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Monday, January 31, 2011

Give Me Your Eyes

The announcement of the night...

We leave the 15th of February! The plane tickets haven't been purchased yet, so...this still has the possibility of changing, but as of right now, it's the 15th. If we were to leave the 7th, Cale would not be getting a private room, which they are trying hard to do. I think for that, it's totally worth the wait! Of course I don't mind staying that much, but Cale...yep, that's a whole 'nother story! He actually took the news well. I think partly because he doesn't remember.

This morning A congressman came to visit. I would love to tell you he was, but I honestly don't remember! I know, that sounds horrible! I was going to ask for his name again this afternoon, and completely forgot! If only I had even something to guess! Anyways, maybe you know?

He presented Cale with a certificate and a box of chocolates! We like him! :) Heehee! I always love seeing Cale respond to people who are outside of the hospital. He can always pick them out! Haha! The girl in the picture is 17 years old and made it a goal to write 11,000 cards and send to soldiers that are deployed! She made her goal too. She also had a card for all the guys on the unit. I thought that was pretty neat! That's a whole lot of cards!

The day was all mixed up, but we took advantage of it! For lunch we went to the Cafeteria with a friend and Cale enjoyed a slice of pizza. Right after we ate, I wheeled Cale upstairs for his ENT appointment. Note to self: Do not eat lunch right before visiting the ENT. Today I actually thought I was going to lose everything I had just eaten! I was so fascinated so I couldn't get myself to stop looking at the monitor, but I really should have. Cale's nose is healing great! In fact, there is an area where they had gone all the way to the bone, and is now swollen tissue. They were surprised to see that, and said it was really good! Of course! What else would we expect? Also, as far as radiation goes...the ENT doesn't think it will ever have to be done! He said that even though it's aggressive, if it starts to grow back, they should be able to go in and pluck the growth right I said, what else did I expect to hear?! I won't go on to tell you about what I made myself experience today. All I can say is I'm sure Cale's nose feels a lot better! Yikes!

So, even though Cale is having to relearn a lot of stuff(like everything), today he taught me something! In PT, we played pool! I've only been once before with Cale when we were dating and well, I think I talked the whole time! I was late to the room where they were playing, and when I walked in, one of the other patients was persistent that I have a turn. Uh, how do I hold this thing? I had no clue what I was doing, so Cale, so sweetly and patiently showed me where my fingers needs to go. At one point I asked, "Is this the right way?" Cale looked at my confused fingers and said, "No, that's far!" Haha! He finally got me to understand!

Once I was lined up and ready to go, I moved the stick, aiming for the white ball (which apparently you have to hit first...) and made the red ball disappear into the hole in the corner! Yay!!! I did it!


Cale was pretty tired today after everything was over and we headed to his room. For the first day in a long time, Cale took a nap. As he snoozed, I took advantage with some quiet time with my Bible. It felt nice to relax. I was sitting in his wheelchair with my feet up on the bed, and the whole time he was sleeping, he had a firm grip around my foot. This was his plot so that there was no way I could sneak away! Good thing for him, I had absolutely no plans to go anywhere except for right where I was at! :)

I ordered pizza tonight with the idea to put some in the fridge so Cale could have yummy pizza for another meal. The drivers always get lost and confused of where to deliver the pizza. Tonight, I was looking out the window and saw the truck flip around in the parking lot, so i rushed outside to help him out. By the time I got outside, the truck was gone, so I went walking. I must have terrible night vision, because as I was walking though the grass, I saw a lady with something in her hands. She seemed to have the right color of shirt on (well it was red and supposed to be green, but that's pretty close...), so I called out, "Is that my pizza?" Oops. Nope, it sure wasn't. It was just a little ol' lady walking with her coat in her arm back to her car. Uh, um...ok, thanks! Sorry about that one...awkward.

I did finally find the missing pizza guy around the corner. Who would have thought he'd be sitting in his truck with the little pizza thing on top? Haha!

We're trying to think of ideas that will keep Cale focused on his therapy's. His tolerance level has lessened quite a bit. One of the reasons I think is because he's not sleeping. I know he's having trouble sleeping because he calls me. Please pray for good rest for him and that he would wake up refreshed and ready to take on the day!

