Monday, October 31, 2011

A Lady Bug, a Bee, & a Whoopie Cusion.

There was...
Candy, LOTS of candy.
Second batch of apple sauce and canning.
Kiddos coming to the door.
Smiles from Cale.
Candy...did I say this one yet?! So much candy in my tummy!
Crazy 8's.
Visiting neighbors.
Giving and getting candy (tons of candy!).
Seeing costumes.
Seeing Mama dressed up (this came from Cale! Hehe!).
...and a tickle war.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

He's My Healer

In church today we sang Healer by Kari Jobe. Oh man. I thought even with the hard morning that it was, that I had it together enough to get through service. Not quite the case. Tears have been coming a lot more frequent the last couple weeks as we’ve entered into this new stage and it seems to take a lot more perseverance to keep my eyes on Jesus then on myself.

The tears came and fell and wouldn’t stop! I had Mama’s shoulder to cry on and is there any shoulder better than a mothers?

I’ve posted the song before and have talked about the couple times that it has been sung over Cale. When the music started, I was already on my way to another world. I began to sing, “You hold my every moment…you calm my raging sea…” God is God and He knew before I walked into church this morning that in the deepest parts of my being, there was a raging sea…

Tears. Lots of tears. As they found their way down my cheeks and matted my hair to my face, all I could do was listen to the words and let them take hold of my brokenness. I trust Him. I may not understand or like it, but I trust Him. He’s my healer. He’s not just Cale’s physical healer (which every time that I’ve sung that song, that’s what I’ve claimed those words for), He’s also the healer of my heart. And even with the hurt, pain, frustration, confusion, anger, and doubt, He IS my portion. He IS enough for me.

It’s so easy to get lost and wrapped up in the moments, the everyday moments that don’t go the way we plan and forget about the One who is writing our story. Nothing is impossible for Him. It’s so easy to quickly read and say, but not so easy to believe. Do I believe? I always immediately think of Cale’s full recovery not being impossible for Him, which is correct, it’s not. It’s also not impossible for me to live a joyful life no matter the circumstance and situation because of the power of the Holy Spirit living inside of me!

I just got all jazzed up! Haha!

It was just one of those days…even as I walked out of the church building; tears were still rolling down my cheeks.

Right off the bat this morning Cale made me laugh so hard! I was sitting on the couch when he woke up and came out to the living room. We talked for a minute and then it was time to get showered and ready for church. I sat on the edge of the couch and asked Cale to carry me in a whiny voice. He said no and then I proceeded to really whine and beg. There was even a “Waaaaah!” Cale, not being affected in the slightest, turns around and says, “Anyways…” and then walked away! He left me there! Haha! It was hilarious!

Love is a choice you make moment by moment -BA

Love can make you do things that you never thought possible. –Phil Collins

Friday, October 28, 2011

Starting again...

So…since I haven’t written since we’ve been here, I feel like I have a TON to write. We’ll see how much I can get out…

After such a great and happy day Tuesday, it was a bit of a downer when Wednesday came and Cale was miserable. I had gotten up about 5am and went to the couch because I had woken up and not able to go back to sleep again. I ended up listening to our sermon from Sunday because I was in the nursery and missed out. Afterwards I spent time just worshipping and trying to get my focus in the right place. That ended up being just what I needed to battle the day. Isn't it always?

See, it wasn’t just going to be at home that we were going to deal with anger and frustration…we were going to be in the car for 4 hours. He already gets miserable in the car! The first half of the drive I was going crazy. He was miserable and it was awful and I thought several times about pulling over and finding someone nice around that wanted to play crazy 8’s for a couple days.

Of course I wouldn’t REALLY do that, but if I’m going to be totally honest, it was a thought. When we stopped for lunch we of course filled Cale up with chicken nuggets and that led us right into a really great rest of the drive! No joke. It was awwwwwesome! We talked and laughed and things seemed great.

Once we made it to Ft. Lewis, we had to go to CQ to sign papers and then get set up at the hotel. I liked seeing Cale’s reaction to all the guys in uniform and how he tried to figure out everyone’s rank. We had a little time in our room and still everything was good. Then, in the car on the way to dinner, we started to go downhill. I knew it was because he was tired, but I was hoping that getting some food in him would help…nope.

