I wish that I could write tonight and say what a good day it's been, but it wasn't a very good day. These days that Cale goes through, when he gets so worked up and agitated are getting harder. Even though I know that they are going to come, and he will get through them, it doesn't make it easier. I hate so much having to watch him go through this and I can't do anything to help. Sometimes I'm able to get really close and talk to him softly, and somewhat get him calm, but today when I tried, he ended up grabbing a fistful of my hair and pulled my head down. I know he's not meaning to do anything mean, but I have to start being more careful now. By the time I left the hospital, the wind had started blowing, the dark clouds covered the sky, and it started to rain...a lot. As I was driving back to the hotel, I was thinking the weather matched how I was feeling, very gloomy.
My plan was to come home, put on a sad movie and cry for a while. Sometimes I just need those nights, but instead, I made myself get out of the slump. I started to think about all the good things that have happened in the past, that are happening now, and that I know I can look forward to. One of the "good" things from today was a phone call I made and was able to get the final hearing for guardianship extended. It's now scheduled for August, so I have some time. Also, I found some more old videos on the computer. There were two from 2006 when Cale was home on leave. We had gone to the zoo, and had so much fun with the animals. The videos didn't show him, but I could hear his voice, him laughing, and his silliness, which I'm really missing! I started to feel lots better, looked outside, and the sun was back out!
During the times that Cale is struggling more, it's easy for me to get discouraged, I always have to remind myself of the verse that God gave me over and over in ICU, Isaiah 41:10 Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.
He is my God, and He's Caleb's God! He's going to be with us when we don't understand what's happening or what we're supposed to do. When Cale has hard days or set backs, He is our God and He's in control. When we're feeling weak, He gives us both the strength we need. He's going to help us every step that we're taking, and He is holding Cale with His victorious right hand!
Adam is out of ICU! Please pray specifically for wisdom for Amy during the next week. She has some difficult decisions to make.