Wednesday, July 20, 2011
...human beings that you care for them?
When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? Psalm 8:3-4
Last night when Cale and I were cuddled in bed, and trying to fall asleep, we started talking about our home at Fort Drum. It’s hard to know what he remembers and what he is just agreeing on, but after talking for a while, I could tell that he was remembering some of it. I brought up about how happy we were then, and then Cale asked, “Where did all the happiness go?” I felt my heart plummet to what felt like the bottom of the ocean. I replied by talking to him about how we’re still happy, but we’re facing a lot and going through a really tough time. Cale’s response was, “Eh, yeah.” and then he squeezed me really tight and just held me.
It is so hard to day after day watch my husband be so confused, hurt so much, and be so miserable. All I can do is be here-be his wife and love him, but what I’m really wanting to do is fix everything and make it all better like when we were in NY and so happy. I want to take all of this away from him and give him his life back. That’s not my job though…God is the One to restore to Cale what has been lost, not Kathleen; and this is very hard for me to swallow.
I had a good prayer time this morning, which was desperately needed after the last week being so crazy and not taking much time to sit before the Lord. When I take small bites and really chew and taste the flavors, things like Psalm 8:3-4 stand out to me like a flashing billboard. Those sweet and savory moments when it’s as if a revelation has happened, I’m so very grateful that I know Jesus. When I can honestly say that God cares for Caleb; He cares for me. Every day is so designed for our benefit and for His glory and we just need to continue to press in to Him-walk with Him, talk with Him, and learn to see things through His eyes and His heart.
As much fun as I still have with Cale and as much as I love him like crazy, days are still hard along with good. Amazing things happen and miracles continue, but life is still living with brain injury. I often feel like I’m swimming against the current. I can still look around and see the beauty, I’m still swimming, but it’s hard-really hard and takes a lot of work. What I do know and what I can rest in is that God isn’t going to let me drown. He’s not going to let Cale drown either!
Cale had OT and PT today. He was quite unhappy when OT first started, but when he left the house and she got him busy with the task at hand, she said he did great! His OT took him to the grocery store and bought lunch stuff so in his session tomorrow he can make it. She also had him show her the go-karts and said that from the parking lot at the mall, Cale was able to get them back home without the gps! He also took her a different way than I normally go, so it’s that memory kickin’ in! Praise God!
PT didn’t go as smoothly once started, but he did do some. He was not in the mood tonight in the slightest. We started with trying out the Kinect again, but after a couple tries he said it was dumb. I think it’s still a little too complicated for now. After that he was done and wouldn’t budge, but after some begging from his wife, he was willing to do the elliptical. He really didn’t want to, but not only did he do it, but he made a record!!!! He did 17 minutes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Awesome! He was very tired and asked to get off around that point. When I was bragging about how hard he worked a little later he said, “it was easy!” :) To finish PT, we took a short walk around the block with Basil. Cale was tired and not too end to it, but it was so nice outside! I at least enjoyed it!
Some of you may remember me asking for prayer for my nephew a while ago. Thank you so much for those of you that did! He’s been home and doing good. I’m really proud of him! His attitude that comes sometimes is annoying, but he’s 18 and thinks he knows it all…uh, anyone else know about that?! Haha! Since he’s been home, he’s gotten a job and has stayed out of trouble. He’s really trying and today he sent me a text that said he was bored, so I told him to come over. This was huge! He sent his aunt (we were raised more as brother sister) a text when he was bored, rather than go hang out with old friends and get in trouble. This was such a praise and blessing! He just didn’t know that he was going to end up doing PT with Cale… ;) Heehee!
Last night I was making a mess in the kitchen while I was supposed to be cleaning. I mumbled to myself and then from the dining room Cale yelled out wondering what I said. “Just saying how your wife is a goofball!” to which he responded all too quickly, “eh, what’s new?”
Laura had come up with the idea to use this trunk and the path in our pictures to resemble our journey that we’ve been on…so sweet and such a special idea!
Posted by Kathleen at 10:29 PM