Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Memories


God gave us memories that we might have roses in December. ~J.M. Barrie, Courage, 1922

The summer of 2007 was amazing. Cale had been gone to Afghanistan for 16 months (14 straight) and finally he was home with me. We had gone on a cruise and then a trip back here to Washington. That summer was the first time that we had time to actually live together, be husband and wife at home, without being a part or preparing to be a part. A memory of dinner one night found its way into my thoughts as I tried to fall asleep last night.

The day had been so beautiful with the sun shining bright. Cale and I used to love taking walks and sitting on our balcony, letting the sun warm us. Now, walks are tiring for him and not too enjoyable, and the sun hurts his eyes because his pupils never change. The right eye especially gives him problems because normally, his pupil should constrict in bright light, but with it never changing, he takes in all the light. Even with sunglasses, its hard for him to be comfortable...we're getting these things back, just slowly!

But back then, we were always outside! I had been so excited that particular night because I was making a new recipe for Chicken Alfredo. Cale had laid out a blanket and set it up, complete with plates and everything needed for dinner on the balcony. When it was all done, I joined him and we prayed for the yummy meal and thanked God for the sun that was making everything golden. It just seemed like the perfect night. After we were dished up and had started eating, Cale asked where the chicken was…uh…raw on the counter. Oops! I had forgotten the chicken in our chicken alfredo! Thankfully, my sweet husband was always good about laughing about stuff like that instead of making me feel like a loser.

Thinking of that night and the precious memory that it is, led my thoughts to so many more sweet memories, that I’m so thankful I have to hold onto! This morning came and I was excited to ask Cale about that night. Did he remember? Nope. I asked about a few other sweet times we had…nope. I try so hard not to get frustrated, because it’s NOT his fault! But, I have to admit; sometimes I just wish he could remember…

I was also doing some hunting on my computer today and found some notes that we had written each other. All of our stuff is still packed away in storage in NC, so I don’t have a lot of our older pictures or letters, but I do have some! They are like gold now! I wanted to share a couple with you…

October 23, 2006
Girl,
I want you to know that you are a huge blessing in my life. If I have never told you that before you should beat me up. I think I have told you it, but I want you to know, just in case I haven't. I love you girl. I miss you so much. I want to see you so bad. I hate it so much that I can't even see my wife. The girl of my life I can't even kiss, touch, or even see. I hate it. I just want to be with you when I want to be. I love you so much girl.


Jan 8, 2009
Boy, I am missing you with everything in me. There are no words for the deepness that I feel the pain. I’ve gotten to talk to you twice but can’t hear you and the phone makes your voice cut out. It’s so frustrating and I have to remind myself that I have to take every chance to make it sweet and not add more frustration to the situation. I’m here at Juan’s and doing ok. I just feel so numb. I am going to let God work through me and I am going to bless everyone around me as much as I can. I love you.


That’s a note from him from his first deployment and then my note is from his second. I think about those days, when him being deployed felt like the hardest thing we were ever going to have to face. I remember talking to Rachel one time telling her, “this time is the hardest so far…” She then let me know that I would say that every time!

I realized that the longer we were married, and the more we had to go through, the harder it became to be away from each other. Yes, every time was the hardest because our marriage had bonded so much tighter with each other and with God.

I think of now…all that we have gone through. Everything our marriage has had to face and we’ve beat the odds. We’ve come out of each season stronger. We’ve been able to claim God’s blessing on our relationship!

Cale was telling me today that he wanted to leave and go home. This is a conversation we have at least once an hour (usually way more!), but this time he added that he can’t do this. I’m not sure in that moment what was making it so much harder for him, but boldly I was able to tell him, “Yes! Yes we can!” I then was able to remind him of everything the Lord has already faithfully led us through and we’ve come out on the other side and how we had already decided when we first came that if we had to be away from home, we were going to have a blast doing it! And, I would say that so far we’ve been able to do a lot and have so much fun! We still have more adventures planned!

After talking with him and praying together, I think both of us felt so much better and a whole heap more encouraged!

Praise God that He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. In those times of deployment, and the heart struggles we had to face, have made us strong enough to get through this and to know-KNOW that we WILL come out on the other side!

Our love runs so deep and is twisted so tightly with our Lord that the three strand cord cannot be broken!

Is there something that you are feeling like you just can’t make it through? If you are able to look at your past, is it visible to you now, how the Lord has prepared you and made you stronger to face whatever it is today?

The rain fell, the rivers flooded, the winds blew and beat against that house, but it didn't collapse, because its foundation was on rock. Matthew 7:25

1 comment:

  1. Kathleen!! I love you. I am so glad I get to know Jesus in His Kathleen form,(in His Cale form,too). Thank you for sharing what Father has put before you, and giving us such a sweet picture of His Grace and Mercy. You are right, the three fold cord can't be broken. May you have a special touch of Father's grace this moment. Marion

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