Thursday, August 19, 2010

A Real Life Roller Coaster

I'm not even sure where to start tonight...it's been an up, down and all around emotional kind of day. Going to a theme park is fun (Katie and I might be going Saturday!), but this journey is a real life roller coaster!

First, before I forget, yesterday Dan Wheldon, former Indy 500 champion came to visit! It was really neat! Cale who loves racing and hockey, thought it was pretty cool that this guy came to see him! I didn't have my camera with me for this first meeting, because the car was supposed to come later, so my thought was to get a picture with him and the car. Well, when we were talking to Dan, he informed us that the car wasn't coming! Oh no! I don't have my camera (this seemed so dramatic at the moment, but really my camera was right inside...), so Rene, one of the staff was sweet enough to take this picture for us. She emailed it to me today, so here we are :)


When I got to the hospital this morning, Cale was already awake in bed waiting for me. I think he hears my flip flops coming down the hall and watches for me to come :) I was just finishing getting my good morning hug and kiss, when Dr. Scott walked in. I've been waiting to talk to him more about Cale's recovery and progress that he's made so far. Why do I do that to myself? All I can think is that I want to know so I know specifically what to be praying for. Well, he told me everything and again, I really felt like he did it in a very caring way, but there is nothing easy about hearing how your husband will most likely never be able to take care of himself. As he was talking I realized something today, that wasn't the most fun (totally just typed funnest! haha!) thing to hear. When Dr. Wilhelm talked to me about Cale's prognosis, I took it as she was saying that he was going to stay at level 3 on the Rancho scale, so when they said Cale was above that, I was thinking he was already better than his prognosis. Actually, as I was listening to Dr. Scott, it was the same things that Dr. Wilhelm had told me. I remember her even saying that their hope would be that he would start to walk and become more aware. Now, I'm not saying that Cale hasn't gone further than expected, because God is doing amazing miracles, at the same time, his prognosis (medically speaking) is still the same. The mountain I thought we had already conquered, we haven't yet. There were a few tears as he was talking, and then he asked if I was ok. I said yes, and turned to look at Cale (the whole time Dr. Scott was talking to me about Cale's future, he was also talking to Cale, and encouraging him during all of it!) and Cale shrugged his shoulders. Oh dear. I love him.

I was looking back through scripture and journal entries and Matthew 6:34 was put on my heart. I love the wording of this passage from The Message; "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." WOW. I feel like this is one of those verses I have to look at EVERYDAY. Jesus always meets me where I'm at and He's very straight forward most of the time. All the good that is happening right now, is amazing, He's doing a mighty work in Caleb (what I tell Cale everyday) and that's what I need to give my entire attention on.

Cale of course has been faithful about making me smile and laugh all the time. In fact we had a pretty funny moment this afternoon. I was sitting on the side of his bed, he was in his wheel chair and I said "do you love me?" Cale shrugged. "What?! Caleb Michael, do you love me?!" Another shrug, so I threw myself backwards (to be silly), forgetting that the side rail was up on the other side...I smacked my head full force on it. Ouch. Haha! When I sat back up, both of us were laughing, and I said holding my head "Cale, do you love me?" and he nodded his head "yes" and then tapped his chest and went to tap me...but hit me in the face! This time I threw my head back, again both of us laughing! This time, Cale grabbed my head, pulled it to his chest, and started to pet my head! Awe! haha! He was comforting me :)

Later, I was reminded of our first kiss. It was the night before he was leaving to visit his friend Ben, and I was going to Kenya. While he was gone, I covered the walls of his room in post-it notes that said "I miss you" on each one. I also covered his bed in Hershey's hugs and kisses and left a card. In the card I made a comment about kissing him. Well, when I was on my way home from Kenya, he made a comment about my card and getting to kiss me. The whole flight home I was so nervous because we had only kissed once before, and I didn't know if he was going to kiss me again, and when! I was later told that him and mama had a discussion about who was going to hug me first at the airport! haha! Thinking about these special memories, makes me miss him so much! How great that even now, when he's signed off as incompetent, we can still make these sweet memories. We have some of the most amazing sweet times together and it doesn't matter at all that it happens inside the walls of a hospital...


