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Friday, August 13, 2010

Determination Baby!

I think when I cut into an orange thinking it's a lemon, my tiredness is starting to show...especially when I cut it open and say to myself "Hmm...this is a weird looking lemon, maybe it's overripe." Oh dear.

It's been a busy long day. I feel like I was gone for most of it, but really I was only gone from the hospital for a couple hours early this afternoon. There's a ranch near by (not the one I went to last week), that has been wanting to reach out to the families here at the facility. It was really great! They showed me first how to prep the horse for riding and then we went on a trail for about 40 minutes. My horse was Ranger, he was very sweet! This is available for me to go every week if I would like. As I keep going they will teach me more things about riding. It was such a nice getaway from the hospital too! It's another one of those things that I'm just in total awe of God. What a blessing! FREE horseback riding lessons...what?!

This is the website to the ranch

Cale had a mixed day again. Last night when I got back from dinner, the nurse reported that Cale was searching for me all over. He was throwing a fit and even had them call me! They called my room at the Fisher House, which I was out to dinner so I missed it. Cale wouldn't go to bed last night and kept throwing stuff off the bed. When I walked in the room, he reached out for me and as soon as I walked to the bed, he grabbed me and gave me a hug and kiss. I put my arm on his right after, and he pushed me away. This time not letting me close to him. I asked if he wanted me to leave and he nodded "no" and then grabbed my arm. When I asked if he was mad at me, he nodded "yes". Eventually I was able to get him calm and we cuddled for a tiny bit. When I was trying to fall asleep last night, I was thinking about how him doing that makes me never want to leave! I know I need to, and I know he's ok. I also know that when I can't be with him that God is, but I hate that he has to experience that emotion. I was reminded today, that it's a good thing. It means we're taking steps in the right direction, Cale is starting to realize more. makes me sad for him!

He seemed fine today. I missed two of his therapy's and on Fridays he only has 3. Speech was good, but he won't swallow food! It doesn't seem that the swallowing is the issue. It's hard to explain what's going on, but he even has the therapist stumped. We've talked about several possibilities, but nothing quite fits. We also had the ENT appointment. Right now, they couldn't say much because the MRI needs to be redone. He'll have to get knocked out for the next one because he moved the whole time on the last! So, we wait.

I watched a video on Facebook this morning that brought tears to my eyes instantly. It probably wasn't the best idea to start my day with it...puffy eyes for a little bit. This is what my comment said about the video:
"Oh my goodness. I just watched this video and tears keep coming. There was a couple times that Cale surprised me when he came home. One time he had gone to FL for a month for training, a couple days before he was supposed to be home, he sent me a text to call him when I was leaving work. I told him I had brought clothes to work so I could go straight to the gym after. He asked if I could run home and look something up for him first, I was a little bugged because the whole point of changing at work was so that I didn't have to go home! Well, I ran in the door, trying to go as fast as possible and there is my husband!! What an amazing feeling...what I would do for that feeling again...Lord, you know my heart and everything in me. I surrender it ALL to you. Thank you for the sweet hugs and kisses every time I walk into his hospital room!"
I remember how those days, whether he was gone on deployment for a year (or more), at school for a month, in the field for a week or two, or on Staff Duty for the night, I ALWAYS missed him so much. I hated it! Then I think about now...oh how different everything is. I really am so grateful for every step of progress. I can see determination in Cale's eyes sometimes. He's my soldier fighting the battle and being so strong!!

Make sure you have tissues...


  1. I did the same thing you did, watched the video right before I ran out to do errands...big mistake. I sobbed my face off the whole time, feeling like every little kid was one of mine and remembering how it has felt every time Ty came home. But it's a good kind of a hurt, to know that those men and women made it home safe to their families. And I know Cale is going to make it home safe to you again!! He is fighting SO hard to come fully back to you. He's entitled to a few cranky days, too :)

    Love you SO much, thinking of you and Cale all the time, particularly missing you when I look through all the crazy pictures of us together...


  2. Hi pumpkin,
    Demanding now is he? It's really a good thing isn't it. Doesn't that mean that he knows you and recognizes you and loves you even... I love it. Sad that he is missing you too but he will realize after awhile I think that you will always return. Great looking girl on that horse...And great that you get the opportunity to get away and veg for awhile..You need to take care of you...Keeping you as always every single day in our prayers,,,,
    We love you something fierce.
    Charlie and Jean

  3. Tamara L. Host8/14/10, 4:15 PM

    Kathleen, Hi...Stacy Ehrsam is my ex sister in law but still my sister at heart...She sent me this video and it has been shared and commented on by so many...I can only imagine how it made you feel watching it...I think about you and Cale often and read the blog to see how you are both doing...You and Cale will always be in my prayers...Remember this...Even though you don't know who all is reading this blog every day, you have a ton of people out there wishing Cale well again and praying for you both...We may not always comment but we are always here...God bless you and keep you safe


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