It at least wasn’t anything terrible or abnormal, but I knew he was hitting his point. On the way back to the hotel, the breaking point came. Cale had a melt down and by the time we were in our room, Kathleen was having her melt down too! At that point Cale had forgotten all about how he was upset, and saw that his wife was upset. He broke the silence of tears by saying, “Hey girl, come here.”

I do realize that it’s OK for me to be upset and have emotions and react, BUT, I also never want to stay there. I’ve written before about how I can get sad or angry, but I need to feel it and then move on and not stay in that pool and drown.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. -Philippians 4:8

I went over to him and let him comfort me even though he had no idea why. I let him be a husband to me, because those times come so little now. If I stay in my ugly place, I might miss out when he’s in his good place. If I stay selfish I lose out on giving him moments of being a man, of being Cale; of being blessed.

So…I put everything that was in my heart in the hands of the Ultimate Comforter and embraced the moment and the rest of the night. When we woke up Thursday morning, we had to get Cale shaved and once again I was nervous. He hates getting shaved now, but it went well and I didn’t cut him!

The day unfolded so many perfect memories. Last time we came to Ft. Lewis and Cale wore his ACU’s, I had to help him get dressed. He didn’t know all the correct ways the uniform was supposed to be worn and he was in a wheelchair. This time, he just about dressed himself, kept telling me things that were wrong with his uniform, and walked with his cane everywhere! It was so neat!!!

Once he was dressed we went to the lobby for breakfast but I had forgotten his meds. When I went back to the room, I had left the music on and Have Your Way by Britt Nicole was playing. It was exactly what I needed to hear! I was so thankful for it and took the extra minute to listen before grabbing the meds and back out to eat.

I had to post the video I had made last year because I can't hear that song now and not think about it...

The day was full of getting things crossed off our lists and a 3 hour meeting. We thought that today we’d be going home, but ended up needing to stay another day for 2 meetings today. We also had a great surprise because the unit he’s with here was doing a ceremony recognizing all the soldiers leaving so we got to be a part of it! The Coronel came and gave Cale a coin along with the others. It was so special! I was the cheesy wife that had to run up, stop everything, and get a picture of the moment! :) They were all great and let me do it! Hehe!

A couple quick ramdoms…

Yesterday Cale was able to dress with not much problem, but today he couldn’t do it. He was so stuck and confused. This is how other areas go like brushing his teeth. Sometimes it’s totally fine and he has no problem and sometimes he is blank.

When we first arrived here, Cale told me that he was scared. When I asked more, he said, he is scared when he’s anywhere but home.

One of the ladies that reads my blog shared on her blog about how something that I wrote had stood out to her. I thought it was so sweet she shared it on hers, but also, it blessed my heart to see how one statement that I had written, encouraged her and a few of the people that read her blog! What a blessing! God is so good. I love how He works. We don’t have to even try; we just need to be willing.

Click here to read her link

On Thursday while we were out with one of his sergeants, she reminded him when they were approaching an officer that he needed to salute. I thought it was so cool seeing him salute again! Then, today we went to the PX and as we’re walking in, I was babbling away and Cale saluted!!! He didn’t need help or a reminder AND I was talking to him so there was distraction! Ooooh yeah! That was even better!

These couple days with Cale back as SGT Darling, walking around with him, seeing him in his uniform, feeling the normalcy of it all has been…incredible. It brings back so many sweet memories and happy thoughts. Driving around, going to meetings, seeing so many soldiers, watching his formation today…all of it…all of it has been so good for me. This trip was us saying good bye to the Army (for the second time). He’s going on leave (vacation time) because he has so much saved up and in a few months he’ll technically be a veteran. As of the beginning of November, we’re on our own again. We’re going to be right back where we had left off before the accident. He signed papers today and tomorrow we travel. Doesn’t it seem crazy?! We’re living the same (yet not-so-same) moments that we did almost two years ago when life was oh so different.

I just got emotional.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

If only...

