I think when I cut into an orange thinking it's a lemon, my tiredness is starting to show...especially when I cut it open and say to myself "Hmm...this is a weird looking lemon, maybe it's overripe." Oh dear.
It's been a busy long day. I feel like I was gone for most of it, but really I was only gone from the hospital for a couple hours early this afternoon. There's a ranch near by (not the one I went to last week), that has been wanting to reach out to the families here at the facility. It was really great! They showed me first how to prep the horse for riding and then we went on a trail for about 40 minutes. My horse was Ranger, he was very sweet! This is available for me to go every week if I would like. As I keep going they will teach me more things about riding. It was such a nice getaway from the hospital too! It's another one of those things that I'm just in total awe of God. What a blessing! FREE horseback riding lessons...what?!
This is the website to the ranch http://bokranch.org/
Cale had a mixed day again. Last night when I got back from dinner, the nurse reported that Cale was searching for me all over. He was throwing a fit and even had them call me! They called my room at the Fisher House, which I was out to dinner so I missed it. Cale wouldn't go to bed last night and kept throwing stuff off the bed. When I walked in the room, he reached out for me and as soon as I walked to the bed, he grabbed me and gave me a hug and kiss. I put my arm on his right after, and he pushed me away. This time not letting me close to him. I asked if he wanted me to leave and he nodded "no" and then grabbed my arm. When I asked if he was mad at me, he nodded "yes". Eventually I was able to get him calm and we cuddled for a tiny bit. When I was trying to fall asleep last night, I was thinking about how him doing that makes me never want to leave! I know I need to, and I know he's ok. I also know that when I can't be with him that God is, but I hate that he has to experience that emotion. I was reminded today, that it's a good thing. It means we're taking steps in the right direction, Cale is starting to realize more. Still...it makes me sad for him!
He seemed fine today. I missed two of his therapy's and on Fridays he only has 3. Speech was good, but he won't swallow food! It doesn't seem that the swallowing is the issue. It's hard to explain what's going on, but he even has the therapist stumped. We've talked about several possibilities, but nothing quite fits. We also had the ENT appointment. Right now, they couldn't say much because the MRI needs to be redone. He'll have to get knocked out for the next one because he moved the whole time on the last! So, we wait.
I watched a video on Facebook this morning that brought tears to my eyes instantly. It probably wasn't the best idea to start my day with it...puffy eyes for a little bit. This is what my comment said about the video:
"Oh my goodness. I just watched this video and tears keep coming. There was a couple times that Cale surprised me when he came home. One time he had gone to FL for a month for training, a couple days before he was supposed to be home, he sent me a text to call him when I was leaving work. I told him I had brought clothes to work so I could go straight to the gym after. He asked if I could run home and look something up for him first, I was a little bugged because the whole point of changing at work was so that I didn't have to go home! Well, I ran in the door, trying to go as fast as possible and there is my husband!! What an amazing feeling...what I would do for that feeling again...Lord, you know my heart and everything in me. I surrender it ALL to you. Thank you for the sweet hugs and kisses every time I walk into his hospital room!"
I remember how those days, whether he was gone on deployment for a year (or more), at school for a month, in the field for a week or two, or on Staff Duty for the night, I ALWAYS missed him so much. I hated it! Then I think about now...oh how different everything is. I really am so grateful for every step of progress. I can see determination in Cale's eyes sometimes. He's my soldier fighting the battle and being so strong!!
Make sure you have tissues...