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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

HE takes my breath away

After Cale had already fallen asleep last night, I had to wake him up so he could take his meds. I was nervous not sure if my peaceful sleeping husband was going to be angry or not. I knew it was something that had to be done and wasn’t a choice. When I told him he needed to take his meds, he actually said ok and then rolled over to take them. My heart softened. I know that it’s not him trying to act out and be miserable. Once his meds were gone, he rolled back over and cuddled up next to me, kissed my hand and said, “I love you.” …and my heart then was not only softened, but melted.

He had no idea of what had happened earlier in the day. His memory was blank and all he knew was I was his wife and he loves me. That would be a good ending to the story that would leave you maybe with a warm fuzzy feeling in you tummy, but for me, well, the whole day was stuck on me like the stench of cow manure.

I would love to tell you that I bucked up and let the hurt of the day roll off me and left it behind…but the emotions from the day, the questions, and the strain of it all stayed. I just couldn’t cuddle right back up and be totally fine. And, I know that’s ok. I remember while at the Palo Alto VA I was told to let him get on and ride the (emotional) rollercoaster and I needed to learn to stand by and watch, but not get on with him. That is easier said than done.

I woke up at 3am and tossed and turned until 5. I just couldn’t get myself to sleep. Finally I was able to sleep for a little bit before getting up and ready for the day. I sat down with my coffee and quilt, picked up my Bible and turned on some worship music. It was the beginning of what turned out to be over 2 hours! It was amazing! I never-NEVER get that much time with the Lord just sitting with Him and that being the only thing on my agenda. I lost all track of time!

I cried. I sang. I read. I laughed. I danced. I wrote. I spoke. I listened.

One of the songs that were on my play list made my heart feel so full. I wanted to share it with you so I hunted on Youtube to find a video to share with you. I hope that you will take the time and listen to it. It’s a little long, but it’s so worth it!

For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” - Zephaniah 3:17

When Cale had woken up and come to where I was on the couch, I was shocked when I looked at the time! How did I forget about time? About the “to do” list? About the hurt and confusion? It all seemed to be so far away and the man standing in front of me was a gift. A pure treasured gift; a blessing. It’s not like I had never thought that or had forgotten, because I think that all the time, but this time, this time was different. I felt so much passion, a passion like I’ve never had for him as I said good morning and wrapped my arms around him for a big hug. As I rested my head against his chest and held him so tight, you want to know what picture came to mind? My arms around Jesus and my head against His chest. As I’m Caleb’s bride, I’m also Christ’s bride and the image was almost more than I could grasp.

From the moment Cale said good morning back to me, everything was different. He was totally different the whole day. I’m not going to say that my worship time was what changed everything because there are always a lot of factors, but I can say 100% that there was a change in Kathleen after my time this morning. Wow. Incredible.

He had OT again today and want to know how it went?! It was not just good, but GREAT!!! They had a great session! Teresa had suggested driving and I let her know that I was going to stay behind and let them go. First, he wanted to go before they even left the house! He was totally willing to go and not have me with him. When they came back, Teresa and Cale told me how great he did! I was so excited! She said his driving was so much better too! After she left, she sent me a text that read, “Wow! Completely different! :)” Yaaaahoooo!!!!!!! Praise God!! Oh man! SMILES!!!!!!!!

He also had Speech tonight…AND, it went great!!!! I listened to a lot of it, but at one point Mama and I went to my room and did a couple things so I missed out on how it was going. When they were finishing up Doreen gave me a thumbs up and said it went so good! I just can’t even believe the difference!

Thank you for praying. All of your messages, emails, texts, comments, and calls were such a blessing to me and I could see the work of prayer today! Thank you!

Yesterday at his eye appointment Dr. Karen took off the prism to see if it was making things worse for him. She said because he keeps taking his glasses off and not wearing them consistently, it was actually causing his brain to do a lot more work and messing him up. She said people without a TBI struggle and complain with prism because it changes how they function. This being off and back to just prescription could have been part of his mood…

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. –Isaiah 41:10

We also had our own fun today-enjoy! :)

We couldn't kiss because a nose was in the way!

Cale asked today, “What’s the difference between a burp and a hiccup?”
How would you explain this?


  1. A burp and a hiccup....lets see....I think a hiccup is a baby burp trying to be born. :) Kathleen, I can't tell you how pleased I am about your day. I DO think it was the time with Father. When our vertical relationship is right on, EVERYTHING else falls into place (even to the using of earthly reasons...the meds). I rejoice with you. I love you , Marion

  2. Hannah Hayner10/26/11, 9:02 AM

    This whole blog post makes me so happy! God is so faithful! and wow, that song is amazing. i've never heard it before, but i definitely want to hear it more often now! :) i'm soooo glad you had such an amazing time with the Lord, wow. and how awesome how He answered prayers so wonderfully!
    hmmm i'd say, a hiccup is a quick INWARD burst of air, and a burp is a quick or long OUTWARD letting out of air.

  3. Such a wonderful wonderful change of events. Blessings be!!!

    The difference between a burp and a hiccup: a hiccup is your diaphram spazing out, and sometimes expelling air at the same time (mini-burps) a burp is a bunch of trapped air trying to get out all at once. This information is from my now 18yr old son...

    Michele in Oklahoma

  4. Lifting you up. You are an amazing witness. Specifically praying for a breakthrough to the next level. I admire you so much.


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