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Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Yet I still dare to HOPE.

Cale started this morning with Psych Therapy. I think I've decided that for psych, Cale does much better with Dr. Howe when I'm not there. I don't like to admit this, but...I do believe it the truth. They went outside for the session so I got to hear all about it when Cale got back. Dr. Howe said Cale did very well. He's still having a really hard time with memory-sometimes what's said, a couple minutes later he doesn't remember. I told her the story about him going back for my purse and she was really impressed! We also talked about some of the speech problems Cale is having.

I mentioned before, one of his struggles is Perseveration(-is the repetition of a particular response, such as a word, phrase, or gesture, despite the absence or cessation of a stimulus, usually caused by brain injury or other organic disorder.[1] If an issue has been fully explored and discussed to a point of resolution, it is not uncommon for something to trigger the re-investigation of the matter. This can happen at any time during a conversation. This is particularly true with those who have had traumatic brain injuries.)
When he's talking, sometimes what he's meaning to say doesn't come out. Sometimes he doesn't notice, but gets frustrated that we're not saying the right thing, even though we're saying exactly what he's saying. Sometimes one persons name will stick and so everyone after that will be that name. Cale gets frustrated a lot with it, but Patty (ST) said it's a good thing because again, it's more awareness of what's happening. I just feel so sad for him! He finally has voice (a good strong one too!), but so many challenges with it. He's doing good and with time-We WILL conquer! :)

In ST Cale ate a slice of strawberry with a little juice on it! He did so well! He chewed and swallowed with out any cues! Woohoo! He only did one bite, but at least he did that one bite good! haha! He had a few spoonfuls of juice that I had bought, and he swallowed that good too. it wasn't thickened either! this whole eating thing is going to be slow going, but that's okay :) I have a couple suggestions that were emailed to me, so we'll see what we can do!

Today was another HUGE day! Goodness! These days just keep coming!! Of course I can't say anything about yesterday ;) In PT, I walked with Cale! He used the walker and I walked with therapist holding him or standing with us! In fact, Pat was videoing the big moment! I would have a video to share, but we have to figure out some HIPPA stuff...a couple patients ended up in the video. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have it! If not, you can just know that in that moment all I could think was that Cale really is a walking miracle. As much as I've hoped and prayed for it, I wasn't sure that I was ever going to be able to walk with my husband-just the two of us again...but we did! Praise God!

We also went to Bingo tonight! Katie and I always joke about what that must say about our life when the big event of the week is Bingo! :) It's a fun time! Cale has come a few times, but only one other time he's been able to stay the whole time. Tonight he did it again! He did so good playing too! He would look for the number and cover them up. He got two Bingo's and both times he yelled out "Bingo!" and raised both arms in the air. It was so fun playing with him!

Along with all the up's this week has brought so far (and there's many!!), my heart has been hurting so much for my husband all day. I hate so much that he has to go through all this. He was a young active strong man that now, even with all the progress is facing so much. There was a moment today that he had a hard time with something that only once before, I've seen him react so defeated and embarrassed. I had to reassure him like I always do that it's ok and he's doing so great and working so hard. I also let him know that I was with him-his wife, and that I'm so grateful that I get to be the one to help him in those moments (not that it's easy...). I could feel the tears threatening to spill over to my cheeks. Ugg. I had another one of those moments of asking the Lord what it would have been like if Cale would have been fine and I would have been the one to take it all. I would have in a second. I know God knows why everything happened the way it did, but it gets so hard watching Cale go through it everyday. I'm always thinking how can I make it easier for him? How can I take any of what he's going through away? Those thoughts lead me back to ICU and how I felt so stuck...not able to comfort Cale the way I so desperately wanted. I love that now I can do so much for him and encourage him to keep going. He needs it a lot more often now! I know he's making progress and one day I'll be able to look back and think it's crazy we went through all of this and see how far he's come, but right now, in the midst of this-I just want to take it away from him.

The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.
Lamentations 3:19-22

Tonight when we prayed together and I asked Cale to say one thing that he's thankful for, he said "angels"


  1. It is so wonderful that God is doing so much for Cale and healing him so . I was reminded while reading todays blog that again God never ever gives us more than we can handle. I am so grateful to God for my husband for taking care of me. And I am sure that Cale is so grateful to you for taking care of him. Would the situation be the same if reversed- of course for both of us. But they aren't. And you are doing a MARVELOUS job. I have never met a more devout woman who does with love and smiles and encourages others all along the way. We love you and thank you for being there for all of us...!!!!!I only hope that I am there for you half of what you are there for me..

  2. Isaiah 43: 2-3 - When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God...
    Just read that on a web site and thought it fit you and how you handle it so perfectly. We love you and hope that you are sleeping and resting.
    Keep hanging in there girl. God IS blessing you for your faithfulness.


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