Playing, Praying & Not Pretending Peppy.

Hey friends,

I'm worn out. 

I'm not even going to try to pretend to be peppy. 

Ha.

If you were sitting in my living room chatting with me right now, I'd probably stack up a couple pillows on my couch, grab a quilt from the chair next to the fireplace and lay down while we chatted. Hopefully, you would be fine with me getting cozy!

I have something on my heart to share but I just don't have the energy to type it out and gather my thoughts tonight so...next week I'll share with you. I think that will actually be great for me to chew on the verses a little more.

For now, I'll quickly share through pictures this last week :)

I think he wondering why sissy is in the swing and not him...

She could be in this swing for hours and hours and giggle as enthusastically the entire time! 

He's a cute little running partner!

Bubba, Auntie and Cici (My brother, his wife and my niece) came to visit and both of my kiddos loooooove it. 

This is the only picture I snapped on Labor Day. We had some friends over and after all the playing, I found Nora snoozing in the playroom. She played so hard she crashed. Friends are such a gift.

I went to the park with these two the other day and we all had so much fun. I love how everything is so new and exciting. Nora loves bugs. Have I told you that yet? She always finds them and wants them to be her friends. She found two caterpillars this time and begged me to take them home with us. I told her we couldn't and they needed to stay at the park. I realized later that she could have just taken them but because she was throwing a huge fit and I had already said no, it wasn't going to happen. Once she was all buckled in her carseat, through tears she asked, "Mommy, can I just go give him one more hug?" 

Mommy & Daddy went on a date to CFA with gift cards that we had won on another one of our dates. Made it extra fun!

Easton loves food. Nora loved food at this age too and then decided to hate it all one day...so I'm praying this little guy just keeps lovin' him some food. 

Nora started soccer this am! She LOVED it! I wasn't quite sure how she was going to do but I really do think she has more skill at it than her mommy! When we were walking to the car she said she didn't want to go home she wanted to keep playing soccer. And then later this evening I asked if she wanted to go to The Hill (our church has a Saturday night service) and she said, "No thanks. I just want to play soccer."

I'm excited. It was fun to watch her at her dance recital, but I knew she didn't love it. Watching her be so happy and actually wanting to play this morning made such a difference! Her daddy was pretty proud of her too! 

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One last thing,

we are praying for everyone involved in Harvey and Irma...and the other two coming! As I've read and watched updates, my heart is so heavy for everyone involved. It's so interesting how once you have a baby, your perspective on everything changes. I was talking to my SIL when they came last week about who when you think of all the details about how damaging Harvey was, its heartbreaking! The homes that people go back to...the lives lost. The tangible things in life that are part of their everyday life-gone. 

And then Irma swoops in to steal the show. 

We have been watching her path. At one point it seemed like she was going to introduce herself to us in a very up close and personal way but at this point, she seems to have changed her mind. Such a woman.

But I'm thankful. 

As I've been thanking God for her path changing, I'm also praying for the path that she is on...for every single person affected. 

There's also a lot of fires back in WA/OR and I've looked at pictures of the beauty that home is, in flames. 

Heavy hearts. Heavy conversations. Heavy prayers. 

What is our busy?

Last Friday Easton and I sat in a plane and flew to NYC. Our church here has partnered with a church plant in Brooklyn. Eight of us went up to help them with a block party. My favorite thing was constantly being reminded of the way kids have zero filter and aren't afraid to cross cultural boundaries. I love meeting and talking with people...as you may have guessed ;) and with several bus and subway rides, that was easy to do! 

Easton was in the carrier unfortunately most of the weekend (poor guy!) and just about every ride, he found a friend. I definitely helped encourage the conversation and doors were always opened. I was able to share why we were there and even invite a couple ladies to the block party but my focus was just getting to love on whoever we were around. Isn't that always the goal? Sometimes people just want to be heard. They want to speak to someone who is giving them their full attention rather than half listening. And maybe not everyone, but I would say most people love when a sweet baby flashes his cheesy little dimple smile at them. 

