perfect.

Can I be really honest with you? I haven't wanted to update about our weekend because Friday we listened and watched and soaked our minds with the sadness of the shooting and the very next day was the beginning of a very perfect weekend. In fact, that's the only word that comes to my mind. 

Perfect.

I don't really know how to continue other than to dive right in and bring a little cheer by sharing with you our blessings.

On Friday afternoon I sat with Cale and we typed on his iPad a packing list...for a night at the Fisher House! We were given a night pass! That meant that on Saturday I marched myself over to the hospital and after packing Cale's bag we waltzed right out of the hospital! It was extra special because it wasn't just for a few hours like the Saturday before...this time it was until the next day! 

Our first stop was to the McDonald's on the base right by the hospital. We met our friends Jeffery and Julie for lunch before walking to the metro stop and hitching a ride! 

I actually decided that Cale is just too nice to ride on the metro! He is so sweet and let's everyone go first which meant he almost didn't make it! I grabbed the door to hold it from closing while trying to get Cale on. At that point he was confused and slightly panicked. Julie had come over to help with holding the door open and we finally got Cale on before the metro took off without him! It's always an adventure with us! ;o) 

We traveled right into D.C. in hopes to see all we could see with the help of the on and off bus tour. We had gotten a later start than planned so we didn't have a ton of time, but we made it to the Capitol and the Washington Monument. Eventually we'll make it to the White House and at least a few other monuments. It wasn't as much walking since we used the bus from place to place but it was still a lot for Cale. With all the noise, walking, and people everywhere along with it getting chilly outside pretty quickly, Cale did awesome.

We ended at the metro station for dinner before heading back. There's a really nice place where Cale ordered a steak and I ordered shrimp fajitas...yum! 

I couldn't have asked for Saturday and our time together to go any better. It was, like I said, perfect. It felt not like I was constantly taking care of Cale rather I was spending the day with my husband. My man. Of course he needed help with things and it wasn't much different from our normal day as far as tasks, but there was something very different about it. We've had these kinds of days before and each time I consider it a true gift. 

Half mast for CT.

We saw the Capitol building. It was fun having the tree up and decorated...so festive!

We also saw the Washington Monument. It was fun to smile and now claim we've seen it :o)

Do you see my face?! Something caught my eye...!

This is on top of the double bus in the freezing cold!!! We were crazy to sit up there. Our first ride would have been ok but by this time in the day it was way too cold! Cale said we were Mr. & Mrs. Ice. Haha! Still smiling though!

Loved all the Christmas trees! 

My shrimp fajitas! Yahoo! 

This would be us feeling really cool riding the metro in a big city...this would also be us after 9pm and ready for bed! 

This was our favorite picture from the weekend. It captured a moment that was husband and wife. No brain injury, no caregiver, no hospital, no nurses, no pain from it all...just me& him.

By the time we arrived back at the metro station, said good bye to our friends, and walked to the Fisher House, Cale was exhausted! We were only able to see a couple things but it was still a full day for him. We stayed awake for about an hour more before both of us crashed.

As I closed my eyes Saturday night I couldn't help the smile glued to my face. It had been a perfect day and it didn't stop there. I was falling asleep wrapped in the arms of my man. My man! 

It was a beautiful thing to wake up and see his face and to snuggle up even closer. I've missed it way too much! We had both slept in and he didn't wake up until after 10! Once he was awake neither of us hurried to get on with the day. We just cuddled and talked and laughed. 

Finally about 11:30 we climbed out of bed to start the process of getting ready for the day. When we were both dressed and showered, we went downstairs and made a very tasty breakfast at lunch time. 

On Wednesday we had gone to the grocery store with the OT and RT to pick out everything we needed for the french toast breakfast Cale had picked out. 

We pulled up the recipe and turned on Christmas music and made ourselves a perfectly made meal. It was the best time! Even during the time we made breakfast, Cale didn't just do what I asked and wait for more directions, he actually looked for ways to help. It was us working as a team. We both sang along to the music and laughed at silly little things...it was...perfect. 

There's no way for me to describe the moment like it happened. It was honestly one of the best moments with him. 

Before coming here, he wouldn't have been able to help like he did. It was always us asking him very specific things to do and normally he lost interest and concentration quickly. So, helping to make the whole breakfast was in itself a huge deal. What made it even better was that he ate the french toast! This does not normally happen! He ate it! 

He sometimes will eat french toast at a restaurant but not typically. And as far as at home, we've tried things like this and he just won't eat it. It was so special to enjoy the whole process of the breakfast together. Everything about it was so lovely. 

