Friday, May 10, 2013

If it could burst...

Hello Friends. :)

I've been missing you. Obviously it's not like you're here having a visit with me, but sometimes when I set out to type a post, it kind of feels like I'm sharing with you here in my home (or where ever we may be!) and then I receive comments and emails from you responding to my babbles...and in a really neat way, it feels like I have this continued relationship with so many of you. 

I've been asked a ton lately how we're doing and what life looks like. Therapy? Explosions? Updates?! Heehee...yes, I sure do have a lot to share! 

I'm going to start with going through pictures and hopefully getting a good update just by them! Let's see...


One of my treasured friends moved away. Oh how I miss her. Our friendship started with this very blog actually. She had started reading it and eventually became bold enough to ask me for a coffee date...I love friends, and again, this blog here already makes it feel like a relationship so I said yes! I have to think safety before I just go meet a stranger, but Sharon knew a friend of mine so I knew she couldn't be too crazy...ha! After that coffee date, it became our thing. If schedules allowed, we met almost once a week to just visit. Share our hearts, ya know? I would listen as she talked about her children and family adventures. She would share garden tidbits and homeschool insights. It was a true gift to visit with her and build a friendship. So very thankful. 

Sharon, you're missed and still loved! 


Cale started working with an RS a few hours everyday. We're still trying to come up with a consistent schedule and work out some kinks, but I think it'll come soon! One of the things we have started are Thursday night dinners. This is when Cale puts on his chef coat and hat and cooks with Kylie. Cale who has never been one to cook...loves it! He goes into chef mode and thrives! It's fun to watch him be so serious about something and really take leadership. Kylie works well with guiding him and helping out. We like to eat the yummy food too! :)


I joined my dearest Rachel and traveled about 5 hours away for a night to be taught by Beth Moore. So good! My second time being able to go to one of her conferences and both times I've been challenged and enjoyed it so much! Extra time with Rachel was a bonus! :)



To end the month of April I went to my dad's memorial service. I went with every thought of being distant with my emotions. I didn't think it was going to be a hard time in the slightest, I just knew it would be good for me to go. Well...as soon as we pulled into town we stopped for a bathroom and my stomach started to tighten. At that point it was more because of feeling awkward than the actual reason I was there. After pulling up and taking a deep breath, I climbed out of the car and my uncle brought an envelope with pictures. Wow. A wall collapsed instantly and the tears and pain came. 

I won't go into all the details and how it all went, but I will say that I had to for sure work through some stuff. I was a mess for the rest of the day. The picture above is a moment that I wanted to capture and never forget. Mama dropped me off at home and then went to pick Cale up from his moms house. When he came home he came straight to my folded frame on the bed and began to comfort me and then with so much passion, he prayed over me. Speechless.

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May started out with announcing our NEXT project!! I have been terrible about updating with that on here...sorry. I feel like I've apologized before about this. Anyways...
For the month of May I'm excited to ask you to join us in collecting gift cards for spouses of men in the military that have given their life for our country. Towards the end of the month we take a whole day to remember the fallen and all they've sacrificed, and The Darling Project wants to honor and highlight the family still here...still full of tears...still living life. 

The gift cards can be Target, gas cards, Starbucks, or any that you are able to shop online incase they aren't in the area. I have the names of three women and I really want to help bless them! Please have all cards to us by May 31st!

Send cards to:

Kathleen Darling
c/o The Darling Project
PO BOX 5472 
Kennewick, WA 99337

Let's dooooooooo this! :)



What are we up to you ask...

We are living life. 

Shortly after being home Cale said to me in a frustrated voice, "Why can't we just live life?" 

Hmm...uh...why can't we? 

Therapy in a professional environment with a therapist is beneficial. Hospitals can be great and needed. Therapeutic gadgets and work books are good tools...

But, sometimes, the actual ability to live life and not be consumed with more progress more progress more progress is better healing than anything we can try to force and push for. 

Summer 2011 I was sitting alone pondering the very life I was living. I was tired. Drained. I was at a point of not enjoying being around my husband like normal and everything was building up. The realization came that when we finally get to Heaven, the focus will not be on Cale being whole again. Yes, he will be healed. His brain will no longer be full of dead brain tissue. Whatever Heaven will be like, we know that the broken shell he is in now will no longer be an issue. Our focus in Heaven will not be on how that darn brain injury is gone. 

Our focus will be on the King. 
Glory and Majestic
Messiah.
Immanuel. 

This was the beginning for me to really and truly live life again not controlled my more healing for Cale. 

It's hard though. It's hard not to wish constantly for more. More changes. More victories. More things that showed he was becoming someone from the past a little bit more each day.

Cale's request to just live life was the reminder for me that we don't have to have a weekly schedule full of therapies, doctor appointments and whatever new tool we could get our hands on. 

We can just live. 

We can be husband and wife.

We can dream of a baby.

We can plant a garden.

We can go on dates.

We can sit in the sun. 

The last several weeks we've even seen a noticeable change in Cale's anger. He's adjusted more to us being home and life smoothing out to something safe again. 

Our home is full of laughter, teasing, and so many happy moments. 

I've said so many times in the last few weeks that if my heart could burst it would. I find myself often sitting looking around feeling so overwhelming blessed. 

Life is good.

The dramatic struggles that come with brain injury seem to be at rest for this season. The pain and hardship comes in a silent sting that is invisible from the outside but the inside feels it real and raw. It's the reminder that this earth we walk is not our home. This is not supposed to be comfortable and painless. Jesus will come back for that.


We've been slowly setting up our home! I love the little touches of beauty that unfold. We both feel incredibly thankful that we get to call this house our home.

We got to take Cale's mom out for a picnic date on her lunch break. The weather has been beautiful!!! And...hot! 


Archery. 