I wanted to share tonight a little about what's been pressing on my heart. I feel at moments so consumed and desperate to do something-I'm still not totally sure what it all looks like right now, but I know that even before the plans are in place, I can start now. I don't need to wait to see how the Lord is going to use me, He wants to use me right now! I can take the step now, and begin to make a change.

My heart is so heavy for people that are hurting. There are a lot of people in this world and a lot of them are hurting in some way. I've always, at least for as long as I can remember have had a thought process when I see people. Wherever I'm at or what ever I'm doing, I always think about what that person (or people) is really thinking. What's their story? I always want to find the realness of the person. Maybe because I love people so much? I don't know. It might even be from how I was raised and my life that I grew up in. Or maybe it was because God put a passion so deep within my heart to encourage people when they are going through a tough time, or when they know of someone going through something. I'm sure that I haven't come close to everything that I could be doing, but I have tried so hard to see beyond just what's going on in my life.

I'm not going to have enough time to write about it all, but at least you can begin to see where my heart is at.

The last week especially, but many times before, I have just sat and cried for other people. I sit and think about Katie and Amy and my heart falls to pieces because of what they are experiencing. I think about a family that I know in NY who had gone through a sister with TBI a few years ago. Another friend from NY that I've never met has a husband that has TBI. Another dear friend who lives in WA, her son has TBI and his injury was several years ago, and Cale has progressed farther then him. Then, I just watched a clip on Youtube of a guy that was on American Idol who has a fiance with TBI. My heart breaks and the tears flow. There are so many emotions that come with TBI and it's not a cut and dry prognosis. Doctors tell the truth when they say they just don't know.

When I hear of people that have lost their job, or are tight on money. When a friend finds out her husband is deploying, or there is an outbreak of protesters and war and people are dying. My heart breaks. When a friend finds out that the baby she's about to give birth to, has no heart beat, or a marriage fails, my heart breaks. I was talking with a nurse the other night and her dog had passed away. Her dog dying wasn't what was so sad, but that her family is all in Chicago and she's here. She was so sad that she had to come back here to work and leave her family all for a job so that she can provide for them. There are so many hurting people and so many that don't know Christ the comforter (You who are my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me. Jeremiah 8:18). When I think about that-about people that don't even have the Lord for comfort and have to take on this bitter hurtful world alone, I feel as though all I can do is sit before the throne. Only He can bear the hurt of the world and only He can be the true comforter.

As much as I hurt for people and hate when people have to feel pain, how much do I actually do? If I only sit and cry for them, but do not take a step to do anything for them, is anything helped? If I ask that the Lord gives me His eyes for the people around me, I think I would have no other choice but to act! So, I'm praying and have been for the last week that the Lord would use me-use Cale-use our marriage in mighty ways for His glory and that I would not just say the words, but would allow myself to step out in obedience for the things the Lord will do with my willing heart. It's only the beginning of great things to come!

Yes, it's another song that gets me on my knees often...


  1. This song has touched my heart too. You are doing the best you can for God with His guidance. I am one of the one's who, after 21 years of working, got laid off. I was feeling sorry for myself for a long time. I have been looking for a job for over a year now. Such a struggle and then I see others struggling with bigger problems (like you Kathleen). I pray for you & Cale every day. I continue to pray for God to lead me to a job which is His mighty will.... You are on the right path. Just continue to listen to His voice. You do have a big heart. God gave that to you! :-)

    Pattie Andring
    Pasco, WA

  2. Thanks Pattie! I'll add you to the prayer list and pray for the perfect job for you!

  3. Your post tonight reminded me of another song that I've been hearing lately (I believe it's fairly new). Here's the link
    You are God's woman Kathleen and I truly believe you can move mountains.
    Bonnie Bennett

  4. You are such a shining light of HOPE!

  5. hi kathleen - a friend told me about your blog and i spent the morning reading through it all. i am so encouraged by you and cale's faith. your story is so inspiring! i will definitely be praying for cale's complete healing. y'all are awesome.... blessings, lora

  6. So I'm not trying to be snoody and I could be wrong, it could be someone else, but is that his name/signature on the bottom of the certificate? :) It kind of made me chuckle when I saw that.
    P.S. You are such an inspiration!! Your faith is beyond words. You and Cale are in my prayers constantly!

