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Monday, July 11, 2011

Thoughts…scattered, mixed up, all sorts of out of place.

Things have been busy. So great, but really busy. Part of the “busy” has been fun stuff! I’ve been able to work on some projects and major organize stacks and stacks of papers! One of the things about being in a hospital for as long as we were and dealing with the Army and VA, is LOTS of paper work! I just haven’t had time to organize it so it has just built up for so long. I’m not totally done, but getting there! :)

One of the projects I started and finally finished tonight is pillows! I spent my Saturday afternoon making flowers out of a sheet that I had ripped up and then Mama helped me sew them on. They turned out cute, at least I think so! I’m waiting for one more thing and then they’re ready to be a part of our home!

I also had a tad bit of a hard day on Saturday. Cale has been asking a lot to go home to his home. Saturday seemed to be a constant thing and the last few days he hasn’t been feeling as great, so that doesn’t help. I’ve been fighting with not feeling hurt by him asking to go home and telling me he’s not happy here. It’s hard not to look at that and think that he’s not happy with me because this is our home, this is it! I know it’s just him confused and miserable with where he’s at and lack of understanding, but it was really starting to get to me. I was just missing so much having my pre-accident husband back; missing what we had. All those emotions were cause for a dive into scripture!

I’m still seeing some sort of progress every day. Yay! It’s very encouraging!!! On Friday during a shower, he was able to put his scrubbie back where it needed to go all by himself! This was the first time that he was able to do even that! Healing is STILL happening and I know it will continue!

Although Saturday ended up being a harder day, it started out really great! The men’s breakfast at church is at 8am and to get Cale up and ready to go by that time is quite a challenge! Before we left for radiation, we tried to get him to go, but when I woke him up, he wanted no part of it! I still set the alarm and thought I’d give it a try. Well, no joke, 2 minutes before my alarm went off, Cale woke up to use the bathroom!! Oh goodness! I jumped up and got his clothes ready to go. Sonny came to get him and then when he came back, Cale had the biggest smile of his face! He was lit up! When I asked if he had a good time, all he said to go right along with his huge smile was, “Men’s breakfast!”

Sunday was rough for Cale. It was hard to get him going and to get him to go to church. Normally he has a hard time during the sermon because it’s talking and he’s unable to process so much information at one time, but we still go and try. This week was his hardest time yet. I was tempted to get up and leave during church, but I didn’t want to disrupt everything. Finally towards the end, he looked at me and said, “good night.” And then he folded himself forward and stayed there. I felt terrible for him, but he made it!

The last couple days while going through all the paper stuff, I found a notebook from after the accident first happened. I (and others!) had written down all the texts that people were sending. I wanted to be able to save them and have them to remind me of all the people praying for us. Also in the notebook are letters. When the accident first happened, lots of our friends and family were coming to visit. Before they would leave, they would write a letter to Cale in this notebook for him to read when he “woke up.” The whole waking up thing does happen in some stories, but for us, Cale never had that moment. He is still so foggy and sometimes so clear. It’s been such a slow gradual climb, that there was never a time that he was totally out of it and then suddenly aware. With him constantly saying that he doesn’t have brain injury and the accident never happened, it very quickly becomes a draining conversation. I show the videos that I’ve made but they don’t stick for long. When I found the notebook, even though I knew it may not stick, I thought that now was actually a really good time to start reading to him! It was emotional to sum it up! I cried and after I was done, Cale’s whole mood had changed. I talked with him (short and simple) a bit about it and how everyone had mentioned how he is a fighter and will get through this. It was a pretty special time for both of us!

On with today…

We shot off the rocket! It went kind of like this…

When it finally happened, it was so fast I didn’t have time to get the camera all set up! All you can see is smoke. We watched it come down, but the parachute never did what it was supposed to. The rocket ended up in someone’s backyard, so we didn’t get to keep it. Cale loved that little project!

We’ve had a few really funny moments lately with Cale being mixed up. Sometimes he will say one thing but be pointing to something totally different. The other night one hand was pointing to his eye, but his other hand was pointing to his foot, while he was saying, “my foot hurts” it took a couple minutes to figure out which one actually hurt because with both sides saying something different, his response comes out different! Haha! I asked him this morning in the shower to wash around his eyes and he heard that information and then washed his ears…well, I guess those needed cleaning too! ;)

For the earlier part of the afternoon, I was meeting with our AW2 team. I say team because one of them I just claim because she’s really sweet and wonderful, one of them was our (now) old AW2, and then our new one. Theresa our old one-is the best. By far! She’s amazing and has gone way above and beyond for us and has done things that weren’t her responsibility. She’s helped me in so many ways and been there to tackle what I could not. She’s gone with me to things so that I wouldn’t have to go alone, she’s let me talk about Cale; the good and sweet stuff, and the hard and tough stuff. She’s awesome and now going to be moving to England. I’m over the top sad and excited! I want to be sad and keep her, but I also know this is what needs to be done…I can still pout right?!
Our new AW2 seems pretty awesome as well. Cale is happy because it’s a guy! Haha! I think he’s going to do some good for us and help wiggle our way through the system and the scary transition from active to VA…

A couple Tidbits-

Since we’ve gotten our CRV, I haven’t gone a whole tank of gas yet without having to drive to Seattle. When I fill up the tank this next time, it will be the first!