The rest of the day we hung out in my room. Even that normally would have been miserable for him and I would have needed to entertain him but instead he was so happy and we had such a great time just hanging out. Just being us.

Even when we went back to the hospital we still were together for dinner and then watched a movie after. By the time I had to leave, I was a mess! I couldn't control my tears. I didn't want to end such a perfect weekend. I knew I was going to see him in the morning but the idea of going back to the Fisher House alone was terrible. It was also almost a way of reality coming back. Our life is not this perfectly sweet colored in the lines life like the weekend had been. Somehow allowing it to end was giving up a dream. Cale just held me while I cried and then said good bye. 

On my way back to the Fisher House I called Mama and blubbered about how wonderful everything had been and how lonely my room is and how it felt like he had just been home for R&R and now it was over and he was gone again. Of course...that was the emotional girl inside of me...

It was just as sweet to show up Monday morning to my man. He was all smiles yesterday and the staff commented on how it must have been a real great weekend for him. 

Today was a little more like normal. But even with the frustrations he has we all see changes taking place. It all adds to the flame of hope...thinking of how many more perfect minutes, days, weekends, months, and years there are to come!

I'll take any of them! 

A few more randoms...

On Thursday Cale went solo on the Caren. So far there has been a staff suited up and right there to help but it was all him this time! He did great! He usually holds on to something to help but slowly we're trying to challenge him and take that option away. 

He also worked with his buddy T to put together a jet fighter thing. Normally Cale will not do these things. He isn't able to read and follow directions and he fatigues quickly but he finished the whole thing! T helped each step but still Cale had to find the right piece and even helped put the stickers on!

I think Thursday was just a full day because Mr. Darling also got a haircut! He's got his military cut going on now! And he loves it which is super cute!

This would be our little 2012 Christmas tree!

Our sweet friend Marion sent us this magical experience in the land of peanut butter and chocolate. Does anything more need to be said?!

We worked on a little art activity this morning while Cale wore his newest addition to his hat collection. We have no idea where this hat came from but when we came back on Sunday there was a wrapped gift in his room that read Darling. He loves it!

Our art activity complete! :o) We walked around the unit like this and Cale actually scared one of the nurses! He came up right behind her and made a crazy noise right as she was turning around and saw him! We also discovered that walking with them and not having a way to see is not the smartest idea...

On Saturday before we checked him out on his pass a small group came to sing carols. Cale sang every song right along with them and on the last one they invited him to join them up front to sing with them and he did! It was so great! I think every one in the room had tears in our eyes...

The Darling's have big plans and ideas for the next year! Our first project will start in January and then we'll have one for each month. We'd love for you to join in as often and with as many as you are able or would like. More info to come soon! 

broken.

We were finishing up lunch and the TV channel that had been on had switched to a show we cared nothing about. We hadn't been watching the previous show but the drama filled show that now filled the screen wasn't welcome to even be heard. 

I reached across the table sitting in the large dayroom where all of our meals are eaten with the other patients and started flipping through the channels. Cale started asking me a question and when I looked back at the TV to see what station I had landed on, it was the news. 

At that time it wasn't clear what was going on. I knew a shooting had happened but had gotten no details. Were they talking about the shooting at the mall? The speakers switched and I was lost on the story. Cale was continuing to point out the jam that was smeared all over his shirt; remnants of his pb&j sandwich. We walked to his room and continued on with our day. We actually had just posted on our Darling Project Facebook page about a new project we have coming up next month...

...and then I read someone's status. 

The tears filled my eyes as I walked back to the dayroom and read the words plastered across the screen. 26 dead at elementary school in Connecticut. 18 kids. 

My heart broke. 

My eyes were frozen on the screen as I walked around the couch taking a seat. Cale had his iPad in hand as he found his place next to me. I was searching for details. Answers. Someone to say it was all a mix up. Did this really happen?

As I watched and listened waiting for any information that could be shared, Cale kept asking me about his game that wasn't working. I could feel my body start to shake and trying my best to help him while still so focused on the news that was pouring from the box on the wall.

After several minutes I managed to get myself off the couch and get to the bathroom. When I came back, the resident was talking with Cale and then we had a few minutes of talking. The TV was still covering the devastating shooting so I had to try extra hard to focus my attention. 

Right after Cale started to get upset at the discussion with the doc and talk about medication changes. I almost could not contain myself. 

