Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My Refuge

Well, today ended up being a very emotional day. This whole experience has been a roller coaster but I think today tops it all! I think the thing I'm struggling with the most, is that I miss Cale so much. I was looking at the pictures that are around his room, and I want so badly to have him back. I can also look at the pictures from the couple days right after the accident and be reminded that he's already so much of a miracle.

Today I went and had coffee with a friend. I was at first not wanting to go. I was having a hard time at the hospital and just felt like being alone and having a little pity party (they have to come at some point!). I ended up saying yes and I think partly it was coming out and I didn't know how to stop it! I'm so glad I did! It was such a blessing. I was able to pour out everything that was bundled up inside and she just listened to my babbles. After, she didn't make what I was feeling small, or not important. Part of what I was saying to her is during the first week, I had been reading in Judges and a few other books that were all stories of different battles. As I was reading I felt like I was a warrior and ready for victory! That's kind of how it's been everyday, I wake up and I'm ready to fight. It's been a long hard fight so far, but it was my turn to be the soldier and help fight for Cale's life. This morning I was reading the very end of 1 Samuel when the Philistines attack Israel and Saul was wounded severely. When I read that, in that moment for Saul I could imagine the defeat he felt. then he asks his armor bearer to kill him so he won't be humiliated. When I heard the prognosis, that's how I felt, defeated. I'm not saying that God lost, but the battle I was fighting, the fight for full recovery, I had lost. Later this evening, I was reading in my Bible some more and reading some of the encouragement from everyone, and I realized, my battle is NOTHING like Saul's! God was not with him. Yes, Saul was defeated, and that is how I felt, but I'm not alone in the fight. Thank you everyone who is standing with me and fighting!

I was also reading in Psalms and in Psalm 46:1 it says God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. On the side, a few years ago, I had written a comment about the verse...it says "Do I understand what it means to claim Christ as my refuge in times of trouble?" WOW! Goodness...at the time I wrote that, I had no idea the "times of trouble" I would have to face, but boy am I learning about really claiming Christ as my refuge!

There were also so many verses from Isaiah that God had given me when Cale was in ICU and the doctors started to tell us what they thought about Cale's condition, and the notes I had written a few times was that the doctors do not have the final say. That was all the way back in February. God has already shown how mighty He is.

Tonight as I fall asleep, I feel my spirit so encouraged. The battle is not over. On Thursday, please join me in a day of prayer and fasting for Cale's recovery. I'm not done fighting!

Oh! I almost forgot!! Cale took his first steps today! It was amazing! He did really well I think. They stood him up and he was really wobbly, after a minute they had him sit down again, they did it twice and his breathing was a little heavy. I didn't want them to stop though! After a couple minutes, PT said let's just try a couple steps and see what he can do. He did it! He had lots of trouble with his right leg, but he also has trouble with his right arm. Hopefully this week, I'll have a walking husband! :)

12 comments:

  1. Dear Sweet, beautiful Kathleen,

    Be assured, you are a "Good Wife!" You are a living example of TRUE LOVE! You are a daily image of a woman not doing her 'duty' but loving in His Image! You are eagerly fulfilling your Covenant when so many walk away from their's for so much less!

    Your Daily Surrender is inspiring me! So I will add that to the Lord's prayer to have a great "spiritual breakfast' everyday!

    He sees you daily and knows all your pain and disappointments and fears---Rest in His Everlasting Arms.

    "There is nothing too difficult for Him!" That is a phrase from an old song (Maegan will know it) that has gone through my heart since the night of the accident whenever I think of you and Caleb. What that exactly means in your situation, I don't know, but I love the certainty of it!

    I'm sorry Basil got your cookies---Next time he gets the plain Milkbones!

    I will join you in fasting and prayer on Thursday.

    Much love,
    Julie B

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  2. Kathleen, my dear girl, you certainly know where to look when you have need in your heart! My heart has been crying out for you all day. All, that keeps coming to my mind is, "God, you kept him alive through all of this and I just can't believe that you don't have a much bigger plan." So I stand with you and cry out to our God, that he not let us stand in defeat but he bring Cale back to us and restore him for the purposes he was born for. God is bigger than the boogie man (or the Dr's for that matter) and He gets the LAST word. God, please hear our petition and restore this young man to FULL health. You made his body, you knit him together and you see every cell, every membrane, every bruise and damaged part of him. We, with others all around the world, ask you remember him and reknit all those parts back to perfection. Amen! (Shortened and condensed version.) Love you girly, remember to listen to the voice of God, He's holding you!! Julie

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  3. Hi Kathleen
    I am PK's sister Kim and I just wanted you to know I will be praying and fasting with you on Thursday. I follow your "blog" and send my sincerest love to you and Cale.
    Remember you are both fearfully and wonderfully made and He will never leave you or forsake you!!
    Kim

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  4. The Bensons4/20/10, 8:42 PM

    Kathleen,
    My darling Darling girl...what an inspiration you truly are. When the going gets tough you just keep getting tougher.
    As I said the other day the doctors are only human beings and don't know how powerful,caring, and truly loving our God is Kathleen not to mention the miracles he is capable of. I am so amazed by your faith my darling. Thank you for always inspiring me. Oh and by the way YAY for Cale walking!!! I bet 9 weeks ago they didn't think he would be able to do that but he said ha! watch me. And God said ha too.
    Keep up the Good work both of you. We will ALL be standing with you on Thursday and we stand with you everyday.