  7. Ditto Veronica's thoughts that the congressman signed that certificate! :0)
    As for that heart for others, yes, I believe you've always had it. Speaking from experience, it can be a huge burden to carry, you can become overwhelmed. Just know that there are times when the Lord leads you to others' hurts, all that you are to do is pray; at other times, we are to take action. Just know that right now you are in the middle of your biggest action -- Cale!!! Make sure you stay under the Lord's wing and you don't become worn and weary because then you're not helping anybody. Prayer is the biggest and first action we all need to take, and you're already doing that!
    Keeping you in our hearts and prayers! God bless you both as you continue in God's guidance.

    Terri W

  8. Kathleen, your heart is opened to the commands of the Lord , there is no doubt that as you ask him to reveal how he sees things, he will, AND he will inspire you on HOW to act when the time is right! So happy to see Caleb moving forward and even teaching you something (very sweet!). Many Blessing to you as you follow after his leading !!!!Love to you too!!!! ((()))Reenie

  9. Wow! A Certificate of Special Congressional Recognition!!! How cool! Congratulations Cale!!

    Kathleen, that photo of you two cheering made me giggle so hard you two are so adorable. :)

    God Bless.

  10. Bonnie: I have heard that song! Such a good one! :) Thanks everyone for shedding some light on my blonde hair! Heehee! That's so funny that I missed that! Especially since I was saying I was so clueless! Oh dear...Also, I know that I can't take on everyone's hurts and pain and make them my own because then I wouldn't survive, but, I feel so much that even just little things can help! :)

  11. Kathy Beckett2/1/11, 12:01 PM

    Kathleen, I believe that THIS BLOG is used by God to encourage, edify and evangelize untold numbers of people! When we read your words...knowing the path you are walking...they have POWER. I will continue praying for you and Cale as you prepare for the upcoming move. I remember wishing you didn't have to leave Cary, but knowing that God had wonderful things in store in CA. I can't wait to see what is around the bend! Love you both -

  12. Dear One, Just being aware there is more than just yourself hurting is a BIG DEAL. Father didn't intend you to carry more than a small portion of what you see. You aren't God and He never intended you to carry His load. He has used you mightily in many peoples lives. I love the picture of you and Cale cheering after your pool experience. I love you, Marion

  13. Kathleen,
    I'm sure you've already learned this as I have...but...You know, those who are suffering - those of us who are weak in so many ways - we are the ones that have a special place in the heart of God.

    And when people question the goodness of God and want to understand "why God would allow (insert suffering or sin of your choice)" to happen, it takes some real guts and brawn to buck up against a suffering Christian who peacefully and wholeheartedly can smile through the tears and say, "I know that my Redeemer lives! And I know that He has plans for me, and that they were written on His heart even before my life began! Through the gift of Faith God has given me, I will TRUST my Redeemer with this and all other situations God allows in my life for His glory and for my eternal good." We are sorrowful yet always rejoicing. Sharing this honest testimony from your heart with people around you, explaining that God's grace is sufficient even in our suffering...that's POWERFUL! That's God's power at work, and in their minds most people will say, "I couldn't do that." And they're right - so use that to point to CHRIST! :D

    In our culture, it's typically only appropriate to say that someone who did something incredibly heinous (think Hitler, or a cereal killer) would be worthy of hell. But the truth of the Bible is that we ALL have fallen short of the glory of God, and the wages of sin is death and the righteous wrath of God! We ALL deserve hell! So anything we receive short of hell is the GRACE of God lavished upon us. For the Believer, we have even more than just God's willingness to "put up with us". In fact, we are CHILDREN of God, adopted as sons and daughters of God! He LOVES us so much that He would die for us...oh, wait...He already did that! AND HE ROSE AGAIN to proclaim Victory over Death, Sin, and the Wrath of God which was poured out upon Jesus Christ for us! Praise God!

    Gratitude and a humble attitude that tells others, "I don't deserve this grace of God, this salvation, but it's a work of God and I am so grateful to receive His forgiveness and adoption as my own," is an incredible witness to a world that feels entitled to and worthy of every good thing.

    "Working together with him, then, we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain. For he says,
    “In a favorable time I listened to you, and in a day of salvation I have helped you.”
    Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation. We put no obstacle in anyone's way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything."
    (2 Corinthians 6:1-10 ESV)


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