If you think back to September you may remember me posting about Cale's love for archery. We had done it a few times in Palo Alto, but it wasn't something that clicked. Although, he did enjoy it. When we went to the Summer Sports Clinic in San Diego in September, the whole week had been horrible except for watching Cale fall in love with Archery. He shot arrow after arrow and even talked about it on his own and still does! Since then we've been searching for a way for him to do it here at home...

We found a way. 

We went last night with the RS to this guys house in Finley and he basically set us up with all the information we need to keep this thing going. Bows are a bit expensive but the plan is to invest in what Cale needs now and know that he's set! He's so excited! 

We've been longing, searching, and desperate to find something that Cale will enjoy again and have passion about like he did getting to play ice hockey. Folks, this is it. 

He has talked about it so much since last night!

We're both pretty jazzed and suuuuuper excited for this new beginning! After we have bow and arrows we'll be able to enjoy this activity 1-2 times a week for now! 

Woot! 

I still am smiling from the sheer joy of watching Cale be in his element. I was the wife on the side crying tears of joy...until the guy made me join in! Eeeek!

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While I've been sitting here typing away an update, a knock at the door came and this massive box was dropped off. I pulled it in and left it so I could finish this post and Mama opened it up. We have no idea who this is from...the only thing we know is from the note under from it says:

For your new home just because we love you.

Do you know who this is from?! 



Thank you...if it's from you! What a fun surprise! We LOVE it!!!!!! 

17 comments:

  1. My Sweet Jesus Girl, I just quickly went through the entry. I will be more in depth later (Lily is patiently waiting to watch The Magic School Bus). Just know Father is holding you close to His heart. He knew how you would feel and He is sooo proud of you. The entry and picture of Cale comforting you is precious. I love you, Marion

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  2. What a wonderfully uplifting blog post, Kathleen. You are such an inspiration to me. If you guys are interested, Grace has taken a big shine to archery this year too. We're hoping to get her a bow by her birthday in September (no, they're definitely not cheap!). I'm sure both Grace and Isaac would love to shoot with Cale if he wants. Love you! -Bonnie

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    1. We would both love to shoot with them!! That would be SO much fun!

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  3. When I saw the picture of Cale comforting you on Facebook, I was so happy because I remember you posting something in your blog about how you miss his spiritual leadership in your relationship. Little bits of him seem to come back all the time. I also love learning about the positive things that are new about his personality like loving cooking.

    I have often thought that it would be good for him to just be able to settle into a normal routine and not constantly be hopping from one trip to another. I know that those things have been immensely helpful in some ways and even essential sometimes. However, I am so happy that you guys have made enough progress that you can just live. To just be immersed in living life together and love for each other.

    I am happy for you guys.


    --Ashton--

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    1. Yes! Ashton, that was exactly what I was thinking about in that moment with him comforting me! It was amazing. I also agree with you about settling. It's good to enjoy home :)

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  4. This is from me. There was supposed to be a card. Wow that got there quieck!! YAY!! Loving the blog.Love you darling Darlings..

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    1. Jean, we absolutely love it...and you! :)

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  5. Well, my Dear, My heart is certainly full. My husband got a wonderful bow from the Thrift Store on base. Maybe there is a way you can get a discounted one. You have seen our yard. Our son set a bale of hay and shot it whenever he wanted. It was good for him, too.
    Just living life sounds like a wonderful idea. The fact the idea came from Cale shows a LOT of healing having taken place. I am blessed.
    Your thought about Heaven fits very well with a book I am just finishing, "HEAVEN, Your Real Home", by Joni Eareckson Tada. She has been a quadriplegic since the mid 70's. Her insight and love of the Lord are right up there with Beth Moore. That should tell you something. She talks about suffering and how it prepares us for our life in Heaven, how it gives us gifts to lay at Jesus feet when we see Him. I can't say enough about the book.
    I love you and I am honored to be a part of your journey, Marion

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    1. That sounds like a good book! I may actually already have a copy and haven't read it yet! We have lots of those books sitting around waiting to be picked up! :)

      Im not sure our yard is big enough to set something up, but we've thought about it! :)

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  6. Ohhh...so enjoyed reading this blog post. All the photos were precious but I am so thankful to get to see the one of Cale comforting you. How precious is that! Almost too beautiful for words!
    Love the table and chairs!!
    Love,
    Emily J.

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    1. :) I always enjoy reading your comments!

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  7. WoW, they say 3rd time is the charm. You know, What you said about it being hard not wanting more changes in Cale....well, Father showed me I am missing the changes in my sweet husband by wanting him to be different than he is. I don't see what I have, when I want an attitude or action different. YOur words are a lesson for All of us. I love you, Marion (Oh, by the way, Lily enjoyed watching her Magic School Bus.) :)

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    1. Marion--that is such a great way to look at it!! Please be praying for me...I have been having a hard time and someone very dear to me passed away this week and is now with Jesus. It has been a rough few weeks. Thank you for your prayers.
      Love,
      Emily

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  8. For Emily, I love you and Father LOVES you MORE. He is holding you close to His heart. I think you must be wise. It has taken me probably more years than you are old to get this lesson. A secret, I am still learning it. If you think you care to, please email Kathleen your address. I have something I would like to send you. Trusting you to Father's care, Marion

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    1. Thank you so much, Marion. I'll send it to her. You are sweet and precious too! What tremendous blessings I get off this blog!!
      Blessings,
      EMily

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    2. Marion I have Emilys info and will get it to you! :) I love that you two are connecting! You're both so precious to me!

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  9. Don't forget mom and dad are only a mile from you and dad has the target shed set up all the time. Also, I don't know, but he could still have Kyle's old bow. You could also play a little pickle ball! Just show up any time!!! Love you both!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Krista

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