Thursday, June 2, 2011

Interesting Conversations...

GUESS WHAT?!

With the placard in the window…we get free parking at the meters!! It definitely would have been nice to know that when we first arrived here, but that would have made for less of an adventure! ;) Cale’s PT shared that with me this morning, something she just learned herself. That’s gonna be a huge help with all of our city-seeing!

For PT, we stayed here and took advantage of the wellness room here at the hotel. Andrea had Cale do some mat work, do some squats, and kicked a ball around. She also had Cale on the Nustep. There are two right next to each other in a room right next to the open room. I was there for the beginning of the session and then went back to the room to work on stuff. When I came back, they were just finishing up on the Nustep, so I sat in the one right next to him and joined in the last minute. He seemed to have a good work out and was willing to go along with everything asked of him.

While we were eating lunch, 45 minutes after PT, Cale looks at me and asks, “Who was that lady I was with?” YES!!! It was 45 minutes later!!! This is a HUGE deal! Hip Hip Hooray (as Cale always says)!!

After having over a week of really great days, today was an off day for him. He just seemed more frustrated and he really wants to go home. Again, I still wonder about his wanting to go home, because even when we are there, he still says he wants to go there. I was wondering this morning which home he wanted to go to, and the way he described it was, “there’s a door and a living room.” This could be a lot of different houses…! Haha! He gave me the address of his home from being a little boy, but it’s hard to know what he’s actually talking about. He also is not so happy about the whole radiation thing. When I was trying to get us out the door, he didn’t want to go. He told me to tell the people, “NO!” I tried to explain that we had to go, but it wasn’t going over so well. Finally after talking for a while, I was able to get him out the door! When his treatment was over today, the first thing he said was, “I don’t like this place. I hate it. It sucks.” Poor guy!

The two of us have some interesting conversations. Some are in public and can be embarrassing to me...like:

Walking in the parking lot, Cale stops in the middle of the lane and starts scratching his umm…package. I leaned in (trying not to show so much shock) and gently explained that in the middle of the road wasn’t a very appropriate place for that. Cale asked me where a good place was. I then explained that somewhere by himself or at home would work, but it’s not very nice to do it in public. Cale replies (this is all taking place still in the middle of the road and with louder voices then I would prefer!), “Sorry for the public, I itch!”

Or like the other day when we were in the little shopping center…I might have set myself up on this one though…

We were walking by a shop and my eyes scan the cute little baby dresses and outfits in the window. While scanning as our pace had slowed, so that I could soak it all in and have a moment of day dreaming for our little one to come a long, my eyes spot this little manikin…


I start to giggle a little like a school girl, and of course that catches Cale’s attention. He’s been trying to read things lately that are spread out or with just a sentence or so. He’s at this point unable to tolerate anything more. Again in a louder voice then I would have liked, Cale starts reading very slowly (so every word comes out clear-maybe a time I wish that wasn’t a goal!) “I-LIKE-BOOBIES…haha! YAY! Me too!” Along with him voicing this, he added a clap and a big smile.

Where is the hole and can I hide?!

Haha! It was really funny and my little giggle emerged into a full belly chuckle! This was one of those times that my face was VERY red and minutes after I was still VERY red! It’s also a moment that I will never forget and one that pre-accident Cale would have had much of the same reaction, but his purpose would have been to see how red his wife could become…this time my sweet Cale was clueless, but oh so happy that he read, and liked what he had read…

Other times we have very serious conversations that may lead to tears and heartache, or rejoicing because Cale is at a point to have such deep thoughts…

We were cuddled up after his radiation therapy this afternoon; I could tell Cale was on the brink of a nap, when he breaks the silence with, “I’m confused.” I asked what he was confused about and he said, “Who are my friends?” Hmm…this can get interesting…

“What do you mean?” He then asked another question, “Where are they? Why don’t I see them?” I listed off some guys and explained how we’re in Seattle, so no one can be here. That answer didn’t satisfy what he wanted to hear. “I never see them” He added. Usually things are very in the moment for him, so I was thinking that he’s picturing Seattle and how he’s only seeing me right now.

