Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted. Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good. It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones. Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them! He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.
This morning in my bible study, I read Psalm 127. Beth Moore had pointed out how children are a reward. It doesn't say they are the reward, but they are a reward. This caught my heart like a fish is caught when my Father-in-law Dennis goes fishing. I felt like it was hooked and stuck. This verse has a brand new meaning to my heart like it never has before. I have wanted to be a mom for so long! There was a point in my life that I was saying I didn't need to go to college because I just wanted to be a wife and mom. That of course passed and I realized, taking some classes wasn't going to hurt anything! November 08, Cale and I were driving home from a small group that we were a part of in NY, and Cale said out of the blue, "I'm ready. I want to be a dad! I'm really excited!" It took everything inside of me not to scream and cheer like a crazy woman (I did later...). I had been ready for so long, but Cale wasn't quite there. He wanted children, but he also didn't feel ready. Finally he was ready! Of course, he was deploying for a year less than 2 months later, so we waited. As soon as he came home December 09, we had decided it was time. Things were still up in the air for what things were going to look for him after the Army, but we knew it could take awhile anyways.
On February 8th 2010, my friend Shawna took me to a doctors appointment for a blood test. We were leaving Ft. Drum that night for good, and I felt like there might be a good chance I had a baby in my tummy. It was crazy to wait! I wish that as soon as they took the blood they could have told me, but instead I had to leave with knowing I would be receiving a call. Early the next morning my cell rang...yep! It was the hospital. They called to let us know that the results from the blood test were negative. Even though we hadn't "officially" started trying, we had hoped so much that it was going to be positive. The night before the phone call, Cale had been rubbing my tummy while we were cuddling in bed. We talked about how crazy it was that there might be a crazy little Darling being knitted together inside of me as we laid there.
We didn't receive the results that we had been longing to hear, but at that time we could only see the small picture. All we knew was how we were feeling at that moment and how things looked at that moment. We had no clue that the very next evening, Cale would be fighting for his life, our family preparing to say their good byes, and that I would be praising God from my inner most being that the results had been negative.
We've been on a long journey and our plans had changed so quickly. Cale has been working extremely hard to recover and I've been right by his side. How awesome that after everything, we can still claim in our hearts that our one day children will be a reward!
I was sharing all of this with Cale this morning while I helped him get ready for the day. I looked at him and said, "Who knows, we may have a baby reward this year!" Cale looked at me and said, "How many do we get this year?" Uh...one is a good number to start with! ;) Haha!
For those of you that just read that and are wondering if we're trying right now, we're not. It's just a nice thought that it can all still happen! :)
One really hard thing for Cale being at the hospital is that he's so bored! He doesn't rest through the day like he used to, and there's not anything that he can do that will hold his attention. We try TV, but he never liked TV before, and still has no interest. We have his Xbox now that I had been hoping would help, but he's only good with it until his guy dies and then he's done. Even when we're playing together or he's playing with someone else, he only handles it for a very short time. He can't really read yet. He can do single words, but a mix of his vision and of his understanding, that's not an option right now. Any other things I think of or try, he will do, but only for a couple minutes and then he's done. I feel so sad for him! That's one of the reasons that I never want to leave the hospital if he's not in therapy (and I like to be in those!), because then he's so miserable! If he still slept through the day, or if he was in to TV, then it would be easier. I know I would be crazy miserable too, if I just sat and did nothing.
Cale is a people person. He always has been. I am too, so sometimes this was bad when we didn't have anyone to hang out with! I think that's why we bought a pet bunny at one point...I love being around people, but I don't always have to be doing something. I'm totally content, cuddling up on the couch and watching a movie. Cale would rather be doing something...always with friends. Well, it's still the same and that's one of the biggest things he talks to me about when he's sad and wants to go home. He keeps asking where his friends are and wants to hang out with them. the last couple days, he has starting using his cell phone to talk to people! If your number is in his phone...expect a call! :) He just wants to being talking with someone. His mom one morning, had run out of things to say and so did Cale. It was so great for him to just know she was there so she had him start humming and then they hummed together. He loved it! For the most part, all the calls are before 8am!
We are still loving the weather here! It's so nice! In fact, all of his therapy's were outside today! We even took our lunch to the garden and ate! Like I said before, we have to soak up as much sun as possible! It's really good for Cale to get out of the hospital and get fresh air. I know the therapists like it too! :)
In PT, Pat wanted Cale to walk on the grass. It's harder than walking in the building or on the sidewalk. Cale walked the first part by himself, but on the way back he had a little helper ;) I'm not sure if you remember the last video we did when we first walked outside together, but this time he did so much better! I had to remind him a couple times to hold my hand sweetly and not use it for support. For a good part of the morning, he had been walking without holding on to anything, which takes a lot more energy and concentration. So he was tired before PT even started! I remember this happening when he first started using the walker to go everywhere, now he uses nothing! Yeah!
I asked Cale what happens on Wednesday nights? Usually I have to say, "B" and then he will say, "I N G O!" Today was the first time, on his own that he said, "Bingo!" I was so amazed! Wednesday the 12th was the first night after 6 months of Bingo that Cale won the black out. All of us at the table had wished that we would have had a camera to capture the look on his face. I had been saying we couldn't leave the hospital until we won black out, so now it's time to go! It was really neat because it was right before his surgery and his mom was here with us, so she got to see him light up! Tonight, he got 7 bingo's and I got 1...he's good!