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit- Psalm 34:18

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. -Matthew 11:25-30

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. -2 Corinthians 1:3-5

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. -Psalm 73:26

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. -Revelation 21:4

For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men. -Lamentations 3:31-33

It's been a rough day...again. I was clinging to the Lord mega and praying like a mad woman (or one on a mission). I have more to write about today, but my eyes are swollen, red, and tired. Cale has been in and out of anger and tonight my melt down #2 for this week came in like an avalanche.

We're at Ft. Lewis and tomorrow I have lots of meetings...

There was a moment I was able to catch only because the camera was sitting on the counter right next to us. I had been crying and Cale asked me to come to him. He had no memory of being upset just minutes before, but knew I was sad. We were like this for several minutes and then I realized it was a moment I needed to capture...

If only...

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

HE takes my breath away

After Cale had already fallen asleep last night, I had to wake him up so he could take his meds. I was nervous not sure if my peaceful sleeping husband was going to be angry or not. I knew it was something that had to be done and wasn’t a choice. When I told him he needed to take his meds, he actually said ok and then rolled over to take them. My heart softened. I know that it’s not him trying to act out and be miserable. Once his meds were gone, he rolled back over and cuddled up next to me, kissed my hand and said, “I love you.” …and my heart then was not only softened, but melted.

He had no idea of what had happened earlier in the day. His memory was blank and all he knew was I was his wife and he loves me. That would be a good ending to the story that would leave you maybe with a warm fuzzy feeling in you tummy, but for me, well, the whole day was stuck on me like the stench of cow manure.

I would love to tell you that I bucked up and let the hurt of the day roll off me and left it behind…but the emotions from the day, the questions, and the strain of it all stayed. I just couldn’t cuddle right back up and be totally fine. And, I know that’s ok. I remember while at the Palo Alto VA I was told to let him get on and ride the (emotional) rollercoaster and I needed to learn to stand by and watch, but not get on with him. That is easier said than done.

I woke up at 3am and tossed and turned until 5. I just couldn’t get myself to sleep. Finally I was able to sleep for a little bit before getting up and ready for the day. I sat down with my coffee and quilt, picked up my Bible and turned on some worship music. It was the beginning of what turned out to be over 2 hours! It was amazing! I never-NEVER get that much time with the Lord just sitting with Him and that being the only thing on my agenda. I lost all track of time!

I cried. I sang. I read. I laughed. I danced. I wrote. I spoke. I listened.

One of the songs that were on my play list made my heart feel so full. I wanted to share it with you so I hunted on Youtube to find a video to share with you. I hope that you will take the time and listen to it. It’s a little long, but it’s so worth it!

For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” - Zephaniah 3:17

When Cale had woken up and come to where I was on the couch, I was shocked when I looked at the time! How did I forget about time? About the “to do” list? About the hurt and confusion? It all seemed to be so far away and the man standing in front of me was a gift. A pure treasured gift; a blessing. It’s not like I had never thought that or had forgotten, because I think that all the time, but this time, this time was different. I felt so much passion, a passion like I’ve never had for him as I said good morning and wrapped my arms around him for a big hug. As I rested my head against his chest and held him so tight, you want to know what picture came to mind? My arms around Jesus and my head against His chest. As I’m Caleb’s bride, I’m also Christ’s bride and the image was almost more than I could grasp.

From the moment Cale said good morning back to me, everything was different. He was totally different the whole day. I’m not going to say that my worship time was what changed everything because there are always a lot of factors, but I can say 100% that there was a change in Kathleen after my time this morning. Wow. Incredible.

He had OT again today and want to know how it went?! It was not just good, but GREAT!!! They had a great session! Teresa had suggested driving and I let her know that I was going to stay behind and let them go. First, he wanted to go before they even left the house! He was totally willing to go and not have me with him. When they came back, Teresa and Cale told me how great he did! I was so excited! She said his driving was so much better too! After she left, she sent me a text that read, “Wow! Completely different! :)” Yaaaahoooo!!!!!!! Praise God!! Oh man! SMILES!!!!!!!!