This was the beginning of a gut wrenching, heart breaking; I agree this all sucks, conversation. Cale is not the same, and things are very different; I’ve had to learn to love him in a new way and still have so much fun with him. The thing is, it’s not easy for everyone, and I know that. The problem is that Cale is at a point that he recognizes who he sees and who is not here with him. He’s starting to see who calls him and who doesn’t. It breaks my heart so much because almost all-all of his friendships have changed, and if the Cale from the past could step into the future for a couple minutes to see everything, after me tackling him and smothering him in kisses and holding onto him so tight, he would be crushed at how things are with his friends.

It’s also not so easy to make new friends and for him to have guy time. That’s just something that is so important to him! He may not remember our conversation and all that was so heavily burdened on his heart tomorrow, but in that moment, my man was so crushed.

I hate it.

Please be praying for this area in his life-in both of our lives. Friendship has always been a huge thing for both of us, and now it’s just one of those things that is so hard to fit into the new life we have right now. With time things will change, but for right now, it’s tough.

As I was having some good hearty prayer time this morning, something stuck out to me that even as I had the friendship talk with Cale, I had to remind myself of. Every day I start with prayer and then read out of Jesus Calling. Then I’ll copy whatever the reading was into my notebook and dissect it. I like to circle, underline, and read it over and over. It’s like I have to chew on each word to get it to squeeze and sink into my heart. Afterwards, I’ll read in my Bible more, and then on the back of the page I had written on, I write out a prayer that I then offer back to the Lord. It’s my own stuff and whatever is pressing on my heart and taking over my thoughts. Today’s reading was about praising God always…as I was writing my prayer and thanking God for so many different things, I caught myself writing,

“Thank you for allowing this in our lives…”

Whoa.

I continued with where this journey has taken us and how I’ve been so richly filled with a deeper more passionate relationship with the Lord.

My words surprised me a little, but they are so true! Even with all the battles we’ve had to fight through, I’m a forever changed woman.

One day, I pray that Cale will be able to say that with me. That he will be able to see ALL that has happened and all that the Lord has done, because of our story. A different kind of love story…

“The best things are often not the perfect things, but the things you must work at the most.” –Shelly B.

3 comments:

  1. Kathleen:
    You are a special lady and most of all, you love God more than you love yourself so that you are able to make the transition that you have with Cale! I totally understand the embarrassing situations. I have learned to just ignore all around me because people are always going to look and stare, no matter what... I had to get used to that one. I did LOL though at the street crossing because I can so relate. I am sorry about the friends but I will tell you that it is normal for most who have life changing events and so very difficult. Loss comes on so many levels doesn't it but we will believe that God in His great kindness and mercy will fill that loss with something wonderful!
    Bless you dear ones,
    Vicky

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  2. I love you Kathleen. You are a special gift of God to me, to others, and most especially, to Cale. I will pray Father's bubble of understanding is around you, so that when...uh...those moments happen, people will understand. I will trust Father to give Cale friends that love him and want to be with him. I will pray that Father gives Cale understanding and compassion for those who are loosing out on the gift of his (Cale's) friendship because of the changes in his life. With a HUG, Marion

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  3. Hannah Hayner6/5/11, 6:42 AM

    hahhahahaha those stories are so funny! thanks for sharing. also, i'm so sorry about friendships. i know how important that is to you. i know it must be so hard for him to understand too. i not only pray that he will see how his friends love him, even if it's in different ways than before, but also, that he will make new amazing friends somehow that will bring him so much joy! i also think you guys have gained lots of friends through this journey, even on this blog, even if you don't see them in person! so many people love you and support you!!! and i love what you said about how your relationship with God has become so much more rich and deep. you are a friend of God, He calls you friend! :)

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