Friday, September 1, 2017

What is our busy?

Last Friday Easton and I sat in a plane and flew to NYC. Our church here has partnered with a church plant in Brooklyn. Eight of us went up to help them with a block party. My favorite thing was constantly being reminded of the way kids have zero filter and aren't afraid to cross cultural boundaries. I love meeting and talking with people...as you may have guessed ;) and with several bus and subway rides, that was easy to do! 

Easton was in the carrier unfortunately most of the weekend (poor guy!) and just about every ride, he found a friend. I definitely helped encourage the conversation and doors were always opened. I was able to share why we were there and even invite a couple ladies to the block party but my focus was just getting to love on whoever we were around. Isn't that always the goal? Sometimes people just want to be heard. They want to speak to someone who is giving them their full attention rather than half listening. And maybe not everyone, but I would say most people love when a sweet baby flashes his cheesy little dimple smile at them. 





When baby boy falls asleep and the moment comes with you holding a magazine and you actually get to read it...thank you flight time. 








(just missing Mr. Frank!) 


We flew up Friday and back home on Sunday. Friday we had some time to walk around the city. We enjoyed dessert from Carlo's bakery. Yum. Also, the other two couples bought more than one dessert and then shared what they chose. I couldn't really share with Easton...and only trying one sounded like an awful plan. Don't you worry, I ordered myself two different desserts to try and I enjoyed both of them. Ha. 

On Saturday I was mainly at the kids activities area. There was one little girl that I found myself trying to connect with. Her and her brother actually. They were so sweet and their mom had left so they were just hanging out around the table I was at waiting for her to get back. I pulled out the chalk and asked if she wanted to color with me. We started drawing and ended up making this huge picture together. I was kind of just doing whatever she was telling me to. She had this vision and went for it. We colored for a long time and every now and then, she'd look up at me and smile and then started coloring again. I don't know, it wasn't something huge or amazing but I loved it. I loved watching her. 


My most favorite moment of the whole weekend was on Sunday. We went to church and there was a need for nursery workers so they asked if I would serve in the babies class. After the service was over, most everyone stayed and just kept worshipping. I went in and sat there soaking it up. It was beautiful. The service started at 11 and after 1 is when people were finishing up and leaving. Can I just be bold enough to say that most of the time churches are filled with people unwilling to keep worshipping and just ready to leave and get lunch? 

I loved loved loved watching this group of people who were willing to set their grumbling bellies aside, throw up their arms and worship. 

During this time, I noticed the pastor's 14 year old son walk up to his mom, lean into her and talk. The music was still pretty loud for the small space we were in so she leaned pretty close to listen and respond. I couldn't hear them but I watched as he all of a sudden wrapped his arms around his mom and clung to her and she wrapped her arms around him and she began to pray. His back was to me but I could see her face. I could tell she was praying with passion. Tears started streaming down her face and as I sat there watching this precious moment, I began to pray telling God that I want to be that mom. As my two littles grow, I want them to know that they can come to me and I will battle in prayer for them. I want to be the wife, the mother, the sister, the aunt, the cousin and the friend who will weep and pray for the people in my life. It was powerful and a moment that I will never forget. 

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Speaking of prayer...

This week has been difficult for Cale and I. There has been something that has come with Cale's brain injury that our family has battled with for 3 years now. There was a point on Monday that I was so frustrated. I was angry. I got on the treadmill and ran a very fast 3 miles as I cried and cried and cried. 

I'm going to be honest here, this is one of the reasons I don't want to post on here. Obviously everyone's life isn't perfect. I know that. but this area in our lives that seems to never go away is hard and ugly and in the midst of anger, I yelled out to Mama, "I feel like a fake! I feel like this is all a joke." Now, I don't really feel that way. I just also know that I can't just openly share everything and I don't want to post as if everything is perfect when it's not. Also, I never post with the intention of everything looking perfect...but again, I was angry and hurting. 

Anyways...thankfully there are beautiful wonderful people in my life to speak truth into my life and who are willing to take time to think through some of the hard stuff with. I spent time with a friend Tuesday morning and then met with another couple right after and by the end of the the day I felt completely different. 

First, I had to take time Monday before meeting with anyone to get on my knees and pray over my life. My marriage. My family. 

Prayer is no small thing. 

It's been encouraging this week to see light. To see that no, maybe everything isn't solved and maybe it never will be, but God is faithful. His promises are true and I can claim them-rest in them. 

Wednesday morning at breakfast, Nora asked if she could take a picture of Mommy and Daddy kissing. 


The picture is mostly of the table and maybe not the best but I love it. I love the sweetness that I know that moment was. The giggles that took place. The conversation between the three of us before the picture happened. I love that even though there are some really hard hard things we as humans walk through, God is rich with mercy and grace. 

