My heart has been screaming "take this cup from me!" since about 11:30 this afternoon. My eyes are burning from the tears that won't seem to stop today, my head is pounding, and my stomach is in knots, wishing I wouldn't have eaten so much for lunch.
On Mondays, everyone involved in Cale's care meet together and discuss his progress, where he's currently at, and their goals for him. This is also when I get the weekly report. Today the neuropsychologist met with me to talk about Cale's injuries and what that means. I'm going to try to interpret my scribbles in my notebook...Cale had bleeding under both layers of the brain. She said there is a soft outer layer and then a thicker leather-like layer. The bleeding and bruising will go away and with time, heal. He had a hematoma in the left frontal lobe, which they did the surgery to fix that. Then because of the severe swelling and only so much room the brain pushed out the back and his brain stem was damaged. A lot of cases this is very life-threatening. Also, the impact in the accident caused cells to break and not be able to communicate. Here is a website that explains what the term she was using for Cale's prognosis.
They don't think at this point, that Cale is ever going to be able to care for himself. They're hoping that when he starts walking (which could be this week!) that he can get to the point of being aware enough that he can hold a conversation and know whats going on around him. The last 10 weeks it's been them saying they don't know, they just don't know. Now, they've diagnosed Cale with severe diffuse axonal injury. I KNOW God is still in control and works miracles. I'm not giving up or loosing hope, I'm just realizing that it's not just me saying anymore that Cale might be like this forever, it's reality. As of today they are still estimating 5 weeks left in this program, but at this point are not thinking he's going to make it to rehab and that I should start making plans for our life this way. When they first brought up nursing homes at Pitt, I said no, and that I didn't think it was God's plan. Then, it was just a lightly brought up possibility, now I'm supposed to be making plans. God had laid on my heart to spend a day fasting and praying for Cale and now I understand the need!
He was finally cleared today to put weight on his left leg, so they're going to try to stand him up tomorrow. It's an exciting thing, but now there seems to be a yucky black cloud over everything. Blah.
My heart is so heavy today. I'm so sad for my husband. He's a man so full of life, of craziness, and it's all been taken away from him. Please continue to pray for him. I just miss him so much.
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42