Monday, April 19, 2010

The cup.

My heart has been screaming "take this cup from me!" since about 11:30 this afternoon. My eyes are burning from the tears that won't seem to stop today, my head is pounding, and my stomach is in knots, wishing I wouldn't have eaten so much for lunch.
On Mondays, everyone involved in Cale's care meet together and discuss his progress, where he's currently at, and their goals for him. This is also when I get the weekly report. Today the neuropsychologist met with me to talk about Cale's injuries and what that means. I'm going to try to interpret my scribbles in my notebook...Cale had bleeding under both layers of the brain. She said there is a soft outer layer and then a thicker leather-like layer. The bleeding and bruising will go away and with time, heal. He had a hematoma in the left frontal lobe, which they did the surgery to fix that. Then because of the severe swelling and only so much room the brain pushed out the back and his brain stem was damaged. A lot of cases this is very life-threatening. Also, the impact in the accident caused cells to break and not be able to communicate. Here is a website that explains what the term she was using for Cale's prognosis.
http://www.brainandspinalcord.org/traumatic-brain-injury-types/diffuse-axonal-injury/index.html
They don't think at this point, that Cale is ever going to be able to care for himself. They're hoping that when he starts walking (which could be this week!) that he can get to the point of being aware enough that he can hold a conversation and know whats going on around him. The last 10 weeks it's been them saying they don't know, they just don't know. Now, they've diagnosed Cale with severe diffuse axonal injury. I KNOW God is still in control and works miracles. I'm not giving up or loosing hope, I'm just realizing that it's not just me saying anymore that Cale might be like this forever, it's reality. As of today they are still estimating 5 weeks left in this program, but at this point are not thinking he's going to make it to rehab and that I should start making plans for our life this way. When they first brought up nursing homes at Pitt, I said no, and that I didn't think it was God's plan. Then, it was just a lightly brought up possibility, now I'm supposed to be making plans. God had laid on my heart to spend a day fasting and praying for Cale and now I understand the need!
He was finally cleared today to put weight on his left leg, so they're going to try to stand him up tomorrow. It's an exciting thing, but now there seems to be a yucky black cloud over everything. Blah.
My heart is so heavy today. I'm so sad for my husband. He's a man so full of life, of craziness, and it's all been taken away from him. Please continue to pray for him. I just miss him so much.
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42

18 comments:

  1. Oh Kathleen, I am so sorry for this news. I am joining you in fasting and prayer for wisdom and peace.
    Jill Shelby

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hannah Hayner4/19/10, 4:31 PM

    Kathleen, I'm so so sorry for such a yucky day. I'm standing with you during this, along with so many others, and as a family, as an Army, we will fight this battle together, and because Jesus is our commander, we will win this! Victory is mine, declares the Lord! I pray that He will fill you with the peace that really does surpass understanding today, and that tomorrow will be a fresh day full of miraculous hope and joy! love you guys!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kathleen I am so sad about the news you received today. I read your blog everyday with the anticipation that Cale is awake and on the mend. I admire your deep belief/spirituality. Don't give up, things may change. My cousin was hit on her bicycle at age 19 by an SUV at over 50 mph. She was in a coma for several months, they told my aunt & uncle they should arrange to put her in a facility for the remainder of her life and she wouldn't recover. My aunt said she would take care of her at home that she would not have her committed. I am happy to report she lived another 39 years! She got married, had 3 children, and had only a few minor health issues remaining as a result of the accident. So there is hope and miracles do happen. Keep your chin up, and keep your faith.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kirk Gilchrist4/19/10, 5:38 PM

    Kathleen, I didnt even read your Blod until just know and I'd already posted that God had put both you and Caleb on my heart to pray for today......so you see..God has many people praying without even knowing. We love you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Pastor Kirk4/19/10, 5:38 PM

    Kathleen, I didnt even read your Blog until just now and I'd already posted that God had put both you and Caleb on my heart to pray for today......so you see..God has many people praying without even knowing. We love you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Kathleen,
    I am praying for you. There seem to be so many miracles that God has already worked to keep Cale here...certainly there is a reason. I can't wait to see what God has in store for the two of you.
    Christina

