feel like it would help so much. Praying for endurance!

Tonight when we prayed together, Cale chose to pray for a house. He first started like this, "Dear God, I pray for a house. A good house for me and Kathleen. For us to be together." After a little bit more he finished with, "and I pray for all of our pets that are in the house with us. The dogs and cats and fish. I love them."

It was so sweet.

His mind and way of thinking is still like a little kid in so many ways. He was even talking tonight about going home and our parents taking care of us. We had a little discussion about this...he pictures home as if he was little again and rather than being a man with a wife, he's thinking he's in school. It was a pretty weird conversation; very interesting at the same time.

Pray for me.

With such a great day and so much that happened, tonight when talking to him and a situation this afternoon, it just makes my heart long for the man in him again. I know I've talked about that before. I don't want to be in a place that I'm more like his mom then his wife. It's felt like a mix of roles at times and I've really tried to separate the two and just be his wife, but with our discussion tonight, it felt so, just felt like, well, I can't be a wife to a little boy. My heart just hurt for him and for us.

Then I prayed.

Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.-Philippians 4:6-7

I read this version of this verse, and it seemed so perfect for the last week. I love so much that I can tell God all of my concerns. I never have to hold anything back, and He never changes His opinion of me. He loves me. I love how the version says, "a sense of God's wholeness" Oooh! I just love that! God's doesn't want us to only feel a piece of Him, or to know only part of who He is. He wants us to experience His wholeness! As my day continued on, I began to see everything unfold and take shape of something beautiful and exciting. It was God's hand causing everything to come together for good and it settled me down! It is amazingly wonderful when Christ takes the place of worry that so easily tries to find a bed in our life. There is no room for it! Worry and fear have no ability to take root, when the Father is at the center of our hearts. He is peace. He is love and joy!

Here we are leaving the hospital in Palo Alto! Do you see Cale walking out?! A-Maz-Ing!

Here was a sweet prayer time at the church we visited on Sunday. It was such a blessing!


  1. Kathleen,

    God is so good!! I love the fact you are so honest. How many times in life do we feel we cannot be honest with those around us or with God. God can handle anything we feel, do, or say. He is a very BIG God with very BIG shoulders to carry our burdens. I use to feel like I would hurt God's feelings if I were honestly expressing myself to Him but then realized ... DUH!! God already knew what and how I was feeling ... mad, frustrated, confused, no matter the feeling good or bad because God knows everything. When we pour out our heart to Him I can just imagine Him in heaven looking down with a big smile and wide open arms saying "It is about time my child that you came to me!" =D Your post today was such an encouragement and reminder of just how BIG our God is!! You and Cale are in our prayers. Be encouraged that God is watching over you and hears all the prayers on your behalf and keep the hope that He has given you. Romans 5:1-5

    Love from Watertown NY,

  2. Oh your heart is wide open girl and God is filling it with so many treasures! What is in the heart comes out the mouth and your mouth speaks of the truth of his love, power and ability to meet us right where we are at AND not exspect us to be perfect in the moments we live but to allow the perfect one to move in us..... Love to you Girl As you LIVE and MOVE and BREATH and have your being in Him who is more than able to do exceeding above ALL YOU can hope or imagine!!!!!!! ((())) Reenie ! Prayed for you and Caleb and for Adam and Amy:)

  3. I had wondered if Cale was thinking going home was going to be like when he was a kid. I am praying for him to understand why things are different... Moving to an apartment type setting will be so nice for you guys! A chance to see more what a home will be like.... it also helps you to know what to look for when you are looking for a place.... I am so Glad you have G-d to help you through each step! Dr Loomis sounds amazing!!!! I can't wait to see pictures of your house with dogs and cats and fish, hee hee hee.... That is awesome! My best freind's kids call me mommy's friend that has a zoo :) Sooooo, when you get to having fish, let me know if you need any advice, lol... I had a 38gal tank in NY. ~Heather

  4. Just when I thought I had no more tears left to cry I watched both of these videos....WOW what a blessing. Love that he walked out on his own..what a miracle that is and love that he was cognizant to be prayed over and participated in church...Geez how awesome is that...And your heart ..golly Kathleen your heart.. How I love you..
    Jean and Charlie

  5. I just watched both of these videos. I have tears rolling down my face! Both of you look sooo good! I can't imagine how happy you were to see him walk out of the VA center. God has done so much!
    Mandy Anderson


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