BBQ last night and party today! All of Cale's family came together and gave him a very special welcome home party. It was great for him (and me!) to get to see everyone and hopefully spark some memories and connections in that brain of his!
Here are a few snap shots from the day... :)
God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him. We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom (sometimes the way this journey feels), courageous in seastorm and earthquake (the ups and downs and twist and turns everyday), Before the rush and roar of oceans, the tremors that shift mountains. Jacob-wrestling God fights for us (he fights for Caleb and Kathleen!), God-of-Angel-Armies protects us (He protects us from collapsing!). -Psalm 46:1-2(The Message)
I need prayer. After the picture above, I'm sure you can only imagine...but, it's for real. We've been home a week now, and it's been great-amazing-an incredible blessing! Things are still hard though. The journey that we're on is still going. Cale is still facing a lot of obstacles, and I'm still trying to be the best wife I possibly can for him-but, it gets hard. Along with things being so good, they've also been challenging. Tonight we had another one of those moments.
I knew that coming home wasn't going to make it all better, but I had hoped that it kind of would...you know? I was thinking that with Cale out of the hospital and home, that he would be so completely over joyed to be home, that things would become a little bit more easier going then before. Well, that might have been the case if Cale thought of this as home! I think I've written before (I might have just talked with people about it), Cale is still asking for his home home. Not only is he asking for home he had before, but when he's asking, he says that this is my home and he wants to go to his home. He pictures us as living in two different homes...
This could be from many things and be a thought process of several things, but knowing all the reasons doesn't help the pain that my heart hears every time he says it. When I question him of who we are, he does say we're married, but I think he still thinks of the time that he lived with his mom when we were first dating. I want so badly for this to be his home home with me, and yet, we almost daily now have the talk about him asking to go to his home, his other home.
This evening I didn't even know how to respond. For him it's the first conversation about this, but for me, I've repeated and gone over it a dozen and two times already! He's sad and I try so hard not to lose sight of how he feels and where he's coming from.
I thought to myself, will I make this Lord? Will I be able to continue on this rocky road with so much stamina and passion? Will he ever understand our life again? Will he ever fully be my man again?
I love the verse above because as I face this cliff of doom, I can look at it fearless. I was so encouraged by the wording of this version! I felt as though I was being pumped up as I read it, like a boxer before going into the ring to fight. Tonight is tonight and every time I get discouraged, hear words that are hard to digest, face mountains that seem impossible, or feel as though my tank is on empty, I can remember to face it fearlessly and know that we are being fought for and protected! They just seemed like the perfect words I needed to hear!
Please continue to pray for us and the daily life of being home. Again, it's such a blessing and a bazillion times better than the hospital, but, it's still a long road for the Darling's.