Tuesday, June 28, 2011

We’re still alive…I promise.

Sorry I haven’t been posting as much lately! It kind of seems like things have been a whirlwind…but a good one! In case I haven’t said it yet-we’re home!! :) Yay!

I’ve been caught in several moments the last few days of complete and total awe of the Lord and how far He has brought us. Unbelievable. I honestly can’t put thoughts together or figure out what words to say when I come to God and pray…what do you say? Thank you? It just doesn’t even cover the multitude of deliverance and miracles that He has time and time again covered us with. This morning as I was sitting on the deck reading my Bible, I paused for a moment and listened to the birds chirping, felt the slight breeze in my hair, and the warmth of the sun on my cheeks; it was breathtaking. Last summer, I had so many of these moments, so many times of sitting outside with my husband in a hospital room. I specifically remember thoughts that I had during those days; wondering will we ever have a home together again? What will that look like? During the short time that we had been looking into a nursing home, I was constantly searching and thinking there had to be something else out there for him, but nothing was found. My heart was going through a lot-my emotions even more, but I also had to come to a place where I was able to trust the Lord even if that’s what His plan was. It wasn’t easy-at all-but if the Lord was going to lead us that way for a time, or for life, I was determined to stay by Cale’s side…every day.

I had no clue what the Lord was planning or what things were going to look like a year down the road, but I can’t say that I’m too disappointed! I’m amazed. Stunned. Blessed.

Really? Are we really home-at our home? Was I really sitting outside reading my bible in our back yard? Was my husband really sleeping in our bed?

There have also been so many times when I felt so weak. There is no way that this girl here can carry and get through the burden and emotion that is involved since the accident. Even with being home, there are so many things that I have no clue how to do or arms with muscles large enough to do them. With having to ask for help all the time, it’s not something I want to add to the list…so what do I do? There are times when I have to make a decision about something, or decide if something is worth fighting for…I have no idea! In those times when I feel so weak and unsure; so fragile and broken, Jesus speaks right to my heart that I don’t have to be strong enough because He is.

With all of these thoughts going on, you can only imagine the excitement inside me when I heard this song on the radio “Strong Enough” by Matthew West. I was belting this song so loud that I’m sure I was making whatever little creatures that were hanging out around me-run. I’m so thankful that I don’t have to be strong enough; Cale doesn’t have to be strong enough, and neither do our friends or family-God is!

“There is no one like the God of Israel. He rides across the heavens to help you, across the skies in majestic splendor. The eternal God is your refuge, and his everlasting arms are under you. He drives out the enemy before you; he cries out, ‘Destroy them!’ Deuteronomy 33:26

How can you not read that verse and not be insanely comforted?! Ahh! I just love it! The Bible says that God rides across the heavens to help...say what?! Oh man. A dose of that here and there, and I’m all set to go! Whew!

Cale had speech yesterday and PT today. So far he’s been doing really well, but I can’t say he totally loves it! His sessions have been about 1.5 hours and he’s been able to make it through. It’s kind of funny how now that seems like such a long time and it’s hard to think about how he was able to do all day back to back! Yikes! Uh…again, how were we strong enough to get through that?! They’ve been working on the ipad and still trying to see if it’s going to be something that helps him or hinders. I’m very torn after the little bit that I was able to see. We’ll keep working at finding just the right thing to help him for where he’s at! Joe came to do PT with him, which I know made Cale so happy!

His side effects from radiation are still full blast getting him. :( Poor guy! His eyes, nose, energy, and (not that he notices) his hair is falling out! We cut it yesterday and I’ve been looking at this spot that is really thin. When I rubbed it a little this evening to see what was going on, sure enough, it’s falling out. We might just need to give him a good summer shave! :) For guys it’s easy to solve the problem! Please keep praying that these areas would heal! He’s feeling pretty darn miserable, but still having such a great attitude!

I was trying on my swimsuit tonight, and I’m sure like many other women-I saw every flaw. Yuck. Cale immediately said, “whistle, whistle” because he can’t actually make the sound anymore. But it wasn’t enough for my little head. I started pointing them out to Cale and for every flaw I pointed out, he would respond, “I don’t see them.”

Wow. Let’s get deeper…

So, I love, love, love my husband and all his sweetness. You know what? His eyes are all gunky and he really couldn’t see, but just the way he said it, along with his adorable “whistle, whistle” I was blushing and satisfied. But, wanna know something else? Just as Cale was looking at his wife whom he thinks is beautiful and flawless, the Lord looks on His children and says the same thing when we come to Him feeling less than adequate to be used by Him.

“Father, don’t you see that I’ve done this, and this? Don’t you see my scars and bruises?” and He so sweetly and honestly looks at us and says, “My child, I don’t see them.” He took it all away and even though it feels like it’s not enough for our little heads, we can look to the cross and be reminded…and then fully embrace being satisfied with His open arms of love and forgiveness.

I’ve been so blessed by how thoughtful all of you are! I received a package from another reader that has been a HUGE encouragement and when I opened her gift, it was just what I needed to see. Little things through the weeks for us are so special; so treasured. Thank you!!

We had some fun last night with a very talented friend of ours.Click Here! to see all of her awesome work!
And on Facebook her page is Photos by Laura-so you should "like" it! :)

She’s amazing; we love her, and had a great time with her! Here is a peek at what we did…! More to come sooooon!


3 comments:

  1. Okay so I am off to work and will have to read the Blog later BUT I love the pictures!!!!!! So very sweet!!!! Praying for you and Caleb ((())) Reenie :)

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  2. Reading your blog is so restful for me. It's been a little frazeled since my guests have come. I needed you. Thank you for being there for me. I love you, and YES, I continue to trust Father for you and your sweet man. Marion

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  3. Okay, you have no idea who I am, but I started reading your blogs a couple of days ago because Laura posted your photos and link on FB. I have to say this journey you two are going through has made an impact! As a Christian, I say that I would hang on and have faith in a circumstance like you have gone through. I would hope that I would be able to face each challenge as you have, and even after each down time know where my life is anchored! In church last night, the minister commented that, "God - our Father- allows us to fall down so we will crawl up in His lap and He can hug us for a while." I found it to be a beautiful and comforting picture, and thought of you and your husband. Snuggle time with the Father =-)

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