He also had Speech tonight…AND, it went great!!!! I listened to a lot of it, but at one point Mama and I went to my room and did a couple things so I missed out on how it was going. When they were finishing up Doreen gave me a thumbs up and said it went so good! I just can’t even believe the difference!

Thank you for praying. All of your messages, emails, texts, comments, and calls were such a blessing to me and I could see the work of prayer today! Thank you!

Yesterday at his eye appointment Dr. Karen took off the prism to see if it was making things worse for him. She said because he keeps taking his glasses off and not wearing them consistently, it was actually causing his brain to do a lot more work and messing him up. She said people without a TBI struggle and complain with prism because it changes how they function. This being off and back to just prescription could have been part of his mood…

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. –Isaiah 41:10

We also had our own fun today-enjoy! :)

We couldn't kiss because a nose was in the way!

Cale asked today, “What’s the difference between a burp and a hiccup?”
How would you explain this?

Monday, October 24, 2011

Really tough.

It’s been a tough day. Really tough. The second half of my dinner was eaten with tears streaming down my cheeks. Some days are just hard.

I often think of a video game that I had played with Cale a long time ago. I remember my life tank was always flashing red and almost empty. He would tell me to hide and let my life grow again…well, there’s nowhere to hide from life and brain injury, but every time I submerge myself in the Word and in the presence of Jesus, I feel my life tank refill. With Him, it will never go empty.

Cale had OT and time with his RS today. OT didn’t go so well…his therapies haven’t been going great again. It’s hard when I see him getting so frustrated and not wanting to do anything when I know he needs it.

He also had a vision appointment and that went about as good as OT went. You know those machine things that they put in front of you and look in your eye? Cale shoved one of them out of the way with no hesitation. He was done.

It’s been really hard the last 6 days with Cale in almost a constant bad mood. The smallest things are setting him off, for instance, I sneezed three times earlier and that made him mad.

I’m not saying this to speak against my husband or badly of him, but to let you see even a sliver into how our days have been going and where we’re at. The anger and frustration start to wear me down when it’s so constant, but that’s why me being in constant prayer is so vital! My heart hurts for him because he just isn’t able to process, filter, and work through all of his emotions. His eyes bothering him could be the simple thing that triggers his negative emotions. It could be more…we just don’t know and he doesn’t know how to tell us. He was asleep by 7:15 tonight, so him being tired may have been a big deal for today.

Speaking of him being tired, he hasn’t taken a nap during the day since we were in NY! He has laid down with me asking, but never falls asleep. This took a little of “time I need” away, but it’s great if he’s moved out of that.

Praying us through each minute…I know we’ll get through this. We have an appointment with his doctor next Monday to look at Meds and what changes have been made and maybe still need to be made. I’ve also talked with his therapist and we’re going to try praying before every therapy session and when he starts getting upset, having them pray with him. I’m not sure why I didn’t think of this before…!

My getaway today was making applesauce and then canning it while he was gone with the RS. My home smelled so good and I must say that my sauce turned out so tasty! I only had time to do 6 jars before needing to leave to his eye appointment, so I think there will be a little more tomorrow!

Funny time...

Cale said last night, "Eh, I think I should get money." I asked for what and he said, "for reading your texts to you. Can I?" I gave a funny look and started laughing and then he added, "kisses?" Haha!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

pumpkin patch with no pumpkin pictures?

On Thursday we went to the Pumpkin Patch with our friends Sarah and her son Deacon. Cale wasn't in the best mood before we left the house and kind of stayed grumpy through the first part of it. He wasn't at all pleased with the idea of walking around and picking out pumpkins.

We did pet a reindeer...

and some goats...

we saw a couple really cute pigs that I wanted to take home...

and some soft cows...

There was a lot of hay...

We had fun with our friends...

and even though I took forever (in his mind) to pick out pumpkins, he still loves me! :)

We did get ice cream afterwards which was really tasty! That cheered Cale up and the rest of the time he was in a much better mood. After all the walking during the day, he still had PT that night!

He played hockey in the drive way...

