Monday, December 9, 2013

a heart of thankfulness…in the middle of a mess.

Around this time of year, it's basically culture to be thankful. Isn't it? Lists are made and shared of everything in life we're thankful for. Fall comes, yummy food is eaten, family is around, decorations go up, gifts are given, life is full and good-and we are all thankful. 

About the week and a half leading up to Thanksgiving, life around our home was difficult. Cale was having some hard days that may have been handled with a little more grace and patience if hormones within me weren't all over the place. I tell you what. NO control with these hormone-things. None. Tears come and everything can seem so helpless when reality says otherwise. 

I even had an evening that I was just done. I left to the store alone needing a break, needing to breathe. Needing to just surround myself with cans of vegetables and bags of dried pasta. I had one single item left on my list and for some reason, the grocery store employees had hidden it from me as if I was in the mood to play a game…while strolling down one aisle, I just about sat in the middle of it and cried my eyes out. Frustration and fatigue had hit. I was done. Tears were forming and I know my face had to have been fire red.

I left the store huffy and puffy without the relief I had left the house looking for. As I drove home, I started to voice all that I'm thankful for. The hard stuff-like brain injury? I'm thankful Cale's still with me. I'm thankful we're having a baby and starting a family. I voiced my list all the way home while at the same time covering those difficult things in life with prayer. 

By the time I walked in the door, I was exhausted but ready to be home and ready to see Cale and Mama. I talked with Cale about how the last week had gone, and he vowed to try harder to be gentle and more patient with me and to not get so upset over little things. 

The next morning started with a BAM! Cale was upset. I was then upset and all the while I was trying to get ready for church. I felt a desperate need to try and fix whatever was broken in our home, but God has chosen not to give me the tools to just "fix" everything. Thankfully.

I've learned early on that there's no need for me to put on a smile just for church and to pretend everything is just dandy. Hard days are hard days and struggles are real. I was blow drying my hair that morning with red puffy eyes and had really considered just not going at all. Mama had already said she would let Cale cool down and try to get him to join me at church when she came for the second service.  The person that was starring at me in the mirror looked pitiful. 

I started reading one of the devotional apps I have on my phone and part of it said if we give Him thanks regardless of our feelings, He will give us joy regardless of our circumstances

In that moment of a hard week built up and in the middle of the mess I was in that morning, I needed that reminder.

Two days before Thanksgiving I had posted on Facebook that brain injury and hormones don't mix…please pray for us. 

The next day things had turned around for Cale and we came up from the hard place he was in. These times will happen with his injury, but oh what a blessing to know people are praying us through them! 

Overall things are back to being just dandy in our home again…but I don't want to forget to keep a thankful heart-not just now but during the rest of the 12 months as well! Not just while we're all happy chappy but while we're trudging through each day feeling the weight of it all.

Thankfulness is not just part of the holiday festivities. It's a heart condition. Are we thankful in the middle of a mess or just when everything seems to be shiny and neat? 




10 comments:

  1. Dear One, I AGREE 100%, Thankfulness is a "Heart Condition". In my opportunity for trusting and being thankful, Father gave me these two verses. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 " In EVERYTHING give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." A N D Ephesians 5:20 "Giving thanks always FOR all things to the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" These are so anti what people think. YET, I can testify to their strength. I KNOW they are a large part of the reason I need NO Chemo, OR Radiation and that I have healed so well from my surgery. Medically there is no other reason out there. I know what I have been through/am going through in NO WAY compares to what Father has led you through, yet I have seen these truths ALIVE and working their power. I love you and am trusting Father you and your sweet family.
    Marion

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    1. I am also thankful for my dear friend, Marion, and the Lord's provisions and healing for her!
      Emily

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    2. Yes! I love those two verses! I actually read them often while Cale was in the hospital! :) SO thankful for you and the great news of you healing so well!

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  2. Thank you so much for the Christmas photo card! It was lovely and fun! I am praying for you! Marriage is such a blessing, but can be so very challenging even without a brain injury and baby hormones! We need to be praying extra, extra for you! Thank you for the reminder to pray and also to be thankful! Praying for you, Kathleen and wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
    In Christ,
    Emily

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    1. Im so glad you loved the card! It was a quickie done in the backyard! I had hoped for a better done card but that just doesn't always happen! :) Thank you for the prayers!

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  3. Thank you for sharing. It's true, we don't have to play happy to go to church. Cale has come so far and you are amazing and brave.

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    1. Yes! He has come so far…and it's so easy to feel like we need to put on our best face for everyone but then we're walking around in a false life! Especially church!

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  4. So glad to see such wonderful progress. Know that in a few years, your heart will learn not to get so upset. You will find more ways to accept and cope. God has gotten you two this far, He will not let you down. Only you can do that. God Bless You Both! In Jesus Holy Name I Pray, Amen.

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    1. Hi Diana! I normally don't get so upset during the times he gets upset…but I think these hormones because of pregnancy make it a whole new ball game! haha! but I of course still have a lot of growing room as well! :) God for sure has brought us really far!!

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  5. I just wish I was there to wrap my arms around you. Pray changes everything. I love you both!

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