    ReplyDelete
  7. Harlie Felton4/19/10, 6:16 PM

    Dear Kathleen,
    I felt so sorry when I read your blog post "The cup". I have been praying for Cale's recovery and that you will be encouraged to make it through this hard time. God bless both of you.
    Harlie (age 13)

    ReplyDelete
  8. The Bensons4/19/10, 7:18 PM

    Oh my sweet girl I don't know what to say... I don't want to say I am sad for you because I want to say that He is enough for you and He is your portion and your strength and there is nothing!!!!! He can't do for you. They are human doctors and He is God. God Kathleen. If we had listened to the doctors to begin with we would have never had any hope and look how far he really has come. I am standing in fasting and prayer that our God is so much bigger than anything even we can imagine. We love you both and know that He will take care of your sleeping prince.
    Charlie and Jean

    ReplyDelete
  9. My leena bean, as i said on the phone, try to think about all the obstacles that cale has overcome so far. believe me sis, I know that cale is a strong and will fight to beat all odds that are stacked against him. If you need anything, dont hesistate. i can be there in an hour if i need to be. no matter what time of day it is. I love you, and am here for you..

    Juan

    ReplyDelete
  10. Strong Tower. Prince Of Peace. Mighty Counselor. Advocate. Almighty. Resurrection and the Life. The One Mediator. Hope. Faithful and True. Lord of ALL.

    Praying for you to cling to Him and hold Him to every promise of who He is to you.

    Standing with you Kathleen!

    Joel and Rebekah

    ReplyDelete
  11. Leena Bean when we talked I hadn't read this update, now I understand. My hope is that their wrong in their prognosis,but if not we stand by you in what ever God has in store. Have faith that He will provide the answers you seek & walk beside you in your time of need. You can call on us for anything. We Love You & pray for you.
    Big Sis Carla

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh sweet Leena Bean, I am so, so sorry. My heart just breaks all over again for you. The cup is so big right now and I wish it would be taken away for you and Cale. Cale is a miraculous fighter and you, sweet girl, are an amazing tower of strength and love and determination. After I read the blog, I was standing in the kitchen looking out the window and I just started singing "We are an offering" and it reminded me again how God is in control and we can only offer all we have in gratitude. God has brought you this far my dear, he will continue to hold you both in His arms and take care of you. Hugs and much love to you both. ~Kathleen (yeah the other one)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Kathleen, a year ago my grandfather became dreadfully ill. After his checkup last week the doctors are stunned. He's fine. They say it must've been all of the prayer because they could not explain it.

    Let us show Cale's doctors that he too can heal. Only time will tell and God knows when Cale will be better. I can feel it in my heart that he will one day be so much healthier. Miracles can and do happen. I'm with you for prayer and fasting and the Lord is smiling upon you for your devotion to Cale.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Kathleen, my heart hurts for you, I will stand in prayer and fasting also. God is a God of miracles and when all else looks like it can't happen is when God steps in. continuing to pray for you both.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Kathleen, I will be praying and fasting for Cale on Thursday. Your testimony of walking out faith during a painful, sweaty, brutal journey is a reflection of our Lord. He walked out a brutal faith journey on earth too. He is walking right alongside of you, I am sure of it. I believe in miracles, our King, Jesus, is the author of the miracle of resurrection and restoration. I am praying with all my heart for a miracle for Caleb and you. ~VP

    ReplyDelete
  16. Kathleen, This Is PAula Again Crystal And Carlos Aunt, My Heart is heavy for you and my lips are full of prayer, But Please keep in mind that these Drs are only Human can tell you only what thet know many times God Plans have Differed from those of a Dr.please know that as long as you have your faith you have everything hope you both the best Stay Strong in your Faith and Gods Hands Will Lead You

    ReplyDelete
  17. My prayers are with you that gods will be done be strong and believe that with god anything can change.
    Tammy
    Crystals aunt

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dearest Kathleen! Let you heart not be troubled...your FATHER is in control. His plan for your lives will play itself out under the shelter of his wings. Have hope and put all your faith in this thought. One day at a time your life will slip into the future and I know there are many questions...but the LORD has all the answers...trust fully in HIM.
    Not a day goes by that I do not think about you both...sending love from the cozy cottage...we care so much<><
    Karla & Dennis

    ReplyDelete

Please included at least your first name and know that we are reviewing each comment so it may take up to 12 hours to post. Thank you all for your constant encouragement and prayers.