On Friday he drove again in the park. He hasn't driven in several weeks and this time we thought he should try our car. Well, the grumpiness continued so driving was an adventure. His OT always amazes me at how calm she stays and how confident she is in his abilities. I was in the back seat with sweaty palms and a racing heart. We had a friend from church join us...I was a bit nervous for her too! I talked with his OT afterwards and she said he actually did better than the last time and his behavior is what got in the way. He was hitting the gas petal at times that should have been the break, but he seemed very much aware and purposeful in how he was reacting. At one point that I thought he was going to hit the side cement I said, "Caleb" well, that wasn't the best thing because that just lit the fire of frustration.

He was able to stay in the lines a lot better and when he was actually trying to drive good, he kept checking his speed. I think I just decided that the driving is going to need to be a thing he does with the therapist and I'm just going to have to be told how it went. I think with his anger and frustration bursts and my nerves, well, it's not a good recipe for pleasantville!

Friday night he had speech therapy and I went to church and spent time with a group of awesome women. A few of the women had gotten 900lbs of apples and we all set up station for the canning process! There were peelers, choppers, stirrers, mashers, washers, um...and other jobs that went along with it. My favorite part was getting to hear all the tips these ladies had to share! I felt like I needed a notebook to write everything down they were sharing. I ended up cutting my thumb and burning my arm, but other than that it was a injury-free night! :)

This morning Cale had another speech session. I listened to part of it while they were working on some word finding. I'm so proud of him and so thankful that even though he thinks it's all dumb and doesn't understand why he needs therapy, he does it. He (usually) always does it.

We also spent time with Sonny and Emily our neighbors. Sonny hung out with Cale for about an hour for some guy time and I hung out with Emily for some girl time! I'd say that was a perfect idea! :) Later on, we also spent time with Mike and Rachel! We had a blast with them like always!

Tonight he was a bit upset...the Red Wings lost their game. Not a good game! Maybe the next game will be better? I hope so!

Thank you for praying for me...for us! I am so blessed to have a whole bunch of people all over the world praying! Please keep it up!

Friday, October 21, 2011


I'll post a better update later, but I just wanted to quickly post

Cale took this picture of me on Wednesday while we were out and about. I laughed and said, "that was unattractive!" Cale looked at it on the little screen on the camera and said, "you're beautiful." He is the sweetest man...

This post is me coming to you like I have so many times before and asking for prayer. I'm not going to drag it out and dump all of my thoughts on here...I have to get in the shower and ready for the day, so you're lucky!

I'm struggling. I'm having a really hard time and in the midst of this (whatever it is) the Lord has been faithful as always to meet me where I'm at and surround me in His presence.

I'm asking Jesus to hold me near...

that He would hold this little blonde girl on His lap and lift my chin so that my eyes are looking into His...I want to get lost in His deep never-ending love.

I also need a good slap on my hand.

Just so you know, it's not even about Cale or wanting him better and a different life...of course, maybe in the waters somewhere of all my emotions and thoughts, that is a part of it, but honestly, that's not what I'm struggling with...a bit of surprise to me?

Thank you in advance for praying for me. I know you are. I know I'm not carrying this all alone.

Thank you!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

are nuggets worth it?!

As many of you know, Dan Wheldon an Indy Race car driver died yesterday in a terrible racing accident. He had come to the VA while we were in Palo Alto. His wife and two boys need prayer along with the rest of his friends and family!

Here’s the post I had written when we had seen him…

Click here to read!

I thought I’d share the whole post because if you read it, it’s so encouraging to look back on that day and see where Cale was at…not talking! We still had fun though as I shared a moment of laughter we had shared.

Yesterday for therapy Cale walked Basil with his RS. She had one leash and Cale had another. This gave her the ability to be in control while also letting Cale have some of the control. It seemed to work nicely and she said it was better than the last walk they had done. While they took the walk, I stayed back and talked with the coordinator for his therapy about the direction we’re going and how we may be at a point that we need to switch things up again.

Cale has been having some difficulties lately in therapy. Well, for some of them it’s been for a while. He doesn’t want to do it. He thinks everything is dumb and doesn’t understand that it helps him. With refusing to do anything, well, that means it’s really hard to do therapy. Sound familiar? You might remember our therapy struggles before while inpatient. It’s such a tough place because he still needs it. It’s so beneficial and a huge blessing to even have it right now like we do. On the other hand, if he’s not making progress because he refuses, than where does that leave us? Although, as you’ve seen, there’s still progress even with a stubborn man. ;) We’ve bounced around a few ideas and will try some out and see how things go!