He did a little more talking in speech today with breath! Most words that we try to get him to say, just come out as an exhale, but "stay" comes out so clear! He also ate 8 bites of pudding today! Yesterday was 4 and that was the most, until he doubled it today! Woot! He also had his first "group session" today for RT. It was him and an older man. They played balloon tennis :) Cale seems to be having a hard time with vision when both eyes are open. The therapists are thinking maybe double vision, but we just don't know yet.

Our day ended with a very special moment. I wrote a while ago about a wonderful lady in NC that contacted the Red Wings (Cale's FAVORITE hockey team!) and they were sending a signed picture of his favorite player. It came in the mail right before we left NC and all of our mail was going to Ty and Nikki's so this whole time it's been across the country. I got the package today with all the mail this evening, so I took the picture to Cale. They sent one of Pavel Datsyuk, one of the whole team, and then a really sweet letter to Cale. When I showed him the picture of Datsyuk, Cale smiled so big, and was pointing and tapping the picture! He knew who it was!!!! When I showed him the one of the whole team, he was looking at it, pointing like crazy. I read him the letter and he smiled more. He LOVED, LOVED, LOVED it!!! Thank you Michelle!!

5 comments:

  1. That last picture is so adorable! He looks SO happy! About the prognosis - Kathleen, we are praying that God will work miracles! But the way it seems to me is that you started out with a husband who was lying in bed, unable to communicate or function at all. And steadily... he's getting better. Every day it seems like he is doing something new! (At least to your blog readers!) I believe he's going to keep on trucking! How could he NOT? (He has pretty much the best wife EVER. Who wouldn't want to get better so he could spend the rest of his life with you?! :) We miss you guys here. God bless and take care of yourself!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Bensons8/20/10, 8:59 AM

    Sweetness,
    Only GOD knows where Cale will be in the end of this. The doctors can only guess. We believe that our God is bigger that all of this and we believe that God WILL restore Cale to the vibrant healthy man he once was because our God is a God of miracles. And we remember how far he has come already. And he has you fighting in every corner.
    We love you so much. Keep fighting and keep believing.
    Love you,
    Charlie and Jean

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hannah Hayner8/20/10, 10:12 AM

    haha i love the story about you guys laughing together! it sounded so hilarious! i can picture it completely!
    Psalm 52:8 And I'm an olive tree,
    growing green in God's house.
    I trusted in the generous mercy
    of God then and now.
    9 I thank you always
    that you went into action.
    And I'll STAY right here,
    your good name my hope,
    in company with your faithful friends.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kathleen we are continueously praying for Caleb's wholeness and your perfect discernment in every situation presented to you. God is faithful! He is not a man that he should lie, nor does he change from day to day or year to year you can count the truth that All things will work together for your good and Calebs good and to the GLORY of God - He loves to shine when the world says No!!! We believe that like Amber, Caleb will be a living testimony to the Glory and Goodness of our living Lord - We love you and continue to lift you up each morning 5:30 Am NY time (which is 3 hours ahead of you ;) ) Love you girl ! Reenie and Jan Bovier !!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I tear up every time I read your blog Kathleen. But not in pitty but by being moved by how much you and Cale still love each other. I am believing for complete restoration for Cale and expect nothing less. All good things come to those who wait upon the Lord and though this waiting process may be a long one, it will produce beautiful fruit and full restoration for Cale and for your heart as well.

    You are an inspiration to all of us and Cale I know is fighting hard. I love you so much!

    -Hillary Hopper

    ReplyDelete

Please included at least your first name and know that we are reviewing each comment so it may take up to 12 hours to post. Thank you all for your constant encouragement and prayers.