But, I’m going to try.
We are still here…still chugging along.
Things seem to be moving so quickly. I wake up in the morning and suddenly I’m hitting the pillow and saying good night.
The wedding week was a blast! I was spoiled with being able to have so much time with friends! Cale had a good hard week. It was full of challenges because although it was wonderful, it was a whole lot of stimulation for him. I knew that the time he was having with the guys was needed and whatever I was going to have to deal with, I would.
Joe and Beth had a beautiful wedding! It was extra special having Cale walk and be a part of everything. There was a time that Rachel and I had talked about how Cale may be in a nursing home when they got married, or in a wheelchair. If he was still in the wheelchair it would have been no problem and we would have made whatever needed to work happen, but praise God that he walked!
We did have a couple escape plans in case Cale wasn’t able to handle standing up front. The rehearsal was a bit…interesting, but everything worked out just fine!
At the reception, Cale was Mr. Happy. His humor shines through more and more every day…and I love it! At one point Mama was talking with our Pastor and Cale walked up behind her and bit her head! Twice! What can I say?
He also at one point looked at me and stated, “You are K A and I am C A” I agreed as he was talking about the first two letters of our name. He then added, “We’re ka ca” Oh how I love that man. Nothing like announcing to everyone around that the Darlings are ca ca poo poo!
I was playing catch up last week along with spending time on phone calls. We’ve been trying to straighten out a few things with the VA.
Early Friday morning I left for a retreat. I had just recently been to one and wouldn’t have gone to another so quickly if I wouldn’t have been invited by one of the ladies running it. They were doing a pilot program and asked if I would attend and give feedback and compare to the last one.
It was awesome.
I was so impressed with the materials they used and the focus of the weekend.
I was thinking today about what a wounded warrior wife is…
And after reading some of what the ladies posted, I wanted to share.
These wounded warrior wives were making a declaration to be women that…
This was just a fraction of the list.
Are we all of these things? Nope. Are we any of them? Hopefully, but not perfected! What stands out and amazes me is that I sat in a room full of women that all came with baggage and struggles, but they all desire to be more than what their situation is at home.
I thought of them Sunday night as I sat alone crying on my bathroom floor. Coming home was wonderful and I was having a beautiful time with Cale, but that lasted until he got really upset about brushing his teeth.
It was a big tantrum.
It was hard.
I hated it.
I felt defeated.
And then I thought of all those women and what they were dealing with as they went home. Were they all having perfect romantic nights?
But I knew they were trying.
In that moment of frustration and hurt, I asked myself what in me allows for me to love my husband when it’s the not-so-easy times? Why do I love him so? Why am I still crazy about him even though we have these hard nights when brain injury wins out and I’m left alone?
It’s Christ in me.
His love is enough. His love is enough that when the tears are still streaming down my red cheeks, that I can get up, locate my husband, and with loving words talk him into coming back to the bedroom with me.
God’s enough that even though I may have not done anything wrong, I can still ask Cale to forgive me because in his mind I hurt him in some way. His feelings matter.
I went to bed Sunday night encouraged. Challenged. Comforted.
I was blessed to get away from life here and take a break.
I’ve been working on a new tactic with Cale the last few days for when he starts to get worked up. The idea came from one of the things we worked on at the retreat and I wondered how I could switch it around and change it to fit Cale’s needs.. So far, I think it’s helping!
Before our appointments in Seattle, Cale’s doc had already prescribed some therapy. Even though we were told we wouldn’t get PT and only a few sessions of speech, we’re able to still add on what was prescribed. Today was our first day of testing and assessment for where Cale is at. Speech went good even though Cale started the session off with letting the speech therapist know he did not want to be there at all. Haha!. She handled it well :o)I was nervous about how PT was going to go since he has struggled with it the most the last several months, but to my surprise it went great! We talked about goals and Cale told the PT that he wanted to pick up and carry our baby safely! We talked to him about how we would love to have a baby at some point and the different things we need to work on to reach that goal. I fully believe it’s possible for Cale to reach it! It warmed my heart hearing him make a goal for our future baby!
I finished the Hunger Games.
It heated up here for a few days and then BAM! the chill came back.
There are way too many people I wished lived on my block.
I attempted to watch a movie from Netflix with Mama the other night. Bad. Movie.
I have a list that is longer than Santa’s naughty or nice list of crafts I have planned.
Cale had orange and blue suits made in Afghanistan for him to wear with TJ when he came back from deployment. The idea was from the movie Dumb and Dumber. It never happened because of the accident, so while the guys were together for the wedding, they suited up!
Cale almost always has a Mt. Dew bottle with him but he hardly drinks any of it! It’s just a comfort to have it with him.
While I was on my trip, he sang along with Mama to the theme song for Gilmore Girls.
He cracks me up!
There is a possible change of plans to the Darling Project. I’ll update more when I have info. Please keep praying!
I’m sure there are many more things that I should be adding, but I’ve come to the end of the memory bank.
One last thing…last night was incredible. There were tears again, but happy ones this time. All things are possible through Christ!
I found the pot from the 1920's and decided it was perfect to host my oregano. I adore it. We’ve been spending (well, when it was warmer out) more time outside.
We are so blessed with the house we have now and the deck that came with it. Do you think that a nice deck can go under the list of “needs” for our next house if I say it’s for my therapy?!
These are the two best people to hug before flying!
The first activity of the weekend was painting. Mine looks like a kid in grade school could have done it, but Cale said he liked it J
Home with him is always good.
I really am going to try to update a little more often. Haven't I said that before? hmm...