Friday, April 16, 2010

A new laughter arises!

You know when you have a mountain of mail that builds up, stuff that you know you need to go through and throw away the garbage but some of it is actually important? It's hard finding time to sort through it all. Well, my brain fills like a pile of mail. For the most part, I like things organized. My brain at this point is not. I don't think it ever has been which is why at age 16 I was having to carry around a notebook in my purse to keep notes of everything, when at the same time, my mom was having to do that too. I just started a lot younger...anyways, I haven't been able to sleep in a week and I figured out last night around 2am that it's because of the chaos in my brain. I have so many thoughts stored up that the warning light is flashing brightly, so I thought I better just take the time and sort it out. So I'm using this nifty blog :) Hopefully, I get it out and for some it's a little encouragement and not a cause of a nap.

Yesterday I was reading Mark 9. A man came to Jesus and was asking healing for his son. After explaining what was happening with the boy, the man asks Jesus to do something if He can. In verse 23 is the reply "What do you mean, 'If I can'?" Jesus asked. "Anything is possible if a person believes." Later, in Mark 10, a blind man yells out to Jesus, and when Jesus asks the man what he wanted him to do, the blind man says "I want to see" and Jesus says "Go your way, Your faith has healed you." I just continue to be so amazed my all the miracles! I grew up reading these stories over and over but now when my heart feels so desperate for a miracle, I can really put myself in the places of these people that lived so long ago. There are so many questions with Cale's condition. There has been since day one. At first it was whether he was going to live, and then every little step is unknown. Now, my thoughts are consumed with the future and how our life will forever be different. I can't hold on to the past and think it will be like that again. This has changed our whole life. It doesn't mean that it will be bad. It's just all unknown. I feel the constant challenge, to just believe and have faith. Because of that I've been able to see Cale go from laying in ICU not able to move to now making noises and holding his head up! Every day I have to come to the Lord and be like one of those people from the stories, and know that HE IS ENOUGH. He will hold me and sustain me. He gives the amount of strength I need, and He's healing Cale more and more everyday. If I choose to believe and have faith, we will see the other side.

This morning I went for a walk with Basil. The alarm went off and with another night of no sleep, I turned it off and had every intention of rolling over and going back to sleep. That was until I realized there was a body next to mine. As I opened my eyes and they adjusted to the dark room, I saw this little face starring at me and then a light whimper...he needs to go potty. If I don't get up now it will happen, and it won't be fun to clean. When we got outside and Basil did his business, I decided a walk with the Lord would be a good refreshment. I did this just a couple weeks ago and I just really enjoy being able to walk and pour my heart out to the only one that can really understand ALL that's on my heart. If you haven't tried taking a walk, just you and the Lord (and a dog if you happen to have one!) and really talking to Him before, I encourage you. It's delightful :) and time spent with the King, is necessary for trials like this. I know that if my life, before the accident, didn't include genuine times with Him then I would be a pile of gunk stuck to the floor, soaked in unstoppable tears.

I'm in the early stages of the agitation, and Cale is not wanting anything to do with anybody, including me. It's in and out, but for the most part, if I get near him and talk he's quick to raise his arm and push me away. This idea of him not wanting me, frightened me when I first heard about it a couple weeks after the accident. I couldn't imagine him not being better hearing my voice or feeling my touch. I know I'm only in the early stages of it, but it's nothing like what I thought it was going to be like. I find myself laughing so much and becoming excited just to see responses! there will be times that it gets hard, but what a blessing to see him be so purposeful!

One last thing before I end, On Thursday, April 22nd, I would like to invite everyone to take the day to pray and fast for Cale's recovery. I'll post about it when it get's closer, but for now, if you would like to join me, mark your calenders!

and...once again the address on the blog is getting fixed. I'm not getting the mail that's coming until way after it arrives because I'm not a patient here so they can't find me!:)

8 comments:

  1. You are such an encouragement to me my friend. I will mark my calendar and spend the whole day in prayer for Cale and you. I love you. Have a good day. Hope today is the day.
    Jean

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  2. To Cale and Kathleen from his Amistad 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Broz. I read with sadness the story in the Herald about your accident; yet, after reading your blog I feel such encouragement due to your faith. I don't even know if Cale would remember me, but I remember him fondly as a little boy with a huge head of blonde hair and very bright! I know he is fighting to be back with you Kathleen, and I agree with you. I think the agitation he exhibits is him trying his best to say something to you. My prayers are with you and always will be. God Bless.

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  3. I will pray with you on the 22nd. Thanks for posting on the blog so we know how to pray specifically for ya'll.

    April Black

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  4. hey sis, you can always use my address if you need to. you know we come every weekend and can bring it then. we will be up to see you two again tom, dont get discouraged. the fact that cale knows its you is a small step in the right direction. love you and try to get some sleep tonight

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  5. Alana Andrion4/16/10, 5:57 PM

    Hi Kathleen, ask I woke this morning, I felt the need to pray that God would show you a miracle. You and Cale are in my daily prayers and I will join with you on the 22nd for prayer and fasting.
    Thank you for posting your thoughts.
    Alana (Kristen's mom)

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  6. I will be in prayer & fasting right along with you. You & Cale are the first thing that I think about when I wake up & the last thing in my thoughts when I go to bed.And all through the day I think about you both and stop to pray throughout the day. When I talk to you on the phone, I pray as soon as we hang up. You are a very strong young lady & I love you.

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  7. Hi Hun! Yes I will Pray and fast with you next Thursday! This will be the 3 time I've done this. :) I love you guys so much! I'm praying that we wakes up and talks to you! Love you my dear sweet friend! If you ever need to talk I'm always here! Anytime day or night!
    ~Tigger~

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  8. Kathleen, I will stand with you in prayer on the 22nd, and love reading your blogs, so true about walking with the Lord and His refreshing. I had a horrible car accident when my youngest daughter was five, she still has the 13cm scar across her forehead at 29 and the family member driving, broke both legs, we hit head on, and broke an arm and on and on, and they said he would never walk again. I was not walking with the Lord then, but at the age of 8 accepted Jesus into my heart. God held me in the palm of His hand despite my disobedience. The accident was in November before Thanksgiving and he was walking by May, but the time was incredibly trying, both physically and emotionally. I truly believe God has a beautiful plan for you both and the road is hard now, but God will get the glory for what He is about to do. It's like we can do all we can and when things look the worse is when God steps in and KABOOM, HIS MIRACLE, something only He can do, and leaves a trail of signs and wonders that leaves everyone in AWE. God is holding you and Caleb, and loves you both more than you can phathom. I read your blogs and sometimes it is like reading the Psalms, David started with a heavy heart but then realized with every pray who God is and what He can do, you write in a similar fashion and with passion. I pray daily and thank God for what He is doing, and know without a doubt He is a healing Father. He sees His daughter and hears your prayers. Please know how much we all love you both and are praying for you and inspired by your strength and endurance.

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