Have you ever felt so angry you just wanted to yell at someone and that would make you feel better? It never does. Well, at least not for me. I’m not much of a yeller and one of the reasons could quite possibly be I hate being yelled at. When I’ve gotten in trouble or yelled at in the past, or even with Cale in our marriage, he has never yelled at me, but when I did make him upset about something…oh man. It crushes me. I always feel ridiculously terrible and can’t stand it until everything has worked out and is all better.
This morning, that feeling of wanting to yell at someone (several people) came over me. The Army and the VA have been such a blessing through Cale’s recovery. There were times that I almost wished we didn’t have to deal with them because there were other options that I would have liked for Cale, but in the end I’m so very grateful. There have been a few other times that an issue has come up that has made me so hurt and frustrated with the Army/VA and every time, I do know eventually it gets worked out-it just may not have been the way I would have preferred.
People take their anger out in different ways, and the way that constantly leaves me feeling completely satisfied is when I go right to the Lord. It’s a true story-it’s unbelievable the way thought processes are changed, mood, emotions, motives, heart battles, and the way a situation appears when you’re on your knees before the throne.
Jeremiah 29:11 is a verse that is quoted a lot. In fact, since I was a little girl it’s been one of my favorites, but what are so often left out are the next several verses. When I opened my Bible up to dig in, it opened right to these verses highlighted…
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
Right after such a hopeful promise, the Lord so graciously reiterates to us that when we call on His name-He DOES hear us. When we seek with all of our hearts and not just when we feel like it or on Sunday mornings because we’re sitting at church-we WILL find Him.
In a moment of being so frustrated and feeling like I just want to yell (to be heard) at the system that we are NOT just numbers; I am a real person and so is my injured husband, but also feeling like not a single ear is tuned in (because there is no change), God swoops His Almighty arm around me, pulls me into His loving embrace, and so gently whispers into the deepest areas of my frazzled heart, “My child I hear you and because you are seeking me with all of your frazzled heart, You find me in the midst of these real emotions that I have given you to experience.“
It’s truly amazing…just coming to the throne.
After having a very tender time with the Lord, it continued with reading more scripture that was again, exactly where my heart was at…
Hear me as I pray, O Lord. Be merciful and answer me! My heart has heard you say, “ Come and talk with me.” And my heart responds, “Lord I am coming.”-Psalm 27:7-8
For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. -2 Corinthians 4:6-7
See, God has come to save me. I will trust in him and not be afraid .The Lord God is my strength and my song; He has given me victory.” –Isaiah 12:2
When I was finished and ready to move on with the day, Theresa who was my AW2 sent me a text to call her if I needed. I dialed instantly and was able to talk to her about what was going on and send her the paperwork for her to look over. She took control of the situation and made some phone calls for me…everything was being taken care of. She’s pretty spectacular if you ask me. In case I haven’t written about it yet, she’s moving and I’m going to miss having her around!
Did anyone else just see how my morning had gone? Awesome.
Cale slept in late this morning. I knew there were a million things for me to be doing, but I’m having issues with the shower and trying to fix it on my own, which so far has been unsuccessful. I looked at all the stuff and decided to hold off for a bit after my thinking cap warmed up. I ended up being able to get a few other things done and hopefully worked out all the issues that I had this morning with the military stuff. I have some pretty awesome people that ARE a part of that team that do see Cale and I as people rather than just numbers to get through the system.
We spent some time this afternoon playing games. The other day we made up a dice game that is a lot like Yahtzee (Cale’s new favorite game), but it’s our version. Did you know that Yahtzee was started with a couple that made it up on their yaht and had friends that would come over and they’d all play it? Well, we made our game up at the table and named it Tabley. :) We also sat outside for a while and while we were out, we talked about Cale’s birthday party. We’re going to be out of town on his birthday, but we’ll be celebrating the weekend before. I asked him tons of questions and gave him lots of ideas and he helped pick everything he wanted! He was very specific on a few things too. I love that. I love that he has a voice and enough awareness to make his decisions-especially for something like his birthday party!
Later this afternoon he had speech. I worked on a project in the spare room, but could over hear some of the session. He’s doing really great lately. Doreen is really starting to push him more and working with his frustration. After the session, Cale went to the room and I was able to talk with her about his progress and ideas. It’s so exciting all that’s been happening!
During part of what I overheard, Doreen asked Cale to name three things found at a circus. His three were: a teacher, students, and school work. Oh man! Haha! She had just asked him a couple questions before that asking, what three things could be found in a classroom and he had listed; teacher, students, and desks. He was stuck on that, but I couldn’t help but laugh!
Now that it’s the end of the day, my worries of the morning have disappeared and seem a bit silly…isn’t it funny how it works that way? Now that help has been given and details situated, it’s just not as big of a deal. Thank you for those of you that were praying for me this morning!!