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Sunday, April 13, 2014

trust & confidence

It's interesting how for so long sitting in front of this computer and pulling up a blank page to update for this blog was comfort. It was a way for me to unleash all of my thoughts and help process whatever was taking place. Now, I sit here and it feels foreign. I've let so many days pass without taking time to pause and capture in writing all that has taken place! 

Maybe one day it'll become that familiar source of comfort again...but with this little one on the way, it could be awhile :)

February was the love month. ha. 

Cale has been going to the Senior Center here in town with his RS. They sometimes take a game and play it or they join in on a game that is scheduled for that day. They had a Valentine's Day Bingo event and this hunk of a man asked me to go with him as his date. Of course I said yes! 

The next night we had a Valentines Day banquet at church. They did Duck Dynasty themed and Cale went right along with the part! Let's just say his BDU's from when he first joined the Army do not fit anymore...which meant his pants were tied together with twine. Oh yes we did. 

We don't get much snow in these parts but when it came, it lasted its few days and then it was gone again. We managed to get some fun pictures taken by our friend Bonnie before it left!

My SIL came into town the beginning of March and she took some pictures of us. Her blog is and she has a page on FB Nicole York Photography that you can check out and like :) 

There are others that she took as well, just us at home together being us and not posing for a camera. She really captured some elements of this pregnancy and of how we are together that are so special to have in print. 

Mama had surgery beginning of March. This caused a huge adjustment in our home. My life very quickly became...uh...overloaded. It was perfect timing though because now her knee will be healed for when Nora comes! 

March was celebration madness! Our Anniversary is on the 17th, Rachel's birthday and Mike's birthday are both in March along with their anniversary. We decided this year to go somewhere fun and enjoy a few days away. We hopped in the car and drove to Portland, OR. It was such a good trip! We started it off with a hockey game, our local team against Portland's team. We went to the Zoo, ate good food and enjoyed being with friends...

Fun. Fun. Fun. 

Our anniversary came and I found this picture from the morning of the day we exchanged vows and rings! 9 years later and we still like each other :) 

I was weeding one night and started noticing all the flowers in our yard starting to bloom...and suddenly I had butterflies in my belly with the excitement of all the new life happening around here! Flowers blooming means we're about to have a baby in this house! Eeeeek!

This was at 36 weeks! I'm now 39...and very ready to meet this baby girl! :)

Our little Nora is loved so much already. We were showered with love in NY, CA, and then two showers here in WA...and that doesn't include all the gifts that have been sent to her from all over the US! I absolutely love that we have so many people in our lives from all over. I've been overflowing with thankfulness lately. This little one has no idea how blessed she is with all of you to share life with! 

Our dear friend Marion came for a visit with her son. She is a woman that has never once stopped praying and supporting us. She's still constantly sending emails, commenting on the blog, sending packages, and leaving voicemails to let me know that she's still here. Still a part of our life. Still rooting for us. My heart is constantly warmed by her. Her and her son Jon drove from the west side of WA all the way to our little eastern corner, visited for a bit and then drove all the way back. Why? Because she's that awesome. 
Marion, thank you for being you. We love you so much. 

Our weather has been gorgeous lately. This has allowed for lots of walks lately. I'm throughly enjoying being outside in the sun and getting lots of fresh air! Spring is here and shortly summer will be coming to these parts!

I mentioned to Cale the other morning that I needed to take down an old chair that we've had sitting by our garden. I loved the chair but recently it started to fall a part and a little more than an easy fix was going to help. About two minutes later Cale headed to the back yard. I got him a pair of gloves and he went to work breaking down the chair. He needed some help but his initial willingness to help his wife without even being asked...well, I just really loved it. He is limited in so many ways, but in whatever ways he can help-he does. So thankful for him!

Sometimes girls just need a nap.

Many of you have asked about her nursery. Here it is! Simple. Sweet.! ;) Haha.
Her room has been my go to place when I'm needing a smile. Everything is as ready as can be waiting for her.

Cale and I were watching the show Last Man Standing on Netflix a couple weeks ago. One of the episodes has the dad coming up the stairs and the oldest daughter wakes up with her boyfriend in her bed. They both go into a panic because even though nothing had happened, her dad was not going to be happy. The boyfriend ends up jumping out of the window and is caught limping across the yard. Anyways, the show goes on with the dad not happy about what had happened. I had paused the show to run (or waddle) to the bathroom and when I came back, Cale told be he had some serious questions. "How to keep boys out of Nora's room?" To respond to his question I talked to him about how we're praying for her that she would grow to be a godly woman and hopefully she'll want to honor the Lord, honor her future husband as well as honor and obey us. After I talked for awhile, his response was, "you never know though." Well, that's true. Before I could go into another long explanation, Cale asked, "Where is the closest Army post?" I told him it was near where Ty and Nikki live on the other side of the state. Not very close to us. Not a problem for him though...he quickly came up with another plan. "Ok. I'm going to go to the recruiter station and get guys to come patrol our house to keep any boys away." HA! What?! He totally is already thinking like a dad!

It's amazing to me that he's already having these thoughts and able to think about the future (which is not the norm) along with problem solving a situation that is just not acceptable to him! I loved everything about our conversation!

How is Cale doing with Nora coming?

Pretty much, all around we're both thrilled to the core. When Cale first wakes up he's nervous and scared. When we talk about her coming or if he gets a good look at my growing belly and actually takes notice, he says he's freaked out. As the day progresses and he processes, by the time evening comes, he tells her he's so excited and can't wait to meet her. Of course then he goes to sleep and wakes the next day, it starts the whole thing all over again ;)

For the majority of the time, he's very ready to meet her and hold his baby girl. Although, he did say that just holding a baby is boring so he'll want her to play soon.

