Well, today ended up being a very emotional day. This whole experience has been a roller coaster but I think today tops it all! I think the thing I'm struggling with the most, is that I miss Cale so much. I was looking at the pictures that are around his room, and I want so badly to have him back. I can also look at the pictures from the couple days right after the accident and be reminded that he's already so much of a miracle.
Today I went and had coffee with a friend. I was at first not wanting to go. I was having a hard time at the hospital and just felt like being alone and having a little pity party (they have to come at some point!). I ended up saying yes and I think partly it was coming out and I didn't know how to stop it! I'm so glad I did! It was such a blessing. I was able to pour out everything that was bundled up inside and she just listened to my babbles. After, she didn't make what I was feeling small, or not important. Part of what I was saying to her is during the first week, I had been reading in Judges and a few other books that were all stories of different battles. As I was reading I felt like I was a warrior and ready for victory! That's kind of how it's been everyday, I wake up and I'm ready to fight. It's been a long hard fight so far, but it was my turn to be the soldier and help fight for Cale's life. This morning I was reading the very end of 1 Samuel when the Philistines attack Israel and Saul was wounded severely. When I read that, in that moment for Saul I could imagine the defeat he felt. then he asks his armor bearer to kill him so he won't be humiliated. When I heard the prognosis, that's how I felt, defeated. I'm not saying that God lost, but the battle I was fighting, the fight for full recovery, I had lost. Later this evening, I was reading in my Bible some more and reading some of the encouragement from everyone, and I realized, my battle is NOTHING like Saul's! God was not with him. Yes, Saul was defeated, and that is how I felt, but I'm not alone in the fight. Thank you everyone who is standing with me and fighting!
I was also reading in Psalms and in Psalm 46:1 it says God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. On the side, a few years ago, I had written a comment about the verse...it says "Do I understand what it means to claim Christ as my refuge in times of trouble?" WOW! Goodness...at the time I wrote that, I had no idea the "times of trouble" I would have to face, but boy am I learning about really claiming Christ as my refuge!
There were also so many verses from Isaiah that God had given me when Cale was in ICU and the doctors started to tell us what they thought about Cale's condition, and the notes I had written a few times was that the doctors do not have the final say. That was all the way back in February. God has already shown how mighty He is.
Tonight as I fall asleep, I feel my spirit so encouraged. The battle is not over. On Thursday, please join me in a day of prayer and fasting for Cale's recovery. I'm not done fighting!
Oh! I almost forgot!! Cale took his first steps today! It was amazing! He did really well I think. They stood him up and he was really wobbly, after a minute they had him sit down again, they did it twice and his breathing was a little heavy. I didn't want them to stop though! After a couple minutes, PT said let's just try a couple steps and see what he can do. He did it! He had lots of trouble with his right leg, but he also has trouble with his right arm. Hopefully this week, I'll have a walking husband! :)