Tuesday, April 27, 2010

If You Want Me To

It's been another good day! Cale made lots more sound this morning in speech. Deirdre said this morning was more then she's ever heard. He's starting to use his tongue to help change the sound. Hopefully soon we'll have words!

They tried to get Cale to take more steps today, like Friday he's not wanting any weight on his left leg. They've started him on medication to try to help that out.

The last few months have been a struggle. It's been full of high points, like when Cale moved his thumb for the first time or when he took his first steps. Also, low points, like finding out Cale had pneumonia or hearing the bad news that it looks like he may stay this way forever. Everything has been posted on here, including everything I've been feeling, good or bad. Well, I wanted to share some lyrics to a song written by Ginny Owens. I had first seen her, I think at a Women of Faith conference? I'm not sure, but I remember hearing this song, and many times since I was younger I've come to God with these words, and now is another one of those times. I hope that it can help everyone to see where I'm at in all of this. :)

If You Want Me To

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

ya oh oh no

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to
-Ginny Owens

This isn't what I would have chosen for our new life together. It's not fun, but if it brings me closer to God, if it brings everyone around me, watching this and going through this with us, closer to Him, I'll do it. Years ago, I surrendered my life to Christ and that was every part of my life. Honestly, it doesn't always feel like He hears my cries, it doesn't because I don't see the answers I want, but God is so much more then "running on my time"! If He's asking me to go through this, with life like this, I'll do it. I'm going to be clinging the whole way through to His promises that God's not done with me and that He's got Cale in His victorious right hand. I don't know why this happened. I don't understand, but I do know that God loves me, and He loves Cale, even more then I love Cale. I'm trusting Him.

10 comments:

  1. Abby Littlefield4/27/10, 12:46 PM

    Hi Kathleen,

    I had the pleasure of meeting you last Thursday night at Salem Baptist's dessert social. We spoke briefly about our puppies and dog training. I truly enjoyed getting to spend time talking with you and am praying for you and Cale.

    A few times since meeting you last week, it has been laid on my heart to share some lyrics with you from a song that brings you to mind each time I hear it. I hope that these lyrics can be words of encouragement as you continue through this challenging journey.

    "Bring the Rain"
    By: Mercy Me

    I can count a million times
    People asking me how I
    Can praise You with all that I've gone through
    The question just amazes me
    Can circumstances possibly
    Change who I forever am in You
    Maybe since my life was changed
    Long before these rainy days
    It's never really ever crossed my mind
    To turn my back on you, oh Lord
    My only shelter from the storm
    But instead I draw closer through these times
    So I pray

    Bring me joy, bring me peace
    Bring the chance to be free
    Bring me anything that brings You glory
    And I know there'll be days
    When this life brings me pain
    But if that's what it takes to praise You
    Jesus, bring the rain

    I am Yours regardless of
    The dark clouds that may loom above
    Because You are much greater than my pain
    You who made a way for me
    By suffering Your destiny
    So tell me what's a little rain
    So I pray

    Holy, holy, holy
    Is the Lord God Almighty

    I pray that God will provide you with wisdom and peace as you begin making decisions for the future.

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  2. I am so glad to hear that Cale is making even more progress this week. Cale is giving you a sign that he is not ready to give up the fight either! He has come so far Kathleen. God is working miracles.
    Mandy Anderson

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  3. Dear Kathleen,
    Your writings bring me goosebumps sometimes! This last post did just that. I have wondered many times why this has happened to you and Cale. It all seems so unfair and unjustified! You are feeling the way anyone would feel in this ugly situation.
    Just remember no matter how alone you may feel sometimes, we are all here for you. Don't let anyone push you on any important decisions. Take your time, and follow your heart.
    All my love,
    Lorri Cyphers

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  4. Kathy Fahey4/27/10, 4:52 PM

    Kathleen,

    You are wise beyond your years! And honestly an inspiration to me! You and Cale are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for blogging and keeping us all up to date and giving us stuff to pray about. I love you.

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  5. AWESOME SONG.... Kathleen you are an inspiration and your courage and wisdom is beyond your years. And as you said... what is the most important is getting closer and closer to Him and knowing Him so intimately...and bringing others into that love He has for all. He does love you both so much, and it has been wonderful you sharing everything, I knew of you both but feel through all this and praying for you both so often, that I know you more and love you more. You both have capturd my heart and your love for the Father is wonderful. I know through my life those are the times He is the closest and I have learned through these intimate times with Him that He is everything... He absolutely is our all in all and everything we need, the only one to whom we can give everything and tell everything... He is the absolute all and all. I remember once through a time when I asked Him " how do you Father, be the one who fills our every need" and He showed me, when we need that hug, He has the absolute best hugs ever, how He holds you and loves you, He is always there... He will never leave you or forsake you.... EVER. You are in my prayer and I pray all the blessings be poured over you both.

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  6. Kathleen,
    So good to meet Cale today!! You are such an inspiration to those of us reading this blog...I know you must be an inspiration to Cale too! I pray he continues to make improvements daily, with his cheerleader by his side! I pray for you that God continue to gives his peace, that transcends all understanding, as you cling to him!
    Love, Christina

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  7. You don't even know me, but I am a friend of Nicole York's. I find your story incredibly emotional and empowering. I can't imagine myself in your shoes but you should know that simply hearing your story makes me feel like a stronger person.

    I was so worried that something like this would happen to me while me (ex)husband was deployed that I couldn't live a normal life. You are a model for everyone around you. You should be proud.

    God bless you,

    Sandy

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  8. Praying for you to have peace in your heart and in the decisions you have to make. He is near and will guide you! His word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path...in all your ways aknowledge Him and He will direct your paths!

    Caleb has a great gift in you! He chose well! When he looks back at this, his love for you and His God who gave you to himself, will be overwhelming!
    Love,
    julie B

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  9. Kathleen,
    You are such a strong woman. You have given so many so much strength. I have watched Cale's miracle unfold, from Tragedy to Miracle I call it. He truly is blessed to have you by his side. Keep your faith. God is with you. Always in my prayers...

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  10. I love this song. I am glad it brings comfort to you, as well.

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