I've been feeling great! I feel so thankful that everything has gone so smoothly and I haven't been too uncomfortable. I remember being told that when I hit 8 months I'd hate being pregnant and feel terrible. It didn't happen for me! I was also told when I hit 36 weeks I would feel the worst and not want to do much. Didn't happen for me! This last Wednesday was my first day really being uncomfortable though...I was hot, tired, and my fingers and toes were sausages. I felt so large and couldn't get comfortable no matter what I did. I ended up sleeping really good that night which was a gift since the sleeping part has been the hardest for me. I woke up Thursday morning feeling like a brand new woman!

Now I'm at 39 weeks and wondering how often those uncomfortable days are going to come!

This last week has been a rough going week. I was given some news on Monday that was shocking and just hard to swallow. With Cale, any change; good or bad, is difficult. After going to two child birth classes, he started to act out a little more. It's because a huge change is about to happen. We've seen it happen a little more lately as we talk about her coming any day. He doesn't realize he's acting out and he doesn't have control over it...we just work through it.

My news on Monday was that we were loosing his RS that we've had since November. She takes him out in the community and gets him doing things away from home or at home but that are his things to do with out me. This has been such a blessing in our family as it gives Cale a chance to be more independent through his day. We love at the end of the day to talk about what we each did and the little adventures that happen. He doesn't always remember but it allows for possibility!

I found out Monday that his RS was moving out of the area and her last day was going to be...Thursday! Yikes!

I tried to keep myself together and not overreact but all I kept coming back to was it is the worst timing possible! Cale has a routine and a comfort with her. If she's gone that already breaks that up and it's a lot of change to deal with and Nora is coming ANY day now! Not to mention bringing someone new into the picture.

I just felt frustrated and nervous every time I thought about it. All week was difficult and there just didn't seem to be an easy answer.

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him." -Jeremiah 17:7

I read Jeremiah 17:7 and instantly a work was being done on my heart.  I want to be that person. I want to be the person that in every circumstance I trust in the Lord and my confidence is in Him. I want to be thankful for the challenges that arise rather than be caught and tangled up fretting about them.

My friend reminded me this week that everything was going to work out and be fine because I was able to handle and survive Cale facing death. We got through that. We made it. By our strength? Nope. Not in the slightest. I was able to walk through that time in our life because my confidence was in the Lord.

It feels like the worst possible timing but as much as it shocked me, it didn't shock the One in control. He knows Cale. He knows how hard change is for Him. He knows Cale's every need. He knows my needs and our families needs.

I just need to trust Him.

So...after battling this dramatic situation in my heart all week, I found out my friends boyfriend had been shot in the head while in Afghanistan. He's still alive at this point but he's currently facing death. I think about her; my friend that I treasure and how she's having to deal with this. I think about his family and all they're going through...was finding out we were losing our RS that big of a deal?

Today at church our Pastor shared about a trip that he just returned home from. He went to a country where millions have never even heard the name of Jesus. As he talked about the trip and all that took place I asked myself, was finding out we were losing our RS really that big of a deal?

It's so easy in my comfortable life to get caught up in the things of this world. I can so easily lose sight of the Kingdom when I have a bad day; when I receive news that brings difficulty.

I know when Nora comes there will be hard days. There will be days when I'm so tired and everything in my world feels like its spiraling away from me...

I want to be that person that trusts in the Lord in all circumstances putting my full confidence in Him.


  1. Kathleen ... I love you and your heart of hope! I am trusting in confidence along with you for the here and now and the yet to come! Because He is our Good Shepherd, we have everything we need...surely goodness and mercy will follow us all of the days of our lives. Praying for you guys and looking forward to hearing of Nora's exciting arrival! xoxo

  2. Dear Kathleen--
    I was so happy to see you had a new posting on here. Thanks for sharing also some of the tough things you mentioned towards the end. Now I know more specifics on how I can pray for all of you. I loved seeing all the photos and seeing the book "Guess How Much I Love You" brought back memories for me of when mine were little...we read that so often!! They grow up so fast...cherish each moment. We are going through some tough things here also and I appreciate your reminder to trust the Lord with all these things. You are a dear person and I pray for you as does my family.
    Lots of love,
    Emily J.

  3. My Dear Kathleen, WOW, Father's timing. While my situation is very different, I too, am needing to remember I may not know, Father does AND that is enough. Easy to say, not so easy to practice.

    You know, my friend, there are always other's who are in more challenging opportunities than we ourselves. Yet Father chose our walk for us. The steps before us were designed FOR us by the one who knows what we need to grow into the precious image of His sweet Son. For us where we are, they are the "big deals" we need to deal with. Like you said, Father knows Cale's needs even more than we do. He has a wondrous answer that we are going to start THAKING Him for right now. One good ting about thanksgiving is Satan can't stand it AND flees. SOOO let's send him packing. Truly, I know these words are easier said than done. Yet Father didn't say we had to feel anything. He just said we had to do it.

    I don't mean to sound preachy. It's not so much for you as for me. This has been a real trust issue in my circumstances.

    I love you, and I continue to trust Father for you and you sweet family.

  4. Kathleen, I just reread your entry. You are/will be a person who trusts in the Lord in all things, putting all confidence in Him. He delights in you.

    I love you,

  5. Kathleen, Blessings to you and yours!
    The things that happen to and around us are "Big deals" - and even though we know of others who are going through what we perceive as bigger deals, it doesn't diminish the bigness (I think I made that word up!) of our "big deals". It may give us perspective, but it doesn't really diminish what we are going through. I am so inspired by you - because you do what is right and honestly, what is SO HARD to do - you trust in the Lord and know that He knows our walks and He is with us always.
    Prayers to you always,

  6. Hey! When are you going to contact a publisher to have this turned into a book? Your story is so touching and inspiring. God Bless You!


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