Friday, June 4, 2010

Bad Door to Open...

I woke up this morning with a crazy stuffy nose...ugg. I still got out of bed, washed up, and out the door. My first stop today was the vet. Last night Basil let a tick land on his body. Horrible creature (the tick not Basil!). I took him in this morning just to get it checked out. Then I was off to the hospital. I only lasted a couple hours, until I drove back to the hotel and crawled into bed...where I'm still at!

First, I guess Cale had a busy morning with his hands. I love getting stories when I get to the hospital everyday, about my husband getting into trouble. I think he would be proud there are so many! Heehee! He was in a good mood when I got there. He let me brush his teeth, clean his nails, and he played ball. The whole time I was sniffling, sneezing, and coughing. With the infection he has, I don't want him to get ANYTHING bad from me so I knew I needed to leave. Since the day after the accident, I've made it a goal not to get sick or do anything that causes me to miss a day with Cale. Well, something caught me.

At one point this afternoon when I was laying in bed, I started to let my mind wander. I always have hated being alone and sick. I remember when I was younger and would get sick, I hated when Mama had to go to work. I just wanted her to stay with me and watch movies all day. I'm the same even now, I just hate to be alone. All that to say, I was already sad because neither Cale or Mama are able to be here and take care of me, and then I opened the door for the enemy to come in. It wasn't a sob fest, just a time of really sad thoughts. I hate that this happened. I hate that it has forever changed my marriage, when I thought it was almost perfect. A lot of not fun stuff going through my head. I could feel myself giving in to the darkness that was coming from every direction it felt like. I pray every morning that I would be a light to the dark, that I would walk in light no matter what. I know this might sound dramatic as you're reading, but as I was laying there, me and Basil, I felt all the drama fill the room.

Sleep came and when I woke up it was 5pm. Basil was ready for a walk and I could hardly pull myself off the bed. I didn't even bother turning lights on before going outside. I knew I was not fit for the world to see me, mascara smeared on my face, with very nice bed head. Thankfully, not too many people are ever on the special trail I walk.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8

I am feeling better now, praying that this evening will be a peaceful and restful one. I know I am not alone, Christ is with me. He's with Cale too, God's breathing life into him everyday. I KNOW because we're all praying for it. Also praying I wake up refreshed and all better so I can spend a wonderful day next to my beloved.

5 comments:

  1. Kim Gilhuly6/4/10, 4:23 PM

    You are loved Kathleen and lovely too.
    Blessings to you and Cale, you bless us beyond words.
    Kim Gilhuly

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  2. You are an amazing person and I hope this helps. I couldn't imagine what you are going through right now but as an Air Force veteran and wife of an active duty member I know how it feels to be alone without him. Times like now, when you have to be away, try to think of him as being on a deployment. He's doing his job as a soldier while you take care of the home front. I will be praying for you, that you feel better soon so you can be with Cale. Also, remember it is ok to cry, sometimes it helps get through the darkness. Prayers for you both.
    Jaime

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  3. Hannah Hayner6/4/10, 8:13 PM

    praying for you, my friend! :) i'm sorry today wasn't such a fun one. i pray that tomorrow will be so much better and full of giggles and hope! i also pray for healing for your body, heart and mind, and that God would help your mind to be at ease, in a really good place of peace! and that your body would rise up and be healed and free to play and go be with your husband! loveya!

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  4. Kathleen, I am praying for you to recover quickly from your illness so you can get back to Caleb and delivering your own special medicine for him. How good that the Army sees the progress he is making and can't decide what to do with him yet. . .God is good (all the time!)Still praying for his infection to be resolved as soon as the Lord wills. Thank you for posting the photos so those of us who are praying can see for ourselves how God is blessing you both!
    You are not forgotten.
    Carolyn Thompson, member, Salem Baptist

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  5. Tamara L. Host6/5/10, 4:40 PM

    Kathleen, You have managed to bring tears to my eyes once again. You are such a strong woman and you have shown that to many people many times. I think your body is telling you that you too need to slow down and rest. God has worked so many wonderful miracles already for you and Cale. He will continue to do so. when I read your post "Angry Monkey" and saw the pictures of you and Cale I had to smile. My thought was maybe he is angry that he cannot be, like he once was, at this time. He too has struggles that he has to deal with daily. You are both very strong people. I pray for healing for both of you and I pray that someday you will have your husband home with you again and that you will have your happy family as you both deserve. Only God knows how long this journey will be for Cale's recovery. Stay strong. So very Proud of you...

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