ex•pe•di•tion- an excursion, journey, or voyage made for some specific purpose, as of war or exploration.
I’ve decided we’re on an expedition to getting Cale better! It’s a battle and we make new discoveries every day; I just thought it fit. :)
During this expedition we’ve been on, the Lord has constantly shown me new things about Who He is, His love and grace in a tangible way, and changed my heart on so many matters. He has opened my eyes to so many different areas; He’s given me so much wisdom about His word and an unexplainable understanding of it.
One of these things that my heart has changed about is Heaven. Hmm? You might be curious about what I mean…let me explain.
Before the accident, I was afraid of Heaven. This might seem crazy as I’m a follower of Christ and my goal and life devotion is my journey there and how the Lord can use me as tool while I’m here. Well, it scared me because it’s unknown and my little mind can’t seem to grasp outside of what’s here on earth. I would occasionally have these very intense conversations with God letting him know that I wanted to be married and have babies here. I didn’t want to leave this earth (even if it meant going to Heaven!) until that was accomplished. I wanted to be able to enjoy and experience being a wife and mom. I couldn’t even fathom going to Heaven and having things not the same with Cale and I.
Silly? Quite possibly, but it’s the real deal. I was afraid of leaving all of this life behind and going to Heaven where we didn’t know much about.
Over this last year, I guess you can say, I’ve been brought to reality about how the things on this earth are not forever and can let us down. The accident threw my whole thinking process into a wild wind storm. Suddenly, everything had changed in the marriage that I was holding onto so tightly.
The Lord has poured out His grace like a fountain over me as I worked through all of my fears and ideas. He never turned away from me before when I made these things in this world seem like it’s as good as it gets and since then, has ignited a burning desire in me to join Him in the Kingdom. As I watch my sweet husband struggle day after day, I know that on this earth he may never be restored fully and whole again. It breaks my heart to watch him live each day and missing out on so much. One day though, when the time does come for us to be with our Father, Cale will be restored! It’s a promise not just a hope.
I long to see Jesus face to face and I know that one day with Him would be better than a thousand elsewhere. I don’t mean to make it seem that now after all of this, all I want to do is die…because I don’t, I just have the taste of Heaven so deeply engraved into my dreams that I can let go of all around me, if it meant spending even one day in the presence of God and all of His glory. It just means that I so long for Cale to be whole again in a way that nothing here on earth can offer.
A little note from…
I wanted to just write a little more to say thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read all of my thoughts and feelings-my emotional roller coaster. I can’t say enough how much it blesses me to know that with all the craziness of life that you actually take the time to read about our days and pray for us. I will never be able to say thank you like I feel it needs to be said. There’s no way that I can possibly repay all that you have all done for us! Thank you for being willing to store up your treasures in Heaven! I have really felt like a mess lately. I’m not sure I know if I’m up or down or all around. I’m not sure that I can graze over lightly all that has been on my heart, but the one thing that has been constant time after time is that I’m so thankful to be walking out the expedition (that word is just fun!) with you. Thank you so very much for how over the top blessed you’ve made us feel.