Cale has had another really hard day. Usually on his bad days, I still get about an hour after he wakes up in the morning and an hour after his nap, that he’s in a good mood and light hearted. It’s not always though. Today was one of those days that it didn’t go quite that way. First thing he said when I saw him, after he woke up this morning was, “I’m sad.” After I asked why, knowing already what he was going to say, he replied, “I want to go home. My home.” Here we go…
There was a thing at the park today that we went to help out with. I thought Cale was going to love it, instead, he hated it! He was bored and cold. The wind outside didn’t help because he hates the wind on his skin. The whole part of the park we were at was full of dogs (yes, dogs!) that we were trying to find people to adopt them. All of the dogs are from shelters and have no home. I was so sure Cale was going to love getting to see all the dogs and I was ready for him to find one that he loved and ask me to adopt it!
The whole way home, he was not happy and so grumpy. With the time of month that it is, and my emotions all out of whack, I was trying my hardest not to have a meltdown in front of Cale.
He took a nap on the couch and I at first just sat on one of our chairs and stared at him. I love this man so much. I decided with the silent time I had, I was going to open my Bible and spend some time with the Lord. It was good. It’s always so good!
I was praying and trying to get some kind of different thought about all of this. I know it’s not Cale’s fault and even when he’s being grumpy, he still manages to be so sweet with me!
This last week has been rough and bumpy for us. I’ve been really trying to seek the Lord and press into him with all of my struggles and thoughts, but today was another challenging day. It’s just so exhausting sometimes! It feels as though every time we get to take a breath and things are looking good, we get slammed again! “Lord, what is going on?! I don’t get it. I don’t understand and I’m beginning to feel as though I’m suffocating!”
I was led to Psalms and as I was reading, these verses seemed to be just what my heart needed to hear.
Let the whole world bless our God and loudly sing his praises. Our lives are in his hands, and he keeps our feet from stumbling. You have tested us, O God; you have purified us like silver. You captured us in your net and laid the burden of slavery on our backs. Then you put a leader over us. We went through fire and flood, but you brought us to a place of great abundance. Psalm 66:8-12
I am so thankful for what the Lord has done in our lives. I know (oh do I know!) there are a lot of really difficult times that we’ve had to go through, but there truly are more blessings than the yucky stuff! There are so many more ways our story so far could have played out, and I love that the one that has played out, includes my husband still next to me every day!
I know that we’re not done. We are still going to have to walk through a lot more mud puddles; a lot more storms are going to come, and a lot more floods are going to threaten, but as I read these verses (and completely frustrated!), I felt the Lord lay so clear on my heart that we will get to the promise land. Everything that we’re going through now; every obstacle and fire, is molding us into the man and woman that God created us to be.
It took the Israelites 40 years to reach the promise land. We’re in the wilderness right now, but the Promise Land is waiting and we look so forward to it!
Here is something Cale and I worked on this afternoon. Cale had a whole bunch of words to pick from to help him, but some of it was on his own!
Cale says Kathleen is…
K-Kissable
A-Awesome
T-Ticklish
H-Hot
L-Loving
E-Easy-going
E-Exciting
N-Natural (when I asked Cale about this one, he said, “You’re not fake.”
Kathleen says Cale is…
C-Crazy 8’s King
A-Amazing
L-Love of my life
E-Entertaining
B-Best husband in the world!
As I was just typing the end of this, Cale was lying here with his eyes closed and kissing my arm. I leaned down and kissed his forehead and he said, “I love kissing you.” Oh goodness! :)
The bitter moments make the sweet moments even sweeter.
ReplyDeleteJust a thought. Cale is probably very perceptive to your emotional state. His poor mood may be his subconscious recognition of your time of the month... many times couples who are very close, the guy gets PMS right along with the girl. Don't feel bad for this, just something to be aware of. Cale doesn't have the same coping skills he had before, so he manifests it more now... it may be something that has always been there. :) Praying for you both!
~ Heather
Kathleen,
ReplyDeleteWhat you are going through is normal for what you are going through if that makes sense. We are close to 4 years with Jonathan and I still have my moments... it is a process that we must walk through emotional and spiritually to come to terms with our lives as they are now and what the Lord is teaching us through all of it. My mind just went to an old song about "you gotta walk that lonesome valley, you gotta walk it by yourself, nobody else can walk it for you" Ultimately, as you already know, it is between you and the Lord. You are doing a great job. I am praying for you! Vicky
Praise Father you have the eyes to see the blessings in what you are going through. I am glad Father told you you will REACH THE PROMISED LAND. If He's said it, it is so. You know, Kathleen, sometimes meltdowns in front of others is OKAY. I know Cale might not understand...yet, if he sees how he's acting causes you to feel this way, Father could just use it to reach him at a different level. I love you and am grateful for Father's gift of you in my life. Father only gives the very best. Hugs, Marion
ReplyDeleteI don't know about you but for me a lot of times my only comfort that people can give me is knowing they are praying. So just wanted to say I am and will continue to lift you guys up to The Throne. God knows your every need for every day even when we are clueless to know what to ask for you. Wish I could give you a hug. You are amazing, courageous, beautiful and a daughter of the Most High. Keep smiling:)
ReplyDeleteOoooo! I just had goose bumps NO GOD bumps after reading this !!! The other night at Bible study(Beth Moore's A Woman's Heart),Beth was saying that NOTHING we go through is unused by God, and may be the very thing needed to make us into the righteous men and women he desires. She even went so far as saying All of our struggels have to be approved by the Father prior to us having them - Like the Job thing - when satan had to ask for permission to mess with Job- well she talked about PETER- and how Jesus told Peter Satan has asked to sift you like wheat (the you is plural meaning all the disciples.... ) But I have prayed for YOU (singular) Peter !!!!- Jesus knew Peter's needs and was interceding for him to the Father so that Peter would overcome!!!! IF Jesus will do that for Peter he will do that for YOU !!! (and Me!) I find that so exciting ! God knows all that I must go through to get to that place where I will become that which he has PURPOSED for me to be...... All the pain is for the greater purpose- Sometimes we don't need to pass through some fires/ waters because they don't effect our purpose - but when God allows the struggel, pain , and challenges it is because HE can see the other side of it and He will use it for his glory and MY GOOD - because it is a part of my PURPOSE ....I have to believe that it will be what leads others to the Savior- and with that, we can say" Thy will be done".... I know I have paraphrased here quite a bit but I sure hope I got it right - the Holy Spirit bears wittness to this in my soul...... I hope this has encouraged you - Blessings to you !!!!! (((((HUGS)))) too!! Love the poems !!!!! love you both praying for you !!
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