Here I was standing in front of my husband as he was first complaining of his game not working and then now complaining about being at a hospital that is helping him get better. All I wanted to do was scream at him. "How can you whine about such simplistic things when those kids...those little kiddos...the families..." I wanted to ask him if he really understood that so many deaths have just taken place. So many lives changed forever.

I know you must think I'm horrible for the thought process, but it took me just seconds to remember that Cale doesn't understand. He doesn't have the capacity to think outside of himself in such a way that a game not working for him or being away from home are not big deals to him. 

He said it was sad, he prayed with me, but outside of those few minutes, his brain moves on while my brain can't stop thinking about it.

Not too many months ago it was a movie theater, then a mall, and now this school. There have been other school shootings in the past and I think we all know this isn't the end of it. 

I do hope that we can all take these tragic times and grow in our understanding of how lost our world is and how they need Jesus. I think about myself and how many people I come in contact with each day, even while Cale is inpatient in a hospital. I am supposed to love them and be Jesus to each and every person. I think about the movie Pay it Forward. Honestly I watched the movie when it first came out and haven't watched it since then. I don't remember any details about the story line except that the theme of it was paying the goodness you've received to someone else. Passing it on. 

Do we do this daily? Do we love others daily? Do we pray for lost hearts daily?

I am praying for the families in todays shootings and for so many of the other families that have been affected my these shootings that happen in the middle of a normal day. 

I'm also lifting up the family of the shooter. I've been typing this and have no updated news if they know anything about him, but I know he has a family. 

Reality is that it's too late to pray for the shooter. He's where he chose to be, but it's not too late to pray for the people around us that are still living and breathing and lost.

We're praying for people to find Jesus through this. 

a date and a doc.

well hello there. :o)

the day after i posted last was a delightful day for the darlings.

i'm in quite the mood at the moment so we'll see how this post turns out...

back to the delightful day. 

after seven and a half weeks here we finally had a couple hours that we were without staff. whew! the whole time we've been here, we've had staff with us at all (aaaall) moments. the mr. & mrs. needed some us time. badly. 

it was a weird feeling walking through the double doors off 7E and not have anyone with us. kind of nerve racking. what if cale decides to bolt? i knew i wouldn't be able to stop him. no siree bob. 

good news is that he didn't try not even once.

also good news is that we had an amazing time. 

we needed it. badly.

life back in inpatient is so different this time. the playing field is completely for a whole other game. my heart is in a different place, cale's awareness is at a different place, our marriage is at a different place. 

just plain ol' different.

and can i just say, praise God?! 

i'm rejoicing in all the differences!

cale had won a gift card to olive garden at the party last week and my mouth was already watering for soup and salad...what's up with their salad? i ask mine to have no dressing because well, i'm a weirdo...and i still crave it! it's drugged. or not.

fresh. fresh is a good word. 

isn't all salad "fresh?" 

hmm...

after a really ginormous lunch we went to target for a few groceries (i basically live on frozen meals here) and a few other exciting things like tooth paste.

we actually picked out mama's christmas gift...cale's idea after i pointed them out. i laughed my head right off my body. almost literally but only because i ran into the medal thing. whoops!

while walking out of the store i mentioned how funny it was and with a grin spread across his face cale said, "it's payback." and we both started laughing. 

not sure what he's paying her back for! haha! i can't wait to share pictures with you!

after our day out we went back to the hospital for dinner. i think it was definitely a good thing he ate a big fatty steak for lunch because the hotdog that came on his tray was ugly. uuuuugly. 

he ended up having a bowl of cereal and afterwards we cuddled up in his little hospital bed and watched us an action movie with lots of manly things.

yep, saturday was a delightful day for the darlings. 

my quick stop sign pose and cale's cool man pose.

way too long to go without a date! at least for these two lovebirds ;o) 

after we paid and tipped and right before we were leaving, cale took a big chomp off the end of this breadstick and decided to leave the waitress a funny thing to return to. the rest of the table had already been cleared off so this guy had a solo. every time i show this picture to cale, he laughs.

this would be the really pathetic gross weird hotdog on his tray. the picture loses some of the odd detail and the ends of it...oh goodness waaaaaay worse. not sure how it passed to go on a tray...but they got it back! haha! no thank you!

