I'm not going to lie. I'm sitting here getting ready to write and there's an inner battle inside about whether or not I should skip posting and take a nap while both kids are down...
I've decided to post :)
This last week has flown by. Mama is back in Washington for a couple weeks so it's just us here. Last time she went, we had just moved here and I remember being so nervous. Cale's schedule was changing pretty drastically as well...which added to the mess of emotions. This time I feel a lot more confident. This is home and I know my people and their needs. I know our normal routine and goodness I know I can pray all day and night. ;)
(it's funny how blogging with out emojis just doesn't feel as fun as it could be. haha.)
My SIL and niece came Wednesday evening and then left yesterday, which was fun and a good distraction. Nora loves her Grammy and said last night that she doesn't like even a little bit that Grammy is not here. I absolutely love the bond those two have.
I have to share this picture-last week when I was trying to get the blog post finished, I stuck E in the bath to play...without water. It worked! He loved it!
He also has decided he enjoys riding in the cart his own way-
It literally took him 20 seconds while I was turned around looking at something. The next time we went to the store, he of course knew exactly what to do. We spent the entire trip having mommy turn him around the right way and he would whip right back around. He also attempted to master climbing all the way out that trip. Yikes!
(I need the emojis! Seriously!)
Cale and I started back in February making it priority to have a date once a week. It doesn't matter if it's during the day or at night. It doesn't matter if we go out or stay in. It's just us, my focus on him where we can connect and enjoy each other. This has been sooooooo good for us. After Nora was born, we went through some adjustments that I didn't expect at all. I felt blindsided. I didn't see some of what we went through coming and it was hard.
When I was pregnant with Easton, I was very intentional about putting things in place and really trying to set our life up to help combat some of the challenge of adjusting. Weeeeeell, E decided not to sleep at night and make mommy lose her mind.
By February I was really struggling. Like, a lot.
One of the ways was for the first time since the accident, I was really starting to feel like Cale was just there for me to take care of. He felt like extra work. I know that probably sounds harsh and maybe doesn't translate from my brain to your eyes well, but it's the best way I can put it. It was such a difficult time for me. And because of his brain injury, he didn't get it.
That's when we made the commitment to do these dates every week. There have been days that I didn't want to go. Whether we had an awful brain injury moment in our home or I was just simply exhausted, this time with him allowed for me to step out of my flesh and love my husband as I'm called to. It truly has been a gift-for both of us.
Easton wearing his shirt from Uncle Mike & Aunt Rae! :)
I've been able to go kayaking with Nora several times this summer. It's been so fun! She loves it. Her first time going all she wanted to do was reach out and touch the buoys. She said they were so cute and friendly. Ha! Since that time, she really enjoys the whole experience and looking for the birds and whatever else we can find. This last week when we went, I finally let her have her very own paddle. I never let her before because I knew it would just end up overboard but she has wanted to help paddle so badly, so I just went for it.
Multiple times she would say, "Mommy, thank you for letting me have a paddle!"
Nora give me a good smile.
"I am. See!"
We went to a place nearby that had a lot of different animals. Ciera was so excited to get close and also a little nervous. I was going to snap a picture of her getting really close to it when Nora comes storming in with no worry in the world. She just wanted to feed the pretty bird. Haha!
Easton was very confused why the giraffe was eating the carrot. He wanted it!
We build a lot of forts around here. They're so much fun. Well, of course while Nora had someone here to give her all of the attention imaginable, she had a fort built.
This picture cracks me up. We were getting ready to pose for one but hadn't quite gotten ourselves together yet. My SIL snapped this one and it's definitely our favorite!
I just wanted to say that with me posting again, it doesn't mean that life is going amazingly well and I've got everything figured out or that it's all a big mess and I'm falling a part.
A few days ago one of my friends asked me something about how to get to the beginning of the blog. A friend of hers is going through something difficult and she wanted to share my blog with her. I actually wasn't quite sure so I got on and found my way to the beginning. I didn't spend much time reading but I did skim a few posts and started to think about those early days in the ICU.
The first few years after the accident everything was so sweet. Cale was continually changing. There were lots of really difficult times as well, but at the time, I didn't realize that after almost eight years of life with a brain injury things were going to be a completely different kind of challenge for us. It's not that it's end of the world terrible. It's just not what I imagined in the slightest-in many ways, and that's ok.
Not to mention we added a couple kiddos
...and moved across the country!
I can share more later- I know that I will but for now, to give you a clearer picture of where I'm at as I write to you I wanted to share a song I heard three weeks ago.
My friend Jenny in NY wrote it and it's incredible. INCREDIBLE. She was doing a concert and it was on Facebook. As I listened to the words, I was giving Nora and Easton a bath and I felt the words heavy. They were exactly what my heart had been praying.
I sent Jenny a text and asked for the lyrics and later asked if she had recorded it yet. She did send my the lyrics and I've read and then reread them. She also sent me a rough practice of her singing and I've played that over and over. As soon as I have some kind of something with her singing that I can post, I'll post it for you but for now, here are the lyrics...
I Will Yet Praise You
(words and music by Jennifer Hopper)
Forgive me for my fears and doubts
Surround them with your love
For years and years they've brought me down
I know I just need to trust, your love
I know I need to trust, your love
In the valley on the mountaintop my praise will be the same
'Cause I trust you I believe in your love and the power of your name
I will yet praise you no matter what may come
I will yet praise you when all is said when all is done
I lift my hands, raise my voice its you I adore
I will yet praise Lord
Forevermore, I'll worship and adore
Forevermore I'll praise you Lord