Sunday, June 13, 2010

Well Done

I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Psalm 121

I know that I keep saying it's been "different" or "weird" lately and really, that's the only way I know how to describe the last few days. All through this journey, Cale has had times that he's doing great (being cooperative, doing new things, more focused) then he has times that he's not so great (being agitated, not wanting anything to do with anybody, not wanting to do anything). This has all become new way of life. Well, the difference the last few days is that Cale is very agitated almost all the time but he's also progressing quite a bit. Today, he dressed himself almost by himself! That's HUGE!

I'm having to learn this new stage we're going through. When I don't get the sleep I should, like the past few nights, then I just feel so exhausted. I got to the point this afternoon, that I don't want to fight him anymore. He pulls at his brief constantly, so now, I realize it's not hurting him, it's not that big of a deal. It's getting harder because he's more aware, when he pushes me away. It's so hard because I just want to be with him, loving him. I know it's not that he doesn't want me there, or that he doesn't love me. I have to keep reminding myself this is a stage they said he would go through, and I can still love him, and be his wife, praying so hard for him, fighting with him.

I not only feel like I'm going through a new stage with Cale, but also with the Lord. I find myself sitting and thinking about how amazing He is. His timing is so perfect. I'm not sure that I will ever understand this side of heaven why this happened, I do know that I want to meet Jesus and hear him say "well done my good and faithful servant."



He truly is helping me through this, every step. I was listening to a song that's written about Psalm 36 and it blessed my heart so much this morning. It's by Third Day. Here's the chorus...
Your love, oh Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness stretches to the sky
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains
Your justice flows like the ocean's tide
I will lift my voice
To worship You, my King
I will find my strength
In the shadow of your wings

3 comments:

  1. Dear Kathleen,
    I am sad that you are struggling and wanting a child so badly! You have so many years ahead of you and I do believe you will have a child someday. I just feel it in my heart!
    Also, Cale may be starting to connect the dots in his head and realizing he has some deficits right now; or maybe he is frustrated and cannot understand why he cannot control certain body parts or functions.
    I had 2 brain bleeds 5 years ago and it took 7 months of therapy before I could start a normal life again. I would attempt to do something, like count money out to the store clerk and realize the money in my hand have no meaning to me. I did not know how to count money! I was ashamed and scared, I had no idea I had lost that ability until I needed to use it. There were other discoveries like that along the way. I finally recovered and relearned many tasks. I also had problems with studdering which worsened when I did it as I was self consious about it. I would become very depressed and mad at myself when I was going through this. I also felt that no one knew how ashamed or alone I felt. I still occassionally will studder, or search for the correct word I need when I am talking. I have forgotten some things that happened in the past. But I am much better and most prople do not know until I tell them. My injury was not nearly as bad as Cales, but even with some small losses or deficits, it is possible for some functions to be relearned. I am not the full person I was before my accident, but I have learned to live with it.
    I hope this give you a little hope for your future. Day by day it can be gruleing but if you look back he is really doing better than I imagined he would have considering how badly injured he was.
    Sorry this is so long! : X
    Remember we are all praying for both of you!

    All my love,
    Lorri C

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  2. Jennifer Rodeniser6/14/10, 2:08 PM

    Kathleen, I am reading your blog because Amy Root introduced you to me through her blog. Whenever I pray for her and Adam I am praying for you and Cale as well. I used to work with a wonderful woman from Beulaville! It's such a small town I bet your family knows her family - Diane Blizzard was her maiden name. Anyway, it's a small world and I'm happy to have made your acquaintance. I'll continue to pray for you and Cale as you walk through this difficult, difficult time. Keep your focus on the Lord. Ephesians 3:16-21.

    Jennifer Rodeniser

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  3. Hannah Hayner6/14/10, 5:12 PM

    beautiful post :) wow, brought tears to my eyes! i could feel the anointing come off the computer screen as i read the Scripture and testimony and song. must be crazy to learn a new phase, but as always, you're doing an amazing job! the thought of what Jesus will say to you when you see Him... now that will be wonderful! :) loveya! and He does too, lots and lots and lots! :)
    oh and, yay for him pretty much dressing himself!!!!! that does seem really huge!

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