Cale and I usually sleep very cuddled up-we always have. I missed it tons when I would have to leave him at the hospital and go sleep in a bed all by myself. Well, it’s been so hot in our room since summer has hit that while Cale wants to sleep like a pretzel; I want to sleep like the rolled out dough! Please don’t touch me and let me spread out as far as I can! We’re ending up more like a calzone…whatever that’s like! Ha.

I’ve had a really hard time writing the blog lately because I just can’t seem to put my words together. I think there has been so many other things going on in my head, that I just couldn’t get typing…kind of like with my book! At least that’s in the works!

Thank you SO much all of you that are still reading this blog and STILL praying for us. It’s been a long time and is so amazing to me that you’re still praying for us…thank you.

“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” -OW


  1. Keep your chin up! Things get tiring sometimes and you might just need a little break? Maybe you could have someone fill in on the blog for a few days? Well, keep up all the hard work! I come here as often as I can, and always when I need to stop my pity party. You guy's have gone through so much and are still so strong! It's really amazing and inspiring! Thank you for showing me that life is precious and worth going through the hard times to get to the good ones!
    - Mike Edwards (Kevin's brother)

  2. Just hang in there, and remember how they never expected Cale to get this far... also that with brain injury, no more progress after a year- Ha! Praying for your hurting heart & for more healing for Cale.

  3. Love your blogs! Big styrofoam airplanes are fun and on a cheaper side. Easy to put together..not good on windy day or around lots of trees tho but fun and easy to throw as well! Still in our prayers.

  4. Kathleen - You guys have been through so much - the exspectations that you have of yourself are amazing ! LOVE the pillows!!!!! and to think the beautiful flowers came from old sheets ~ It's kinda a " While you were sleeping moment " This blog is so uplifting and inspiring that I am sure it does take quite a bit for you to continue to do it- you are faithful and we who read you continue to come and find out just what has been happening in your world - because we love you and we love that you are us, to Caleb, and most importantly to the Lord! It may be time to give yourself a vacation from the blog,everyone needs a time of rest, I like Mike's idea.... writing a blog and working on a book take a lot of energy ~ you are an amazing woman ! So glad Caleb is still remembering and also encouraged to see that he is slowly finding his way, but steadily finding his way .Continued prayers going your way from the Cape (and you KNOW that is not just lil' ol' me .....:)
    LOVE the quote !!!!!! Just resinates choice doesn't it ? and being accountable with what we have been given in life, wounds are hard and often ugly ~ but the wisdom we take away from those wounds is a gift that we can share with others.....THAT is what you are doing ! ((())) Hugs for you and Caleb!!!! Love you guys!!!!! Reenie !

  5. Oh sweetheart I love that you feel that you can pour out your heart to us like this and as long as your blogging we're reading and praying. And every little bit of a step is a miracle from where they said he was going to be. And as for this "home" thing with Cale if he is confused with his ears and eyes how much more is he confused about his surroundings. We will just have to pray harder for him to remember he is HOME>..We love you darlin' girl..Keep up your spirits and we remember how many people are praying for you!!!

  6. My Sweet Kathleen!! Thank you so much for coming out of what Father has you in long enough to blog at all. I love you. I continue to trust Father for you and Cale. Marion

  7. Kathleen, maybe think of just a weekly blog, rather that daily....or even bi-weekly. I forgot to mention the pillows. They are wonderful. Remember all things are done in Father's time. That means when it's time to get the book done, you will. :) Marion

  8. Kathleen,
    We just celebrated four years of life with Jonathan on the 10th. When I look at that picture of Cale bending down to adjust the rocket (or whatever) I am truly amazed at where he is compared to where he was when I started following your blog a few months after his accident. When I compare him to other TBI's I follow, I am amazed at how great he is doing, especially with all he has been through (and you of course). If he has come this far, he can continue to improve. I know what this is like as a mother, but I do not know what it is like as a wife and certainly a young wife just starting out with plans and dreams and the sacrifice you had already made as a military wife. I am so sorry that this has happened, but I do know that God has a plan. What has kept me going, with 24/7 care for Jonathan non-stop for four years with NO respite, is that we are here on this earth for a flicker, a moment in time and we are being formed and moulded for life in eternity. Does that make this any easier for you? No, probably not... but how you walk through this matters, and you are doing a great job. I would love to be able to make it all better for you, but all I can offer is my prayers and support.
    BTW, love the pillows... they are great!


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