Our travels continued...
We just left Ty and Nikki's (Cale's brothers house) and are now back in good ol' Greenville. This is the city where the first hospital was that Cale was in. While we're here, we're going to be visiting the church that had blessed us so much in the beginning, families that came along side us-even as strangers, and the medical staff that helped keep my husband alive. I'm excited, but I can't say that Cale is loving the idea of visiting another hospital! ;)
The stay at Ty and Nikki's was so great, but also so emotional for me. I wasn't expecting it at all, but I'm really glad that it happened. It was hard not to look at this family that we are so close with and love so much, and not be jealous! I know that my feelings I was having might be normal for our circumstance, but, I wasn't liking it and wanted to get over it quickly. I immediately recognized what was happening, and the emotions that were rising to the surface-ugg.
I just kept looking at Cale and thinking, he's been cheated. They are the same thoughts that have loomed before, and I'm sure that they'll show up again at some point, but I was determined not to let them rule...not to let them consume. Cale is in God's hands, and God is still under control...He does have a plan! It's like a broken record playing. I already know all the right things to tell myself, but when was I going to get over just having milk and moving on to solid food?
Two of the hardest times I saw for Cale (also for myself), were times that he wanted to do something so badly, but wasn't able to. The first time, Ty was outside with Hunter and Caleb playing with the Nerf guns. Cale saw them and wanted to play so badly. He told me he was sad about it and all I could respond with was, "I know." Later on I told him that it's something to work towards. We can go home and work on getting him strong again, and then when we come back, he can run around and play too! He first said ok, and then about a minute later he grabbed my arm and asked, "Is it hard to work for that?" The answer is yes, but I made sure he knew that I was going to help him. Together we're going to get him better.
The second time was during Guitar Hero. Cale used to love this game! We each had our own little guitars that we had decorated and eventually he invested in the drums and microphone. Of course he had a really hard time with the guitar and wasn't able to finish the song. This again made him really sad. Before that, we did have fun singing to all the songs though!
Even though some of it was a little hard, we also had a blast! It was so much fun playing cards and laughing with everyone. Last year, I would drive to their house while Cale was at Wake Med. I usually stayed the night and then drove back to Cale. During that time, I had so many talks with Nikki about all the things I missed and longed for. Now, a lot of those things that I so desperately wanted, are happening! It's so exciting! And, even though it's only been a short time since we've left Seattle, I can see a huge difference in Cale! He's just doing so great!
For those of you that knew Cale before the accident, you know that Cale is a funny guy. He would say some of the funniest things and he always loved making people laugh. Well, that's coming back so much more! He's been making me laugh so hard!
A couple funny things...
We were playing a game of Goldfish and he thought that I had cheated. He mixed up me asking over and over for a card and thought that he had been asking. Anyways, he would not let it go! He was so insistent that I had cheated. After a little while, I said, " I need to check online for something" Cale responded, "Go to Dontcheat.com!" Hahaha! What?! Oh my goodness!
Nikki had made Asparagus for dinner last night. She asked Cale if he like it and then he asked her, "Is it a vegetable?" Nikki said yes and Cale replied, "Then nope."
One of the times we were sitting around the table playing cards, it was brought up about Ty being in Korea. I made a funny comment about forgetting he had been there, and how that makes him Korean now. Cale laughed a little and then said, "No! I'm Afghani!" He said it with such a big smile and while laughing...so funny!
So much of who he was and the personality that he had before is coming through little by little and I'm loving every minute of it.
Last night we were laying in bed talking and I asked Cale if we were different then when we first married. He didn't understand my question at first so I reworded it, and asked again. Cale said, "Different" K: "How are we different?" I was expecting him to say something about how things are hard right now, or something about not being home, but instead Cale said, " We're more better and we're closer to God." Wow.
He still doesn't realize that things are different because we were in a car accident, and if it's not in the moment, he doesn't realize that anything is different at all, but he does know the two most important things out of it all. I needed to hear that and be reminded after having an emotional week, that it's not about all that we've lost-it's not. God has done so much in us and through us, that we need to enjoy that; enjoy the blessings and the miracles that have happened. Yes, we've lost a lot, but so much more we've gained!
"So don't be afraid: I'm with you. I'll round up all your scattered children, pull them in from east and west. I'll send orders north and south: 'Send them back.
Return my sons from distant lands, my daughters from faraway places. I want them back, every last one who bears my name, every man, woman, and child
Whom I created for my glory, yes, personally formed and made each one.'" -Isaiah 43:5-7
God's children-all of us, mean so incredibly much to Him and He promises that He's with us. He desires us to have a relationship with Him and He cares enough that He would search out for us. He wants us. He created us for His glory and He made-created-formed, each one of us.
He's not just gonna let tragedy hit us and then leave.
He's a personal, tangible, and interested God. He's not just watching from a distance...He's in the front seat with us, waiting, longing, loving us every step of the way.
And, I love that Cale understands that we are closer to Him.