Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Choices…

It wouldn't let me post this last night...


I have a tickle in my brain. And it keeps making the corners of my mouth point toward the heavens. ~JD

From the time I opened my eyes this morning; I’ve had to make a lot of choices. The biggest and sometimes hardest choice has been to smile in the middle of a hard moment, and today, there have been a lot of those.

The alarm went off; I really didn’t want to wake up and that put a grump in my mood…until I made myself think of something that made me smile-Cale is right next to me!

During breakfast, Cale started to get upset that he had to take his meds. This daily fight with him has become…all too familiar and the hairs on my neck were wanting to stand all too quickly…until I made myself think of something that made me smile-Cale is able to swallow pills! For so long, that was impossible!

He then was really upset after eating at the mention of having to brush his teeth. He began to tell me all about how he’s sad and wants to go home. Heavy sigh…until I made myself think about something that would make me smile-I like pie.

As soon as Cale found out about his dentist appointment, he entered into an ongoing funk. He was not a happy camper and didn’t want to go at all. I was a little nervous thinking about the way he was going to react to the staff at the dental office…hmm…the thought made me frown…until I thought of something to make me smile-I gave Cale the choice to use his walker or his cane when we left the house, he chose the cane!

When we were waiting for the doctor to come in and start the examination, Cale became bored and mad. He didn’t want to be there and didn’t understand why he had to sit in that chair…I again, thought of something that would make me smile-Cale told Dennis and Kathy on Easter that I would chase the animals laser pen…I only play fetch was my response! ;)

This continued on through the day and every time my mood wanted to plummet, I just thought of something to make me smile. As the day went on, it became something that wasn’t forced, rather and instant way I responded. I wasn’t trying to push back my feelings and ignore the frustrations of the day, but at the same time, I would have had a terrible day if every little thing would have knocked me down. Some days I let that happen and by the end of the day, I’m crawling into bed thanking God the day is over. I don’t want to live a life like that! My goodness, we’ve come too far in this recovery to decide now that we just want to be numb to everything and be miserable daily! No way Jose (as Cale always says)!

The dentist today (like the dentist in Palo Alto) shared with me today how Cale’s saliva glands are working (possibly caused from the meds) and he has extreme dry mouth. This causes a huge problem with his teeth because it causes plaque to latch on, stick, and grow way more than a normal mouth. Another problem is that Cale will not drink plain water. He refuses. He has never been a huge water drinker, but now, it’s non-existent. I’ve been giving him Gatorade, but that’s also full of sugar. There are tons of sugar-free options on the market, but they are full of chemical sweeteners that aren’t good for his healing brain. So…I’m a girl on the hunt to find a way for Cale to have more water, somehow flavored, and natural. I’ve already tried a bazillion things and for the most part, he’s stuck in a very small window of what will work for him. I bought a small thing of Berry Stevia today, but I’m not sure how well it’s going to work. We’ll see! I wish he liked tea…

Thank you for the ideas on things for Cale to do on trips! I’ve already invested in the DSXL because it has the bigger screen, but Cale (so far) hates it. It’s a little too much right now. The problem is that Cale is aware enough to think the very simple things are dumb so he won’t do them. He likes the techy stuff, but then its way too complicated and that frustrates him because in his mind, he can do all that stuff still. The iPad has been recommended a lot, but that’s a lot of money for us to just spend. Writing and reading don’t work because for writing, it’s so hard and takes so much effort even to right something simple. He can read simple sentences if there aren’t a lot of other words around that sentence. A page of words becomes all jumbled up and he can’t get his eyes to focus and his brain to process that much information. The movie idea is good, and I might have to give it a try, but so far he’s not able to watch a whole movie. He will lay with me, but he only will keep his attention on it for a very short time and then he says he’s bored.