When baby boy falls asleep and the moment comes with you holding a magazine and you actually get to read it...thank you flight time. 

(just missing Mr. Frank!) 

We flew up Friday and back home on Sunday. Friday we had some time to walk around the city. We enjoyed dessert from Carlo's bakery. Yum. Also, the other two couples bought more than one dessert and then shared what they chose. I couldn't really share with Easton...and only trying one sounded like an awful plan. Don't you worry, I ordered myself two different desserts to try and I enjoyed both of them. Ha. 

On Saturday I was mainly at the kids activities area. There was one little girl that I found myself trying to connect with. Her and her brother actually. They were so sweet and their mom had left so they were just hanging out around the table I was at waiting for her to get back. I pulled out the chalk and asked if she wanted to color with me. We started drawing and ended up making this huge picture together. I was kind of just doing whatever she was telling me to. She had this vision and went for it. We colored for a long time and every now and then, she'd look up at me and smile and then started coloring again. I don't know, it wasn't something huge or amazing but I loved it. I loved watching her. 

My most favorite moment of the whole weekend was on Sunday. We went to church and there was a need for nursery workers so they asked if I would serve in the babies class. After the service was over, most everyone stayed and just kept worshipping. I went in and sat there soaking it up. It was beautiful. The service started at 11 and after 1 is when people were finishing up and leaving. Can I just be bold enough to say that most of the time churches are filled with people unwilling to keep worshipping and just ready to leave and get lunch? 

I loved loved loved watching this group of people who were willing to set their grumbling bellies aside, throw up their arms and worship. 

During this time, I noticed the pastor's 14 year old son walk up to his mom, lean into her and talk. The music was still pretty loud for the small space we were in so she leaned pretty close to listen and respond. I couldn't hear them but I watched as he all of a sudden wrapped his arms around his mom and clung to her and she wrapped her arms around him and she began to pray. His back was to me but I could see her face. I could tell she was praying with passion. Tears started streaming down her face and as I sat there watching this precious moment, I began to pray telling God that I want to be that mom. As my two littles grow, I want them to know that they can come to me and I will battle in prayer for them. I want to be the wife, the mother, the sister, the aunt, the cousin and the friend who will weep and pray for the people in my life. It was powerful and a moment that I will never forget. 

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Speaking of prayer...

This week has been difficult for Cale and I. There has been something that has come with Cale's brain injury that our family has battled with for 3 years now. There was a point on Monday that I was so frustrated. I was angry. I got on the treadmill and ran a very fast 3 miles as I cried and cried and cried. 

I'm going to be honest here, this is one of the reasons I don't want to post on here. Obviously everyone's life isn't perfect. I know that. but this area in our lives that seems to never go away is hard and ugly and in the midst of anger, I yelled out to Mama, "I feel like a fake! I feel like this is all a joke." Now, I don't really feel that way. I just also know that I can't just openly share everything and I don't want to post as if everything is perfect when it's not. Also, I never post with the intention of everything looking perfect...but again, I was angry and hurting. 

Anyways...thankfully there are beautiful wonderful people in my life to speak truth into my life and who are willing to take time to think through some of the hard stuff with. I spent time with a friend Tuesday morning and then met with another couple right after and by the end of the the day I felt completely different. 

First, I had to take time Monday before meeting with anyone to get on my knees and pray over my life. My marriage. My family. 

Prayer is no small thing. 

It's been encouraging this week to see light. To see that no, maybe everything isn't solved and maybe it never will be, but God is faithful. His promises are true and I can claim them-rest in them. 

Wednesday morning at breakfast, Nora asked if she could take a picture of Mommy and Daddy kissing. 

The picture is mostly of the table and maybe not the best but I love it. I love the sweetness that I know that moment was. The giggles that took place. The conversation between the three of us before the picture happened. I love that even though there are some really hard hard things we as humans walk through, God is rich with mercy and grace. 

He is enough.

His healing-

is enough.

His joy-

is enough.

His peace-

is enough.

His presence-

is enough.

His forgiveness-

is enough.

There is nothing, nothing that can compare and I am so very thankful for that. 

