Tuesday, October 5, 2010
back in his arms.
Life has become a weird kind of normal, if getting back to a hospital gives me that breath of fresh air-back from a long trip-finally home kind of feeling. I guess it's not so much that I'm back at the hospital...it's more like, I'm finally back in his arms. It was so hard to be away from him! There is nothing like painfully missing two men...I was missing Cale preaccident and thinking about all the places that he was at with me that were the same as this weekend AND missing my sweet Cale now. I realize it's the same guy, but so much is different. I was missing both men so much. I don't even know how to describe the emotion that was racing in my heart the whole trip...not fun.
After getting ready this morning, I wanted to rush right to the hospital, but I knew that if I didn't take the time to read my Bible before going over, it wasn't going to happen all day. I was expecting this to be a busy, long, and draining week, so the last thing I needed to do was bail on time with the Lord. I first ended up reading the wrong chapter, but it ended up being just what I needed.
We can gather our thoughts, but the Lord gives the right answer. Proverbs 16:1
Cale always would tell me that I think too much. I just can't help it though! All weekend, I was thinking-thinking-and even more thinking! I'm guilty time after time, of spending so much time thinking about the future and trying to plan. Why? I already know that God has a plan. I know I need to trust Him. I also know that about 99% of the time things end up being completely different from what I had planned! One thing that I need to remind myself (and will need to do this often!) is that it's okay for me to think about stuff, God designed me that way, but I also need to turn my thinking into a partnership with the Lord. As I'm planning, I NEED to let God in on all of the thoughts that are going round and round. If I can get myself to be sensitive to His voice, this whole thing would be so much easier!
We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. Proverbs 16:9
You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail. Proverbs 19:21
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
It was incredible getting to walk in Cale's room this morning and see the look on his face! It was the best! He yelled out "I missed you so so so so so much!" I ran to give him a hug and as he was holding me he said, "sorry if I'm hurting you!" Awe! How sweet :) Saturday morning before I left, I had spent about 20 minutes in Cale's room while he was sleeping. After praying over him, I wrote him a note for him to read when he woke up. When I got back today, he had left a little note for me too :)
When I asked him how many days I was gone he said, "too many!"
Just in the 3 days I was gone, I can see such a huge change in Cale! He is talking so much more and coming up with more and more things to say! I love when he talks on his own and it's not just a yes or no, or a reply to something. The sweetest things have been coming out-and also the funniest!
Today was our first couples therapy. I was proud of Cale for how much he was talking and how involved he was. We were talking about babies and if now is a good time. Cale said no because he was worried for me that it would be too much (this was kind of a yes or no answer). Dr. Howe (psych) then asked when a good time would be. Cale said, "when I leave here." she said, "So, maybe 6 months?" Cale said, "That's too long!" haha!
Cale worked so hard in therapy today. In OT he typed on the computer. I've tried it several times since the accident, and he never seems to get it, but this time, he was typing words and doing so great! In PT, he did some leg strengthening stuff which tuckered him out, and in ST, he did about the same that he has been doing. I get to hear all of the things Cale is saying, but Patty doesn't get to hear it. After a few things I shared with her today, she decided it's time to try the formal testing. She was going to do this not long after we had gotten here, but decided since he was changing so much, it would be better to wait. Well, tomorrow is the day! Please be praying!
Today was the family meeting. I went in ready for battle. I had prayed this morning after reading all the scripture the Lord gave, that He would go before me. Well, he sure did! The meeting was a blessing! Yes! It was actually a VERY good meeting. One of the things discussed was the removal of Cale's PEG tube! He has been eating so great! His last feeding through his tube was Friday night. He's been eating 70-100 percent of all of his meals, veggies too! :) Dr. Sigford (Resident) said that if he can swallow his meds in pill form, that the tube may be coming out within this next week!!!!!!! This is HUGE! I had to point out that at the last family meeting, it was mentioned that it was going to be a long time before Cale was able to eat enough calories to not have to continue his tube feedings. Just two weeks later, we're talking about removing the tube! Thank you Jesus!! Plans are in motion still for looking at the next facility. Even though it's not time yet, we still need to have plans in place. I'm so proud of Cale. I'm so thankful for everything the Lord is doing in our lives!
I'm asking for prayer specifically for memory. His long term memory has been (so far) greatly affected as well as his short term. With a little more testing, Dr, Howe said his short term is still under 5 minutes. Not only prayer for God to restore his memory, but also that my heart would have the strength to not get knocked down from the frustrations of the memory loss. It's hard. I started this morning helping Cale to memorize Philippians 4:13 "For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." I know he had it memorized before the accident, but retrieving the correct storage cabinet is a bit...confusing, so we're trying it again! :)
Lots happened today, but I think my favorite was all the cuddle time with Cale! It was wonderful! At one point when it was just quiet and we were cuddled, Cale said "Yay!" "What was the yay for?" I asked, curious because it had been silent... "Me laying next to you." Again, some of the sweetest things are coming out of him! He was always really good about saying sweet stuff before the accident too. I think I'm a very blessed woman! :)
Posted by Kathleen at 9:52 PM