Yesterday, I asked everyone to pray and fast for Cale. Part of me was expecting all day for something to happen, something that Cale would do that would show me that he's going to be healed! Or even better, he would suddenly wake up and say "hi!". That wasn't the thought when God put it on my heart or when I set a date and asked everyone to join me, but from the time I got to the hospital until I left last night, I waited in anticipation. What did happen, was the Lord began to do something in my heart.
I was talking to the nurse about Cale and how I feel like I should be a lot more grateful that he didn't die. I'm so concerned with him getting better and having him back that I forget that he's alive! The nurse looked at me and said "Kathleen, his body is still here, but it is hard, because, it's like the man you married and fell in love with did die. He'll forever be different." She didn't say it in a harsh way or with out compassion, but what she said, helped me realize that yes, he will be different, I don't know if God is going to heal him, and it's okay to mourn the loss. IT IS OKAY. I went on a walk with Basil yesterday, after talking to the nurse, and once again poured everything in me to the Lord. I could feel so strongly him saying "Trust me" there are so many verses that people have given me, or that I've read that are so encouraging but don't have an answer. We just don't know what's going to happen. Right now, there's a lot to think about for the future, a lot of questions in my head and I have a choice, I either have fear or I trust. I can't have both. I have felt so much peace from the very first night but yesterday afternoon, I felt like, hmm...I know it might sound cheesy, but I felt like I was swimming in it. His way is going to be the best and right now I'm going to believe for a miracle and hope for a full recovery.
Cale and Basil met for the first time yesterday! It was so exciting. Robby and Shawna (the friends that gave me Basil) were walking up with him and I was sitting with Cale. I saw them from a distance and my heart started to beat faster! Haha! I was so excited for Cale to touch Basil and for Basil to see Cale. It was really sweet. I think part of the time Cale was just trying to push him away, but...it's okay :)
Today Cale has been pretty quiet. PT and OT were trying to get him to walk again today but Cale for some reason didn't want his left leg on the ground. They said it felt a little warm, so they were going to let the nurse know and make sure it's being watched. For a little bit today he was playing with my hand. He does it every now and then but lately he's always just pushing me away. This time he held on and played with my fingers. It was so great. It's just one of those moments I'm going to hold onto!
I'm getting excited now about what God is going to do. I don't know what but I know it'll be something! I know He's already doing so much, not just in my life but many others. Thank you so much for everyone who joined me yesterday. It's still so amazing to think there are people all over the world still praying for Cale!