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Busy.

"I'm so busy." 

"Today has been so busy."

"We're always so busy."

"This week has been so busy."

It's everywhere. I hear it all the time and I know I even say it.

As a mommy, I think sometimes there's this idea that life needs to be busy or that we have do be doing all of the things all of the time. 

In this season of life, my "busy" is playing with the kiddos. Days and weeks are full and although we are involved in several things, it's ok to just play. It's ok to jump into the world of little ones and let that be something that fills part of your day.

It's ok during the quiet afternoon time when baby is napping and the other is resting, to read a book. 

That hasn't actually happened yet but I'm trying to work hard on what our "busy" looks like. I have never been good at this and I am one who will go from visiting with one person to the next and from one activity to the next. Mama likes to point out that I need to be around people and she doesn't as much. It's true. I also want to be really great at being around my people and that being ok. 

Does this make sense? Do any of you ever have these thoughts? I don't even know if I'm getting it out clear. I just know that my days lately feel so busy and when I look back at the day, it was busy with playing with Easton & Nora and I love it. I love getting to play with them...and I know a lot of you may need to be reminded to pause and play too...

15 randoms.

I have just a few random thoughts for you...and a few pictures (as always!) to share...

1. To start it off because it happened this morning, Nora started preschool. I feel like we were just celebrating her last day of her 2's class in May. Yikes. Time. Time. Time. It passes by way too quickly. Excited for her and this new year! E and I met Mimi at the coffee shop for a date while we waited to pick up sissy!

2. Ok, I know it's not wise to get a puppy when you have a baby-especially a baby who thinks sleeping at night is a joke but I'm in a war every day because I feel like the time I spend wiping down Nora and Easton, the table, the chairs and the floor-yikes. Having a dog would give me the gift of time. Right?! 

3. You know the stories on Instagram and Facebook? Yeah, I don't get them. I don't get the point. Some of them are just pictures. So why not just post a picture? And then the videos...why not post a video? I just don't get it. Cale agrees. We've had deep and lengthy conversations about how we aren't cool enough to understand them. 

4. I love going on walks with this guy and our kiddos. 

5. Mama is home! We picked her up from the airport late this afternoon. We are thankful, oh so very thankful to have her hooooome! 

6. June 3rd I was running in a half marathon and fell. I was running down a rocky hill and my foot hit a rock in just the right way. My knee popped and down I went. It was awful. My knee swelled up quickly and although I kept trying to start running again, I couldn't. I was about 5.5 miles in and at that point it had been going so well. I was on track to PR which wasn't even planned. Anyways, I realize it's just a race and there are a lot of other things in the world that matter a whole lot more but I felt defeated. I had trained and trained and it was gone. Well, after a summer break and some healing, I've registered for another half in November! 

7. I also don't understand math. I just don't. 

8. These snuggles with this boy. I don't ever ever want them to stop. He gives the best snuggles.

9. I don't get our culture right now. I could go on and on but I won't.

10. We also were slightly confused with the eclipse. I honestly didn't know that much about what was going on. I mean, I did and didn't. The kids were napping so Cale and I had our weekly date to watch it. I brought out a picnic blanket and a  nice plate of food. We put on our cool glasses and watched. I think we both kind of expected something dramatic. I know some of you witnessed a really amazing thing happen-and it was pretty cool. But I am so thankful no one was filming us while we were trying to figure out if we had seen all that was to be seen or not. Ha. 

11. I am all for eating healthy but I'm just not sure we can be friends if you will only eat healthy and never ever have a treat with me. 

12. Nora starts soccer soon. She did dance last year and well, I definitely think mommy loved it more than Nora loved it. We may try again later but we're giving soccer a try. She is SO excited about it! We'll see how it actually goes when it starts but watching these guys play soccer last night, was so fascinating to her. 

13. Four. Four is good. And sweet. And exhausting. And wonderful. 

Four has grown me and strengthened me. Four has rounded my edges. Four has pointed me to Jesus. I love our little family of four. 

14. What is up with turning 30 and waking up with different pains and sore places? Could just be having second baby? Who knows. Either way, I feel my body getting older. Just a tiny bit...haha. 

