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Monday, November 14, 2011

We will go forth in grace alone.

This weekend was simply wonderful! In fact, it was the first trip that we’ve taken that Cale has actually been in a good mood the entire time and no rough patches. The only time he said anything about home was Sunday morning right after he woke he said, “We’re still not home.” I talked to him about how we were visiting Mike and Rachel and how I was going to be sharing our story at their church. He cheered right up and that was the end of it. There was a point on Saturday that I was questioning if he was going to get worked up, but it never came! We even really pushed him because we walked from Rachel’s to the place we were going to eat at. It wasn’t a crazy far walk, but for Cale it was really far. Also, we weren’t finished when we were done eating. We still had to pick up a couple groceries and walk all the way back. He did it without complaining! The drive to their house is about 1.5 hours and both ways were so great. I got Cale talking a little and we had a good ol’ time just being together!

The greatest part about the weekend was being with friends and laughing a lot. We played Yahtzee one of the nights and Cale rolled two yahtzee’s! Most games we set it up for him to win, but there’s no way to control rolling dice!

Here’s a few of what Cale was busy doing over the weekend…

This was right before we left the house. Cale took the charger for my ipod and thought he'd get charged up? Haha!

He needed some protection while playing the piano...

He got on the treadmill for Mike!

And what the girls were busy doing…

We made peppermint oreo balls...

...and they were yummy.

Speaking at church went well. I had been praying that not one word would be wasted. I wanted the Holy Spirit to speak through me and not just Kathleen doing it all. I really believe He met me there and took over. I was really blessed getting to meet so many that have been praying for us and all of their encouragement afterwards. Very special.

We got home yesterday around 5:30pm and I had bible study at 6:00! It was a bit crazy getting everything inside and then quickly scarfing down some food before heading back out. All was good though and I enjoyed being in the presence of some amazing godly women.

Today was back to the daily living in the Darling house. I had a moment of um…not panic but something like that mixed in with confusion. We had no milk in the house and Cale has only wanted cereal lately. I was also out of Ensure which sometimes I use the vanilla Ensure as milk. I found a couple packets of flavored oatmeal (we were also short on time!) that I heated up. At first he said, “Eh. What is this?” when I told him it was oatmeal and that he’s eaten it before he said, “I disagree.” I just let the words hang out and I joined him to eat. After a few minutes he picked up his spoon and ate! Success! He even ate more than usual while we were away this weekend? Appetite coming back…I hope so!

It was also a huge day in therapy! On Friday his OT talked with me about starting trials of him being alone at home for short periods again. Ahh! This just makes me so nervous. Especially since there have been a couple things that have happened lately that haven’t helped. As much as I fear this new idea I also have to remind myself that God is with Him even when I am not. If this is going to be something that gives him a push in the right direction then I don’t want to stand in the way…I also want to be wise! We did 30 minutes today. Before the RS left she had taken him to McDonalds, so the whole time he was by himself he was at the table eating. I’m not sure if that was the best way to trial him home alone, but at least he did great with it! He didn’t seem nervous or uneasy about it at all-that would just be me! ;) We’re trialing again tomorrow, so we’ll see!

The wind has come and the leaves have fallen. It’s beautiful! Our ramp was covered in them along with our deck! I didn’t touch the deck yet, but I at least had Cale help me rake up and bag the leaves off the ramp. I was about to clean all of them up, but the ones along the ramp and around our pumpkins were too pretty!

“When do I get to go home?” was the question that was asked several times today. It hasn’t been as often as it was even just a couple months ago, but today it came.

Yesterday all of our belongings that we had packed up in December 2008 right before Cale deployed for the second time, arrived. We for now have it in a storage unit and will slowly work our way through everything. After almost three years of not seeing our things and being filled with each memory, you would think I would be excited and bubbling over with anticipation to have what would feel like an early Christmas…but, I’m not. There is this tornado that has started forming in my gut and every time I think of looking at and going through all of the stuff, I feel like I may just end up in Oz. That’s the part of me that doesn’t want to ever see any of it again. So much has changed and so much of it is filled with memories that I want to hold onto so tightly and at the same time wouldn’t mind if they were taken with the Tri-City wind storms.

It’s gonna be hard. I think the hardest part might just be all of this thinking about it, but either way It’s been a long time and seems like a whole different life, different people, different. Especially on days like today when my husband forgets he’s married and asks to go home again with his mom, brother, and sister.

Rachel reminded me I just need to have fun with it and that’s what I’m going to try to do. Maybe seeing some of it will trigger memory? That’s what I always hope for! :)

We sang a song at church yesterday and one of the lines said, “We will go forth in grace alone” I love LOVE this! In moments where I have to look a challenge in the face and can’t turn around, it’s by God’s grace alone that I’m able to move one foot in front of the other and keep going. Wow…I could go on and on about that line.

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. -2 Corinthians 12:9

If you think about it, pray for Cale tomorrow while we’re trialing him at home again…eeeek!


  1. Oh, my sweet Kathleen, I am so glad you had such a good time with Rachel. She sure seems like a sweetie. Going through "Stuff" is always a monumental task. It can be fun. This is where the "Mary Poppins, In every job there's to be done, there's an element of fun. Find that, and snap, it's a game" comes in handy. If I might make a suggestion, have three boxes, one "Keep", one "Give Away or Sell", and one "Throw Away"....maybe a fourth one "Not Sure". For me, I had to make A FIRM RULE that once things were in the give away, or through away box they pretty much stayed there. I can change my mind TOO often. Father's grace is sufficient for all your needs. I am going to trust Father that He bathe your mind and heart in His peace, His joy, His delight, and His understanding. I love you. OH, by the way, I love the leaves around the pumpkins, too. Marion

  2. Okay, I have to ask -- was Cale this much of a goofball before his accident? I love his humor!

    As for the stuff, yeah, that's tough. Really tough. Anyway, just wanted to send my love & some hang in there vibes your way. You can do this!

  3. Oh sweetheart..I always loved moving with the military and loved the packing and But unpacking even though I knew what was in the boxes because I loved boxes it was like Christmas...I pray that you can find that joy for this journey. I just finished the Bible study by Beth Moore on the book of Esther and one of the things I learned was not to be in bondage to my emotions and to put them at the foot of the cross..I am praying for you Lena Beana that you can do that.Know how much you are loved and prayed for..


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