Today’s sermon was titled, “Politics and Priorities.” Dustin our Pastor spent the time during the sermon talking about the government and what the Bible has to say about it. I’m so thankful for the area which is so often a “touchy subject” that Dustin was bold enough to speak on it. Too often in churches the stuff that no one likes to hear is never talked about!
As I listened, even though it was about government, my heart was captured and convicted in a whole different area.
He spoke on the selfishness that we have inside and how as far as disobeying the law (including speeding while driving), so many times it will boil down to what we think, what we want, or what right we think we have.
Then, he proceeded to talk about not loving anything before God (including this country and the American flag). I thought about how that is such a basic level thought, but so quickly bull dozed by our lives and everything that we cram into them.
Later he talked about the wickedness of Pilot in the situation where he had an opportunity to rightly stand up for and honor the good, but rather, even with his gut feeling, he went against it and had the “good” thrown to the wolves (crucifiers) and murdered. He ended that thought with talking about how even amongst the wicked; God was in control. He used the wicked for our good.
As all these words were spoken, I began to put it all together in a different kind of way. You’ve read before as I have (I think) expressed how this whole thing that we’re going through; this new way of life, is not about me. It’s about what God is doing through our situation and how He’s still in control. Well, all too often, I still struggle with the selfishness that sits so heavily in my heart (uninvited) and the daggers come flying out in my thoughts (thank goodness God can handle anything I could throw at Him!).
It becomes a “this is what I want…”, “This is what I think we need…”, and “this is what I deserve…” for Cale being healed and restored.
God, I should have my husband back. I should have a different life. I should be holding our baby right now! Why am I taking care of my husband and not our baby?! Why can’t I be a part of that? Why am I missing out on everything? Why can’t I be a part of that ministry? Why can’t I go on that mission trip? What in the world is any of this for?
These thoughts are so quickly in and out of my mind when I least expect them. Thankfully I’m able to control and take hold of them because I know that I can head myself right into prayer and God is already fighting the battle for me.
BUT, in the midst of all these thoughts during the sermon and putting everything together, God so clearly was saying, “Kathleen, love me more than the idea of Caleb’s healing. It’s not about him getting better.”
I walked my little self to the alter to pray and all I could say was, “Jesus I love you.”
Did anyone read what Cale prayed for last night?!
Because as I even typed it out last night, the thought was “I sure do!”
But then today, I was confronted with my heart and am I really loving Him first? Do I really? Is Cale’s recovery and getting his life back more on my thoughts and take more of my energy than that of God?
I’m not saying that I’m terrible and have been having the wrong way through all of this, because my heart really is to love God and to allow this life that he has so blessed me with shine bright of His glory-whichever way this life is going, but a few things needed to be confronted and tackled.
After service I was able to give a hug to and talk quickly with the wife of the Pastor before Dustin. It was Pastor Richard who did our first ceremony and who I also traveled to Ukraine with at 14 years old. Vickie hugged me and talked with me about how God doesn’t always give us what we had planned and what we wanted, but reminded me that every time I take care of Cale, I’m loving God and that He is using me.
She knew nothing of what my brain had just been tied up in, but her words were exactly what I needed to hear.
God is so good.
We finished the day with Crazy 8’s and then we went to our church’s BBQ Bible study…and then after we came home to play more Crazy 8’s!
I have a few pictures I wanted to share from yesterday…
Isn’t he just so darn adorable?!
Cale took a picture of me and Basil, which at this point he was still vertical…
By the time Cale got to him, he was done. He stayed sprawled out on the deck for a good while!
We have some wonderful men in our church that put up railing in the back so Cale won’t have another dive! I’m so thankful that they did this for us! Cale has also gotten a lot better at stairs the last couple of weeks and can now go up and down these independently! Well, just about! ;)
Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. Psalm 105:4