They also did a Dix-Hallpike test on him which he tested negative. At first he was willing and went along with it, but on the right side he did have a mild reaction and when that was said, it sent him into a bad mood instantly. He slammed his hand on the table and got off as quickly as he was able. The bad news is that he had gotten upset and that it wasn’t a “fixer” that we were hoping for. Obviously it wouldn’t have healed him and made everything perfect, but the thought of it helping out was there. Good news is that we were able to cross something off. At least we were able to give it a try!

I had a few errands to run once therapy was over. Cale seemed to have moved on from being angry, so off we went. It was also lunch time and after offering several different options for him, he refused to eat. I had made broccoli and cheddar soup and after I was done, and knowing I couldn’t get him to eat anything, I suggested McDonalds. I just recently put together a new budget for us much like what we had set up before the accident, but with changes. Before we were always really great about budgeting, but once we were in hospital life and everything had changed, it just didn’t apply like it once had. It was still somewhat there, but not like it once was. I had changed it up and started using a different format since we’ve been back home, but it wasn’t as detailed and set up like I need now. One of the things I kept from what we did before was giving each of us an amount that is for us to use on whatever we want. When we have a baby this will have to go away, but for now it gives good boundaries on spending. So, with my suggestion about getting McDonalds was followed with letting Cale know that it would come out of his “play” money. This made him think twice about getting it! He asked the amount he had and when we figured out about how much he would spend for food, he didn’t want it as much.

It only lasted about a minute though and he was back to being ok with spending it! Haha! Since there’s not anything that Cale really wants and enjoys right now anyways, it’s not a big deal to spend it on chicken nuggets! :)

One of our errands was to the post office. There was a package waiting for us with a really pretty quilt!! A very sweet lady in CA who had met us while at the VA spent her time making this beautiful quilt that is put together so perfectly! Just looking at it I can tell a lot of time and work went into it. As I read my Bible this morning I wrapped myself up in it and was so cozy!

Last night was our small group. One of the couples just had a baby, um…2 weeks ago? Maybe 3? Well, I’m sure you can guess who held the baby lots! Me! :) He is SO sweet and made me smile…a lot. I was looking around our living room last night while we were discussing the topic and thought about how incredibly blessed we are and how different our life is now from last year. We’re home! And we’re able to open up our home for bible study! This was also one of the times I was holding the baby and thinking about how amazing it is that the thought of a baby is actually a thought and possibility! Praise God!

Speaking of babies…

My brother and sister-in-law had a baby yesterday! Kaya weighed 6lbs 7oz. I can’t wait to meet her!

Today Cale had OT and one of the changes we’re going to try with PT and OT is to push him a little and do more formal type therapy. Today Teresa did some testing with him trying to see where he’s at with his right hand, left hand, and some visual discrimination. It was another time that I wondered how he was going to take it, especially since he had just had therapy with his RS and had entered into grumpiness right before she left. He did great though! He even beat me at his hand strength (his strong and weak hand! ).

Hand strength -take notice of his facial expressions ;)…


Visual discrimination…

Dexterity/visual perception…

We also started a chore list! The therapist suggested we come up with three things that Cale can help do around the house that are his responsibility and also write down some of mine. That way he can see that he has less than me and how much it helps me for him to take some jobs. This was at first tricky because I can get him to help me (me helping him), but doing things independently doesn’t come as easy. After some creativity we came up with him being able to give Basil water, sweep the living room, and clearing the table. He still needed a little help with sweeping, but he actually did a really great job!

A few things to be praying for…

1) Cale’s mood, tolerance level, frustration, anger, endurance.
2) Small Group-I think it’s going to be like Bingo where he starts out with a couple minutes and will work his way to enjoying it the whole time. Right now it’s still hard for him.
3) A guy friend/mentor/example for him. He really needs a guy that loves Jesus and can be a friend to him and an example of a godly man. I’ve been praying for this kind of guy that has “time” for him and can come along side him for so long.
4) And of course more healing and progress!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

A word and a bit of a laugh!