-

one of the things with our life now that i'm always amazed with is how things that we think nothing about or even care about are things that are so exciting and huge to cale. he still doesn't have control over his right eye so when he opens it and notices it, he gets excited and wants me to celebrate with him. it's a big deal. when we're driving down the road and the car in front of us is making a turn, the beat the signal light makes is special to cale. he loves it. he drums his legs right along with it and gets excited about it. if the light turns green around the time he says it's going to, he totally lights up. he shouts, "yay!" over things many people never think about.

on sunday we walked down to get him a donut and on our way back he had to use the bathroom. i walked with him to the correct door and found a seat outside the door waiting. as soon as he came out he was saying, "crazy. um. um. the thing in there. crazy." with hand motions and sound effects i knew that he was talking about the hand dryer. he was so excited about it that he found an empty wire thing next to the vending machine to show me what it did. 

he also gets excited every single time we ride the elevator to push the button. he becomes very disappointed if someone does it first. he also likes to time the beeps it makes on each floor and make the beep sound with it. highlight of his days. 

it's beautiful to me to watch this man that i love cheer and enjoy all the little things in life. he doesn't just walk past something and carry on with his day lost in thoughts and lists. he doesn't have too many thoughts past what is happening in that moment. 

he lives in the moment. 

he lives and discovers and finds joy in the most hidden places.

his simplicity is so refreshing and i am so thankful. 

we also went to a christmas party they had for all the patients here on sunday night but there were waaaay too many people and it was waaaaay too loud. the ipad was the only reason we could stay for as long as we did, but that wasn't even very long. he just couldn't do it. he did find a treasure to keep that has been on his head off and on since that night. a hat. a funny hat. he's my sweet crazy hat man. 

you know why he loves wearing crazy hats? it makes people smile. he has always always loved making people smile and laugh. 

i like happy people too cale. :o)

-

i was supposed to have a meeting with the doc yesterday to go over a game plan, but it didn't happen. there were thoughts i had and questions and i knew talking with him was going to help...the waiting can be not so enjoyable though. 

this was my first time getting to actually sit down with his main doc. he was amazing. he answered all of my questions before i even asked and sat with me and cale's ct scans and broke them down so clearly. i knew cale's injury was severe and i've been told he has a significant amount of dead brain tissue, but had never had things so clearly broken down. i had known of the large hemorrhage on his left frontal lobe but wasn't aware that he had over 7 just on his left side, one in the very center area of his brain that is not normally damaged because its so protected and multiple on his right. 

it was all fascinating to look at and discuss. i think that may have to do with me not being able to focus on what was being said in the early days...

the doc talked about how cale is an unusual case and what his needs are. on my last post i wrote about how we'll be going home next week and actually up until the meeting that was the plan and what i was saying but after the meeting we've decided to keep us here until after the first of the year. this will give a chance to work out and set up some things for cale. even though he's having outbursts here, they come far less often than at home. basically all boils down to cale having behavior issues and a lot of structure and retraining will be involved. 

as disappointing as not being home for christmas is, we've done holidays in the hospital before and we know it's not the worst thing to happen.

i'm also willing to stay as long as needed for what my man needs!

cale would disagree. in fact, will you be praying about that? praying for a supernatural understanding and peace to pour over cale. he is not going to be happy about this in the slightest. one of the things the doc talked about which i already knew was how cale lives in the moment and time means nothing to him because he can't process it. a week, a couple days, a month. nothing. he doesn't process anything happening over about a 30 minute span...if even that. 

and he doesn't understand his injury still or why we're here...

which is a recipe for a very difficult time for him and anyone in his path.

but we're all crazy about him anyhow! 

:o)

i'm going to bed with a peaceful heart and a lightness that just feels right.

one last thing...

no joke. and way too often! 

sorry about no caps tonight. i was feeling on the lazy side and that was my way to still feel lazy but still post tonight! ha.

A really big kind of update!

Sorry no posts lately folks! The internet at the Fisher House has been down all week and the internet at the hospital has been so in and out that it's been impossible to post! And...as far as before that...yeah. No reason. No excuse. just a plain ol' sorry!

I know you're forgiving though. More forgiving than my body is after just finishing off an entire bag of Wild Berry super yummy Skittles! 

I now have a purple-blueish tongue. Eh.

Anywhoooo...

Pretty much I have a bazillion and three pictures to share so I think you'll be looking more than reading tonight. Nothing new it seems! 

Ready...

GO!

A couple weeks ago we played three different games and each time it ended up being me needing one point and Cale still won! Crazy game shark man.

I had lunch with this lovely. Everything is Christmasy. Love.

I made this little guy. A needle and wool. Yep. He's pretty stinkin' adorable...if I do say so myself. We set it up in Cale's room and decided to have it be the reminder of why we're working so hard...not to have a baby elephant rather a baby Darling. :o)

Cale painted me a scarf. Complete with brown, black, orange, blue, red, yellow, and pink. It'll match with everything...right?

