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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Crossing the Bridge

Cale had his first session at UW today. They didn’t actually start the radiation; it was just a dry run. Since he wouldn’t be able to find his way back to the waiting room on his own, they’re having me sit in chairs near the room he’ll be in every day. With the business of preparing for this trip and the thoughts of leaving home, it’s helped with setting aside the thoughts about all the side effects that may appear in this chapter in our story. When they closed the doors, for a few minutes I just sat there starring at them. All I can do is trust the Lord. I have no other choice. To my left and right, there is only a drop off, so I have to keep my eyes forward and keep going. I pictured myself walking across a really high bridge and every day is another step closer to reaching the other side. There’s no other way to go, no one else to turn to, it’s just me and Jesus walking across this scary, cause your heart to race- bridge.

I wasn’t able to sleep last night…at all! It was my fault totally! When we had first gotten into town yesterday, the address I had put in Amelia, was the wrong one. We were a bit lost. Cale at that point realized that he really needed to go to the bathroom, which worked out since I needed to pull over anyways. I made a call and after getting the right address, we ran into a little coffee shop…yes, I purchased another small special coffee drink-not such a great idea. It was about 4pm and the caffeine kept me awake for a long time! Decaf next time?! Haha!

My alarm went off and I was not ready to get out of bed, but we have some parking issues right now, so I had to go down and take care of it. Ugh. The place we’re staying at has a parking garage, but with 80 rooms, they only have 40 parking spots. Right now all the keys to the garage are gone, and I’m on a waiting list. That means there is street parking (which is 2 hour parking), or a lot that’s behind the building. Having to pay for parking all the time can be expensive, so that already had me on edge, and then, when I went to park, it would have been $10 if it was before 5pm. Cale was sitting in the lobby with all of our bags while I was parking and it was 20 minutes before 5. I ended up driving all around looking for somewhere to park, pulling over and calling Mama to vent, and finally getting back to Cale 25 minutes after I told him I would be right back! I was frustrated.

When I went out this morning to pay for the day parking, I had another crazy adventure of driving around and trying to find a gas station or ATM…suddenly I was repeating over and over, “I’m not a big city girl, or a country girl…I’m a Tri-Cities kind of girl!” this of course came with a lot of laughter! I couldn’t believe all that I had to go through just for parking!!

When we made it to our appointment this afternoon, I was sitting in the main waiting room when they very first took Cale in the back, and God did a work on this girl’s heart! It’s easy to be in a good mood and positive when you get all green lights when you’re running late; you get accepted into the school of your dreams, or just when things during the day/trip are going smoothly. What about the hiccups? What about when the driver in front of you cuts you off? What about when the person in line behind you has a screaming toddler? What about when you stub your toe? How hard is it to stay in that good mood when things don’t go our way? Do we lose our joy in an instant? I didn’t handle the whole parking with as much grace as I would have liked, but I do know that for the rest of the day, I looked at everything a little different…

From being in so many hospitals and around so many people that have some kind of medical “something”, it became a reality super quick that I was not going through this tragic experience alone. There are people every day, whose lives change in an instant from an accident like ours, or they are told from a doctor what they’ve been diagnosed with, or someone they love is gone forever. There is so much pain and suffering in this world, and so much hurt that our fragile hearts have to bear, but thankfully there is a God who asks to take it from us! He says that He will take it, if we just come to Him…amazing.

I am so blessed, like WHOA, that I have Cale like he is. It could have been so much worse. I’m so thankful that I have a husband that I can still laugh with and have good days with!

Today was such a great day! Cale woke up confused. He didn’t know where we were and why we were here. I felt so bad for him. I’ve had to explain it several times through the day. He keeps asking for home (which…uh…that’s not too different from when we are home! Ok, that might have been a bad joke…). He was also confused when he went to brush his teeth this morning. It was like he had forgotten everything. He just stood there with the water running and his mouth open. I think maybe since everything is different looking? Hopefully that will all settle after we’ve been here for a couple days!

They said he did awesome during the radiation session. While they were getting him set up at first, I was able to watch him on a video. I can’t imagine it’s too fun to lie still for 20 minutes with the mask on, and be inside that tube thing…no thanks.

So yeah, our day was GREAT! We relaxed this morning and took things slow. After getting ready, we went to UW and walked around for a couple minutes before his appointment. When we were standing outside waiting for the guys to bring up our Honda, a duck came and stood by us! It was on the sidewalk right out front, just hanging out! Cale started very loudly quaking at him! Heehee! Afterwards, we went to Whole Foods to grab a few things. I had bought dry stuff before we left home because I knew it would be cheaper, but we needed some fresh stuff too. Cale actually enjoyed our trip there and picked a couple things out. When we left there it wasn’t 5 yet, so we found the same coffee shop that we had stopped at yesterday and had a little date. Don’t worry; I didn’t give into the coffee…nope. :)

I’m praising God for a great first day. I honestly wasn’t quite sure how it was going to go!

Cale asked me what my name is. He asks this often, but usually I can turn the question back on him and he’ll remember, not always though. Tonight he didn’t remember. When I told him, he asked, “Why can’t I know that? My brain forgets names. Why?” Hmm…I love that he noticed that he shouldn’t be forgetting my name! He realizes he forgets things…this is good, very good!


  1. Kathleen,

    Sorry I haven't posted recently, have my own "stuff" going on, but wanted to say a few words...
    First - LOVE that you're making this an adventure, I couldn't see you making it any other way. Whether we like it or not, most of the time God has us on a path that we can't wait to get off UNTIL we know why we were there!
    Secondly, yes, physically you are there walking over that scary bridge by yourself -- but NOT REALLY! You are surrounded by so many people who care and pray, that it's really by the power of God that the bridge doesn't collapse from all our weight. You might be the only person in Seattle with Cale, at this time, but there are many who are with you there in prayers. And guess what, most of us would probably be there with, and for you, in a heartbeat if our circumstances were such that we could be!
    Lastly, I have a visual that sometimes helps me... It's like we're all standing outside of this closet, afraid to open it because of the boogey monster or anything else that might be on the other side. However, when we finally pray and gain our strength enough to open the door, it's amazing how God has already gone into that closet and cleaned it out, and taken care of everything for us! Praise be to God who delivers us from our enemies!

    Prayerfully waiting for the next step,

  2. Kathleen,
    You are such a trooper! I am praying it becomes easier, that you can find parking, and all the things you need and through all of this you will add to the wisdom you already have as you help others navigate the road.
    Bless you both. You two are incredible.
    Never Give Up

  3. OH MY GOODNESS ! I just lost everything I just wrote to you - Suffice to say - LOVE YOU GUYS and PRAYING FOR YOU !!!! so frustrated but like you NOT going to let it rob me ;) love ya Reenie

  4. Praise Ged, He's the bridge builder. Technology is great, BUT sometimes We don't loose our JOY or our PEAE as they are a part of who Jesus is, and since He's living in us they can't be lost BUT lots of things get in the way of our realizing that. I remember when I was child, being frightened of the lung machines used for polio patients, I can imagine the radiation tube isn't much fun either. Wasn't that just like Father to give you the gift of seeing the duck. I love you, Marion


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