This morning I woke up way too early for Sunday mornings and wasn’t able to go back to sleep. I tossed and turned for a while and when sleep wouldn’t come, I prayed and asked the Lord why he had me awake. Was there something he wanted to say to me? I decided to get up while the house was still quite and ended up joining our church in NY online. After the service was over, I still had plenty of time and took advantage of the quietness and dug into my Bible. I prayed specifically for a word for someone that would be encouraging, challenging, or even just a reminder. A lot of times my prayer times are very self-focused. With going through life with my husband having brain injury, I so quickly think about our needs and healing for him. Just within the last week or so, it’s been pointed out to me in different ways how selfish I am! Don’t worry, no one is coming to me telling me, but I can feel the tug of the Holy Spirit in a few different areas in my life.

So, I’m breaking free of it! As I studied my Bible and spent time in prayer, a name was put on my heart and I began to type an email to them. The thing was, it wasn’t fully in my head when I started praying, but trusting that the Lord was going to guide my fingers, I typed. I do pray that when I hit send it went to the person that needed it, but I also wanted to share it on here. I’m not sure what challenges in life your experiencing and walking through right now, but as I did this morning, I pray that these words would encourage, challenge, or just be a reminder for you…and if they’re not for you, then would you pray for someone that might read them on this little blog that does need them?

Your life has made a turn down a road that you weren't expecting, it has become a life that you wish that you could understand but no threads will allow it to happen, and instead they seem to be scattered all around you and moving constantly so that every time you try to pull everything together, it feels impossible. For you to be able to continue to wake up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other, your time with the Lord needs to be priority and is your only lifeline. So many other things will push and fight for your attention and distract you, but He is truly the ONLY life preserver. How to start and what to say, what to pray and how to pray all are reality in a mind where everything seems unreal and you feel disconnected from your own body, but with Christ it is possible to gain strength and peace. Call on Him continually. Short simple prayers that you continue to speak out will lift you and begin to carry you. He knows your needs. He knows your thoughts. He knows your pain. He knows your fears. He knows your dreams. He knows your heart-but He still wants to hear it. Start with just one day that you continually talk to Him, giving every thought to the Lord. Soon, it will become a conversation...and you will be brought to a place like you've never known or been able to imagine!

Pray continually. -1 Thessalonians 5:17

After a great time in the word, my prayer time continued as I woke Cale up to get ready for the day. This always has great potential to go badly. He didn’t want to wake up and along with that didn’t want to go to church. Part of what he was saying made me laugh because of the way he said it, but at the same time, it was so sad. I put my hand on his head and started praying. I prayed for joy and freedom from what the enemy wants to have control of. I demanded it back and prayed that Cale would be able to overflow with joy in Jesus name! Nothing happened huge in the moment, but I know my prayer didn’t just hang in the air void! Cale did finally get out of bed and went to church with a smile. :)

The first song we sang at church was, It Is Well with My Soul. Sonny our worship leader talked about how in the craziness of the world and all that is happening, we can still truly say that it is well with our souls! We know the outcome of all that is happening and we can rest in confidence and not worry our days away. I loved listening to Cale sing the words, beautiful. As I stood next to him singing, I thought about the words that were coming out of my own mouth. Is it really well with my soul that my husband has brain injury? Can you say it is well with your soul that you lost your job, have a terrible relationship with your spouse, or were just diagnosed with cancer? With Jesus…somehow the answer can be yes because we know that life is so much more!

Some funny moments from Cale today…

When he puts on his socks in the morning, they must be perfect. Some of his socks have lines or markings on them and if they’re crooked, he can’t move on until they’re straight! It cracks me up to watch him fuss with them! Anyone else like that?

He wanted to know why boxers are box-hers and not box-hims since they're underwear for guys.

Before it was time to leave for church we were playing Crazy 8’s. I lost three times in a row and after the third game, Cale said, “I’m a pro.” I said, “oh really” to which he quickly replied, “You’re a proloser! A good one!” When I responded to this he added, “You’re good at losing!” Hmm…haha!

