While I was on a run a couple weeks ago, I had the book Fervent by Priscilla Shrier playing through the ear buds tucked in my ears. I love listening to audio books while I run.
In this particular part of the book, she was sharing a story about a friend who had been wrestling around with something she was feeling led to do. After many excuses given, she finally yelled out in the back seat, "I'm scared!"
Priscilla goes on to tell about how immediately she felt angry for her friend and responded quickly telling her that if the only reason she wasn't stepping out to do what she was being led to do was because she felt scared, than she needed to do it!
The story was told with a much better choice of words and description than I can retell it from my memory bank, but the way it resonated with me, I can share a bit about that...
While I listened and my feet hit the pavement, I also opened my mouth and yelled out, "I'm scared! I'm scared. Lord, I'm scared."
I'm sure that you can tell that with posting on the blog...well, it's become something that went from every day to almost never. In fact, Many days I thought that maybe I should just delete it completely.
Because it's scary living in a fish bowl.
I would like to say that from the moment the accident happened I chose to live openly and share our life-good and bad with everyone, but actually, it's who I am. I have always been open-sometimes a little too open about my thoughts, what I was experiencing and just life.
When this blog started, I first didn't really know what a blog was. And at first, when everyone else had left the hospital and it was just me posting-I didn't want to. I didn't have the energy..
...until the Lord spoke.
And quickly as I obeyed, this blog became a source to help me process. Many of you became like family walking each day with me in tears and laughter. Many of you are still such a HUGE encouragement to me and my family and it all started with you reading what I typed out on this computer.
With the blessings of obedience and the way I've allowed you all to see my heart and the struggles and beauty of our life also came pain.
Not all of you reading agree with the way we live our life. Not all of you agree with us having Nora-I get that. I really do. I'm sure being on the outside looking in, it may be hard to understand (or impossible) how I could make the decision to have a baby when we face so many daily challenges already. It's true. We're a tad bit crazy over here. But...we're living. We're living life as best we can and enjoying it to the fullest.
Nora is truly our greatest earthly blessing. And as amazing as all the therapy was for Cale while inpatient in different hospitals, having his little girl play with him has been the best therapy possible for him in the season he's in. We're so very thankful for her. And because I know all of you are wondering, yes. We hope to have another...and if not, we're ok with that too.
Life is busy. It is. It's complicated and full.
Over the last almost 2 years, I've started to withdraw. I've had this desire to just disappear into our own bubble and live our life and be happy and when the hard days come not to share them because I can handle them and no one really cares and it's just easier and and and...
I have not stopped feeling the Holy Spirit nudging me to write. Not once. I've written whole blog posts while trying to fall asleep at night and then I let it stay there...in the little comfortable space in my room. And, I've just kept pushing back. Saying no. Saying that there are enough blogs out there that have really good stuff in them. Saying that I'm not good enough or the right person for the job.
And as I ran and heard myself say, "I'm scared." I knew what I needed to do. Yes, living life in a way that allows others in is scary. Sometimes though, if we remove fear and just allow ourselves to be real and vulnerable, it's beautiful. Not because of what I can do or say but because of who He is. Not because of what I can say or do but because of the gift all of you are to me.
So...with that, hello :) you're about to see a lot more of us again. If you're friends on Facebook with me or on Instagram, you may see less of us for a little while as we begin to use this blog! I won't be posting every day but we'll be here. I'm ready to share life with you again...even if it's just to one person on the other side of this screen reading, I'm excited.
AND, on another note...
Happy 6 year Alive Day to my Man!!!
I could say every year how amazed I am with where God has led us and all we've been through. I can say how thankful I am and what a blessing Cale is to us...and it would be true every year. I made a video last year and decided it would be the last one we did focusing on Cale's recovery. I ended up making it into one that told our story and kind of showed our journey in 5 minutes...wowza that was hard. Haha.
Since I didn't post it on here last year, here it is! Enjoy!