He is enough.

His healing-
is enough.

His joy-
is enough.

His peace-
is enough.

His presence-
is enough.

His forgiveness-
is enough.

There is nothing, nothing that can compare and I am so very thankful for that. 


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Busy.

"I'm so busy." 

"Today has been so busy."

"We're always so busy."

"This week has been so busy."

It's everywhere. I hear it all the time and I know I even say it.

As a mommy, I think sometimes there's this idea that life needs to be busy or that we have do be doing all of the things all of the time. 

In this season of life, my "busy" is playing with the kiddos. Days and weeks are full and although we are involved in several things, it's ok to just play. It's ok to jump into the world of little ones and let that be something that fills part of your day.

It's ok during the quiet afternoon time when baby is napping and the other is resting, to read a book. 

That hasn't actually happened yet but I'm trying to work hard on what our "busy" looks like. I have never been good at this and I am one who will go from visiting with one person to the next and from one activity to the next. Mama likes to point out that I need to be around people and she doesn't as much. It's true. I also want to be really great at being around my people and that being ok. 

Does this make sense? Do any of you ever have these thoughts? I don't even know if I'm getting it out clear. I just know that my days lately feel so busy and when I look back at the day, it was busy with playing with Easton & Nora and I love it. I love getting to play with them...and I know a lot of you may need to be reminded to pause and play too...


7 comments:

  1. Dear Heart, I would love to have "glowing words of wisdom." I don't....Father does. I would love to be able to tell you how to deal with "life." I can't....Father can. Tell Father exactly what you feel....I've even told Him I didn't think He was going to either help or change my situation. Further more if You want to change it You'll have to do it with out me, I'm not interested. I've even raised my voice and....believe it or not shaken my fist at Him. Guess what, He was big enough to take it. He even understood and gave me the sweet gift of His peace that passes all understanding. Your situation may not change (mine didn't/hasn't) But when I empty myself of my anger, bitterness, ungratefulness and so many other uglies I had, there was room for His gifts of peace, understanding, long-suffering, and SOOO many others He wanted to give me. I KNOW Father is very proud of you and busts His buttons, so to speak, when He tells those around His throne, see Kathleen, she is right where I want her. She's trusting me even when the going is "ugly." She's just like Jesus, the cross was ugly, yet He went through with it. Yes, girl, Father is PROUD of His child.

    I love you, Jesus/Father love you MORE!!!!!
    Marion

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    1. Yes, exactly! I love that we can be honest with Him! And, there have been more times than I can count that I shook my fist at him...haha!
      Love you!

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  2. Marion ! Good word !!!! Giiiirllll !!!! I want to tell you something I was reading a journal I wrote a few years ago and I was writing about you , and all you have walked through ( I'm sure I don't know the 1/2 of it ) but the biggest part was you are still walking ! Still encouraging ! & Still believing what God says is true ! I think back to the before ... before the TBI and you were strong then ~ losing your dad, being a soldier's wife going to AFRICA and being willing to love to be open ! Now you ate strong ! That's no typo lol you ate it up and it busts out of you in so many vulnerable ways !!!! I love you girl ... you don't cease to bloom over and over and I can smell the fragrance of your love and I see the brightness of your bloom even here in WA !!!! I want to say it's not fake it is hard ... snd hard things when we do them are not easy but they are the most real ... I always think of the Velveteen Rabbit .... keep loving like you do and being so transparent you can't help but be the real deal ~ Jesus with skin on !!! It's a beautiful thing to see 🤗 Love Nora's picture it says a lot about who she sees and how she sees you both ! Busy is a 4 letter word lol be busy at play those days are soon gone too fast!!!! Even now Hilary at 25 remembers us playing and talks about it ... a momma' s best moments are the ones that make her children smile inside as well as out ! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ You keep on keeping on !!! Love you much ! Reenie

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    1. I LOVE this! I also love love love that you journal! I need to get better at it!! And I love that Hilly remembers and still talks about you guys playing! :)

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  3. Kathleen,
    All I can say is this is normal life.
    Marriage and children.
    They keep life interesting.
    I think it's normal to struggle with your spouse at times.
    I think it's normal to struggle as a Mom.
    But what is VERY CLEAR in what you are saying, is you LOVE this family of yours.
    YOU are the best wife for your husband, the best Mommie for your children.
    A bad attitude forced on us by our husband or children, can make any of us have doubts, and blame ourselves.
    I know with TBI all emotions are magnified.
    As always, Kathleen, I admire you!
    You are honest and open.
    I LOVE who YOU are!!!
    ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
    All my love,
    Lorri C.

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  4. Well done Kathleen. They are beautiful children. Proverbs 31 Woman

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