In church while our Pastor was giving the sermon he plucked his nose hairs…a good way to pass the time? ;)

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you." - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

p.s. I just want to add that I didn’t mean to make my comment on my post a couple days ago about struggling and thinking people aren’t reading anymore a whiny poor me thing…or to even be the focus of the post. I know that you’re still reading. I honestly do but my mind is such an easy door for attack…sad, but true. Thank you for your sweet comments, emails, and messages letting me know you’re still there. They’ve been a blessing! Thank you for your continued prayers after all of this time!
Love ya!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Date Night!!!!

Yesterday with the help of the therapist, Cale planned a surprise date night for us! Can I just say that I have been waiting for the day that my man could take me on a date again? Maybe in the whole big picture that’s such a silly simple thing that doesn’t hold much thought, but it was there, sitting in my heart waiting…waiting to happen. It doesn’t matter at all that he needed help because that to me doesn’t hold much thought…it happened! He took me for a date and from what his therapist said, he did the planning!

They had left for therapy and were making all the plans. When they came back, Jamie wrote down the addresses of where we needed to be and at what times. Cale also had a gift bag and flowers! :)

Our first place to be was at 5pm, so after a quick picture, we were off!

I put the address in the GPS and followed along. I couldn’t stop smiling! Caleb was pretty tired at first, but as the night went on he started to wake up. He was holding the camera and snapped some pictures on our drive. I told him how excited I was and how special the night was, he then said, “I’m a man!” Hehe!

He liked the flowers in my hair…

Us! It was at a stop light so no worries ;) Cale does a good job snapping photos!

The first stop was dinner at Outback Steakhouse! We both ordered steak and I had no trouble eating my helping!

We couldn’t have a special date night without ordering dessert too! It was yummy!!!

The man of the night...

I also opened the gift while at dinner, Cale got me shoes and I love them! They’re a tad too small, so I’m hoping when we take them back they’ll have my size!

The shoes were great, but the card is what sent me overboard. The words were perfect and so sweet. It read…

I love our love story…
the ups,
the downs,
the twists
and turns,
the love
that keeps us
it all…
And I love
looking back
to the day
we met,
remembering all
the sweet moments
that are forever
in my heart.
I love knowing that time
has made us stronger
and brought us
even closer
And when I think
of tomorrow,
wondering what
our love story
will hold,
I know it will be
for I’ll be sharing it
with you.

Our next stop was to the movies! Towards the end of dinner Cale let me see the tickets. I had never heard of the movie and was nervous about going to see it, so I sent Mama a text to make sure it’s something I could sit through. With good reviews we decided it should be ok. Do you remember me talking about how new movies are hard for Cale to watch? He usually can’t sit through a movie that he hasn’t seen because he can’t follow it and process quick enough to understand what’s going on. In fact, the couple movies that we’ve gone to the theater to watch before have both gone, well, not so great. He gets bored and just wants to leave. Since he planned the date and picked the movie, I wanted to give it a try. He had no idea what the movie was about, but he did pick it. Not only did we have fun, it was the first movie that he was able to sit through and enjoy!! He even followed most of it!!! When the movie was over and the credits were going, he wouldn’t let us leave until they were all gone! We were the last one sitting in the theater and the guy had already started cleaning! Haha! Cale was dancing to the music and I watched in complete amusement.

It was such a great night! We had a blast with each other and I think he was so proud that he planned it! We even stayed up later than usual because he didn’t have therapy today so we were able to sleep in and be lazy (again!).

I sent Jamie a text telling her it was an awesome date and here was her reply…

Yay! He planned the whole thing. And it was his idea to get you shoes. I was shocked cuz I know how much he hates to shop, but he looked at all of them and chose those. He’s so cute, he gets so excited doing things for you :) even the flowers, he wanted daisies because he said they are your favorite. When we didn’t find those he said, “then we need pink ones!” so sweet! Glad you had fun!

Tonight is another Red Wings game! They’ve won the last three so they’re undefeated at this point! We both have our gear on and are excited for another game that we say they’re going to win! :)