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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

home-continued discussions...

This morning about 6am, Basil needed to go outside real bad…so I put on my slippers and let him out. I was standing in the middle of the kitchen waiting for him to finish his business; the whole house was dark except the start of daylight streaming through all the windows. As I looked around, I had a very strong heart change moment. This is our home. Yes, I don’t like that after such a short time I have to leave it, especially for something like radiation, but, this home will be waiting for us when we get back! It’s not going to be like when the accident first happened and being in hospitals not sure of where “home” was actually going to be…we have a home now!

It’s beautiful and a blessing. The Lord isn’t sitting up in Heaven saying, “Kathleen is too happy at home, I better get her out of there!” No, He’s blessed us so richly with this home and for this time in our life, we get to live here and when we leave, whether for a few days, or several weeks, we get to come back home. I’m so very thankful for this house and I’m so thankful that they want to start radiation as soon as possible so that the tumor does not continue to grow and cause any more issues. This treatment is a benefit to him and could save his life!

Cale has done two really awesome things today that show growth on his part. The first was with a shower. So far, Cale has hated, HATED showers. He’s still not able to regulate his temperature fully and his body is so sensitive to the water. He just really hates everything about it and wouldn’t care if he ever showered again. I decided to be bold and just see how things would go if I tried it like before the accident. Rather than get him in the shower sitting on the shower chair, I left it out and both of us climbed in the shower together. I was a tiny bit nervous about him falling, but I was right there with him, and I felt confident in him being able to hold himself up like he needed to.

There is one bar in the shower (after today, I do wish there was another), and between the bar and myself, Cale had a very successful normal shower! The water was slightly cooler than I normally would have made it, but, he did it! I was so proud of him for trying and for doing so great! He washed his body and hair all by himself too! I had to help with giving him what he needed and putting stuff back, but that will come. This is such a HUGE deal and how amazing for him to be able to take a shower like he would have before!

The other really awesome thing was a choice he made. The sun was out earlier this afternoon and outside looked so inviting. I suggested to Cale for us to take Basil for a walk. I gave him the choice to use his walker or wheelchair and he chose his walker! He took the harder option of the two! Normally, since the accident, if Cale was given an easy way out, he took it! He was working so hard with therapy every day, I totally understand why too! We didn’t walk very far (maybe ½ a block), before he was tired, but I was still so proud of him!!

“A black night seems to make the moon brighter. Purple irises brighten yellow daffodils. And a dark gray Kansas sky makes the wheat look truly golden. So it is with us. It seems that God best displays the brilliance of His grace against the backdrop of our darkest and even blackest moments.” —Joni Eareckson Tada

Thank you so much for all the sweet encouragement that has been given. I have received emails, phone calls, comments, texts, and messages. The quote above was sent to me and also, one of my very special friends from NY, Hannah, sent me a message letting me know that her son Jaxon prays for me. He’s 2 and adorable! She said he prays, “Blessa body, amen.” He even said it one day when he was playing with his cars and Hannah asked him who he was praying for, he said, “Kathleen.” So sweet! I love that little guy!

Hannah also sent me a song that I wanted to share. It’s so encouraging!

The Lord has put so many amazing people in our lives. Thank you!

Cale has been laying down for a nap almost every day after lunch. His brain just gets to a point that it shuts off and if he doesn’t get to lay down, he turns into some form of sweet monster…if that makes sense. A couple times he has slept for 4 hours, which gave me much needed time to dig into the word and have a date with Jesus. Today it was for about 20 minutes and then I heard him walking down the hall. Darn. I greeted him with a big smile and the first words he said were, “I’m sad.” K: “Why are you sad?” C: “I’m not home.” K: “What do you mean? This is our home.” Cale replied with, “This is your home.” When I asked more about it, he said that he wanted to be at home with his mom, Ty, and Chei. We talked a little more, and he was still saying this wasn’t his home. So, we hopped in the car and I took him to his old house. When we were getting close to the turn off, he knew right where we were and told me to turn. Then, as we approached his old house, he started pointing and over and over shouting, “Home! There’s my home! Home!” This crushed my heart. I was able to pull over and talk with him for a little bit.

Have you ever seen the movie, 50 First Dates? Well, I couldn’t help at that time, but to think of that movie and myself waking up every morning and driving Cale to his old house and going through the car accident story, so that we would be able to continue through the day. With Cale, it would have to be more than once a day, and I’m sure our time would be better spent doing so many other things…

It ended up being a really good drive though. It was a blast getting to watch his reaction when he recognized a building. :) We drove to a few specific spots and I would continually ask Cale if he knew where he was. We had the music playing and the window down; it felt good!

Cale’s Uncle Tracey and Aunt Tammy invited us to an American’s game. Yes to hockey anytime! :) They even had seats in the box suites, so we (or maybe I’m the only one that noticed?) felt a little pampered to go along with the fun night! The Ams lost, but we’ll forgive them! ;)


  1. All things need time to settle down...when you get back from this treatment can both really settle in. I have an extra shower bar and Dennis will install it for you wherever you want it in your shower...all when you get back!

  2. I had thought of 50 First Dates a few posts back, I think that you are doing this love walk amazingly - it reminded me of Adam Sandler's charatcer in that movie- He just doesn't give up ..... He keeps walking in love for the girl that his heart calls out to! I see that astounding Grace in you Kathleen!! Prayed for total recall for Caleb this morning that he would KNOW what he knows ...... You have so much going on right now , Caleb's memory, the radiation, and the home front,healing takes time and that is one thing the Father has blessed you with. I know this is hard I also know that "If he has lead you to it he will lead you through it " and gloriously ~ look at the israelites as they crossed the Red Sea. I am sure they wondered if that wall of water would fall on them at any moment, but it didn't and when they ALL got safely to the other side God crushed their enemies completly.....and they Sang and they Danced and they had a huge WORSHIP PARTY!!! God is still leading you through that empty place where a Sea used to be...BUT GOD is not done, He won't leave you standing there - you are crossing over, coming up and out the other side, Sure your feet might be a little muddy and the mist of the wall of water may spray you now and then - But you will not be beaten because God has a greater plan !!!!! Love the Joni E. Tada quote!!!! We don't know what the victory will look like ~ we just know, that GOD does! Be encouraged! YOU are like the great women of faith who have gone on before you~trusting in greater hands than your own! LOVE to you girl as you walk this out one step at a time!!!! PS LOVE the link as well great song!!!! love ya !!!! ((())) Reenie !

  3. Kathleen!! I love you and KNOW Father has His hand on you in a special way. I remember that movie. Didn't they end up on a boat with her watching a video each morning, before starting the day. She even had a child. True, her dad was a part of their life, BUT she wasn't in the resturant every morning any more. Like Reenie said, He won't leave you standing after having brought you this far. And about the time thing, it's Father's time, and for now if this is what He's having you do, it couldn't be better spent. Hugs, Marion


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