Wednesday, February 13, 2013

a different us.


I find myself mourning us. Mourning me. 

In no way am I saying that I don't love the man Cale has become or that i don't love the woman that I've been molded into...just that I miss us.

I miss who I was before trauma. I miss who I was before a severe brain injury joined our marriage.

I miss the simplicity of life. 

I miss just being able to hang out with friends and time wasn't a big deal.

I miss when my conversations didn't always include my husband having a brain injury.

I miss the lightness in our relationship and the "normal" daily duties.

I miss who I was.

I miss who he was.

I miss who we were together.

Yet, again I must say that I miss him but still love him. I'm crazy about who he has become. And I'm amazed with the way God has formed me to be more like Him.

But the reality that the two people we were just a few years ago are now gone...

...it causes me to mourn for them. 

5 comments:

  1. ~ Mourning by Morning ~

    Missed memories, that are remembered by one~
    Open my heart Lord, new things begun.
    Understanding of things I didn't know~
    Recallingthe friendship,the love,still itgrows.
    Nothing's impossible through God's Holy hands~
    I lay down my life by his grace I stand.
    Nothing is wasted, and not really lost ~
    God grant me the wisdom to see what it cost

    Because you are faithful, because you are true~
    Yesterdays promises are amen and in you .

    Mourning is grief stretching out her hands~
    Openly inviting a God who understands.
    Reach into my life Lord and bless me again~
    Never forsake me nor my love for him.
    If ever there is truth I know it in you~
    Now, and tomorrow, my yesterdays too.
    God you have molded me to look more like you.

    MDB 2013 Happiest anniversary may all joy be yours as he turns your ashes into something so beautiful, people will have to guard their eyes - girl we already do - Love you and Caleb !!!! (((()))) always Reenie

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  2. Dear One, What first came to mind when I read this was "Blessed are they that mourn, For they shall be comforted." Matthew5:4 Then "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever." Psalm 30:11and 12 May you experience the washing of the Water of the Word in a special way this very moment. I love you, Father LOVES you more. ------A thought just came, What has Father saved you from by giving this to you?!?!! Marion

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    1. Love this ! Marion you are a treasure to their hearts ! Reenie

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  3. I just wish I could give you a big hug right now. I would sit and mourn with you. I would cry with you. I would look at old pictures with you...the serious ones and the silly ones. :o) Then I'd look at the new ones too, I'd smile...and rejoice that memories can still be made. Then I would thank God for both of you because you have taught me more about cherishing each moment with my husband and children...they could be gone from me in an instant...one screech of tires...one crash...GONE. Through your precious love story you have taught me to "try" to live each moment like it was my last (I struggle with it sometimes but am much more aware of the gift of life we have). There is great blessing for me in what you have taught me. I am learning to be content...and thankful. You have taught me so much through this blog and I am forever grateful. So...I am mourning (tears in my eyes at this moment) with you for what was...but also hopeful in what is to come. I know you are mourning but I also know you are thankful and God sees your heart and is holding you ever so close. He knows what you have lost, He feels what you feel, and he loves you. You are His precious child...rest in Him.
    Love to you in Christ,
    Emily J.

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  4. I wish I didn't have to say I know what you're going through and you the same to me! I won't get sappy or spiritual but just say it sucks! As much as it sucks we know who hope is in...not in the healing yet in the HEALER!
    You're doing amazing! One step at a time!
    Love ya mean it, nuff said! :)

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