I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Psalm 121
I know that I keep saying it's been "different" or "weird" lately and really, that's the only way I know how to describe the last few days. All through this journey, Cale has had times that he's doing great (being cooperative, doing new things, more focused) then he has times that he's not so great (being agitated, not wanting anything to do with anybody, not wanting to do anything). This has all become new way of life. Well, the difference the last few days is that Cale is very agitated almost all the time but he's also progressing quite a bit. Today, he dressed himself almost by himself! That's HUGE!
I'm having to learn this new stage we're going through. When I don't get the sleep I should, like the past few nights, then I just feel so exhausted. I got to the point this afternoon, that I don't want to fight him anymore. He pulls at his brief constantly, so now, I realize it's not hurting him, it's not that big of a deal. It's getting harder because he's more aware, when he pushes me away. It's so hard because I just want to be with him, loving him. I know it's not that he doesn't want me there, or that he doesn't love me. I have to keep reminding myself this is a stage they said he would go through, and I can still love him, and be his wife, praying so hard for him, fighting with him.
I not only feel like I'm going through a new stage with Cale, but also with the Lord. I find myself sitting and thinking about how amazing He is. His timing is so perfect. I'm not sure that I will ever understand this side of heaven why this happened, I do know that I want to meet Jesus and hear him say "well done my good and faithful servant."
He truly is helping me through this, every step. I was listening to a song that's written about Psalm 36 and it blessed my heart so much this morning. It's by Third Day. Here's the chorus...
Your love, oh Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness stretches to the sky
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains
Your justice flows like the ocean's tide
I will lift my voice
To worship You, my King
I will find my strength
In the shadow of your wings