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  5. Kathleen my dear friend,
    You are an inspiration! You are tougher then nails! But you know there comes a time when you get tired when you feel you have nothing left to give. When you feel like you can't fight anymore. When you want to lay down and die! BUT! That is when your friends and family. The ones that care about you and love you no matter what. Come along and pick you up! Lift you up! Hold up your arms and not only help you fight but fight for you! The Doctors said that cale would not live 9 weeks ago. and he IS! They said he would not walk and he DID! Honny when you are tired I will and a lot of other people will be there to fight for you! I will not accept what the Drs say! They know nothing of how GREAT our God is! If God did not have a bigger plan for Cale and you. He would have taken Cale home 9 weeks ago! But He didn't! God has a plan! I don't know for sure what it is but I know He does!! So when your arms are tired of fighting. I will hold them up for you and keep them fighting! I love you both! Still praying for a miracle! And i can't wait to see it happen! Can't wait to hear what God will do after we all fast and seek Him thursay! satan has NO power here!
    Love you!
    ~Tigger~

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  6. Kathleen,
    I've been keeping up with your blog since I heard of the accident, my son also has a TBI
    injury received one month before Cales. We've
    heard some of the same remarks from Drs they are only human and go by what they learned in school they don't know everything there are many miracle stories out there. He is in Gods hands and Gods time. my son is slowly recovering as will Cale Keep your Faith, Prayer...They have helped up! Don't give up...Adrian

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  7. "The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40: 28-31
    Just remember that our God created the Heavens and the Earth and everything in it. He is Mighty and Great and nothing is impossible with Him.
    I am the girl who called you last night around 8:00. Even when it's hard to talk to people it's good medicine for you. You are amazing Kathleen and you are showing many people including myself what it means to truly have faith in God.
    LeAnne

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  8. Kathleen,

    Today, my Beth Moore Bible study had me in Job 35:9-10:

    9 "Men cry out under a load of oppression;
    they plead for relief from the arm of the powerful.

    10 But no one says, 'Where is God my Maker,
    who gives songs in the night,

    Then Beth wrote:

    "One of the dearest treasures in your darkness will be the God-song He will give you if you'll receive it. To stand in the presence of the Lord when you'd rather go to bed and never get up, and praise Him in the night when taunting voices tell you to curse Him--these things are nothing less than a battle cry of victory."

    Please know of the many prayers lifting you and Caleb to the very throne room of God...and do remember that He always is ready with a God-song for you as He holds you and rocks you close in his lap.

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  9. im so glad to hear that he took a couple steps.thats so awsome.love you lots

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  10. Kathleen,
    You do not know me, I am a friend of Chris Ovanek and started following your blog. You are such an awesome example of what a christian wife is. Please know that I will be fasting with you tomorrow and praying for Cale.
    My life verses are Isaih 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. They always bring me comfort in times of trial. Praying for you.
    Your sister in Christ. Bekki Lindstrom

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  11. Dear Kathleen,
    No one on this earth really knows what Cale's future is. The Dr's are going to give you the worst senario possible just to cover their butts, and to prepare you for some possible losses.
    Sadly, none of us wanted to hear this latest news.
    We all can still pray and ask for Cale's complete recovery; we do not have to give up!
    Cale isn't.
    WOW! He started walking!
    They did not expect him to live after the accident, and now he's WALKING!
    Don't ever doubt yourself or who you are!
    I only worked with you a few short months and I was very impressed with who you are!
    You are not alone in this Kathleen, many people have been praying and following your blog.
    THANK YOU for continuing to keep all of us posted and even more important, sharing your personal feelings with us!
    I am not sure I could.
    You are STRONG, DEVOTED and a LOVING wife to Cale!
    I continue to be very impressed by you, my friend!
    ALL MY LOVE,
    Lorri Cyphers

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  12. Cale is a miracle that many of us were able to witness part of the way. God has a plan for the both of you, that is bigger than anything the doctors say. Cale is fighting & he has the most awesome army fighting alongside of him. God's people are on their knees in prayer and God answers the prayers of the multitudes. I remember when you & Cale went through a bigger wedding ceremony so that those that loved you both could be there. You said that you hoped that the two of you could have the kind of strength that Kathy and I had raising the you both. I believe that you have surpassed the kind of strength it took to raise a child on our own. You are the strongest person I know & your faith in our heavenly Father will bring you through this & so much more. When you are feeling down, stop for a moment & allow yourself to feel God's loving arms around you & then cry your heart out to Him who loves you. I love you both very much.

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