Friday, April 23, 2010

TRUST

Yesterday, I asked everyone to pray and fast for Cale. Part of me was expecting all day for something to happen, something that Cale would do that would show me that he's going to be healed! Or even better, he would suddenly wake up and say "hi!". That wasn't the thought when God put it on my heart or when I set a date and asked everyone to join me, but from the time I got to the hospital until I left last night, I waited in anticipation. What did happen, was the Lord began to do something in my heart.

I was talking to the nurse about Cale and how I feel like I should be a lot more grateful that he didn't die. I'm so concerned with him getting better and having him back that I forget that he's alive! The nurse looked at me and said "Kathleen, his body is still here, but it is hard, because, it's like the man you married and fell in love with did die. He'll forever be different." She didn't say it in a harsh way or with out compassion, but what she said, helped me realize that yes, he will be different, I don't know if God is going to heal him, and it's okay to mourn the loss. IT IS OKAY. I went on a walk with Basil yesterday, after talking to the nurse, and once again poured everything in me to the Lord. I could feel so strongly him saying "Trust me" there are so many verses that people have given me, or that I've read that are so encouraging but don't have an answer. We just don't know what's going to happen. Right now, there's a lot to think about for the future, a lot of questions in my head and I have a choice, I either have fear or I trust. I can't have both. I have felt so much peace from the very first night but yesterday afternoon, I felt like, hmm...I know it might sound cheesy, but I felt like I was swimming in it. His way is going to be the best and right now I'm going to believe for a miracle and hope for a full recovery.

Cale and Basil met for the first time yesterday! It was so exciting. Robby and Shawna (the friends that gave me Basil) were walking up with him and I was sitting with Cale. I saw them from a distance and my heart started to beat faster! Haha! I was so excited for Cale to touch Basil and for Basil to see Cale. It was really sweet. I think part of the time Cale was just trying to push him away, but...it's okay :)

Today Cale has been pretty quiet. PT and OT were trying to get him to walk again today but Cale for some reason didn't want his left leg on the ground. They said it felt a little warm, so they were going to let the nurse know and make sure it's being watched. For a little bit today he was playing with my hand. He does it every now and then but lately he's always just pushing me away. This time he held on and played with my fingers. It was so great. It's just one of those moments I'm going to hold onto!

I'm getting excited now about what God is going to do. I don't know what but I know it'll be something! I know He's already doing so much, not just in my life but many others. Thank you so much for everyone who joined me yesterday. It's still so amazing to think there are people all over the world still praying for Cale!

6 comments:

  1. Dear Kathleen,
    I feel like I know you so well. I am an old friend of Christopher Hopper,(known him all his life :-D), and have been following your blog since the accident.You have made me smile and have brought me to tears in your writings about this journey that the Lord has you & Cale, on...and I want to share with you what the Lord has given me. He has always ministered to me in many ways...but esp. in songs. While I was fasting and praying with you yesterday,I heard the song "Healing Rain", and prayed that over Cale.
    Today, 2 songs, right in row, came on...and these... my courageous, faithful young lady...are for you! One is called "Bring the Rain" (by Mercyme) and I feel like they were written by (and for)you! One line states:"I am yours regardless of the dark clouds that may loom above because You are much greater than my pain...."
    The other song is meant to encourage you. It is called "What Faith can Do". Among the many lines, one states ..."I've seen dreams that move mountains, Hope that doesn't end, even when the sky is falling ....and I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered , broken hearts become brand new....that's what faith can do!!"
    Be encouraged today Kathleen! "It doesn't matter what you've heard....impossible is not a word...".
    Keep your head up and cling close to the hand of God, and I will continue to pray that the healing rains will pour down on you both.You are a warrior in a mighty battle, and I will continue to keep you & Cale in my prayers....
    Your "sister" in the Lord...
    Judy Jay (Dryden, N.Y.)

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  2. My leena bean, i hope that you do choose to get rid of the fear, and just trust in the healing power of the lord. I also know that he does have a greater plan for the both of you, and no matter what that is, he is the only one that will know the answer to the question why. Maybe it is to bring us closer together, or maybe and I pray that this one is the case, God wants to test both you and cale, and cale makes a miraculous recovery. Right now I know it has to be hard for you to deal with this, and to see the man you love like this, but you have been stronger than anyone i know and will continue to do so. Me and Crystal love the both of you, and are here if you ever need us

    Juan

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  3. I don't know you but have been keeping up with the updates and praying. I wanted to drop you a line, since todays update touched me deeply and personally. My mother had brain surgery, then suffered a stroke. My sister and I did mourn. We were happy our mother was alive, but, how much of our mother was still there, aside from the body? This was over 10 years ago. She is physically 'better', but she is not the exact same person that she had been. This can be looked at as a blessing. We could all forget/forgive the past, get to know each other again and start fresh in some ways. As with all things, this will take time, love and faith. I will continue to pray for you and yours.
    Dee

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  4. leena keep your faith and trust god and be strong

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  5. Kathleen, I love following your blog and have also shared the joy and the tears. I like the "swimming" in His peace. It truly is wonderful. I reflect back to the time my mom was sick and we had her on Hospice, and I was praying and fasting for a total healing for her and I felt I had lost the battle on August 6, 2006, but God reminded me that He did heal her, just not my way. Mom knew the Lord and now is in heaven dancing and running and singing and pain free forever. I also found out close to her last day, that she had, in faith, as strongly as I was believing for healing, was praying to go home, she was very tired. So whew God is sovereign, how does He know what prayer to answer. It isn't ours to know why and praise God through this rough time you are getting stronger and stronger and one can see the love of your Savior growing even more than before. I still believe with all my heart that God is holding you both, and what the enemy tried to steal, kill and destroy, our God will make good of that. Our Daddy can fix anything, nothing is impossible for Him. We love you and are praying for you. As I write this I hear Him saying.. Hold fast my child and see the salvation of the Lord.

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  6. "The eyes of the Lord run to and fro across the land to prove Himself strong on behalf of those whose hearts are loyal." 2 Chron. 16:9
    This verse has really helped me during many times of trouble.

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