Around this time of year, it's basically culture to be thankful. Isn't it? Lists are made and shared of everything in life we're thankful for. Fall comes, yummy food is eaten, family is around, decorations go up, gifts are given, life is full and good-and we are all thankful.
About the week and a half leading up to Thanksgiving, life around our home was difficult. Cale was having some hard days that may have been handled with a little more grace and patience if hormones within me weren't all over the place. I tell you what. NO control with these hormone-things. None. Tears come and everything can seem so helpless when reality says otherwise.
I even had an evening that I was just done. I left to the store alone needing a break, needing to breathe. Needing to just surround myself with cans of vegetables and bags of dried pasta. I had one single item left on my list and for some reason, the grocery store employees had hidden it from me as if I was in the mood to play a game…while strolling down one aisle, I just about sat in the middle of it and cried my eyes out. Frustration and fatigue had hit. I was done. Tears were forming and I know my face had to have been fire red.
I left the store huffy and puffy without the relief I had left the house looking for. As I drove home, I started to voice all that I'm thankful for. The hard stuff-like brain injury? I'm thankful Cale's still with me. I'm thankful we're having a baby and starting a family. I voiced my list all the way home while at the same time covering those difficult things in life with prayer.
By the time I walked in the door, I was exhausted but ready to be home and ready to see Cale and Mama. I talked with Cale about how the last week had gone, and he vowed to try harder to be gentle and more patient with me and to not get so upset over little things.
The next morning started with a BAM! Cale was upset. I was then upset and all the while I was trying to get ready for church. I felt a desperate need to try and fix whatever was broken in our home, but God has chosen not to give me the tools to just "fix" everything. Thankfully.
I've learned early on that there's no need for me to put on a smile just for church and to pretend everything is just dandy. Hard days are hard days and struggles are real. I was blow drying my hair that morning with red puffy eyes and had really considered just not going at all. Mama had already said she would let Cale cool down and try to get him to join me at church when she came for the second service. The person that was starring at me in the mirror looked pitiful.
I started reading one of the devotional apps I have on my phone and part of it said if we give Him thanks regardless of our feelings, He will give us joy regardless of our circumstances.
In that moment of a hard week built up and in the middle of the mess I was in that morning, I needed that reminder.
Two days before Thanksgiving I had posted on Facebook that brain injury and hormones don't mix…please pray for us.
The next day things had turned around for Cale and we came up from the hard place he was in. These times will happen with his injury, but oh what a blessing to know people are praying us through them!
Overall things are back to being just dandy in our home again…but I don't want to forget to keep a thankful heart-not just now but during the rest of the 12 months as well! Not just while we're all happy chappy but while we're trudging through each day feeling the weight of it all.
Thankfulness is not just part of the holiday festivities. It's a heart condition. Are we thankful in the middle of a mess or just when everything seems to be shiny and neat?