This is the issue I run into daily with trying to find something he can do without me having to be right there helping. Right now, there’s just nothing I have found! It would be great if he watched movies or TV because that would give me a little time, but that’s a no and well, I’m still trying to come up with something!
If you think of any more ideas, let me know! :)

My time with the Lord today was in Exodus 2:23-25

The Israelites still groaned beneath their burden of slavery. They cried out for help, and their pleas for deliverance rose up to God. God heard their cries and remembered His covenant promise to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. He looked down on the Israelites and felt deep concern for their welfare.

It was a reminder that through this season that I’m walking in and all the crying out to God, He hears me. It was a comforting reminder since all I feel like I’m doing lately is crying out!

After this, I went on FB really fast and had a message from my friend Hannah. She said that she was reading Isaiah 38 about Hezekiah. He had become ill and cried out to the Lord after being told he would not be healed. God heard his prayers…

It totally was the same line of what I had studied today!!

I also just want to say thank you again for being a part of this journey. I was telling Mama tonight that I feel like every day almost, I’m having some kind of struggle with Cale. There seems to be something that I’m writing about that I’m struggling with. I know it’s just a season, and we’ll get past this, but right now it stinks. I was looking through pictures while we were at Palo Alto and I miss Cale always being so happy and full of joy. I miss that even though he wasn’t able to communicate as much and he wasn’t as aware, we were always having a blast with each other. At that time, I felt like there was no way I’d ever want to take time away from him and now…well, I’m wishing for it! That sounds terrible…the awesome part is that now he is communicating better and he is more aware!

I just have been feeling like it’s been a really hard time and I’m so grateful for all of your encouragement and prayers for us! Thank you!!!

6 comments:

  1. Hey you, Always Always Always know that He is ABLE and WILLING to FINISH this GOOD WORK - I know- actually I don't know -but it must be hard trying to find the perfect things for Caleg to do - But keep trying things - They have this stuff Moon Sand and it is soooooo coool - it doesn't make a mess but it is great to play with - I love it too:P Caleb may think it is kinda kidish but I bet he would like it cause you don't need water to make it stick together. Just a thought ... Anyway I LOVE your choices - you are right we always have them, and even better giving Caleb some when you can !!!! I am soooo PROUD of you Kathleen - you are a model for many!!! As far as water ....does he like the Pro waters - no additives just some natural flavorings.... My kids like them . That would be really tough- praying that God gives you some great ideas or runs you right into your answer for that one !!! Praying for you !!!! Love you!!! (((()))) Reenie

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  2. Have u heard David Crowder, Shine? Love it.

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  3. Hey sis, just hang in there, and i promise you'll get girly time in july that you so desperately need. the boys and me will keep Cale busy and give you a vacation (although it will be short, it is well deserved.) help will be there soon, just not soon enough for your tired mind. Love and miss you all, Juan

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  4. WOW!! You know, Father, You are the one who has Cale where he's at. You are the only one who can give Kathleen what she needs to help Cale. Put the ideas You want for him in her mind. You are good at that. Thank you for Your care of them. Give Kathleen a hug from the inside out. AMEN!!! (Marion)

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  5. Hey Kathleen,

    Try the Kirkland brand Vitamin Water from Costco. It has no sugar or other additives.... even my kids love it.

    I also wanted to just encourage you to keep smiling and try not to feel overwhelmed or burdened by your natural desire for some down time. Any wife in the world needs some time off after 24/7 duties and yours can be particularly intense.
    I love and appreciate your honesty and your authenticity.... it makes your story real. I really, really understand many of your feelings from a very personal perspective but I am so, so excited to see what God is doing in the life of your precious family. God chose you both for a very special work.... he chose you for this and he has full confidence that you will bring glory to his name. Let him carry your through the down days.... when you are feeling yucky throw on some worship music and start dancing. It will make your spirit soar. Chat soon,
    Michele Jeffers

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  6. Coconut water is full of good electrolytes natural and low calorie + delicious! My tbi survivor boyfriend loves the stuff! Love reading your blog!!

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