15. Did you know some people do not believe in using soap? I heard a guy in an interview last week talking about how he never-NEVER uses soap. Not in the shower. Not after using the bathroom. Not on his dishes. Never. My brain can't get over this. 

What do you think? 

Do you like math?

Do you use soap?!?!?!

...all the children of the world.

Hey guys! 

Before I say anything else, I want to say thank you SO much for all of your sweet words the last couple of weeks. Many of you have reached out to let me know you're so excited that I'm posting again...and I'm thankful for each word! You've also let me know that you've been reading with coffee (or tea!) in hand :)

This week we've had some fun with friends visiting! My friend Hannah came down with her two boys. We had two full days together and I loved every single minute. 

Hannah and I use the app voxer and talk quite a bit with each other about all of our random life doings but for a little while now we've been planning for her to come visit, we just weren't sure exactly when it was going to happen. There were several topics that we both kept saying we'd wait to talk about it until we could sit together in person and visit-while all of the kiddos slept. Those moments are so wonderful. Like really super wonderful.

We went for a walk around one of the lakes here. Nora went over to this tree and asked me to take her picture with it. She said something about it being her friend... :)

This picture captures the walk well. We stopped for one of the kids every couple of minutes. Enjoyed it but whew. Haha. 

The last time Lincoln and Nora played, Nora was 9 months and Lincoln was about a year and a half when I flew with her to NY. They grow up SO quickly! 

Do you see the way Easton is looking at her?? Heart melter! 

These two were buddies :)

For Christmas this last year, instead of getting Nora a bunch of toys that I knew would just eventually be given away or sit unplayed with, we purchased membership to the Museum of Life and Science. It's this huge place with so much to do. It's something that I knew we could do often and as a family. She loves going and so do the rest of us :) We were able to take Hannah and the boys and had a blast! There's an area with mist and the kids just ran and ran and ended up soaked. I sat of a bench in that area to feed Easton and it was incredibly hot that day but there was a slight breeze that covered me with just enough mist to feel comfortable while watching all the kids run wild. :)

Before they left us, there was a pretty great dress up photo shoot. Haha. 

("Mommy! It looks like a real dinosaur egg! Can we keep it to show Grammy?")

I don't know if you guys remember me talking about Susan and Gordon. They are the couple who adopted us while Cale was inpatient at the hospital here in Cary. It was the second hospital he was in and the first time I was alone. I just don't even know how to put into words how special it is that all these years later, Nora now calls them Mimi and Papa and adores both of them. Can you even believe it? They met us when Cale was in a coma. Our relationship started when I was told some of the hardest news, yet now we get to bake Mimi a cake for her birthday. Just so so so sweet. 

When we were at the store I told Nora we needed to pick something out for Mimi. She very quickly let me know that she could do it all by herself. She picked out this brown dinosaur. I told her it was pretty cool but did she think Mimi was going to like it? She said, "Yeah, Mimi loves dinosaurs!!" She planned to paint it and picked out the stuff to decorate it including pink glittery glue. When it was all done she said "Mimi is going to love this!"

This is Owen, Mike and Rachel's sweet boy. Isn't he the cuuuuuutest?! I hate living so far from him. Ugh. Hurts my heart to think about it...

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Time to end but I don't want to ignore all that is taking place in our country. It is hard stuff. Heartbreaking stuff. I don't understand. I struggle with even knowing what to say except, as a family, the Darling's do not in any way support the hate that is taking place. 

That may not be super deep and lengthy but I just don't know how to put words to it. 

I am praying that as I raise these two humans, that they would grow up learning to love God passionately and with their whole hearts and they would love people the same. I pray that they would see people as God sees them not as the world sees them, putting labels on people as if they can be purchased in a grocery store. I pray that no matter the color, race, disability, size or sex-my kids would love. I pray that their daddy & mommy would be their biggest examples. 

One of the first songs that I remember learning was:

Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world

red and yellow, black and white 

they are precious in his sight

Jesus loves the little children of the world.