Our friends Adam and Amy came for a quick visit! I loved getting to see them and visit with Amy. We share so many of the same thoughts and love for our men. Adam is doing so awesome and Amy is just wonderful. Our visit didn't go quite like we had both pictured, but the Lord knew we wanted time to visit and we were blessed with a good amount of it! 

We walked to the NEX the other day with two of the nurses. One of the other patients had wanted a video game and I offered to check walk over and see if the game he wanted was there. Cale had enough points to go so we went for a little walk. On the way back we passed this little play ground. Cale pulled at my arm and said, "Can I play on the toys?" Well of course! I helped him up the stairs and down the slide he went yelling, "Weeeeee!" 

I am so thankful for friendships! I've been able to get to know two other wives here and share our hearts, struggles, fears and memories with each other and Cale has a buddy that works here. What a gift! I selfishly with I could take them all home and keep them! Cale said he would hang out with T a lot if he was back home!

My husband is crazy. End of story. 

On Sunday one of the nurses took him to the Catholic Mass while I was running. Cale let her know he wasn't Catholic but it was a good trip off the unit. When I arrived back at the unit Cale was so excited to give me a pink Rosary he had picked out for me. He said, "Pink for you!" The furry hat was from the NEX. We walked past the shelf and it caught his eye. Of course he had to put it on! The Wing Nut hat was from my date with the girls. We went ice skating and then walked right to Buffalo Wild Wings. He wore it I think four days in a row :o)

I ran my goal Sunday! I pushed myself and felt so good afterwards! 

Cale tested on this little contraption this last week. If you have been following the blog for a couple years, this may look familiar! He worked on this in Palo Alto too! We have his scores to compare so the PT here will be looking at that. 

Click on the link below to see the video. It's really neat! I'm not sure how to upload our videos to this new blogger yet...so the link is all ya get! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vj9z-w3MRLk&feature=youtu.be

After testing, the next day (I think next day?) they strapped him up and he tried out the Caren. Amazing. It's like this massive video game that he gets to be a part of! He's standing on this platform that moves and turns. While playing the boat game, he could feel the waves! This challenges his balance like crazy! Just a short time on it wipes him out! He's done it twice now and hopefully two more times before we leave...yes! We'll be leaving soon! 

 I always love the letters that come to hospitals around Christmas time. They bring a smile to my face every time. My man is a hero indeed! 

Speaking of Heros...one of the guys here created this when asked to make something describing his injury. On the outside there is no way you would know this guys has a brain injury. He is fully functioning, and in all ways looks "normal" but when he cut a part the mask and created this vision of his explosion while deployed and the injury he lives with, I couldn't help but be moved. Speechless. 

We went to a Christmas party yesterday. Do you notice the hat Cale is wearing? That would be Mon-Thurs that he wore it. Yep. Even our picture with Santa! Ha! The picture is a little blurry but only because I took a picture of the polaroid to show you. Cale won two prizes! 

We went to the Wax Museum here today. It was Cale's first outing away from the hospital! He did really well and we had lots of fun! It was crazy how real some of the people looked! 

We had a discussion about this picture and whether it was disrespectful or not. The conclusion was that if it would have been the real G. Bush, after spending 5 seconds with Cale, he would have been totally ok with it. So...we say he would have thought it was funny too. Also, I was told that he would come here often to visit the troops and every one said he was the most friendly guy...so now I know he would have loved it! If I had his address, I think I would mail this picture to him and bring a big smile to his face! I know it was fun for Cale! :o)

Ladies and Gentleman, the new President! 

...and I got to go to work with him! 

Men in Black. Oh yeah.

They were telling us how correct sized these wax people are. Do you see her next to me?! Taylor Swift (this one I don't think looks like her as real as some others) you have some height on me! Yikes! This was with me standing up a little! Don't ask about the face I'm making. Sheesh. 

That would be Cale rocking out with Michael Jackson. Yessssss.

Hockey!!

We all went walking through a little Christmas market after the museum. We at first kind of followed the other guys around and then started on our own looking. So much fun! Don't you find walking trees and extra large walking gingerbread cookies walking around everywhere?

The day was a big success! Yaaahooo!

Things here are going good. Like I said earlier, it sounds like we'll be going home very soon. Cale is of course completely thrilled. I have a meeting with the Doc on Monday to go over everything. Will you be praying for this time? Wisdom, peace, and a clear mind and heart? 

Thank you for standing with us!